# September Board Member Decanting, Our Itty Bitty Ranting **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 1, 2016, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633 "2016-09-01T05:14:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2016, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633/141 "2016-09-15T02:05:26Z")
> [@cwthree](#): > > I finally convinced cwPartner to let me hire some people to clear weeds and vines out of the yard. He just caught one of the guys clearing out blackberry canes. Never mind that the blackberries are basically invasive weeds that happen to produce yummy fruit, guaranteed to recover from all but a scorched-earth treatment - the yard guy might as well have killed a kitten. I’ll never hear the end of this, and I’ll probably never be allowed to hire help with the yard again. > > Fuck. Tell him that the new growth ( because they WILL come back) will produce more an better fruit than the big ol dead stuff they cut away. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2016, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633/142 "2016-09-15T02:40:43Z")
> [@cwthree](#): > > I finally convinced cwPartner to let me hire some people to clear weeds and vines out of the yard. He just caught one of the guys clearing out blackberry canes. Never mind that the blackberries are basically invasive weeds that happen to produce yummy fruit, guaranteed to recover from all but a scorched-earth treatment - the yard guy might as well have killed a kitten. I’ll never hear the end of this, and I’ll probably never be allowed to hire help with the yard again. > > Fuck. Blackberry bushes are evil in plant form, growing straight up from hell. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2016, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633/143 "2016-09-15T10:09:13Z")
I hired a cleaner through a website for a few visits earlier this year. She wasn’t the most reliable or the best cleaner, but my schedule is flexible and her work was good enough. Most of all, we got on very well - enough that I even gave her unemployed brother some work in reorganising my garden. I needed some help and he needed some money, so win-win. She had very good people skills and we often chatted as she worked. I helped her with applying for an access (to university) course. Then she stopped turning up and didn’t reply to any texts or messages about what had happened. This wasn’t a big deal because she wasn’t claiming she’d turned up, so I wasn’t getting charged for it. Then she claimed she’d been here one time when she hadn’t and the money was taken out of my account. Contacted the company, got the money back and asked them to cancel all future bookings. They didn’t follow through with the cancellation, it turns out. I found out about this when they suddenly contacted her to see if she’d turned up to them and she claimed she had, so they deducted money from my account. Again the company refunded me quickly and apologised for not cancelling the visits before, so my complaint isn’t with them. It’s with her. There’s no way it can be a mistake. Why would a woman choose to defraud a disabled woman on a low income who was nice to her and gave her family extra money? In all likelihood she’s been sacked now and my flatmate gets to rub my nose in the fact that I’m too trusting of people, but really, why wouldn’t I trust someone not to screw someone over when it screws themselves over even more? I’m also pissed off about a book I read that had a “twist” that was extremely juvenile and only hidden because the author didn’t foreshadow it. The twist was a change in gender, an "aha! You’re so prejudiced! thing where the physically abused one in a couple turns out to be male. But forgive me if I assume that a character who is a primary (grade) school teacher, a full-time parent of a small child since birth, has “long curly hair,” likes gossip mags, feels odd wearing jeans in the summer, is part of a family that are referred to as an “average family” (stay-at-home parents being male still is not average) and _is referred to as a housewife_ is female. I mean, any one of those separately - except the housewife label - could be genderfree, but all put together? Nah. Especially when the first chapter explicitly says that the abuser is male and the abused person is female. If you have the abuser stated to be male then it’s not clever when you suddenly do a volte-face and say they’re female. The abuser also works from 5.30am to 8pm every day (!) and never does any childcare or housework. Sorry, but in the real world, if she were female, she’d be vilified for that. By doing this, the author also missed the opportunity to talk about male victims of domestic violence and the way their situation differs from female victims. The way people are less likely to believe or support them, the way it threatens their sense of worth as a man, the way they can’t usually escape to a shelter because they tend to be women-only. All that sacrificed for a cheap trick that I dismissed as the possible twist because it’d be too old hat. It was like a Skald the Rhymer thread. And it’s a best-seller. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2016, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633/144 "2016-09-15T10:14:53Z")
> [@Damuri\_Ajashi](#): > > Over the past few years we have been asked by check out cashiers if we would like to donate to one charity or another. Sometimes I say “sure” but most of the time I say no. A little annoying but not really an inconvenience. I like the way some supermarkets do it: they have little donation items at the till, for different values. If you want to donate, you grab enough items for the amount and that’s it, it gets treated exactly like any other item. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2016, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633/145 "2016-09-15T15:58:05Z")
> [@saje](#): > > Tell him that the new growth ( because they WILL come back) will produce more an better fruit than the big ol dead stuff they cut away. You know this, I know this, and even cwPartner knows this, but that doesn’t stop him from throwing a fit. Because that’s what he does. At some point in the past, he decided that all yard services are staffed by incompetent, malevolent idiots who are personally out to get him and his plants. > [@curlcoat](#): > > Blackberry bushes are evil in plant form, growing straight up from hell. :mad: Blackberry bushes are OK, because I like blackberries. Mulberry trees, on the other hand, are the Devil’s pubes growing straight up from Hell, and cwPartner and I hate them with a passion. So naturally, cwPartner noticed this morning that the yard guys had, in their limited time, failed to completely eradicate a giant feral mulberry plant that had established itself in the middle of a patch of extremely thorny, but highly desirable, black raspberry plants. Dude, the yard guys told you they could only work for an hour because it was getting dark. You impressed upon them the importance of not taking out any black raspberry plants. The offending mulberry plant is surrounded by those very same black raspberry plants, which also happen to be covered with vicious thorns. Don’t bitch at me because the guys didn’t want to dive into a sea of hostile yet valuable brambles, in low light, to start digging out a plant with roots that reach into a parallel universe. I really want to smack him right now. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2016, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633/146 "2016-09-15T19:59:08Z")
Sheesh he needs to get over himself. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2016, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633/147 "2016-09-15T21:12:49Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > I get these phone calls several times a year. At first I almost fell for it until they wanted to confirm my address (so they could send me the information, sure, yeah, I believe that) and had some totally other address. I wasn’t willing to give them my address since all they apparently had about me was my name and phone number. Now I just tell them up front that I don’t make charitable contributions over the phone. Then I tell them again when they call back two days later. Then I don’t get a call for a few months. Assholes preying on people’s sympathy for disabled or hungry children. These scumbags frequently have a charity and a fundraising company. They raise the money with the fundraising company and keep like 90%. These scumbags use names like “patrolman’s widow job training center” or “veteran’s trauma counseling foundation” or some shit like that. NEVER give money over the phone. EVER!!! And don’t give money to those asshats at ihop that force you to do math when you want to add tip. Do they honestly think that most of their patrons can do simple math? ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2016, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633/148 "2016-09-16T00:17:20Z")
> [@cwthree](#): > > I finally convinced cwPartner to let me hire some people to clear weeds and vines out of the yard. He just caught one of the guys clearing out blackberry canes. Never mind that the blackberries are basically invasive weeds that happen to produce yummy fruit, guaranteed to recover from all but a scorched-earth treatment - the yard guy might as well have killed a kitten. I’ll never hear the end of this, and I’ll probably never be allowed to hire help with the yard again. > > Fuck. “Allowed to hire help”? This does not sound like a Partner. ---
**Author:** ![tenacious\_j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tenacious\_j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tenacious_j)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2016, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633/149 "2016-09-16T03:28:58Z")
> [@kayT](#): > > “Allowed to hire help”? This does not sound like a Partner. No biggie. When you share the yard and the budget, both partners usually have some input. I have a long, successful marriage, but before I hire someone to come in and clean the house or make any other single commitment over $100, we almost always discuss it. …I know there’s another forum for this, but I swear I’m going to punch the next person who says he’s voting Trump because “Hillary lies.” Not taking sides, but anyone who believes either of the 2 is completely honest shouldn’t be voting. ---
**Author:** ![eulalia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eulalia/32/457_2.png) [@eulalia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eulalia)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2016, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633/150 "2016-09-16T05:42:09Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > I hired a cleaner through a website for a few visits earlier this year. She wasn’t the most reliable or the best cleaner, but my schedule is flexible and her work was good enough. Most of all, we got on very well - enough that I even gave her unemployed brother some work in reorganising my garden. I needed some help and he needed some money, so win-win. She had very good people skills and we often chatted as she worked. I helped her with applying for an access (to university) course. > > Then she stopped turning up and didn’t reply to any texts or messages about what had happened. This wasn’t a big deal because she wasn’t claiming she’d turned up, so I wasn’t getting charged for it. Then she claimed she’d been here one time when she hadn’t and the money was taken out of my account. Contacted the company, got the money back and asked them to cancel all future bookings. > > They didn’t follow through with the cancellation, it turns out. I found out about this when they suddenly contacted her to see if she’d turned up to them and she claimed she had, so they deducted money from my account. Again the company refunded me quickly and apologised for not cancelling the visits before, so my complaint isn’t with them. It’s with her. > > There’s no way it can be a mistake. Why would a woman choose to defraud a disabled woman on a low income who was nice to her and gave her family extra money? In all likelihood she’s been sacked now and my flatmate gets to rub my nose in the fact that I’m too trusting of people, but really, why wouldn’t I trust someone not to screw someone over when it screws themselves over even more? > > I’m also pissed off about a book I read that had a “twist” that was extremely juvenile and only hidden because the author didn’t foreshadow it. The twist was a change in gender, an "aha! You’re so prejudiced! thing where the physically abused one in a couple turns out to be male. > > But forgive me if I assume that a character who is a primary (grade) school teacher, a full-time parent of a small child since birth, has “long curly hair,” likes gossip mags, feels odd wearing jeans in the summer, is part of a family that are referred to as an “average family” (stay-at-home parents being male still is not average) and _is referred to as a housewife_ is female. I mean, any one of those separately - except the housewife label - could be genderfree, but all put together? Nah. Especially when the first chapter explicitly says that the abuser is male and the abused person is female. If you have the abuser stated to be male then it’s not clever when you suddenly do a volte-face and say they’re female. > > The abuser also works from 5.30am to 8pm every day (!) and never does any childcare or housework. Sorry, but in the real world, if she were female, she’d be vilified for that. > > By doing this, the author also missed the opportunity to talk about male victims of domestic violence and the way their situation differs from female victims. The way people are less likely to believe or support them, the way it threatens their sense of worth as a man, the way they can’t usually escape to a shelter because they tend to be women-only. All that sacrificed for a cheap trick that I dismissed as the possible twist because it’d be too old hat. > > It was like a Skald the Rhymer thread. And it’s a best-seller. The cleaner was probably an addict of some sort. That’s the kind of thing addicts do. We can hope that losing her job will motivate her to get help, but it seems like once people start doing stuff like that they are more willing to things like petty theft and check fraud and end up in jail. ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2016, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633/151 "2016-09-16T06:45:52Z")
So… A group of longtime friends of mine are musicians, and they recently made a huge shift to their style, and are seeing pretty much unprecedented (in their 25±year-long career) success with it. I can’t fucking stand it. The new sound is awful. I can’t even really stay for one of their shows, it’s just painfully obnoxious. And obviously, I feel bad about this, because I rarely see these guys, and they’re amazing friends that I care deeply for. What bugs me the most about this whole scenario: in their earlier years, they were pumping out genius pop/folk-rock that had so much interesting stuff going on, genius lyrics work, great singing… Just all around great stuff. And now they’re playing this really nasty, unpleasant stuff with intentionally lousy sound quality, and people are praising it as this huge big deal. Call me petty for bitching about this, and honestly, I _am_, but it just bugs the crap out of me that they didn’t go big with the stuff of theirs that I liked listening to. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2016, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633/152 "2016-09-16T10:29:34Z")
> [@eulalia](#): > > The cleaner was probably an addict of some sort. That’s the kind of thing addicts do. We can hope that losing her job will motivate her to get help, but it seems like once people start doing stuff like that they are more willing to things like petty theft and check fraud and end up in jail. Maybe, but she looked very healthy and was well into detox diets and so on. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2016, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633/153 "2016-09-16T13:15:20Z")
> [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](#): > > So… A group of longtime friends of mine are musicians, and they recently made a huge shift to their style… just bugs the crap out of me that they didn’t go big with the stuff of theirs that I liked listening to. ☹ There’s no evidence they could have “gone big” with it. But if they’d asked me I’d’ve voted for them “starving doing genius music”… My son’s friends abandoned their quirky Genius Punk, moved to the coast and Indie-Pop-Rock in hopes of making it big. And hey it’s working! I’m happy for them, but I haven’t listened to much of their recent stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2016, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633/154 "2016-09-16T14:49:48Z")
No, actually, I don’t think wearing ugly T-shirts with Happy Anniversary Church! on them is a fabulous idea for our big Anniversary celebration. (And I’m not in love with “or wear something solid-colored in the same color family” as a plan B.) The fact that the t-shirt was $15 at a point in time when I feel like I’ve been spending a lot of money on basically frivolous stuff was just icing on the cake. Actually, the shirts aren’t that ugly, they just aren’t me, and I really hadn’t intended to buy one until the announcement of the stupid dress code. At that point, refusing would have made it a bigger deal than it should be, but I’m still grumpy about it. Or maybe that’s just PMS, which is also not fun. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2016, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633/155 "2016-09-16T15:51:48Z")
> [@kayT](#): > > “Allowed to hire help”? This does not sound like a Partner. > [@tenacious\_j](#): > > No biggie. When you share the yard and the budget, both partners usually have some input. I have a long, successful marriage, but before I hire someone to come in and clean the house or make any other single commitment over $100, we almost always discuss it. He’s convinced himself that we could do all of the yard work ourselves if only \_\_\_\_\_ (fill in the blank - “he was feeling better”, “the weather was more conducive to working outside”, “cwthree liked doing yard work”, etc.). The reality is that he had spinal surgery less than two months ago (he’s recovering beautifully, but he is still RECOVERING). Before that, he was dealing with disabling back problems. Before _that_, he was recovering from hip surgery, and before starting his journey to becoming the Bionic Man, he was dealing with a fucked-up hip and crappy back. Realistically, he hasn’t been capable of doing sustained physical labor for a couple of years, and it will be a couple more months before he’s really ready to push himself hard. He should be able to do all the yard work he wants after that, but realistically, there’s no way he can do the stuff that needs to be done _now_. Meanwhile, I don’t like doing yard work and I have more rewarding things to do with my time (including a shitload of indoor household tasks that he can’t do, or can’t do _well_, yet). We have the money to hire someone to do the heavy work while leaving cwPartner plenty of stuff to do that’s appropriate for his current condition. This is precisely why money and hired laborers exist. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2016, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633/156 "2016-09-18T01:47:27Z")
> [@Eureka](#): > > No, actually, I don’t think wearing ugly T-shirts with Happy Anniversary Church! on them is a fabulous idea for our big Anniversary celebration. (And I’m not in love with “or wear something solid-colored in the same color family” as a plan B.) > > The fact that the t-shirt was $15 at a point in time when I feel like I’ve been spending a lot of money on basically frivolous stuff was just icing on the cake. > > Actually, the shirts aren’t that ugly, they just aren’t me, and I really hadn’t intended to buy one until the announcement of the stupid dress code. At that point, refusing would have made it a bigger deal than it should be, but I’m still grumpy about it. > > Or maybe that’s just PMS, which is also not fun. Imagine how I’ve enjoyed the decades of the “team shirt” concept when it’s a large extended family spending a whole week… at Disney World. It’s a world of laughter…no, it’s a world of tears. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2016, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633/157 "2016-09-18T06:27:44Z")
> [@eulalia](#): > > The cleaner was probably an addict of some sort. That’s the kind of thing addicts do. We can hope that losing her job will motivate her to get help, but it seems like once people start doing stuff like that they are more willing to things like petty theft and check fraud and end up in jail. > [@SciFiSam](#): > > Maybe, but she looked very healthy and was well into detox diets and so on. That raises the very nasty possibility that she’s in an abusive/exploitative relationship with someone who IS an addict. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2016, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633/158 "2016-09-18T06:29:40Z")
> [@digs](#): > > Imagine how I’ve enjoyed the decades of the “team shirt” concept when it’s a large extended family spending a whole week… at Disney World. > > It’s a world of laughter…no, it’s a world of tears. A week of wearing the same shirt every day? That DOES sound like a world of tears… ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2016, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633/159 "2016-09-18T15:34:23Z")
> [@cwthree](#): > > The reality is that he had spinal surgery less than two months ago (he’s recovering beautifully, but he is still RECOVERING). Before that, he was dealing with disabling back problems. Before _that_, he was recovering from hip surgery, and before starting his journey to becoming the Bionic Man, he was dealing with a fucked-up hip and crappy back. Realistically, he hasn’t been capable of doing sustained physical labor for a couple of years, and it will be a couple more months before he’s really ready to push himself hard. He should be able to do all the yard work he wants after that, but realistically, there’s no way he can do the stuff that needs to be done _now_. Am I your husband? Except I still haven’t had my spinal surgery. And you didn’t mention the need for knee replacements, or peripheral artery disease, or diabetic neuropathy, etc., etc., etc. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2016, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633/160 "2016-09-18T16:30:07Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > That raises the very nasty possibility that she’s in an abusive/exploitative relationship with someone who IS an addict. How would that make her try to rip me off in a way that was guaranteed to fail and make her lose her job? According to her she was really happy having a boyfriend who doesn’t live with her and they’d been together for a couple of years. I suppose she could have been lying. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/september-board-member-decanting-our-itty-bitty-ranting/764633.md?page=9)