# Sex. Have everyone think you did it or do it and nobody will know? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 29, 2010, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288 "2010-11-29T15:29:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288/1 "2010-11-29T15:29:15Z")
Adam Carolla likes to ask this of his female guests, usually to make a point about women’s behavior, but I thought it was an interesting question. Think of the most unattractive/skeevy/creepy person you work with. If you _had_ to make a choice between having sex with that person and no one would know about it, or NOT having sex with that person but everyone would think you did, what would you do? ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288/2 "2010-11-29T15:42:58Z")
Not, and have everyone think I did. I’ve never lived my life caring what others think of me, so it wouldn’t affect me at all. Life’s too short for that crap. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288/3 "2010-11-29T15:49:00Z")
Can I answer on behalf of unattractive/skeevy/creepy coworkers? ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288/4 "2010-11-29T15:49:20Z")
Being married, my choice would effectively amount to being divorced by my wife and not deserving it, or deserving it and not being divorced. 😃 Of those two, I’d take the latter, and fuck that uggo to save my marriage. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288/5 "2010-11-29T16:12:15Z")
This kinda happened to me last year - a lot of people thought I was knocking off the company bunny boiler (a rumour I think she had something to do with). All it did was bolster my reputation as a bit of a swordsman, which was fine by me. ---
**Author:** ![duck\_tape](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@duck\_tape](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duck_tape)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288/6 "2010-11-29T23:12:42Z")
Not and have people think I did. Currently in that situation and it doesn’t bother me in the least. People will assume what they want about a relationship regardless and it’s none of their business really. ---
**Author:** ![Algher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Algher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algher)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288/7 "2010-11-29T23:16:03Z")
I am a manager and married - everyone thinking I did it ends up in front of HR, and probably in trouble with my wife. Sex with her and keep it a secret. My nightmares are less important than my reputation and job. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288/8 "2010-11-29T23:23:59Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > Adam Carolla likes to ask this of his female guests, usually to make a point about women’s behavior, but I thought it was an interesting question. So, what was the point he was trying to make? And, moreover, **why** would everyone think we’ve slept with the skeevy guy in the first place? ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288/9 "2010-11-29T23:35:11Z")
I was in a sort of similar position, only with my roommates instead of the world in general. To wit: Roommate’s boyfriend wants me to have sex with me, and if I don’t, he’ll tell my roommate I did and she’ll get mad at me and possibly kill me in my sleep. Yeah, that’s gonna work. I told him go ahead, tell her. I figured he wouldn’t. However. She was my roommate, and I felt I should let her know the kind of skeevy guy she was dealing with so, after much discussion with my other roommate–I told her what he’d said. Naturally she got mad at me. It must have been two whole weeks before she realized that he really was a skeevy guy. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288/10 "2010-11-29T23:38:40Z")
I wouldn’t care. That could change if I had to do it to protect a good job or something. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288/11 "2010-11-29T23:40:33Z")
Does the skeevy person WANT to have sex with me? If so, I probably would go ahead and do it. What the hell, maybe he’d turn out to be really great in the sack. If not, then no. I really don’t care what other people think or don’t think about me. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288/12 "2010-11-29T23:45:27Z")
Why on earth would I actually have sex with someone I find skeevy just so other people will think I didn’t? I’d wager that the majority of women who went to high school have survived the experience of people thinking they fucked guys that they didn’t. It’s awkward for a while, but eventually people really do stop caring. If I do have sex with him, I can’t ever un-know it, so no thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288/13 "2010-11-29T23:47:33Z")
I’ll take the rumour-mill over the skeeve, thanks. I’ve been ostracized before. ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288/14 "2010-11-29T23:55:10Z")
I can think exactly who the skeevy person would be: a woman me and my friends call StalkerChick. I would never have sex with her, although she wants it. Still, I’d have people think I did. I’d just tell my friends it was a bet or something, and screw everyone else. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288/15 "2010-11-29T23:58:15Z")
Let everyone think I did. I’d rather not get involved with skeevy / creepy person. ---
**Author:** ![Lucky\_13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucky_13/32/13209_2.png) [@Lucky\_13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucky_13)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288/16 "2010-11-30T00:18:28Z")
Whether or not I did it with the skeevy coworker, it’s nobody’s business but mine and said skeevy guy’s. If I did it, I wouldn’t tell, and if I didn’t I wouldn’t go around saying I did. I’d rather not be fodder for the office gossip mill, thank you very much. ---
**Author:** ![fuzzypickles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9d8465/32.png) [@fuzzypickles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzypickles)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288/17 "2010-11-30T00:27:53Z")
You forgot to indicate the skeevy person’s gender. First…I’m a strictly hetero male. If the skeevy person is female = not have sex, let everyone think I did. If the skeevy person is male = have sex, keep it secret. I’m not sure that I could even _have_ sex with a skeevy female; that’s a major weenie-shrinker, whereas skeeviness in a man wouldn’t make much difference. As for what people would think…well, naturally I don’t have any issues with homosexuality, but some of my friends do, even if they don’t make a big deal of it. I’d rather not deal with that kind of baggage – whereas, having sex with a really skeevy woman (or making people believe you did) is actually the _best_ way to prove just how “straight” you are! 🆒 (Besides, I’ve never had sex with a man before. It might be kinda interesting!) ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288/18 "2010-11-30T03:15:18Z")
As long as my SO knew the truth, I wouldn’t care what other people thought. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288/19 "2010-11-30T03:42:22Z")
I just have a hard part working with the hypothetical, at least, with my preferred gender. Skeevy just seems to be a male characteristic, not a female one. Creepy is actually a good thing for a one night stand, and truly unattractive would make the first choice impossible. But I guess I can fall back on my opinion in general: it’s better to do good but be thought evil than to do evil and be thought good. Thus I’ll go with option 4. (and there’s also that little thing of being a virgin by choice.) ---
**Author:** ![as\_u\_wish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@as\_u\_wish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/as_u_wish)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288/20 "2010-11-30T05:40:02Z")
So let me see, commit adultery and lie about it–two flagrant sins, not to mention the yuck factor. Or stand up to persecution and false witness, knowing I’m innocent in my own eyes and before God. The choice seems straightforward to me. I’ll say no and take my lumps. I care what people think–but I care more about following moral rules and my own integrity. While interesting for discussion purposes, I cannot imagine people who know me finding such a rumor credible, especially if I denied it. It would require them to believe my position on pre-marital and extra-marital sex had completely changed and that my word has become worthless. I have confessed to and repented significant sins–so there would be no reason for me not to confess and repent of such a drastic lapse. Thus my lying would require a complete reassessment and trashing of my character. I have a higher opinion of my friends than that! Unfortunately the poll doesn’t give the option of I refuse to believe “everyone” would believe it. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-have-everyone-think-you-did-it-or-do-it-and-nobody-will-know/562288.md?page=2)