# Semen contamination of computer mice.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [December 24, 2012, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055 "2012-12-24T21:24:59Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@choosybeggar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/choosybeggar)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2012, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055/21 "2012-12-25T06:52:54Z")
In all seriousness, wouldn’t you find it fascinating to know whether an obscenely high proportion of computer mice or keyboards harbored semen traces? Like the cocaine on currency thing, but far more revealing.
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### Author:  [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2012, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055/22 "2012-12-25T06:55:53Z")
Semen could be the least of your worries, depending on where exactly the mouse may have gotten shoved up.
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### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2012, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055/23 "2012-12-25T07:01:04Z")
[Here](http://www.target.com/p/lysol-citrus-disinfecting-wipes-35-ct/-/A-13297596?reco=Rec%7Cpdp%7C13297596%7CClickCP%7Citem_page.vertical_1&lnk=Rec%7Cpdp%7CClickCP%7Citem_page.vertical_1)
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2012, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055/24 "2012-12-25T07:07:25Z")
Any search must begin with the dongle.
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### Author:  [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2012, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055/25 "2012-12-25T07:48:04Z")
Probably not that bad…wouldn’t most of the semen contamination be on the user’s other hand?
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### Author:  [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2012, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055/26 "2012-12-25T09:20:49Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#):
>
> Semen could be the least of your worries, depending on where exactly the mouse may have gotten shoved up.
Would that make it a mouse or a gerbil?
😕
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### Author:  [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2012, 9:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055/27 "2012-12-25T09:42:46Z")
Offhand, I’d say that the odds may be good.
… But in that case, the goods are very, very, odd… 😛
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### Author:  [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2012, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055/28 "2012-12-25T11:30:13Z")
> [@choosybeggar](#):
>
> In all seriousness, wouldn’t you find it fascinating to know whether an obscenely high proportion of computer mice or keyboards harbored semen traces? Like the cocaine on currency thing, but far more revealing.
Yes, actually, I would!
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### Author:  [@drew870mitchell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drew870mitchell)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2012, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055/29 "2012-12-25T14:07:34Z")
This is my line of thought.
Assumption 1. Every man who knows you can find porn on a computer has masturbated around their computer and gotten trace amounts of semen on the mouse.
Assumption 2. The majority of desktop installations, however, are at workplaces or universities, where masturbation is frowned upon. These mouses are clean.
Assumption 3. Women are not in the semen business, so, we can rule their computers out for semen deposits.
So all you need to know is figure out what proportion of desktop computers are owned by male individuals. Then that’s probably the odds that any one mouse in Goodwill will have been contaminated by man gravy. If you want to minimize your risk, purchase mouses that look like they’re from corporate setups, not consumer or gaming mouses.
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### Author:  [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2012, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055/30 "2012-12-25T15:12:27Z")
There was a joke about this in [The Dictator](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1645170/?ref_=fn_tt_tt_1):
**Nadal:** I am a Mac genius.
**General Aladeen:** So what do you do?
**Nadal:** Mostly I clean semen out of laptops
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### Author:  [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2012, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055/31 "2012-12-25T15:31:19Z")
Look, if you’re just not sure, there’s always [Lysol Dual Action Wipes](http://www.buy.com/retail/product.asp?sku=216025880&listingid=209242949).
“Because, sometimes, Once is not enough…” ☹
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### Author:  [@choosybeggar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/choosybeggar)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2012, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055/32 "2012-12-25T15:41:07Z")
> [@drew870mitchell](#):
>
> Assumption 3. Women are not in the semen business, so, we can rule their computers out for semen deposits.
A well thought out argument. As an aside, how common is it for women to mastaurbate to online content?
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### Author:  [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2012, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055/33 "2012-12-25T16:11:18Z")
> [@choosybeggar](#):
>
> xenospermatophobe
You learned this word, and wanted to find an excuse to use it, didn’t you?
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### Author:  [@drew870mitchell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drew870mitchell)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2012, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055/34 "2012-12-25T16:13:59Z")
> [@choosybeggar](#):
>
> A well thought out argument. As an aside, how common is it for women to mastaurbate to online content?
I found [the best source](http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2010/jul/11/more-women-lured-to-pornography-addiction/?page=all) to answer this. 1/3 of porn consumers are women.
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### Author:  [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2012, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055/35 "2012-12-25T16:31:15Z")
> [@choosybeggar](#):
>
> Hey thanks. I think it’s been 4 years since my last post. I was saving up.
Wow saving up for four years? I’d have thought your OP would have been a lot bigger
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### Author:  [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2012, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055/36 "2012-12-25T17:00:40Z")
> [@drew870mitchell](#):
>
> Women are not in the semen business, so, we can rule their computers out for semen deposits..
I don’t know about you but all my favorite women are very much interested in semen deposits.
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### Author:  [@Michael63129](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael63129)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2012, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055/37 "2012-12-25T20:09:51Z")
I wouldn’t be surprised at all if most computer mice have at least a trace of semen on them, same for even nastier stuff like fecal matter and urine. Not necessarily because people masturbate at their computer, but because you’ll have traces on your hands unless you clean up VERY well, and who hasn’t washed their hands afterwards?
After all, keyboards (and mice) are well known to be [filthier than toilets](http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Germs/story?id=4774746&page=1#.UNoHlqzs8eM). :eek:
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### Author:  [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2012, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055/38 "2012-12-25T21:11:45Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#):
>
> You can get a brand new optical mouse for under 10 bucks at Walmart. Semen costs extra.
So what if it’s brand new? How clean are the hands of the third world workers who put mice in their packaging? If we are going to be paranoid we may as well be properly paranoid.
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### Author:  [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2012, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055/39 "2012-12-25T22:39:58Z")
> [@drew870mitchell](#):
>
> These mouses are clean.
Just look for this sign in the mouse department of your favorite secondhand store. And if you don’t see one, the manager will be happy to show you the health department report.
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### Author:  [@Marconi\_N.Cheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marconi_N.Cheese)
#### Post date: [December 26, 2012, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/semen-contamination-of-computer-mice/645055/40 "2012-12-26T00:13:52Z")
> [@Princhester](#):
>
> So what if it’s brand new? How clean are the hands of the third world workers who put mice in their packaging? If we are going to be paranoid we may as well be properly paranoid.
New ones are probably ok, third world workers don’t have time to masturbate.
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