# Senate Acquits Trump, 53-47! \[satire\] **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 21, 2020, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734 "2020-01-21T05:54:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![jebert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ec9cab/32.png) [@jebert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jebert)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2020, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734/1 "2020-01-21T05:54:59Z")
The U.S.Senate has acquitted President Donald Trump on two articles of impeachment brought by the House of Representatives. During the impeachment trial, held in the Senate chamber and presided over by Chief Justice John Roberts, House managers and the President’s defense lawyers presented arguments. The Senators, acting as the trial jurors, heard or did not hear from relevant witnesses and examined or did not examine relevant evidence. Either way, the final vote was 53-47 to acquit the President. In a historical context, this will long be remembered as the third impeachment trial of a U.S. president. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2020, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734/2 "2020-01-21T07:02:00Z")
Oh, wow, a post from the future! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2020, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734/3 "2020-01-21T08:05:36Z")
It says a lot about the low expectations I have of the Senate Republicans that I actually checked to see if this post was true. I thought it was possible that they just decided to acquit Trump on the first day without even bothering to go through the motions of having a hearing. ---
**Author:** ![Lance\_Turbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lance_turbo/32/6156_2.png) [@Lance\_Turbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lance_Turbo)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2020, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734/4 "2020-01-21T08:21:54Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > It says a lot about the low expectations I have of the Senate Republicans that I actually checked to see if this post was true. I thought it was possible that they just decided to acquit Trump on the first day without even bothering to go through the motions of having a hearing. Same ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2020, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734/5 "2020-01-21T08:30:28Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > It says a lot about the low expectations I have of the Senate Republicans that I actually checked to see if this post was true. I thought it was possible that they just decided to acquit Trump on the first day without even bothering to go through the motions of having a hearing. Well, it IS possible. As the Tralfamadorians would put it: The Senate acquitted Trump on January 21, 2020. They have _always_ acquitted Trump on January 21, 2020 and they _always will_ acquit Trump on January 21, 2020. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2020, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734/6 "2020-01-21T10:26:00Z")
I think they might have liked to put up a vigorous defense solidly founded on facts, evidence, and reliable witnesses. Turns out, that big pile of glossy eight-by-five photos with all the numbers and arrows ended up on the wrong table. Also, new boxes marked “Evidence”, “Damning evidence” and “Oh, FUCK! NO! evidence” are being carried in through the doors. They ended up with Shit or Go Bowling. They have opted to shit. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2020, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734/7 "2020-01-21T11:03:37Z")
I’m thinking more The Pit. It sure doesn’t belong here ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2020, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734/8 "2020-01-21T14:30:35Z")
You’d think that Delorean would be getting a little long in the tooth by now. 55mph, sure. 88? Doubtful. It’s been 35 years. ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2020, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734/9 "2020-01-21T15:10:39Z")
They’re not even trying to make it look good. As somebody once said: “I don’t mind so much their pissing on my head, but when they try to tell me it’s raining I get a little upset.”. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2020, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734/10 "2020-01-21T15:11:51Z")
My blood pressure spiked, I got sweaty, my will to live nose-dived… especially because I couldn’t click on the thread right away. When I finally read it, I sent a report: I asked "Could a mod add [satire] or [not true] to the title? Not saying it fooled ME, but… yeah, it fooled me. I think it’s a bad precedent, to be able to post untruthful news items." ---
**Author:** ![BlankSlate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blankslate/32/80_2.png) [@BlankSlate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlankSlate)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2020, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734/11 "2020-01-21T15:37:11Z")
[U.S. President Donald J. Trump Dead of Stroke at 73.](https://fakenews.com/) ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2020, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734/12 "2020-01-21T15:47:11Z")
> [@digs](#): > > I think it’s a bad precedent, to be able to post untruthful news items." It’s the Republican credo. They live for this garbage. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2020, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734/13 "2020-01-21T16:30:29Z")
> [@jebert](#): > > The U.S.Senate has acquitted President Donald Trump on two articles of impeachment brought by the House of Representatives. During the impeachment trial, held in the Senate chamber and presided over by Chief Justice John Roberts, House managers and the President’s defense lawyers presented arguments. The Senators, acting as the trial jurors, heard or did not hear from relevant witnesses and examined or did not examine relevant evidence. Either way, the final vote was 53-47 to acquit the President. > > In a historical context, this will long be remembered as the third impeachment trial of a U.S. president. Ooh, can I play? “Immediately following the acquittal, Vice President Mike Pence resigned, followed an hour later by Donald Trump. In his statement, the former president acknowledged that he was only president due to foreign interference, and apologized to Hillary Clinton. At his urging, every single member of the judiciary appointed during his presidency resigned. President Nancy Pelosi took the oath of office in a private ceremony at the US Capitol Building.” ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2020, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734/14 "2020-01-21T16:36:30Z")
> [@digs](#): > > I think it’s a bad precedent, to be able to post untruthful news items." Yes, it’s a bad president who is able to post untruthful news items. Hang on, let me read that again… ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2020, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734/15 "2020-01-21T16:39:44Z")
> [@digs](#): > > My blood pressure spiked, I got sweaty, my will to live nose-dived… especially because I couldn’t click on the thread right away. When I finally read it, I sent a report: > > I asked "Could a mod add [satire] or [not true] to the title? Not saying it fooled ME, but… yeah, it fooled me. > > I think it’s a bad precedent, to be able to post untruthful news items." +1 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2020, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734/16 "2020-01-21T16:41:38Z")
> [@digs](#): > > I asked "Could a mod add [satire] or [not true] to the title? Why don’t we just wait a week? ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_Godot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buck_godot/32/6573_2.png) [@Buck\_Godot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_Godot)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2020, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734/17 "2020-01-21T16:48:41Z")
> [@jebert](#): > > In a historical context, this will long be remembered as the third impeachment trial of a U.S. president. And by “long” we mean the 26 months before the ministry of Truth fully expunges it from the record. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2020, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734/18 "2020-01-21T17:56:15Z")
> [@Buck\_Godot](#): > > And by “long” we mean the 26 months before the ministry of Truth fully expunges it from the record. You joke, but I guarantee that removing impeachment from the record will be a serious proposal from Republicans in congress. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2020, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734/19 "2020-01-21T18:00:34Z")
> [@cmkeller](#): > > Oh, wow, a post from the future! Does this guy play in the death pool? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2020, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734/20 "2020-01-21T19:57:59Z")
> [@Hamlet](#): > > +1 +2 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/senate-acquits-trump-53-47-satire/846734.md?page=2)