# Settle an arguement (Voyuerism-related; TMI maybe?) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 25, 2007, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931 "2007-10-25T05:01:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2007, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931/1 "2007-10-25T05:01:19Z")
My roomate and I are having a disagreement. A turn-on for me is watching my girlfriend (or fiancee or wife) do things with other guys. (note: NOT other girls. Other guys–although them doing things with other females is just as hot, the question here asks about other guys only) Don’t get me wrong. I would care and it would bother me under any other circumstances, but in some cases where I know about it, am okay with it, and would be allowed to watch…it could actually be very hot and erotic (for the record, I’ve done this before already). My roomate, on the other hand, says this is sick, disgusting, and he can’t see how anyone would find that sort of thing a turn on. He guess that most other guys: A. Wouldn’t let their SO ever do that or enjoy watching if they did and B. **furthermore would also think it to be a sick and disgusting and “non-normal” (as my roomate says) turn on for other guys to have as well.**. So please answer this poll with **TWO answers**. One, if it would ever be hot or a turn on for you to watch your wife/girlfriend/fiancee/SO have foreplay OR have sex with another guy (either or both) AND two, if you think that watching that sort of sexual activity is a turn on is sick/wrong/disgusting for another guy to have or not. Any and all opinions would be appreciated. I really hope all the guys of dope answer this. 😛 Oh, and girls, you can feel free to chime in as well, if you wish, only reversing it all obviously. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2007, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931/2 "2007-10-25T05:17:09Z")
I’m female, and I would not like to see my partner with another woman. I’ve been in a relationship with a man that wanted me to be with other men, and he was very abusive and controlling. While I was seeing him, I was also seeing a therapist (fortunately) who told me that his kink was very typical of men that are controlling, and it was a form of domination. I’m not saying you’re that kind of man… I’m just sharing my own experience with it. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2007, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931/3 "2007-10-25T05:28:51Z")
But the most important question is the second one: Do you think other guys who would find that hot are disgusting, sick, or non-normal. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2007, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931/4 "2007-10-25T05:35:11Z")
[QUOTE=Idle Thoughts] But the most important question is the second one: Do you think other guys who would find that hot are disgusting, sick, or non-normal. [/QUOTE] Because of my experience, I’d probably find them sick or disgusting. I don’t know how I’d feel about it if I hadn’t had that experience with it. I’d probably think the same way I do about other kinks that I’m not into and have had no experience with- “whatever floats your boat”. ---
**Author:** ![Amblydoper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/fbc32d/32.png) [@Amblydoper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amblydoper)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2007, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931/5 "2007-10-25T05:38:55Z")
WAG: **Idle** , as a child, did you walk in on you parents banging away like freshmen on prom night? Part Two: I would think that someone else having that fantasy is very odd. Possibly some psychological issues at play. Part One: I have enough insecurities as it is. I don’t want to be watching my hypothetical SO doing the horizontal mamba. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2007, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931/6 "2007-10-25T05:43:53Z")
I don’t think it’s sick or twisted at all. But then, I read Dan Savage. Nothing surprises me. I had a relationship with another guy, which ended, but we were both “friends with benefits” (or something). When he found out that I had slept with another guy, he was (he later told me, very perturbed), but at the time, he seemed rather aroused by it. I guess there was a sort of duality there. But from what I hear, it’s not uncommon for a guy to like the idea of his girlfriend being with another guy. I don’t think you’re alone at all in that. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2007, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931/7 "2007-10-25T05:53:47Z")
[QUOTE=Idle Thoughts] But the most important question is the second one: Do you think other guys who would find that hot are disgusting, sick, or non-normal. [/QUOTE] Nah, man. What consenting adults get up to is their own business. Watching my girlfriend have sex with another dude may not be my cup of tea, but that’s all it is - my personal preference. So long as all three people involved are cool with it - your girlfriend, you, and the other dude - then more power to you. Only caveat I’d add is that you’ve all got to be _genuinely_ cool with it - pressuring people into satisfying your kinks is a lousy thing to do. That said - have fun, and make sure you’re all keeping safe. (Condoms!) ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2007, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931/8 "2007-10-25T05:56:34Z")
[QUOTE=CoG888] Part Two: I would think that someone else having that fantasy is very odd. Possibly some psychological issues at play. [/QUOTE] Psychological issues, really? I mean, in my various experiences (and the Internets), I’ve come across people who get off on balloon play (yes, balloon play), bathing caps, needles, chicks with dicks, pony play, to name a few. Things like asphyixation or ingesting feces–okay, probably a bad idea, but this doesn’t even rate a blip on my bizarre radar. **Idle** , next to the myriad of bizarre kinks out there, fantasizing about your girl with another guy seems downright vanilla. To answer the first part of your question, which I forgot to answer, I’m not a guy, but I’ve never had that fantasy myself. Honestly, your roommate sounds a little sheltered if he’s that freaked out by it. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2007, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931/9 "2007-10-25T06:18:47Z")
I sure as fuck would never let an SO do anything with anyone else (unless it were a girl). And honestly, I think those that do are very weird/sicko etc. They have ever right to do what they want to do behind closed doors, that’s fine. But I still think it’s skeevy. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2007, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931/10 "2007-10-25T06:23:26Z")
[QUOTE=RandMcnally] I sure as fuck would never let an SO do anything with anyone else (unless it were a girl). And honestly, I think those that do are very weird/sicko etc. They have ever right to do what they want to do behind closed doors, that’s fine. But I still think it’s skeevy. [/QUOTE] You’re OK with your partner having sex with another person of a certain chromosome composition, but people who are OK with their partners having sex with another person of a certain chromosome composition _different_ from the one you’re OK with are very weird and sicko? Another one for the “mindsets you’ll never understand” thread. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2007, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931/11 "2007-10-25T06:52:35Z")
[QUOTE=Priceguy] You’re OK with your partner having sex with another person of a certain chromosome composition, but people who are OK with their partners having sex with another person of a certain chromosome composition _different_ from the one you’re OK with are very weird and sicko? [/QUOTE] That certain chromosome composition is very important. But yeah, basically. ---
**Author:** ![TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2007, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931/12 "2007-10-25T06:58:18Z")
I think it’s a completely normal kink, though the guys that really get into it from a whole submission angle (“go fuck another guy and tell me how you did it because I can’t satisfy you, also make me suck his come out of you”) clearly have something out of whack upstairs. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2007, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931/13 "2007-10-25T07:06:54Z")
Married guy checking in. 1. No, I would not find it a turn on. 2. I don’t think it is disgusting, but I think that it is a way for the voyeur to explore his homosexual feelings in an ostensibly heterosexual setting. ---
**Author:** ![Sanity\_Challenged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de053/32.png) [@Sanity\_Challenged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sanity_Challenged)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2007, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931/14 "2007-10-25T07:08:25Z")
I have zero interest in it personally, and have a hard time understanding someone who is. But what someone chooses to do in their relationship is totally up to them, as long as nobody’s getting hurt. That means no pressure, everyone knows the score, and very safe sex (condom + other birth control) that has **no chance** to produce a child into an odd parental situation… ---
**Author:** ![Frosted\_Glass](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frosted_glass/32/3926_2.png) [@Frosted\_Glass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frosted_Glass)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2007, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931/15 "2007-10-25T07:19:52Z")
1. Not really my style but I’ve been cheated on in a bad way before. 2. There’s nothing sick/wrong/disgusting about it. Its just a different erotic preference from my own. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2007, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931/16 "2007-10-25T07:33:00Z")
Femme. 1. I would not like to see hubby with another girl. But that’s because I’m jealous and terribly, terribly bad in the self-esteem department. 2. I don’t think guys who would like that are sick or depraved. But then I read the Portal of Evil for fun. Seriously, though, to me it’s like the guy’s seeing it as his own private porno, starring his favourite girl. Most people are self-conscious on camera, so by watching another guy doing it, he can just completely get into the fantasy. Which is to say, if your girl likes it then hell, why not? ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2007, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931/17 "2007-10-25T07:39:09Z")
1. No, I wouldn’t be interested in seeing my wife with anyone else. 2. I also read Dan Savage, and agree with different strokes for different folks. And, more importantly, how hot is your girlfriend? There are several Dopers who really need to get laid. ---
**Author:** ![T\_SQUARE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de053/32.png) [@T\_SQUARE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T_SQUARE)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2007, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931/18 "2007-10-25T07:41:59Z")
Dude, the only normal people are peolple you don’t know very well. ---
**Author:** ![GomiBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b2d939/32.png) [@GomiBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GomiBoy)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2007, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931/19 "2007-10-25T08:59:04Z")
Totally normal, and not even uncommon, but not for me. I’m not into sharing my partners, and don’t share myself around either (read: I don’t cheat) because monogamy is important _ **TO ME** _. YMMV and all that, and mutual consent and kinkiness is what makes the world go 'round. My partner’s got all the kink I need right now. ---
**Author:** ![essell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/34f0e0/32.png) [@essell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/essell)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2007, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931/20 "2007-10-25T10:20:46Z")
Count me as another Married man who wouldn’t let anyone near his wife. But I also know the only kind of weird sex is not having any. So you have your voyueristic fun and I’ll have my … Actually, that’s not for you to know [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/settle-an-arguement-voyuerism-related-tmi-maybe/423931.md?page=2)