# Sex and size difference, esp. virginity **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 24, 2014, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856 "2014-04-24T11:34:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856/21 "2014-04-24T15:16:55Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > The times we’ve tried, she was very relaxed and ‘wet’ and I had put a lot of lubricant on my hard condom-clad penis. At least I can’t imagine that the problem is lack of arousal on her part. Your prose style alone makes me want a cigarette. ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_North](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@Richard\_North](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_North)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856/22 "2014-04-24T15:43:59Z")
First thing, congratulations Dude! Many men wish they can find such a woman. Would you need to do is buy several dildoes of different sizes. Work her way up until she feels comfortable with your penis size. Meanwhile, as for your pleasure, this is a good excuse for her to continue giving you blowjobs. ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856/23 "2014-04-24T15:44:08Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > At least I can’t imagine that the problem is lack of arousal on her part. Your prose style alone makes me want a cigarette. Anyone else reminded of that segment from “Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them” about O’Reilly’s book’s sex scene? 😃 OT: if your dick isn’t unreasonably massive, it’s probably her. If you can fit it in her at all, but can’t get past the hymen, try breaking that with something smaller. Consider investing in a vibrator for her, or visiting an OB/GYN as others have recommended. Best of luck to you either way. ---
**Author:** ![awldune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@awldune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/awldune)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856/24 "2014-04-24T16:00:24Z")
I had the same problem with my high school GF. I am not a freak of nature (a little girthier than average) but it just wouldn’t go in. We never did get past it (as school kids), but we both got to be very good at oral 🙂 There are vaginal dilator sets sold as treatment for vaginismus that you might want to check out. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856/25 "2014-04-24T16:13:30Z")
use lube and two fingers. you may need to break the hymen that way. her pinching her nipples as a distraction may also help. if you are using a condom for birth control then don’t count on it being good after entering her the first time. it may rip and tear in the process. after entering but before further activity you should withdraw and replace the condom. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856/26 "2014-04-24T16:34:52Z")
Am I seriously the only person who read this and thought “Huh, someone left their browser open. At least it’s not about sheep…”? ---
**Author:** ![Pixel\_Dent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc8723/32.png) [@Pixel\_Dent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixel_Dent)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856/27 "2014-04-24T17:26:32Z")
> [@bobkitty](#): > > Am I seriously the only person who read this and thought “Huh, someone left their browser open. At least it’s not about sheep…”? Just so you don’t feel alone I’ll admit that was my reaction as well, especially given the stereotype eliciting username. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856/28 "2014-04-24T17:42:31Z")
> [@bobkitty](#): > > Am I seriously the only person who read this and thought “Huh, someone left their browser open. At least it’s not about sheep…”? Actually, reading the OP again, there is nothing in it that explicitly rules out sheep. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856/29 "2014-04-24T17:53:59Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > Now I don’t want to be dick. Ho ho, but I have never heard extrude used in relation to childbirth. Extruding material through die forms, **having masses extrude from within bodies** but never this. I had a look around but couldn’t find a reference. I know the definition is to force or push something out, but as I say no childbirth references. > > I guess I’m a fan of the word because back in the 70s when I was scouring the job ads I’d keep seeing _Extruder Operator_. It always made me laugh and perhaps colors my interpretation of the word. So where does it come from in the childbirth sense? Given the definition you provided, in what way is it an inappropriate use of the term? ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856/30 "2014-04-24T18:15:11Z")
It’s possible for a woman to be technically “frigid” without the hangups we associate with that. That is, she can be hot and ready and willing, but her pubic muscles just aren’t complying. The best way to get past that is to relax, not worry, realize it’s reasonably normal, and try some patient persistence, with a liberal application of understanding and empathy. Liquor can sometimes help. There are benefits to this “malady”. Unless your phallus is significantly bigger around than her fist, I doubt that this is a simple “parts don’t fit” issue. Sure, an episiotomy is required for childbirth. Babies heads tend to be over 4" in diameter. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856/31 "2014-04-24T18:27:01Z")
This OP from someone whose username is “black man” spelled backwards. OK. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856/32 "2014-04-24T18:57:15Z")
> [@lost4life](#): > > We’re on the same wavelength here, but those assholes down at the maternity ward just don’t seem to get it. I LOLed. Anyway, yeah, stealth brag. I did have this happen my first few attempts (I’m the woman, so I’m not stealth bragging) and then we eventually figured it out. I doubt it’s that unusual and making a big thing of it will just build it up to be a bigger problem than it needs to be. ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856/33 "2014-04-24T22:29:48Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Seriously, penis size doesn’t scale up with overall body height the way other body parts do. Quiet! as a tall guy, this is ignorance that I am not in a rush to fight, besides, it is still [debatable](http://www.thepredicktor.com/predicktor/does-height-predict-penis-length/). > [@Elemenopy](#): > > I’m sorry you are going through this. Maybe try some “toys” for a few encounters, see how that goes. Then try again. Also, if she is really, really excited, she may be, um, tighter. If she has a nice orgasm first before you two attempt full intercourse, things may be roomier. At least that is how it works for some of us. :o Thanks, I have separately brought her to orgasm with my fingers and tongue before, I will follow your advice next time. > [@Isilder](#): > > It was a lot of words to say > “well how about stick a finger in with the aim to see if it loosens up.” > There can be the tightness of the membrane, eg the hymen or some sort of thick growth. > Or there may be muscles there she doesn’t know she has… if she touches them perhaps she will identify them … connect her brain to them … learn to relax them. Yes, she really likes me stroking with my fingers, she did a lot of cycling when she was younger, so I was assuming her hymen was already broken. So what you are saying is I should encourage her to explore herself herself. > [@](#): > > So how about foreplay and masturbation … some sort of sex toy. > She could do something about her virginity issue herself, with something solid and smooth … solid like a hairbrush handle perhaps ? Or a wine bottle ? :eek: > [@Gus\_Gusterson](#): > > Your girlfriend either has a medical issue or a psychological issue. My wife had the latter. It’s not due to your “relatively large” penis. Okay, it’s good to know that other couples got through this problem. My penis isn’t freakishly large, it’s just proportionate to my body, so 7" or so. > [@Sattua](#): > > Assuming the OP isn’t making this up, then either she has a very tough hymen or she is unconsciously tensing her muscles. Either way, start with patience and if that doesn’t work she needs to see a doctor. Okay, I guess we’ve got a lifetime to work up to it. I’ll continue with my fingers. > [@Macca26](#): > > I would have her start with two fingers inside as she masturbates on her own, alone (that way she does not have any pressure to perform for you) This will teach her body to associate good things with the sensation of having something in her. Might take a few weeks or couple months of regularly doing this to have her body truly relax about the idea. Maybe move to three fingers if she thinks it’s necessary. Good advice > [@AnthonyElite](#): > > To OP: Quit trying to stealth brag and have her see an OB/GYN. Unless you are one of the 1% that falls outside 3 standard deviations, you are flattering yourself greatly. No, I assumed my penis was average for my tall height, but perhaps a bit too big to fit in a 4’10" tall girl. I did take Broomsticks advice, and I am proud to say I’m a lot more well hung than any of the newborns I got to examine before the police arrived. > [@Richard\_North](#): > > Would you need to do is buy several dildoes of different sizes. Work her way up until she feels comfortable with your penis size. > Meanwhile, as for your pleasure, this is a good excuse for her to continue giving you blowjobs. This seems like it would work, I’ll experiment with fingering and post-orgasm sex first, but I’ll definately try your advice before going to a gynaecologist > [@johnpost](#): > > use lube and two fingers. you may need to break the hymen that way. her pinching her nipples as a distraction may also help. > if you are using a condom for birth control then don’t count on it being good after entering her the first time. it may rip and tear in the process. after entering but before further activity you should withdraw and replace the condom. All good adivce, you saved us from a very sticky situation. > [@bobkitty](#): > > Am I seriously the only person who read this and thought “Huh, someone left their browser open. At least it’s not about sheep…”? sheep??? :eek: > [@Learjeff](#): > > It’s possible for a woman to be technically “frigid” without the hangups we associate with that. That is, she can be hot and ready and willing, but her pubic muscles just aren’t complying. The best way to get past that is to relax, not worry, realize it’s reasonably normal, and try some patient persistence, with a liberal application of understanding and empathy. Liquor can sometimes help. There are benefits to this “malady”. So take it slow. I’ll massage her instead of giving her alcohol, as [strikethrough] I am not sure I can keep hard if I am squify.[/strikethrough] I mean, I don’t wanna do anything that won’t make her first time memorable. > [@Blackberry](#): > > Anyway, yeah, stealth brag. I did have this happen my first few attempts (I’m the woman, so I’m not stealth bragging) and then we eventually figured it out. I doubt it’s that unusual and making a big thing of it will just build it up to be a bigger problem than it needs to be. It’s good to hear other couples have got through this issue. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856/34 "2014-04-24T22:39:55Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > Hush. All men are above average. > > Assuming the OP isn’t making this up, then either she has a very tough hymen or she is unconsciously tensing her muscles. Either way, start with patience and if that doesn’t work she needs to see a doctor. When you include all humans, including females, in your statistics of penis size, all men are indeed above average. My suggestion to the OP is to send the GF to my house. I just got in a bottle of medicinal 20 year old brandy. ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856/35 "2014-04-24T23:56:48Z")
An athletic individual should be able to naturally adjust his/her position during sex. I’ve had sex with a woman one head taller and a one nearly a foot shorter. Well, both were experienced. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856/36 "2014-04-25T00:13:52Z")
> [@the\_diego](#): > > An athletic individual should be able to naturally adjust his/her position during sex. I’ve had sex with a woman one head taller and a one nearly a foot shorter. Well, both were experienced. was this a two headed woman or two women with a height difference? ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856/37 "2014-04-25T00:16:05Z")
I think two women come to mind much sooner. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856/38 "2014-04-25T03:06:55Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > If you were able to get in up to the hymen but not past it, my grandparents had the same issue on their wedding night. And their wedding morning. And the second night. On the second morning, Gramps said “to hell with this” and broke it manually. > > Note that they had previously, and I quote Grandma “done anything you can do while one person has their underwear on”. I’m not talking about “fisting as the first step after first base”, I’m talking about a procedure which was as chirurgical as Gramps could make it, not about using a fist but about using as little of his hand as he could, and about a bride who was a virgin only in the most strict sense. I’m trying to visualize this. You and grandma and perhaps gramps, too, are spending an afternoon together. Maybe you’re on the front porch sitting on the swing on a warm summer day. You’re sipping lemonade and enjoying each other’s company when they start this conversation. Er…sure, why not. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856/39 "2014-04-25T03:23:21Z")
Start off slow. Make sure she’s relaxed and turned on. Begin with just one finger, and gradually add more. Then work them in a little at a time and then start going deeper. You will be able to tell if she’s truly relaxed by the pressure on your hand. Communicate with each other and then try again. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856/40 "2014-04-25T04:01:44Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > If you were able to get in up to the hymen but not past it, my grandparents had the same issue on their wedding night. And their wedding morning. And the second night. On the second morning, Gramps said “to hell with this” and broke it manually. > > Note that they had previously, and I quote Grandma “done anything you can do while one person has their underwear on”. I’m not talking about “fisting as the first step after first base”, I’m talking about a procedure which was as chirurgical as Gramps could make it, not about using a fist but about using as little of his hand as he could, and about a bride who was a virgin only in the most strict sense. Wow. Gross. > [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > You know a lot about your grandparents’ sex life. Not just some. Not just a fair amount. But _a lot_. She knows a lot about her grandparents’ bumping uglies. Interesting family. > [@Sattua](#): > > Assuming the OP isn’t making this up He isn’t making it up, he’s a Black Man! 🆒 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-and-size-difference-esp-virginity/686856.md?page=3)