# Seriously, I don't think he's a stalker. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 7, 2009, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675 "2009-08-07T18:52:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675/21 "2009-08-07T20:12:44Z")
> [@overlyverbose](#): > > Larry: "Hey… > > My friend says, “No. Don’t talk to me ever again.” Wow. Your friend is remarkably…unfriendly. > [@](#): > > Larry: “Actually, the reason I came over was because I got to talking with your husband and he said he might be interested in trivia night but he wanted me to ask you first.” > > Friend: “Don’t talk to him again. I’m not interested. We’re not interested. That’s it. Leave me alone.” Markxxx suggested that your friend say this: **“I have a boyfriend who prefers I not talk to men, I know it’s silly but I hope you’ll understand why I can’t speak to you anymore. I know it’s dumb, but it’s just easier than fighting.”** But holy shit, _she’s telling this guy not to talk to her husband ever again!_ :eek: WTF?!? > [@](#): > > So, normally this would be the end of the story. But my friend insists he keeps saying hi. She also says he looks at her. She’s told him to stop and says he’s still doing it. That unspeakable bastard! How dare he say hi/make eye contact! In fairness, when “he looks at her,” is he making eye contact, or is he staring at her tits/ass? I have a feeling it won’t be long before she reports him to management merely for being in the same room. :rolleyes: > [@](#): > > She also claimed that once when he was looking out the window, he was trying to see her license plates so he could follow her home. She must be psychic if she can ascribe motives to other people without any information whatsoever. > [@](#): > > I think this behavior sounds really paranoid. These exact words rolled through my head shortly before I actually read your sentence. I’m in agreement with B: she’s nucking futs. Has she ever explained why she was so hostile right from the get-go? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675/22 "2009-08-07T20:15:12Z")
> [@Skara\_Brae](#): > > About him looking at her, I tend to zone out at the gym when I am doing cardio. Sometimes I have caught myself “staring,” not really at anything, but have often wondered if I ever freaked anyone out… Something like that happened to me many years ago. I was at a bar, nursing beer number, oh, 72 or something like that, and just kind of staring straight ahead. I suppose it’s possible that occasionally I’d looked around at people for a moment, but mostly I was just lost in thought. All of a sudden this guy tapped me on the shoulder and demanded to know why I had been staring at him all night. He was backed up by 2 or 3 of his friends. I swore I wasn’t looking at him, but he was insistent. He accused me several more times, and I denied it each time. He asked if I was gay, in a way that implied he’d kick my ass if I said yes. This went on for several minutes, and was pretty scary. I have no idea what put the thought in his head. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675/23 "2009-08-07T20:17:05Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > \She’s sounds a little paranoid. Do you know if she’s been messing with meth? That causes irrational fears like this. If not, she may have a mental health issue she needs to address. > > Has she been irrational in any other ways? Has she been suspicious or accusing of others around her? > > It’s not impossible that her radar is working fine, and the guy really is being creepy, but it’s hard to tell without more (and more objective) information. > > Certainly, she has no case with the club for accusing him of harrassment or “stalking” based on this little evidence. I’ve never known her to use illicit drugs, and I don’t think she’d start now, but she’s been getting really into herbal treatments and vitamin supplements to clean out the “toxins” in her body. Are there any herbs or supplements that could make someone act loony? The whole thing is completely baffling. She’s so down to earth about everything else. And **Skara\_Brae** , I do the same thing at the gym, especially when I’m lifting weights. I’m going to have to take **ShelliBean’s** advice myself and mouth hi to people I’d like to creep out. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675/24 "2009-08-07T20:25:46Z")
Telling him not to talk to her husband is really weird. It makes me wonder if there’s something she doesn’t want her husband to find out. Maybe she knows this guy better than she’s letting on? Alternativly – and this is just wild speculation – maybe she’s afraid of her_husband_ making a love connection with the guy? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675/25 "2009-08-07T20:27:53Z")
I briefly had the idea that she thought they were into swinging. But if that were the case, she wouldn’t have reported it the way she did. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675/26 "2009-08-07T20:36:24Z")
> [@overlyverbose](#): > > Me: “Kristin, it doesn’t sound like he’s trying to stalk you. Maybe he came off weird the first time around - I wasn’t there, so I wouldn’t know - but I’d take what he said at face value. Maybe you should talk to Tom (husband) about this.” > > Her: “No. Then I’d have to tell him why Larry makes me uncomfortable.” > > Me: “Why is that again?” > > Her: “Because he’s stalking me!” But… if he’s really stalking her - and doing it by trying to befriend her husband - then wouldn’t she _want_ her husband to know, so he doesn’t unwittingly allow this freaky, “hi”-saying maniac into their lives? And if her husband is so possessive, then why would he ask the FHSM to go talk to her? And if the FHSM already knows what her car looks like, why would he need to know her license plate number to follow her home? And why was she so adamantly against talking to him, from the get-go? I’m fascintated and mystified. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675/27 "2009-08-07T20:37:47Z")
Your friend has a serious case of the crazy. Now that she has told Larry not to talk to her anymore, he should probably respect her wishes. By the sound of it, he’ll be doing himself a favor anyway. ---
**Author:** ![KSO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@KSO](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KSO)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675/28 "2009-08-07T20:44:56Z")
I realize it’s already been said, but your friend is completely fucking nuts or has left out a lot of the story. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675/29 "2009-08-07T20:56:19Z")
I can sympathize with **Overlyverbose** ’s friend. I was in a Starbucks once, and when the barista handed me my change, she said: “Have a nice day!” :eek: Can you believe it??? “Have a nice day!” Just like that! As if she thought she was my friend or something! I haven’t told my SO, I don’t want to scare her, but I’ve taken to walking the wrong way for a few blocks after I get off the bus in case the crazy barista girl is following me. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675/30 "2009-08-07T20:59:23Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > I can sympathize with **Overlyverbose** ’s friend. I was in a Starbucks once, and when the barista handed me my change, she said: “Have a nice day!” > > :eek: Can you believe it??? “Have a nice day!” Just like that! As if she thought she was my friend or something! I haven’t told my SO, I don’t want to scare her, but I’ve taken to walking the wrong way for a few blocks after I get off the bus in case the crazy barista girl is following me. Bwahahahah! I’m glad I wasn’t drinking anything; work would have had to get me a new keyboard. Thanks for that. ---
**Author:** ![Jelymag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jelymag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jelymag)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675/31 "2009-08-07T21:07:04Z")
I’m really curious that she’s never acted this way before. There’s got to be something she hasn’t shared that’s freaking her out. Is he at the gym EVERY time she goes? Is he there when she gets there or does he show up after? Has she ever talked to this girlfriend? Did she catch him peeking in the locker room or something? Does he remind her of someone? Has she seen him elsewhere? I think there are probably some herbal supplements that can mess with your head, but I don’t know anything about them. How odd that she seems to be taking such a departutre from her normal behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675/32 "2009-08-07T21:09:02Z")
Maybe she really likes the guy and is overcompensating, you know, the way twelve year olds do? It still means she’s completely fucking crazy, but just in a different way. P.S. to notice someone looking at you, you have to look at them right? So just who is the stalker here? ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675/33 "2009-08-07T21:10:01Z")
> [@overlyverbose](#): > > Are there any herbs or supplements that could make someone act loony? A few, yes. We know a guy who went off the deep end by consuming too much ginseng. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675/34 "2009-08-07T21:12:29Z")
> [@Jelymag](#): > > I’m really curious that she’s never acted this way before. There’s got to be something she hasn’t shared that’s freaking her out. Is he at the gym EVERY time she goes? Is he there when she gets there or does he show up after? Has she ever talked to this girlfriend? Did she catch him peeking in the locker room or something? Does he remind her of someone? Has she seen him elsewhere? > > I think there are probably some herbal supplements that can mess with your head, but I don’t know anything about them. How odd that she seems to be taking such a departutre from her normal behavior. He’s not at the gym every time she goes, thank goodness. She calls me to let me know. I also don’t think there seems to be any planned arrival time - i.e., he’s sometimes there when she gets there, sometimes gets there after her. He’s almost always with his girlfriend. I don’t know about peeking in the locker room or whether he reminds her of someone. I’ll have to ask. Thanks for all the replies so far. I’ve actually been stalked (when I was much younger), but it was overt and done by someone fairly violent that I knew, so I wasn’t sure if my incredulousness was a by-product of that or if she was indeed acting strangely. My first impression - that she’s being a bit nutty - seems to be the right one so far. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675/35 "2009-08-07T21:19:04Z")
> [@Jelymag](#): > > I’m really curious that she’s never acted this way before. There’s got to be something she hasn’t shared that’s freaking her out. There is a girl who used to be on my co-ed rec league team who was a total freak about strangers. If it was a structured environment, like the team meet-and-greet event, no problem. If she was introduced to someone new by an acquaintance, no problem. If a stranger stopped her on the street to ask her: “Do you know where I can take the streetcar to get to City Hall?” it would freak her out. I don’t know what kind of childhood trauma she suffered, maybe she saw a particularly frightening PSA in school about what happens to little girls who talk to strangers, but she was a total freak when if came to unexpected contact from strangers. Eg/ Her boyfriend (who was also on our team and the reason she was playing ball with us) had to go over and pick her up one night because she’d answered the phone and it was a wrong number and so she didn’t want to stay alone in her apartment that night. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675/36 "2009-08-07T21:23:58Z")
I think everyone can relate to having an experience with the oddly talkative stranger with poor social skills who won’t go away. Yes, they are annoying but they aren’t stalkers. Has she never dealt with someone like this? She has the right to be able to workout without some guy babbling on and on after she told him to go away and if he doesn’t stop she can tell management. But I wouldn’t report it as stalking. “I’m trying to simply work out without being disrupted however that patron continues to attempt to chat with me non-stop. I’ve asked him politely to stop but he continues to disrupt me.” Sounds a lot better than, “That man is stalking me!! Call the police!! Ban him from the club!! He wants to follow me home and kill me!!!” ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675/37 "2009-08-07T21:35:07Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > There is a girl who used to be on my co-ed rec league team who was a total freak about strangers. If it was a structured environment, like the team meet-and-greet event, no problem. If she was introduced to someone new by an acquaintance, no problem. If a stranger stopped her on the street to ask her: “Do you know where I can take the streetcar to get to City Hall?” it would freak her out. I can’t give a cite, but that sounds like a particular type of high-functioning autism I’ve heard about. ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675/38 "2009-08-07T21:43:21Z")
> [@overlyverbose](#): > > Me: “Kristin, it doesn’t sound like he’s trying to stalk you. Maybe he came off weird the first time around - I wasn’t there, so I wouldn’t know - but I’d take what he said at face value. Maybe you should talk to Tom (husband) about this.” > > Her: “No. Then I’d have to tell him why Larry makes me uncomfortable.” > > Me: “Why is that again?” > > Her: “Because he’s stalking me!” > > And so on. This bit seems to be the key, since it doesn’t jibe with the rest of it. If I had to hazard a guess, it would be that he looks _just_ like one of her exes, or that she secretly finds him very attractive, or something of that caliber. ---
**Author:** ![Jelymag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jelymag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jelymag)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675/39 "2009-08-07T21:53:59Z")
> [@pedescribe](#): > > This bit seems to be the key, since it doesn’t jibe with the rest of it. If I had to hazard a guess, it would be that he looks _just_ like one of her exes, or that she secretly finds him very attractive, or something of that caliber. I wonder if she actually knew him already? ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675/40 "2009-08-07T21:56:44Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > I can’t give a cite, but that sounds like a particular type of high-functioning autism I’ve heard about. Yeah, I don’t think she needs to be over-diagnosed by internet armchair shrinks for a particular quirk. She just had a _very_ conservative upbringing and her social life had always been super-structured and supervised. She was also hilariously naive about some things. Eg/ “‘Oral sex’?.. Eeeeewwww! What an awful expression for ‘kissing’!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seriously-i-dont-think-hes-a-stalker/505675.md?page=3)