# Send me FORMERAGENT please..ASAP **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 5, 2000, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844 "2000-01-05T22:20:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mr.Zambezi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7cd45c/32.png) [@Mr.Zambezi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Zambezi)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/41 "2000-01-05T23:43:00Z")
Hey Here at CIA intelligence, we can’t even figure out what our agents are sending out to the internet! OUr agents are all in chat rooms and we don’t know about it! Yaaaaaaaay we’re running around with scissors, yaaaaaaaaay! ---
**Author:** ![Ed\_Zotti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/fbc32d/32.png) [@Ed\_Zotti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ed_Zotti)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/42 "2000-01-05T23:44:00Z")
Cheezit, do we get the nuts around here or what? I’m moving this to the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![Gr8Kat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gr8kat/32/18668_2.png) [@Gr8Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gr8Kat)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/43 "2000-01-05T23:48:00Z")
The Finder sez: > [@](#): > > As I said, I believe Mr. Zotti is aware of the situation and handling it accordingly. Yeah, he’s shutting down your threads and calling you a nut. Very appropriate. * * * “I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it,” Jack Handy [The Kat House](http://members.aol.com/gr8kat1/KatGen/home.htm) [Join the FSH Webring](http://members.aol.com/gr8kat1/KatGen/fshwebring.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Zambezi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7cd45c/32.png) [@Mr.Zambezi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Zambezi)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/44 "2000-01-05T23:49:00Z")
Anyone notice that THe finder misspelled his own name, Mark Waller (or Wallers) in different posts? We have a serious dude here. 29 minutes till this gets boring…tick…tick tick. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/45 "2000-01-05T23:49:00Z")
Whoa whats happening in here? ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/46 "2000-01-05T23:49:00Z")
“Oh, I’ve got a loverly bunch of coconuts Here they are all standing in a row . . . Big ones, small ones, some as large as yer head Roll-a-bowl-a-bowl, a penny a pitch.” Hi Finder. I’m baiting you. _ **You’re a fucking nutjob!!!** _ Now whatcha gonna do about it? ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/47 "2000-01-05T23:50:00Z")
Hello? ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/48 "2000-01-06T00:09:00Z")
Thank for blowin’ my cover Sake; you know I’m gonna hafta sew an arm on ya as punishment. All I’ve got in the storeroom though is another left arm. That’ll have to do; of course you’ll be teamed with Bill the Galactic Hero from now on. –UncleBeer, The Man From U.N.C.L.E.– Oh FA/Finder, go fuckin’ home. I hear your mommy callin.’ She want you to clean your room and do your homework. ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/49 "2000-01-06T00:11:00Z")
Why us? What did we do? Is this some kind of payback for the “I hate Clam Chowder thread?” * * * Stop telling God what to do. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/50 "2000-01-06T00:40:00Z")
Time’s up. He’s boring. * * * Jodi _Fiat Justitia_ ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/51 "2000-01-06T00:55:00Z")
Mike Wilson and Mark Waller(s). Wow, I never knew that all our intelligence folks have the initials M. W. Okay, listen, dipshit: not only are you not fooling anyone, you’re offending those of us who hold or have held top secret/classified security clearances. I know how intelligence works because I worked behind a fence. You’re not even close. Go do your algebra homework and thank God we don’t call your parents. ---
**Author:** ![Pariah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/41988e/32.png) [@Pariah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pariah)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/52 "2000-01-06T01:03:00Z")
Patience, folks. It’s gonna take him a bit to figure out how to get over here…after all, he’s only on the second floor. It takes at _least_ a third floor man to grasp the intricacies of a “link.” Second floor only teaches up to the ‘Caps Lock’ key. ---
**Author:** ![Krispy\_Original](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ec9cab/32.png) [@Krispy\_Original](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krispy_Original)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/53 "2000-01-06T01:20:00Z")
There’s a man who leads a life of danger. On every messageboard he posts he stays a stranger. With every post he makes, Another chance he takes. Odds are he won’t live to see tomorrow. ``` Secret Agent Man Secret Agent Man They've given you a handle. And Zottis taken 'way your name. (Look out!) ``` Beware of pretty handles you may find. A pretty handle may hide an evil mind. Ooh, careful what you post: Cause you don’t get the jokes. Odds are you won’t live to see tomorrow. ``` Secret Agent Man Secret Agent Man They've given you a handle. And Zottis taken 'way your name. (Look out!) ``` You’re sunnin’ on the Left Behind one day, Then bleedin’ in a Straight Dope alley next day. Oh, don’t let the wrong word slip. While kissin’ persuasive lips. Odds are you won’t live to see tomorrow. ``` Secret Agent Man Secret Agent Man They've given you a number. And Zottis taken 'way your name. (Look out!) ``` ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/54 "2000-01-06T02:04:00Z")
MikeylikesIT: This thread originally appeared in the Great Debates forum. It (and 2 other threads started by “The Finder”) were related to an every-so-slightly-earlier poster named FORMERAGENT, who was just banned for making implied threats. ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/55 "2000-01-06T02:18:00Z")
My favorite quote from The Finder [quote] I am a person whose job it is to monitor the traffic of information correct or not from this building, and by whom.[\quote] Well then, you are thoroughly screwed, because we all know by this point that Formeragent had a super secret telecommunithingamajigger in his car where all of his posts originated from. Wait, let me correct that, just his posts in all caps due to the government apparently not spending the extra $500 for a Caps Lock Off key. Good luck finding him. My hint to you is to look in a shiny surface. Odds are, he will be visible in it. Good luck slapping the handcuffs on yourself. Feel free to participate in a self-beating (which is most likely the way you spend a majority of your time anyway.) * * * Well, shut my mouth. It’s also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling. ---
**Author:** ![fuzzy-wuzzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b38774/32.png) [@fuzzy-wuzzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzy-wuzzy)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/56 "2000-01-06T02:35:00Z")
Mr. Waller would you please refrain from sending any more messages on this board until I can come down from the fourth floor and unplug your computer. Uh, don’t be afraid of the two men with the shiny badges…they are your friends. * * * “Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/57 "2000-01-06T02:58:00Z")
Right now I staring in amazement at Pit, slack jawed in amazement and looking like a stunned carp. I cruise GD regularly but post rarely; the discussions are usually interesting and often enlightening. This entrancing little exchange has gotten only slightly more bizarre after getting booted into the Pit. The admittedly fluffy and light minded Guy Stuff in MSPIMS can’t match this one for pure wall-eyed insanity, and that is for _fun_. That’s played for laughs, but no comic exaggeration begins to match this little exchange. I surely hope this is a loverock put-on, because otherwise that means there are pods out there, minds squirming like a toad, and they’re driving, voting and using the same public restrooms as the rest of us. Feeling queasy, Veb ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/58 "2000-01-06T03:02:00Z")
Falcon, sweetie - as a sworn Census Bureau employee, I’ve been unofficially empowered to give you heck over the following statement: > [@](#): > > And FTR, I live in DC…so I know government types. (Government contractor, in fact.) Most couldn’t hide a secret if you handed them a safe. Look, we can hide a secret, OK? Now, remembering where we _hid_ it is another story indeed…durn, that pile of $#@%&! Title 13 data was under my desk the last time I looked…! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/59 "2000-01-06T04:59:00Z")
So Falcon, you up to writing another novel? -Melin ---
**Author:** ![Sylence](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Sylence](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylence)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/60 "2000-01-06T05:08:00Z")
Beta Three Alpha to One Niner Niner, the pig has eaten the squash, repeat, the squirrel has landed. – Sylence * * * I don’t have an evil side. Just a really, really apathetic one. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844.md?page=4)