# Sentence fragments you would (or wouldn't) want in your obituary. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 7, 2010, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495 "2010-08-07T08:04:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2010, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495/81 "2010-08-16T20:18:47Z")
Would not: “His last words were, ‘Let’s find out.’” “smoldering remains” “…aren’t sure what he was thinking…” “the smell of burnt flesh and cotton candy…” ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2010, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495/82 "2010-08-16T21:03:15Z")
Apropos events of today: “…was found decapitated after a monster truck lost control and smashed through a cluster of fans standing too close to the track.” ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495/83 "2010-08-17T01:21:17Z")
“…gained universal, albeit unwanted, fame after a years-old message board post went viral worldwide.” ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495/84 "2010-08-17T02:24:17Z")
“… his bizarre death ultimately resulted in the recall of more than half a million _Charleston Chew_ candy bars…” ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495/85 "2010-08-17T03:02:48Z")
“…stripped of flesh, presumably by the housepets, who had gone unfed in the weeks since…” “…when a pot of boiling fruit preserves bubbled explosively…” “…persistent vegetative state following a freak knitting accident in which a needle penetrated his…” ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@Son\_of\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_Kong)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495/86 "2010-08-17T03:03:01Z")
Wouldn’t: “…cats did not go hungry…” “…debris lodged in his throat turned out to be a large piece of his own…” “…witnesses advised to immediately seek counselling…” “…the combined staff of the three nearest firehouses were unable to…” “…last seen stepping into a taxi cab in Mexico City…” Would “…national day of mourning declared…” “…suggest funeral attendees arrive early, as parking at the Staples Center may be insufficient…” ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@Son\_of\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_Kong)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495/87 "2010-08-17T03:04:14Z")
> [@cwthree](#): > > “…stripped of flesh, presumably by the housepets, who had gone unfed in the weeks since…” Hahah, I didn’t even see this when I posted mine. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495/88 "2010-08-17T05:36:40Z")
Would not: “…modified laser level was powerful enough to…” “…glue had set around his…” “…gradually lost all motor function…” “…enraged hornets…” “…swept him and the crocodile downstream…” “…horrible irony…” “…unstoppable diarrhea…” “…pancaked between the two huge…” “…gored…” ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495/89 "2010-08-17T05:47:31Z")
“… a rescue attempt was thwarted by agressive chiggers and field mice…” ---
**Author:** ![audit1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@audit1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/audit1)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495/90 "2010-08-17T05:51:45Z")
Would- “all networks have announced their regular programming will be preempted for live coverage of the funeral.” ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495/91 "2010-08-17T07:03:48Z")
> [@audit1](#): > > Would- “all networks have announced their regular programming will be preempted for live coverage of the funeral.” vs “…all networks preempted their regular programming for live coverage of the execution…” ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495/92 "2010-08-17T08:13:19Z")
“…finally proceeded after multiple attempts by prison officials to insert the needle…” ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495/93 "2010-08-17T12:03:33Z")
Would: 1. “…once, in 1960, for 20 minutes…” 2. “…NSFW…” 3. “…1920’s-style death ray…” 4. “…when came back, brought pie…” Would not: 1. “…burning your dog…” 2. “…graped by the Grapist…” 3. “…Hi, Opal…” ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_of\_Lucan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dbc845/32.png) [@Michael\_of\_Lucan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_of_Lucan)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495/94 "2010-08-17T12:51:15Z")
Wouldn’t - Courtesy of Jorge Luis Borges. For the man in the short story, his father’s death is tragic, but no one takes it seriously. “… was walking down the street when a pig fell on him from a balcony …” ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495/95 "2010-08-17T13:44:32Z")
Would: “revivification is scheduled for…” ETA also, “was humanely destroyed, his consciousness having been transferred…” ---
**Author:** ![Klytus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Klytus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klytus)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495/96 "2010-08-17T16:56:07Z")
Would: "… a national holiday was declared to mourn his passing … " Would not: "… a national holiday was declared to celebrate his passing … " ---
**Author:** ![Snirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@Snirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snirk)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495/97 "2010-08-17T20:36:41Z")
Wouldn’t: “…in through his anus and out through his eye socket…” “…a pack of yodellers were arrested, though their leader remains…” “…yak foetus…” Would: “…projected by his own spectacular flatulence into the propellor of a crop-duster piloted by a drug-crazed rock ‘n’ roll clown.” “…still entangled in their slender limbs and drenched in female ejaculate from nose to knees…” “…into the Shadow with teeth bared, screaming defiance with his last breath…” “…after six hours of rocket-boarding the flaming tidal wave, watched live by his horde of zealous fans from the safety of A.R.C…” ---
**Author:** ![Robin12](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@Robin12](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robin12)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495/98 "2010-08-17T21:50:03Z")
Would: …Nobel Prize winning… Wouldn’t: …Darwin Award winning… Would: …articles published in _Playboy_… Wouldn’t: …letters published in _Penthouse_… Would: …assisted police by… Wouldn’t: His assailant, a known pimp and drug dealer… Even worse: His assailant, upset over having bought… Would: Traffic will be detoured as the procession… Wouldn’t: …ashes were unclaimed. Even worse: …will help medical science by… ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2010, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495/99 "2010-08-18T00:51:52Z")
Would: “…body donated to science…” Wouldn’t: “…body refused by science…” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Diz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/87869e/32.png) [@Diz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diz)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2010, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495/100 "2010-08-18T01:08:57Z")
Wouldn’t: “…body found some distance away with face and genitals apparently chewed off…” Would: “…with the nearing heat death of the universe…” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sentence-fragments-you-would-or-wouldnt-want-in-your-obituary/549495.md?page=6)