# Send me FORMERAGENT please..ASAP **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 5, 2000, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844 "2000-01-05T22:20:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![N\_oR\_jVIaL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce7236/32.png) [@N\_oR\_jVIaL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N_oR_jVIaL)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/61 "2000-01-06T05:35:00Z")
## “Beta Three Alpha to One Niner Niner, the pig has eaten the squash, repeat, the squirrel has landed.” aww crap, I can’t remember if that means to nuKe New York, or to change batteries in the energizer troll. eenie meenie miney mo … ---
**Author:** ![Klaatu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Klaatu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klaatu)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/62 "2000-01-06T05:44:00Z")
I finally understand. It was never the machines, it’s the humans who aren’t Y2K compliant! Back to Lurksville… ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/63 "2000-01-06T05:57:00Z")
RT, honey…I said MOST government employees couldn’t! The Census Bureau is clearly a bastion of good sense in the wilderness. And Melin…sure thing. I think I need to finish the Guy Stuff one first, though, or ChiefScott might kill me. And honestly…I’m more afraid of him than either of these twits. * * * “You are sweet, kind, and considerate… Like a grown up boy scout with tits!” - Brian, aka SDMB’s one and only Satan. ---
**Author:** ![Phaedrus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@Phaedrus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phaedrus)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/64 "2000-01-06T11:41:00Z")
YOU GUYS ARE INSANE!!! THIS GUY IS A TRAINED KILLER!!! WE’RE ALL DOOMED! I KNOW HOW THESE PEOPLE OPERATE, YOU ARE ALL FOOLS, ESPECIALLY ANDROS 😉 GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOU!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/65 "2000-01-06T12:04:00Z")
I used to think it was a game with you, O Shining One. But I’m starting to believe you’re either schizophrenic or paranoid delusional. I’m going to read up on this, review your posts (oh, joy!) and see if I can come up with a diagnosis. I’ll get back to you. * * * Stop telling God what to do. ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/66 "2000-01-06T14:08:00Z")
Wow, this is absolutely the funniest thread I’ve read in MONTHS! I love all the “secret code words”, I actually laughed at some of Sake’s posts, and I almost busted a gut over this one- it just struck me really funny: > [@](#): > > Ooops, excuse me, I’ll be right back. Wouldja believe, my shoe is ringing. > > “Yes, 99? . . .” I also find it interesting that a secret “government” agency doesn’t track thier employees internet usage. Maybe he could find this mysterious poster if he, saaaaaaaaaay…CHECKED THE FREAKING INTERNET LOG!! Here’s tip: Look for the computer that has been accessing “[http://www.straightdope.com](http://www.straightdope.com)” I shoulda been a secret agent. I KNEW it! Zette * * * Love is like popsicles…you get too much you get too high. Not enough and you’re gonna die… [Click here for some GOOD news for a change](http://www.binghamtonpress.com/binghamtonnews/local/Sanews5.html)[Zettecity](http://www.angelfire.com/ny3/zettecity/index.html) ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/67 "2000-01-06T14:26:00Z")
All of this makes me think of a quote from Toy Story Formeragent/The Finder…You are a sad, strange little man. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/68 "2000-01-06T14:41:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Sake, you type pretty well for a guy with only one hand. Methinks he has had practice, maybe? * * * \>^,^\< KITTEN Fluff yer hair Beula, I’s feelin frisky - M.S. ---
**Author:** ![Konrad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f475e1/32.png) [@Konrad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Konrad)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/69 "2000-01-06T15:31:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Maybe he could find this mysterious poster if he, saaaaaaaaaay…CHECKED THE FREAKING INTERNET LOG!! Don’t be silly Zette, that wouldn’t be contrived or dangerous enough to make it into any hollywood movie. It would have to be more along the lines of checking the secret floor sensors that are located throughout every building in the US and guessing the perpetrator’s weight. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/70 "2000-01-06T15:33:00Z")
> [@](#): > > I also find it interesting that a secret “government” agency doesn’t track thier employees internet usage. Maybe he could find this mysterious poster if he, saaaaaaaaaay…CHECKED THE FREAKING INTERNET LOG!! Here’s tip: Look for the computer that has been accessing “[http://www.straightdope.com](http://www.straightdope.com)” Or maybe, just maybe, go up to the third floor, poke your head into his cubicle, and tell him to knock it off? I agree, this thread is hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![CatInHat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@CatInHat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CatInHat)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/71 "2000-01-06T15:51:00Z")
I’ve faked more coughing fits reading this thread. Everyone at work (in a top-secret location, it must be 'cause everyone coming to visit us gets lost) must think I have that flu that’s going around. It’s better than _Get Smart_. I think my sig line should be called into play here … * * * Never attribute to malice anything that can be attributed to stupidity. – Unknown ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/72 "2000-01-06T15:53:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Don’t be silly Zette, that wouldn’t be contrived or dangerous enough to make it into any hollywood movie Absolutely correct…I picture: The Finder is at home, a cigarette burning in the ashtray. He pounds both fists down on his table, rattling the half drunk glass of bourbon. “Damnit! How am I EVER going to find this bastard!” He seethed over FORMERAGENT’s craftiness- well, he wouldn’t allow \*\* anyone \*\* to make a fool of him! He would access those internet logs. He would prevail in this little battle. Oh, yes. The Finder leaned over his notebook computer, staring intensely. He tapped at the keys in rapid succession, the exact order committed to memory. Finally, the words TOP SECRET appeared across his screen. Success! Then, the dreaded message. “Access Denied- enter password”. He knew he would only have one shot at this. Top secret government agencies don’t just let you try over and over. He would have to make this one count… (continue as you please) Zette ---
**Author:** ![Flypsyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Flypsyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flypsyde)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/73 "2000-01-06T15:55:00Z")
HOLY SHIT! FLASHFIRES IN HADES! SHE’S BACK!! SHE’S BACK!!! I just hope I don’t have to keep looking over my shoulder at lunch tomorrow. Will you be the one with the Kevlar on, DavidB? Welcome back, Drain. We missed ya. Don’t leave again, lest we sic the Finder on ya. * * * He weathered a firestorm of agony and did not break. And while Yori raged against his unbending courage, we took Kyuden Hiruma back. His loss is great, but so is the gift his suffering brought. -_Yakamo’s Funeral_ ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/74 "2000-01-06T15:59:00Z")
And the password “Enter” works. While the sound of typing emanates from his computer, The Finder accesses the top secret computers of the newly created ultra-double-secret branch of the NSA. “Try to run a government agency without my knowledge will they? Hah, a pox on their firstborn!!” Using secret satellites launched into space with only 3 people and a cocker spaniel’s knowledge, The Finder realizes he can track Formeragent’s thermal imagery via technology that he purports to exist but can only vaguely allude to. Of course, this may require his use of a car based computer that only types in all-caps. To be continued… * * * Well, shut my mouth. It’s also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling. ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Thin\_Skin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@Mr\_Thin\_Skin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Thin_Skin)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/75 "2000-01-06T16:00:00Z")
“Think man, think,” Waller(s) grits his teeth and concentrates. Suddenly, a flash of inspiration. The security chief’s office faces out over the avenue. Across the street is Ho-Chins chinese food… ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/76 "2000-01-06T16:16:00Z")
Time is of the essence, as it’s been established that the cocker spaniel has been compromised. ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/77 "2000-01-06T17:29:00Z")
The Golden goose that flys backwards in the rain always gets ahead. * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/78 "2000-01-06T17:36:00Z")
“Lucy” is here. Snowbunny likes the grape flavor, repeat the GRAPE flavor. ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/79 "2000-01-06T19:17:00Z")
## The geese have flown the stable, and the lazy fox has jumped over sleeping dog. Meet me in Paris in the springtime. I never touched him, ref, honest! ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/80 "2000-01-06T19:22:00Z")
Ed, if this thread doesn’t make it into the next book, I, for one, will be sorely disappointed. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844.md?page=5)