# Sex and candy
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [October 31, 2000, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103 "2000-10-31T17:18:40Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2000, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103/1 "2000-10-31T17:18:40Z")
Okay, after posting to Sue’s sex thread I was wondering how many of us have used food or candy.
Popcicles are fun but cold, tootsie pops are nice and sticky, how bout snickers hunts?
All time best are the big candy canes at Christmas time. Nice shape, great flavor, and lots of sticky fun!
I know that there are other things out there but that is so far my short fun list.
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### Author:  [@headshok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/headshok)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2000, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103/2 "2000-10-31T17:28:10Z")
I think Monica Lewinsky liked to use Altoids (the curiously strong breath mint). If it’s good enough for the President, it’s good enough for me.
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### Author:  [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2000, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103/3 "2000-10-31T17:33:40Z")
_drool, leer, pant_
Kricket, I want you in the worst way.
_snorts steam and paws the ground_
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### Author:  [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2000, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103/4 "2000-10-31T17:37:18Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Chef Troy \*
> \*\*_drool, leer, pant_
>
> Kricket, I want you in the worst way.
>
> _snorts steam and paws the ground_ \*\*
I believe the worst way is standing up in a hammock, but to each his own. :rolleyes:
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### Author:  [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2000, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103/5 "2000-10-31T17:44:02Z")
Sigh. Smartass.
And then there’s doing it down at the German deli on the sausage counter, which is doing it in the wurst way.
As soon as I posted that remark I knew someone would be along to make fun of it. So let me rephrase. “Kricket, you love goddess, I burn for you with the intensity of a white-hot star.”
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### Author:  [@rundogrun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rundogrun)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2000, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103/6 "2000-10-31T17:47:44Z")
My wife had me do a little blindfolded taste test once. She bought about a half dozen or so different flavors of filled chocolates and ummm…applied them to various body parts. My job was to taste them and guess the flavor. I didn’t know which body part was next, which was half the fun. Of course, extra tasting was encouraged, and wouldn’t you just know, I had trouble figuring out some flavors and had to go back for more. The last one was MOST delightful. Life should be like a box of chocolates…
I think I need to go home now. Where’s that cold shower thread???
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### Author:  [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2000, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103/7 "2000-10-31T17:56:04Z")
[QUOTE]
\*Originally posted by Chef Troy \*
\*\*Sigh. Smartass.
And then there’s doing it down at the German deli on the sausage counter, which is doing it in the wurst way.
I’m sorry, it just had to be said. I guess I’m just jealous that you don’t want me in the wurst way possible. Now about that keilbasa…
_rim shot_
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### Author:  [@stofsky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stofsky)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2000, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103/8 "2000-10-31T18:19:40Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Kricket \*
> \*\*Okay, after posting to Sue’s sex thread I was wondering how many of us have used food or candy.
> Popcicles are fun but cold, tootsie pops are nice and sticky, how bout snickers hunts?
> All time best are the big candy canes at Christmas time. Nice shape, great flavor, and lots of sticky fun!
> I know that there are other things out there but that is so far my short fun list.
> \*\*
Wow, sorry to be a spoilsport–and I’m a sexual adventurist–but someone’s asking for a yeast infection here. Anything with sugar, ummmm…inserted, can and probably will lead to a week or two on the bench, as my wife and I have learned the hard way. After all, if you think about brewing beer or making bread, yeast eats sugar and excretes CO2. That said, a little canned whipped cream or chocolate syrup or ice cream topping judiciously applied is a lot of fun.
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### Author:  [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2000, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103/9 "2000-10-31T19:07:32Z")
When a girl tells you she wants you to put pop rocks (remember those?) in her cooch, it may _sound_ like a fun time, but then she realizes it may not have been the brightest thing to try. She feels weird, you get a weird taste, and it’s all downhill from there.
On the flip side, I went out with a girl way back in Junior High who insisted on blowing me with the aid of…_dare I admit this publicly?_…tomato sauce. I never complained, though, as she had quite a taste for the stuff. 😛
Oh, and be careful with Reddi Wip. It starts to smell sour after a while. The last time I did that, I had a mustache. So we’re finished, and I think I just wiped my face with a towel afterwards. About half an hour later, I’m walking all around the house trying to figure out where that nasty smell is coming from. Finally, I figure it out (duh). Talk about something being right under your nose the whole time. :rolleyes:
Hey, **Kricket Claus** …Ho Ho Ho you doin? J J J J J J J J J J
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### Author:  [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2000, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103/10 "2000-10-31T19:29:34Z")
> [@](#):
>
> All time best are the big candy canes at Christmas time
Well, Kricket, let me just say…it’s always nice to find someone who thinks the same way as I do.
We’ll leave the rest up to the strikingly deviant imaginations of the Male Dopers. 😉
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### Author:  [@headshok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/headshok)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2000, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103/11 "2000-10-31T19:47:13Z")
> [@](#):
>
> I went out with a girl way back in Junior High who insisted on blowing me with the aid of…dare I admit this publicly?..tomato sauce.
Now-a that’s a spicy meat-a ball-a!!
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### Author:  [@Danalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danalan)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2000, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103/12 "2000-10-31T19:49:55Z")
Yeah, but what about that hooked part? Doesn’t that hurt?
And, you know, after sucking on candy canes for a while they get all pointy – sounds kind of dangerous to me.
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### Author:  [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2000, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103/13 "2000-10-31T19:53:52Z")
Uh, Danalan? C’mere.
We’re talking about the _giant candy sticks,_ the ones with no hook on the end, you know?
And you don’t really suck on them very much. Just a little, for visual effect.
There. Now I’ve done my good deed for the day.
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### Author:  [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2000, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103/14 "2000-10-31T20:27:34Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by The Mermaid \*
> \*\*I’m sorry, it just had to be said. I guess I’m just jealous that you don’t want me in the wurst way possible. Now about that keilbasa…
>
> _rim shot_ \*\*
Mermaid, my dear, I never said I didn’t want you. It’s just that I’ve heard “mermaid” is a code word for “lesbian” and I didn’t want to be boorish to someone who plays for a different team. (although I’m a switch hitter, the Lesbos Island Mermaids is one team I’m not qualified to play on.)
If you’re amenable to being wanted, though, let’s string up the hammock!
And we’re not talking kielbasa… those are long, slender, and often looped back on themseves. :eek: Think more of one of those summer sausages that aren’t particularly long, but nice and thick. (whew! this is getting suggestive.)
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### Author:  [@Baglady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baglady)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2000, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103/15 "2000-10-31T20:30:35Z")
Sorry folks, but **stofsky** is right. Do not insert things like candy and candy bars. The sugar causes a tremendous chemical imbalance, leading to some pretty nasty infections (yeast and otherwise).
Keep it oral-only, a la “9 1/2 Weeks.”
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### Author:  [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2000, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103/16 "2000-10-31T21:37:56Z")
Yes, I did forget about that nasty little bug. I guess I have been lucky with that.
Oh, Chef, don’t forget that I am saving pennies to come and visit you!
Persephone I knew that we had a lot in common! 😉
slight hijack// Happy new year blessed be//end hijack
To the few with the voices of reason thank you! I should have added a disclaimer about playing at your own risk. That should be a rule with all sex play.
That said let’s all have fun!!!
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### Author:  [@hypergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hypergirl)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2000, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103/17 "2000-10-31T22:30:47Z")
Well is ice considered food? I absolutely looove the feeling of having ice being run over my body. The contrast of my hot skin and the cold ice, and the sensations of the water dripping around it. Mmmm…one more thing to put on my list of what to do when my boyfriend gets back. Damn overactive imagination. Now I need a cold shower.
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### Author:  [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)
#### Post date: [November 1, 2000, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103/18 "2000-11-01T15:23:38Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Persephone \*
> \*\*Uh, Danalan? C’mere.
>
> We’re talking about the _giant candy sticks,_ the ones with no hook on the end, you know?
> \*\*
Actually, the thing to do is get one of the giant candy canes _with_ the hook, bust off the last part so you still have the first 90-degree turn, suggestively suck on the broken end until its edges are smooth, and then you have the perfect peppermint-assisted G-spot stimulator.
_grin_
And Kricket? I wasn’t sure whether you were really saving up or if you just said that to keep me distracted until the restraining order went through. I’m delighted to hear it! Let me know when I can provide you with a list of a) hotels, and b) weekends when Mrs. Chef is in Missouri visiting her relatives. _wink_
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### Author:  [@SqrlCub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SqrlCub)
#### Post date: [November 1, 2000, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103/19 "2000-11-01T16:55:42Z")
Just a few words. Honey and Lemon rimjobs. They are the greatest to give and to receive.
HUGS!
Sqrl
PS. Cheffie, you are next. 🙂
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### Author:  [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)
#### Post date: [November 1, 2000, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-candy/39103/20 "2000-11-01T17:00:01Z")
Anyone remember Marianne Faithfull and the “Mars bar incident”?
Now, surely, no one wants to replicate anything involving Keith Richards that’s in any way sexual. Right? Right.
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