# Sensuous Massage **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [August 31, 2010, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140 "2010-08-31T15:09:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BeansAndFranks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/db5fbb/32.png) [@BeansAndFranks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeansAndFranks)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140/1 "2010-08-31T15:09:00Z")
I have a sore back and want a massage. There is a place nearby that offers ‘Full Body Sensuous Massage’ from someone who has real massage training as well. What that would be like? Does ‘guarantee satisfaction’ mean that there is a happy ending? Do I need to ask for that (or say no for that matter)? The website looks semi-legit. Is manual stimulation to release against the law in most states, or is it OK as long as there is no mouth/anal/vaginal contact? While I am asking embarrassing questions, what is up with all the Tantric massage offerings? Is that just a guilt-free way to pay for sex? ---
**Author:** ![willthekittensurvive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/91b2a8/32.png) [@willthekittensurvive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/willthekittensurvive)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140/2 "2010-08-31T15:15:37Z")
I once dated a girl who worked as a receptionist at massage parlor, if potential clients asked if they could get a sport massage, she was instructed too answer with" we do provide sport massages, but a **manual climax** is included in the price(" **handmatige hoogte punt**" in Dutch) but that is in Holland ---
**Author:** ![Iggins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Iggins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggins)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140/3 "2010-08-31T16:01:51Z")
I’m moving to Holland. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140/4 "2010-08-31T16:05:19Z")
Heh! Am I the only one who finds it amusing that someone named **BeansAndFranks** is asking about sensual massage? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140/5 "2010-08-31T16:09:35Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Heh! Am I the only one who finds it amusing that someone named **BeansAndFranks** is asking about sensual massage? 😃 It’s not a common American slang term. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140/6 "2010-08-31T16:16:21Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > > [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > > > Heh! Am I the only one who finds it amusing that someone named **BeansAndFranks** is asking about sensual massage? 😃 > > It’s not a common American slang term. From _There’s Something About Mary_ (1998): \*\*[When Ted gets his genitals stuck in the zippers] Charlie Jensen: Is it the frank or the beans? Ted: I don’t know, both I guess. Warren: [from outside] Franks and Beans! Franks and Beans! \*\* ---
**Author:** ![willthekittensurvive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/91b2a8/32.png) [@willthekittensurvive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/willthekittensurvive)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140/7 "2010-08-31T18:36:26Z")
> [@Iggins](#): > > I’m moving to Holland. [Vincent]Yeah baby, you’d dig it the most[/Vincent] ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140/8 "2010-08-31T22:11:05Z")
> [@BeansAndFranks](#): > > I have a sore back So that’s what you call, “not gettin’ laid”. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140/9 "2010-08-31T22:31:35Z")
> [@willthekittensurvive](#): > > **handmatige hoogte punt** My new favorite Dutch phrase! Much more fun than **dank u wel**! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2010, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140/10 "2010-09-01T03:01:45Z")
> [@willthekittensurvive](#): > > I once dated a girl who worked as a receptionist at massage parlor, if potential clients asked if they could get a sport massage, she was instructed too answer with" we do provide sport massages, but a **manual climax** is included in the price “Well I just came here for my sore back but if the handjob is already paid for it’d be a shame to waste it.” To answer the OP, what you probably should be looking for is a “therapeutic massage”. ---
**Author:** ![Llama\_Llogophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2010, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140/11 "2010-09-01T03:31:29Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > To answer the OP, what you probably should be looking for is a “therapeutic massage”. What? I think handjobs are extremely therapeutic. And even if they’re not a prescribed treatment for a given ailment, I would still elect for it as a cautionary measure. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2010, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140/12 "2010-09-01T03:54:48Z")
> [@BeansAndFranks](#): > > I have a sore back and want a massage. There is a place nearby that offers ‘Full Body Sensuous Massage’ from someone who has real massage training as well. What that would be like? Does ‘guarantee satisfaction’ mean that there is a happy ending? Do I need to ask for that (or say no for that matter)? The website looks semi-legit. Is manual stimulation to release against the law in most states, or is it OK as long as there is no mouth/anal/vaginal contact? That sort of place will likely offer a happy ending. They may well be discreet, rubbing you in a sensous manner and see if you respond. Or they may simply ask for cash for service. More likely the 1st. In the 2nd case, the massage- if it occurs- will be crappy. They are of doubtful legality, in some juristicions they have to offer sex for money to be arrested. They will rarely do that, and a hand job may or may not be “sex”, ( but likely is.) \*\*ianal. \*\*But in many areas, simple manual stimulation will not bring the law down upon them, it is winked at as it is sorta grey. If you want your back fixed and no hanky-panky at all, tyr “theraputic massage” or a Chiroprators office, where massage is also performed. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2010, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140/13 "2010-09-01T14:02:36Z")
> [@Mach Tuck](#): > > …What? I think handjobs are extremely therapeutic. And even if they’re not a prescribed treatment for a given ailment, I would still elect for it as a cautionary measure. Yeah, you know, you just can’t be too careful about this sort of thing. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2010, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140/14 "2010-09-01T15:01:43Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > Yeah, you know, you just can’t be too careful about this sort of thing. An ounce of prevention is worth a pounding, as they say. I’ll get me coat. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2010, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140/15 "2010-09-01T15:08:41Z")
> [@willthekittensurvive](#): > > I once dated a girl who worked as a receptionist at massage parlor, if potential clients asked if they could get a sport massage, she was instructed too answer with" we do provide sport massages, but a **manual climax** is included in the price(" **handmatige hoogte punt**" in Dutch) > > but that is in Holland Wonder if they do substitutions. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2010, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140/16 "2010-09-01T16:06:50Z")
“I want a sports massage but I’m married so can I get it with a baked potato instead?” ---
**Author:** ![cjepson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@cjepson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cjepson)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2010, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140/17 "2010-09-01T16:22:57Z")
> [@Mach Tuck](#): > > What? I think handjobs are extremely therapeutic. And even if they’re not a prescribed treatment for a given ailment, I would still elect for it as a cautionary measure. Sounds leasonable to me… ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2010, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140/18 "2010-09-01T17:26:26Z")
Old joke: A man is diagnosed with a rare prostate disorder. His doctor says he’ll have to beat off every day to avoid a painful and debilitating semen buildup. As he’s leaving the doctor’s office, he notices, through a slightly-ajar door, another man of about his age who’s receiving a blowjob from a beautiful nurse. He goes back to ask his doctor about it. The doctor shrugs and says, “Mr. Jenkins has the same diagnosis you do, but a better health insurance plan.” ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2010, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140/19 "2010-09-01T20:26:07Z")
> [@BeansAndFranks](#): > > I have a sore back and want a massage. If all you \*really \*care about is helping your sore back, skip the “sensuous massage” place and find an actual massage therapist. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2010, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140/20 "2010-09-01T20:37:51Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > > [@BeansAndFranks](#): > > > > I have a sore back and want a massage. > > If all you \*really \*care about is helping your sore back, skip the “sensuous massage” place and find an actual massage therapist. Exactly! And if all you \*really \* care about is the hand job, hire a whore. Really, what’s with the need to be coy? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sensuous-massage/552140.md?page=2)