# Serious question about Habakkuk3
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [May 14, 2013, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322 "2013-05-14T16:09:45Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Try2B_Comprehensive)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2013, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322/41 "2013-05-15T01:36:03Z")
> [@Askthepizzaguy](#):
>
> I don’t know if we should lavish attention upon it.
>
> So, instead I will talk about something far more important, Doritos. Long ago they had a flavor called Zesty Salsa. And I really enjoyed this flavor. Then they took it away, and the only thing they sell which has any flavor is the Spicy Nacho Doritos. I can’t eat the others, because they are too bland. But I’ve eaten these Doritos for years, and I’m now convinced that they’ve been cutting back on the spicy Dorito dust. Now they taste like regular, non-spicy Doritos, and as a fan of the heat, I am disappoint.
>
> I would like to petition the powers that be to introduce a new flavor, called Spicier Nacho Doritos. It will contain twice as much of the spicy flavoring as the regular ones. And yes, you may charge me extra. I’m not buying your corn chips for the corn, man. They sell actual corn in the grocery store in cans that cost fiddy cents a pop. I don’t buy those even though they are healthier and contain actual, flavorful corn. I buy Doritos because I want a product that no longer resembles corn when it is done.
>
> The corn is merely the canvas upon which Frito-Lay makes its art, and the spicy nacho flavor dust is the paint. Do not spare the dust, my corny overlords, for it is the drug which I require, and my hunger for this dust is insatiable. You could sell a bag of the Dorito dust and I would snort it. I would snort it.
>
> Give it to me, man, and don’t hold back. I require more Dorito flavor dust.
>
> That was far more interesting than the third installment of Habbakuku or whatever it’s called. Habbakuk Strikes Back was a much deeper film and a more emotionally compelling one.
I dunno- don’t Doritos contain hydrogenated oils? You really shouldn’t eat that shit, in the long run it will clog your arteries which first will retard your physical performance and then will shorten your life. And Americans eat wayyyy too much corn. It is processed to the point that there is practically no nutritional value to it. Don’t bother.
My gf has been preparing a salad for me these days out of parsnips, carrots, cabbage and cucumbers. Add some vinagrette or salad dressing and it is surprisingly tasty (it is kinda like cole slaw, only fresher). Makes you regular as a clock too, and after eating it for a few days I feel better in a hard-to-pin-down way. More energetic, but something else too… anyway, you should really give it a try!
---
### Author:  [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2013, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322/42 "2013-05-15T01:36:16Z")
I’m sure _Bukkake 4_ will have a lot more valuable stuff to come out of his mouth than the current one.
---
### Author:  [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2013, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322/43 "2013-05-15T01:39:57Z")
> [@Habakkuk3](#):
>
> who said I was WORRIED about it?
>
> Don’t flatter yourselves.
Why is it (seemingly) important to you to be perceived as a complete jerk by a bunch of complete strangers? It’s frankly rather odd.
---
### Author:  [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2013, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322/44 "2013-05-15T01:43:46Z")
> [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](#):
>
> I dunno- don’t Doritos contain hydrogenated oils? You really shouldn’t eat that shit, in the long run it will clog your arteries which first will retard your physical performance and then will shorten your life. And Americans eat wayyyy too much corn. It is processed to the point that there is practically no nutritional value to it. Don’t bother.
>
> My gf has been preparing a salad for me these days out of parsnips, carrots, cabbage and cucumbers. Add some vinagrette or salad dressing and it is surprisingly tasty (it is kinda like cole slaw, only fresher). Makes you regular as a clock too, and after eating it for a few days I feel better in a hard-to-pin-down way. More energetic, but something else too… anyway, you should really give it a try!
You clearly missed the point of my post. I’m an obsessed dust-junkie and I couldn’t begin to care about nutritional value. I’m not eating these for my health, or to absorb nutrients, I’m doing it to become fatter, lazier, more depressed, and more dependent upon the high that is a powerful burning sensation on your tongue which feels like a flame just slightly too hot to be comfortable, yet not so profound as to cause the other taste buds to die. I want my mouth to water, whilst simultaneously being as dry as the Mojave desert. I want to experience the dizzying highs of each flavorful bite, and I am willing to suffer the depressing lows that happen when I’ve reached the bottom of the bag and have torn it apart and eaten every last tiny crumb and bit of flavor dust, and licked it, and placed it in the pile of Doritos bags I keep next to my bed. And I wasn’t even hungry.
And hunger does not compel me to wharf down the next bag, either. For my stomach is distended, and if you crush the bag down beforehand, you get smaller pieces which you can just dump down your mouth hole, which means there’s less chewing involved, and more like a slow absorption of the flavor dust before the chip melts and slides down my throat with me barely noticing it.
Truly the experience is dirty, unhealthy, and only for the hopelessly perverted. Like bukkake.
But I can’t help but want to swallow more!
---
### Author:  [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2013, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322/45 "2013-05-15T01:47:49Z")
_Dorito ergo sum_
---
### Author:  [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2013, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322/46 "2013-05-15T01:56:11Z")
> [@elucidator](#):
>
> _Dorito ergo sum_
Carpe Dorito’s…cauere pulvis!
---
### Author:  [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2013, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322/47 "2013-05-15T02:02:07Z")
> [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](#):
>
> I dunno- don’t Doritos contain hydrogenated oils? You really shouldn’t eat that shit, in the long run it will clog your arteries which first will retard your physical performance and then will shorten your life. And Americans eat wayyyy too much corn. It is processed to the point that there is practically no nutritional value to it. Don’t bother.
Hey, anything with **calories** has nutritional value. Corn chips and vitamin supplements – that’s a well-balanced diet, that is!
---
### Author:  [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2013, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322/48 "2013-05-15T02:09:16Z")
You’ll notice that the more you talk about Doritos, the less interesting the other topic of this thread becomes. And eventually, it withers away from a lack of being fed, and begins to crack and crumble and eventually becomes the very Dorito dust that was used to slay it.
Such is the power of Frito-Lay. Yea, my children, come unto me and partake of the tangy and salty flavor of the spicy substance we worship. Form up in a circle, and spread it around everywhere. Make sure some of it gets onto your lips, and we shall experience the divine flavor together. Do not use tissues to clean up afterward. Instead, lick the wond’rous substance off of your fingers. Try not to imagine bukkake while we’re doing this, that’s totally different.
Follow Doritos on Twitter, and Like them on Facebook. These are the rituals you must complete to become part of the nacho brotherhood. The holy land is Plano, Texas. SNACK BOLD.
---
### Author:  [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2013, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322/49 "2013-05-15T02:14:38Z")
> [@XT](#):
>
> Carpe Dorito’s…cauere pulvis!
I understand that several of the new Doritos flavors are actually “[Jacked](http://www.fritolay.com/our-snacks/doritos-jacked-ranch-dipped-hot-wings.html)”.
Why does that make my mouth water so such? Any theories?
---
### Author:  [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2013, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322/50 "2013-05-15T02:16:52Z")
> [@Askthepizzaguy](#):
>
> I understand that several of the new Doritos flavors are actually “[Jacked](http://www.fritolay.com/our-snacks/doritos-jacked-ranch-dipped-hot-wings.html)”.
>
> Why does that make my mouth water so such? Any theories?
You seized the Doritos, but didn’t watch out for the dust would be my WAG. 😉
---
### Author:  [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2013, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322/51 "2013-05-15T02:20:30Z")
Some of it might have gotten into my eyes, actually. No wonder it burns so much.
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### Author:  [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2013, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322/52 "2013-05-15T02:40:47Z")
😃
Did he just say ‘my corny overlords’?
---
### Author:  [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2013, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322/53 "2013-05-15T02:45:51Z")
I think he just posted “lick the wond’rous substance off of your fingers” while speaking about Doritos.
Has anyone alerted the authorities yet? My cellphone doesn’t work well here in the woods.
---
### Author:  [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Try2B_Comprehensive)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2013, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322/54 "2013-05-15T03:06:53Z")
> [@Askthepizzaguy](#):
>
> You clearly missed the point of my post. I’m an obsessed dust-junkie and I couldn’t begin to care about nutritional value. I’m not eating these for my health, or to absorb nutrients, I’m doing it to become fatter, lazier, more depressed, and more dependent upon the high that is a powerful burning sensation on your tongue which feels like a flame just slightly too hot to be comfortable, yet not so profound as to cause the other taste buds to die. I want my mouth to water, whilst simultaneously being as dry as the Mojave desert. I want to experience the dizzying highs of each flavorful bite, and I am willing to suffer the depressing lows that happen when I’ve reached the bottom of the bag and have torn it apart and eaten every last tiny crumb and bit of flavor dust, and licked it, and placed it in the pile of Doritos bags I keep next to my bed. And I wasn’t even hungry…snip
Dude, look at your behavior. It is ridiculous. Seriously, go get yourself 2 parsnips, a smallish head of cabbage, maybe 8 carrots and about half that much celery and stick it all in a food processor until it is minced. Wet it down with fresh squeezed lemon juice and add the dressing of your choice. And eat that.
You have got to stop doing this to yourself.
---
### Author:  [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2013, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322/55 "2013-05-15T03:18:57Z")
> [@Askthepizzaguy](#):
>
> The corn is merely the canvas upon which Frito-Lay makes its art, and the spicy nacho flavor dust is the paint. Do not spare the dust, my corny overlords, for it is the drug which I require, and my hunger for this dust is insatiable. You could sell a bag of the Dorito dust and I would snort it. I would snort it.
>
> Give it to me, man, and don’t hold back. I require more Dorito flavor dust.
Saw a Jack Hanna show the other day. He visited Busch Gardens (big surprise) where they have discovered that lions and tigers love nothing more than taco seasoning. They put it on their food, shake it all over the lions’ feeding area, and as a special treat they dumped a lot on a rock that one lion likes to rub himself on. You might be a lion, like Snoop Lion.
> [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](#):
>
> My gf has been preparing a salad for me these days out of parsnips, carrots, cabbage and cucumbers. Add some vinagrette or salad dressing and it is surprisingly tasty (it is kinda like cole slaw, only fresher). Makes you regular as a clock too, and after eating it for a few days I feel better in a hard-to-pin-down way. More energetic, but something else too… anyway, you should really give it a try!
I think the energy is the added speed you get from your farts.
---
### Author:  [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2013, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322/56 "2013-05-15T12:47:20Z")
> [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](#):
>
> Dude, look at your behavior. It is ridiculous. Seriously, go get yourself 2 parsnips, a smallish head of cabbage, maybe 8 carrots and about half that much celery and stick it all in a food processor until it is minced. Wet it down with fresh squeezed lemon juice and add the dressing of your choice. And eat that.
>
> You have got to stop doing this to yourself.
Listen man, you’re the one giving head to cabbage and taking 8 carrots at once. I don’t question your bedroom activities, so let me lie in bed and rub Dorito dust all over myself in peace.
AND WHAT THE F IS A PARSNIP
---
### Author:  [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2013, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322/57 "2013-05-15T14:02:45Z")
It’s a carrot for racists.
---
### Author:  [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2013, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322/58 "2013-05-15T14:15:15Z")
And the celery is for people who hate freedom.
---
### Author:  [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2013, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322/59 "2013-05-15T14:16:54Z")
Some foods just have awesomely amusing names:
Parsnips
Kumquats
Babaganoush
---
### Author:  [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Try2B_Comprehensive)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2013, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/serious-question-about-habakkuk3/658322/60 "2013-05-15T14:22:10Z")
You _fools_! You are in for a Dorito-dust train wreck right around the bend. The writing is on the wall. Don’t say you weren’t warned!
(A parsnip is a root vegetable btw. People ate them before there were Doritos. Don’t mistake Doritos for real progress!!!1!1!!)
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