# Sending late night texts - appropriate or not? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 29, 2021, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588 "2021-07-29T12:41:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588/21 "2021-07-29T14:07:42Z")
I know my daughter has her phone on do not disturb so I know I can send one anytime. My sister, on the other hand, complained once that I woke her with an early morning text, so I wait for an appropriate time for her. So unless I know it’s not a problem, I try to wait. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588/22 "2021-07-29T14:09:54Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > If it’s an emergency, why are they sending a text instead of a phone call? Speaking strictly for me, I do not answer phone calls. Ringer is off for calls and I’ll read voicemail when I get to it. I do not like talking on the phone, preferring, instead, to have a permanent copy of our discussion that I can read/reread. People who have my number know this about me. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588/23 "2021-07-29T14:14:13Z")
I’m on call one week or more each month, so I can’t silence my phone at night. Also, my parents are older so I dread receiving a late night call about someone’s health. In short, I don’t put on Do No Disturb and would not appreciate a late-night text message. ---
**Author:** ![Clark\_Cello](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@Clark\_Cello](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clark_Cello)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588/24 "2021-07-29T14:19:10Z")
Like many things, this is one area where, for me, theory and practice aren’t 100% aligned. In theory, I agree with OP. There is no reason to limit when I will text, as people can reply at their convenience, and anyone can easily customize their phone to not get notifications. In practice, however, I realize that some folks, though I don’t really understand why, don’t see a 2:00 AM text as appropriate, even if they don’t see it until 9:00 AM, and there are also some people (generally the older set) who don’t know how to effectively manage phone customization. So, as a result, I do have a group of friends that I will send a message to at any hour with no problem, as I know they have no problem with it, but for those I don’t know as well, or work contacts, I generally limit to waking hours. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588/25 "2021-07-29T14:22:14Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > People often don’t realise they haven’t turned their phone to mute. Many people also keep the sound on because a late night text could be an emergency call from a family member Yep. I turn my ringer off at night and tell my kids if there’s an emergency after hours to call the land line. But my wife forgets about half the time and does get beeps in the middle of the night once a week or so. I don’t enjoy that. Plus, many people don’t have landlines anymore. So, I come down on don’t text after 9:00 p.m. unless it’s urgent or you know the person doesn’t care for one reason or another. ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588/26 "2021-07-29T14:23:57Z")
I’m not sure about all phones but on the iPhone you can turn on DND on a per-caller basis. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588/27 "2021-07-29T14:26:46Z")
That’s true. But I’m too intimidated by the technology to even try to figure it out. Maybe in retirement. ---
**Author:** ![RitterSport](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rittersport/32/6326_2.png) [@RitterSport](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RitterSport)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588/28 "2021-07-29T14:27:33Z")
I turn my phone off well before I go to sleep, so I don’t care when texts are sent. I agree with others that texts can be sent anytime, since they can be answered at the receiver’s convenience (or, in the case of my wife and kids, probably never answered). If there’s an emergency, they can call my home phone, which has an extension next to the bed. Texts should never be sent for emergency reasons, since they typically only buzz once and if you miss it, you don’t know about the emergency. Emergencies should require a phone call. It’s not the sender’s problem that you don’t have Do Not Disturb on when you don’t want to be disturbed. Is it OK to send a text when I’m trying to take a midday nap? Anyway, that’s my four cents (up from two due to inflation). ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588/29 "2021-07-29T14:40:28Z")
I am aware if the time when I text, but the window is much larger: I’ll send a text between, say, 7 am and 10 pm, where I’d really only call between like, 9 am and 8 pm. I generally follow a similar rule with emails. If my relationship with someone is purely professional, I try not to send anything outside of business hours. I know my intent is for them to ignore my message until they get to work, but they don’t know I feel that way. They may think I am impatiently waiting their response. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588/30 "2021-07-29T14:50:04Z")
I’ve never really thought hard about this, but I personally do not send texts at hours of the day when I think that person will be asleep. I do personally keep my phone on silent/vibrate mode (at, literally, all times). I personally do not care if somebody texts me at 2 a.m., but I won’t do it to them unless I know this is okay. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588/31 "2021-07-29T14:58:21Z")
On my phone “do not disturb” silences calls and texts. And I can’t just set it so that certain calls are allowed through because I don’t know every possible phone phone number that might be calling to tell me that my mother has been taken to the hospital - sure, I can set it so that my sister can get through but that doesn’t help if it’s the hospital or the police calling. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588/32 "2021-07-29T15:01:45Z")
> [@RitterSport](#): > > Texts should never be sent for emergency reasons, since they typically only buzz once and if you miss it, you don’t know about the emergency. Emergencies should require a phone call. ‘Should’ and ‘does happen’ are not the same things though. Sometimes an emergency might be a simple cry for help from a friend. My friend texts late at night when she’s having a mental health crisis - she’s not going to call to tell me because half the time she doesn’t even recognise it. ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588/33 "2021-07-29T16:40:20Z")
> [@Martin\_Hyde](#): > > I’m not sure about all phones but on the iPhone you can turn on DND on a per-caller basis. Yeah, this is pretty common on any phone. Mine also has a setting to ring despite being on DND if the same number calls twice in a row, which can help if you don’t know where an emergency call might come from. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588/34 "2021-07-29T17:10:14Z")
> [@ski](#): > > My wife treats them like phone calls - if she wouldn’t call somebody at that hour of the evening, she won’t send a text, and will wait until the next morning to send it. If you don’t know the person you’re texting well enough to know that they’re okay with late-night texts, then this is the safer of the two options. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588/35 "2021-07-29T17:10:55Z")
> [@RitterSport](#): > > Texts should never be sent for emergency reasons, since they typically only buzz once and if you miss it, you don’t know about the emergency. Emergencies should require a phone call. > > It’s not the sender’s problem that you don’t have Do Not Disturb on when you don’t want to be disturbed. Is it OK to send a text when I’m trying to take a midday nap? Like millions of other people, I don’t have a land line and haven’t for multiple years. I have one phone and one pbone number and it is my cell phone. And if you have the attitude that it is “not my problem” that other people don’t want your text, then they should put a permanent block on your number. ---
**Author:** ![RitterSport](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rittersport/32/6326_2.png) [@RitterSport](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RitterSport)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588/36 "2021-07-29T17:12:51Z")
Obviously, I don’t send late night texts because, as I mentioned, my phone is off at night. So, I don’t know why they would block my number. ---
**Author:** ![naita](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/naita/32/5862_2.png) [@naita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/naita)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588/37 "2021-07-29T17:14:37Z")
I turn my phone to “do not disturb” at night, but I would never text someone in the middle of the night unless I knew them well enough to be able to assume it wouldn’t be an issue. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588/38 "2021-07-29T17:19:15Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > And if you have the attitude that it is “not my problem” that other people don’t want your text, then they should put a permanent block on your number. Absolutely. I really don’t want to deal with drama queens who create drama over things they can control. If you don’t want me texting you while you’re asleep, having sex, taking a dump or in court then you either need to publish a schedule or learn to use your phone to control when and how you’re contacted. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588/39 "2021-07-29T17:25:44Z")
> [@Oredigger77](#): > > Absolutely. I really don’t want to deal with drama queens who create drama over things they can control. If you don’t want me texting you while you’re asleep, having sex, taking a dump or in court then you either need to publish a schedule or learn to use your phone to control when and how you’re contacted. In case you missed it, the attutude you are expressing is the one I was condemning. I was saying “shut off this (pit-worthy term).” ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588/40 "2021-07-29T17:26:48Z")
And yes, there are some people who do things like ignoring phone calls because “if it’s important, they’ll text”. People who use tools in ways exactly opposite of how they’re intended and designed to be used shouldn’t be surprised when their usage ends up having inconvenient effects. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sending-late-night-texts-appropriate-or-not/947588.md?page=3)