# Send me FORMERAGENT please..ASAP **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 5, 2000, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844 "2000-01-05T22:20:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Flypsyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Flypsyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flypsyde)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/81 "2000-01-06T19:24:00Z")
Shaka when the walls fell. Darmok and Jalaad at Tanagra. The wings of eagles fly upside down. The circus elephant has lost its way. * * * He weathered a firestorm of agony and did not break. And while Yori raged against his unbending courage, we took Kyuden Hiruma back. His loss is great, but so is the gift his suffering brought. -_Yakamo’s Funeral_ ---
**Author:** ![Sake\_Samurai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sake\_Samurai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sake_Samurai)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/82 "2000-01-06T19:25:00Z")
DIANE: HEY, > [@](#): > > Sake, you type pretty well for a guy with only one hand. **Methinks he has had practice, maybe?** THAT’S NOT VERY NICE. WHAT, YOU LOOKING TO RECEIVE YOUR “LAST PAYCHECK” TOO??? BTW, I DO NOT THINK THOSE SHOES YOU ARE WEARING GO WITH THAT OUTFIT. ---
**Author:** ![Sake\_Samurai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sake\_Samurai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sake_Samurai)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/83 "2000-01-06T19:44:00Z")
AND OH YEAH, THANK ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR CODES. I HAVE RECEIVED ALL OF THEM AND HAVE REMOVED MY LEFT EAR, FOUR OF THE TOES ON MY LEFT FOOT, MY KNEECAPS, APPENDIX AND TONSILS. AWAITING FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS. ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/84 "2000-01-06T19:51:00Z")
Sake! That was supposed to be the right ear! ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/85 "2000-01-06T19:52:00Z")
The second-floor office of the five-sided building resounded to the frenzied tak-tak-tak of an obsessed man’s fingers on a worn keyboard. Bathed in the eerie glow of a cheap monitor (all the decent PCs being on the CIA station currently orbiting Mars), The Finder homes in on his hapless prey. “And so, FormerAgent, the end is near,” he hisses through clenched teeth, “Once, long ago, you may have eluded me through your cunning use of ‘former’, but now I am wise to your ways. No longer can you mock me through your use of aliases beginning with ‘MW’; no more long nights will I spend trying to work out how you plug your encrypted laptop in to the cigarette lighter of a 1983 Volvo 340.” And then, suddenly, the door swings open. Who could this man be, silhouetted against the failing flourescent lights? A rugged exterior, eyes haunted with experiences no man may reveal (and live to tell the tale), a left hand wizened and gnarled through months of holding down the [SHIFT] key. “HAH! YOU GAVE YOURSELF AWAY WITH THAT ‘THIRD FLOOR’ JIBE, FINDER! ONCE YOU ARE OUT OF MY WAY, no-one, SORRY, NO-ONE CAN STOP ME! MY TOTAL-SWEEPING-GOVERNMENT-REFORMS WILL CRUSH ALL IN MY PATH! MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!” And then, slowly, the twisted grin crept across the ex-Ranger’s battle-scarred features, as he brought the Choco Krispies Magic Spy Killer Ring to bear on the hunter-turned-prey. “Do you expect me to talk?” ## “No, Mister Finder, I expect you…to die!” (Alright, I’m bored of this now. Someone else finish it while I send off my Bad Creative Writing Award application). I never touched him, ref, honest! ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/86 "2000-01-06T20:39:00Z")
And then Formeragents many personalities became confused and screwed up their posting in [this thread](http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum5/HTML/000517.html) Check out personality #425, MadeMann. I guess this means the fun is over. ---
**Author:** ![N\_oR\_jVIaL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce7236/32.png) [@N\_oR\_jVIaL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N_oR_jVIaL)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2000, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/87 "2000-01-07T02:18:00Z")
Attention, all double-secret agents. Uniperv encryption has been compromised. Reset decoder rings to Charlie Zebra Niner (stop) New message to follow: Lubricate the frogs Repeat Lubricate the frogs You are GO for insertion at 10:00 PM (stop) New contact code: The chicken has pretty eyes. New response code: You’ll go blind. WD-40 over and out … (blip) ---
**Author:** ![Santa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@Santa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santa)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2000, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/88 "2000-01-07T02:39:00Z")
Who the hell could be stupid enough to screw up thier multiple personalities? Ho, Ho, Ho, Zanta ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2000, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/89 "2000-01-07T02:42:00Z")
Snowbunny likes the GRAPE? Oh shit, now we’re in trouble. ---
**Author:** ![RobRoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7ba0ec/32.png) [@RobRoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobRoy)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2000, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/90 "2000-01-07T02:53:00Z")
You just know this former agent is probably more of a Woody Allen than a James Bond. I’m sure he’s a disgruntled postal worker, subscribes to Guns and Ammo, and shoves a butt plug up his ass every night while he puts on his Patton outfit and masturbates in front of the mirror… FORMER AGENT report for duty - on your knees, boy. ---
**Author:** ![Lawrence](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/2bfe46/32.png) [@Lawrence](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lawrence)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2000, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/91 "2000-01-07T04:02:00Z")
I miss loverock. ---
**Author:** ![psycat90](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@psycat90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psycat90)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2000, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/92 "2000-01-09T01:05:00Z")
This thread will self-destruct in 30 seconds… * * * so you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts. what’s so amazing about really deep thoughts? Tori Amos ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2000, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/93 "2000-01-10T00:59:00Z")
Oh, this thread is hilarious. I nearly choked to death on my popcorn. Can I be a secret agent, too? HuhcanIcanIhuhpleasecanI? THE PRUPLE RHINO FLIES AT MIDNIGHT. MACK THE KNIFE WEARS BROWN SHOES TO KINDERGARTEN. ::hopes that doesn’t cause Sake to detach any vital body parts:: * * * Your Official Cat Goddess since 10/20/99. “We are here! You are saved!” --R. & F. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2000, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/94 "2000-01-10T04:22:00Z")
Hey, I think that this should go back to 'PSIMS. This is too fun and creative to stay in the Pit. > [@](#): > > Darmok and Jalaad at Tanagra. This is bugging me: What’s that from? Star Trek? Let’s see- His name is “Finder”, his snowbunny prefers Grape Flavor. He must be using a Macintosh. Never have I been so ashamed! ::goes weeping in the corner with SanibelMan:: * * * JMcC, San Francisco, [JJM’s page from the Bay](http://members.tripod.com/~weirdstuff/index.html) If I were beaned with a fastball, fling my limp, lifeless body to first, cause, dammit, I earned it! ---
**Author:** ![Surgoshan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Surgoshan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surgoshan)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2000, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/95 "2000-01-10T05:10:00Z")
ding ding ding! 30 points to jjtm! That was in an episode of Star Trek: the Next Generation. Apparently, an entire race of people communicated solely through the use of, stories, I guess. They referred to the story name, and BOOM that was communication (a pretty stupid way to communicate, I would think, after all, how do you teach them the stories?). Anyway, yes, it was Star Trek. One of the many bits of useless trivia I have absorbed. Yeah, I second the motion, move it tothe MPSIMS. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2000, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/96 "2000-01-10T10:00:00Z")
This is _too_ funny! Can I play too? Can I? Can I? :: \*\*The sandals are worn in Fresno by a cricket. Repeat: The _sandals_ are worn in _Fresno_ by a _cricket._\*\*:: Got that? Good. Fresno - remember that. _CRICKET._ I mean, it’s REALLY important. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2000, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/97 "2000-01-10T23:09:00Z")
Yay, 30 points- now are these like **Whose Line Is It Anyway?** points, or are they redeemable in “Favorite Poster” threads? Notes to Finder: I was driving down the freeway in the fast lane with a rabid wolverine in my underwear when suddenly the guy behind me in the backseat cups his hands around eyes. They sucked out my internal organs and they took some Polaroids and said I was a darn good sport. (name that tune!) * * * JMcC, San Francisco, [JJM’s page from the Bay](http://members.tripod.com/~weirdstuff/index.html) If I were beaned with a fastball, fling my limp, lifeless body to first, cause, dammit, I earned it! ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2000, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/98 "2000-01-11T00:06:00Z")
“Everything You Know Is Wrong” by Weird Al Yankovic. ## Although I spent a good ten seconds trying to remember which They Might Be Giants tune it was from… JMCJ This could be YOUR sig line! For just five cents a post, JMCJ Enterprises will place YOUR sig line at the bottom of each message! ---
**Author:** ![moriah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b2d939/32.png) [@moriah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moriah)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2000, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/99 "2000-01-11T05:58:00Z")
Will you guys _ **please** _ stop sending coded messages on the board?! My training compels me to eat the computer monitor every time I read one. Peace. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2000, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844/100 "2000-01-11T06:37:00Z")
What are you talking about, moriah? No one is sending coded messages. Everyone is just enjoying normal everyday conversation. Now, as I was saying… THE SPOTTED ZEBRA HAS A GOLD FILLING IN HIS LEFT INCISOR. DO NOT FEED PICKLED HERRING TO THE PLATYPUS. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/send-me-formeragent-please-asap/3844.md?page=6)