Seriousart performs for the ladies of the SD People Pages

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

(from stage of a nearby nightclub)
Hello ladies…
I’d like to dedicate this next number for all the ultra-fine ladies of the SD People Pages. It’s a little ditty by the band Everclear called “Unemployed Boyfriend” and it goes a little something like this…
(cue spotlight, begins playing)

"This is gonna sound a little obsessive
This is gonna sound a little bit strange
I have one thing to say
Before I turn and I walk away

This is gonna sound a little impulsive
This is gonna sound a little insane
I know you don’t know me yet
But you and I, we will be together someday
Someday
I know, I know, I sound like I’m on drugs
Listen to me when I say

That ever since when I first saw you
Sittin’ on your car outside
You asked for a cigarette
I couldn’t stop starin’ at your eyes

Ever since when I first saw you
Looking bored in that plastic chair
With the lights of the office around you
Those blond streaks, they look so pretty in your black hair
You look cool and alternative with that disaffected stare
Yeah you want people to think that you just don’t care

Hey you can be with me
Yeah 'cause I just might be the one
Who will treat you like you’re perfect
Who will always make you come
Hey you can be with me
Yes I will always let you win
I will never be like those other guys
I will never be your unemployed boyfriend

This is gonna sound a little bit out there
This is gonna sound a little insane
I keep having the same dream
You will be the mother of my children someday
Someday

I heard you sleep with that obnoxious guy
I know he is in that famous band
You look so sad when you are with him
Yes I never see him reach to hold your hand

Yeah you can be with me
Yes I will treat you like a queen
I will go to all those chick flick movies
That I really don’t want to see
Yeah you can be with me
No I will never let you down
I will never make out with your girlfriend
When I know you’re not around
Yes you can be with me
Yeah I just might be the one
Who will treat you like you’re special
I will always make you come
You can be with me
Yes I will always let you win
I will never be like those other guys
I will never be like those other guys
I will never be your unemployed boyfriend…"

(drops a pile of backstage passes , rushes back stage)
SA: (to roadie) Hey, how’d I sound?
R: Not bad. So, you’re “always gonna make them-what?”
SA: I know, I know… but it’s in the song.
R: Yeah. You kiss your mother with that mouth?
SA: Um… I should go now.
(Prepares for an encore of Nine Inch Nails’ “Closer”)

2

Well, I would have taken the come on bait but I don’t have a picture up there so no one is lusting after me…

Sad really.

But I like the post.

3

I liked the post, so I looked up your pic…

DAMN! You’re a hot one!

Too bad I’m happily married.

But if I weren’t…oh, you kid!

-Leslie

4

Heheheh, you’re a hottie. Good use of Everclear, I like that band. Does that mean you can be my sugar daddy?

5

< swoon >

6

faints

grabs backstage pass and runs backstage

Well, hello! How YOU doin?

7

Woo… easy Cougar!

:wink:

8

:slight_smile:

9

I’m not on the SDMB pages either, so I guess that’s not directed at me. However, I second the motion. If I weren’t married, watch out. Yum!

10

As if the picture wasn’t enough, he then goes and quotes Everclear, my favorite angry white boy band. H00doggie.

::off to find the picture of Swiddles and Art that was taken when I used to work in radio::

11

WOW! Cool tune. (nice pic too) :slight_smile:

12

Excuse me while I find a chair and some ice water…

13

Sigh.

:smiley:

14

Woohoo! I’ve been serenaded!

15

I just bought this CD tonight…DAMN, nice song.

swoons anew

16

Whooo! Whooo!
Encore! Encore!

17

(Meanwhile… backstage)

SA: Hey, the crowd seems really worked up! Guess they’re finally ready for the big encore, huh?

R: Too late.

SA: WHADDAYA MEAN, TOO LATE?!

R: Next band’s taken the stage.

SA: WHADDAYA MEAN, NEXT BAND’S TAKEN THE STAGE?!

R: Stop repeating me.

SA: WHADDAYA MEA- oh, sorry.

R: It’s one of those new boy-bands. Chicks love em.

SA: BOY-BAND?!

R: I swear to God, if you don’t stop doing that…

SA: Again, sorry.

R: Far as I can tell, they’re called “Iampunha and the Emerging Chest Hairs”. Kinda like 98 Degrees, only not as macho.

SA: Oh this is great. JUST GREAT! I put a live show on for the ladies of the SD pages and this is what happens?

R: OK, this is where you went wrong…
#1: Your a NEWBIE. Got that? NEW-BIE. Ya got shit for a post count, and quite frankly, what you HAVE posted has been, shall we say, less than stellar.
#2:You dedicated the show to only the ladies of the SD pages.

SA: So?

R: SO?! So you think every woman who posts here has a scanner? What are you, some sorta snob? Gotta make it more general. Dedicate it to ALL the women of the SD.

SA: So I have to make ALL of them come? Jeez…that’s a commitment, huh? I suppose I could cut back my hours to part-time…

R: You make me sick.

SA: Well, again, it IS in the song…

R: Shuddup. Finally,
#3:You’re not that cute.

SA: But the ladies said…

R: Yeah, well maybe the ladies don’t know about PHOTOSHOP?! Sorry pal, but this Iampunha kid’s makin’ ya look bad. He’s 18, he’s got somethin’ like 600 frickin’ posts and ta top it off, he’s shirtless fer Christsakes!

SA: Well, I wasn’t wearing pants.

R: Shoulda thoughta that before you cropped the picture, smartguy.

SA: Damn…

R: What you need is to do is live things up a bit. Invite em on stage. Ya know… get ‘em dancin, singin’. Chicks love that stuff.

SA: Thanks, I’ll do that! OK, TO ALL THE LADIES OF THE SD: I am formally inviting you ALL on stage for the end-all, be-all Straightdopapalooza. Who’s with me?!

R: Thats better. Oh, and hey, Serious…

SA: Yeah?

R: Lose the leather pants. You don’t have the ass for it.

18

RUNS on stage

Hey there…how YOU doing, seriousart? I’m not really a fan of boy bands…batting eyelashes

19

Boy bands suck. NIN is delightful. Where’s the encore?
Can I be a groupie? I’m not so good at the mindless shrieking, but I am natural blonde, so I should be able to figure something equally silly out. And I like glitter.

20

(Standing next to ssskuggiii)

Take it off!! Wooo woo wooooo!

(Pointing at ssskuggiii)

Um…She said it!

(Ducks, runs like hell)