# Sex or Magical Doritos?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [February 5, 2007, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887 "2007-02-05T04:28:19Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2007, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/1 "2007-02-05T04:28:19Z")
Hello everyone,
Imagine while hiking you fall into the land of Faerie, and as a gift they offer you the following deal.
If you go without sex and orgasm of any kind for three straight years, you will after that point gain the ability to have a Doritos chip instantly appear in your hand upon command. It may be any flavor and will be just as crunchy as you like it. You will have infinite capacity to use this skill. Also, you may have sex again.
I hope I’m being clear. As for myself, I would totally take the deal. Three years is a drop in the bucket really, and just think of all those perfect chips… mmmmmmm…
So, my question is, of course, what about you guys?
Curiously,
Autolycus
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### Author:  [@Malodorous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malodorous)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2007, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/2 "2007-02-05T04:35:19Z")
I feel like if I showed off my magical Doritos summoning power, I could pick up a lot of girls and quickly make up for all the sex I didn’t have for 3 years.
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### Author:  [@Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabin_Fever_1)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2007, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/3 "2007-02-05T04:41:18Z")
[QUOTE=Autolycus]
So, my question is, of course, what about you guys?
[/QUOTE]
Guy here speaking up…
I’ll take “Sex with Doritos Cool Ranch” for $2000 Alex…
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### Author:  [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2007, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/4 "2007-02-05T04:47:15Z")
You are all insane. No amount of fantastic and perfect Doritos could compel me to keep my hands off my guy. Crunch away, celibate freaks! 😛
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### Author:  [@Bobotheoptimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobotheoptimist)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2007, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/5 "2007-02-05T04:53:43Z")
Wait, what? Doritos? I can, right now, have a Doritos just about any time I want it. See, if you settle down and get a job and family, you don’t really have a choice about giving up sex but you can afford Doritos.
Me? I’d give up Doritos for the rest of my life for magical sex. Or mundane sex.
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### Author:  [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2007, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/6 "2007-02-05T04:53:44Z")
Sex, if you get the Doritos power and use it too much you’ll be so fat you might not get sex again.
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### Author:  [@Kalypso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalypso)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2007, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/7 "2007-02-05T04:54:15Z")
Yeah, you can keep your corn chips. There’s not much I’d take in exchange for three orgasmless years.
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### Author:  [@psycat90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psycat90)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2007, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/8 "2007-02-05T04:58:39Z")
lol.
I don’t think I have had a Doritos chip in at least 3 years. At least. Maybe more like 5. Sex and orgasms, on the other hand, are as essential as air to me.
So, my answer is no to Magical Doritos.
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### Author:  [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2007, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/9 "2007-02-05T05:06:29Z")
No, of course not.
Unless they were low-carb, original Taco flavor Doritos.
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### Author:  [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2007, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/10 "2007-02-05T05:07:58Z")
A single orgasm easily provides more pleasure and satisfaction than year’s worth of Doritos. Plus my hands don’t stink nearly as much afterwards.
Keep the Doritos, I’ll have sex.
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### Author:  [@BrassyPhrase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrassyPhrase)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2007, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/11 "2007-02-05T05:17:23Z")
[QUOTE=Czarcasm]
No, of course not.
Unless they were low-carb, original Taco flavor Doritos.
[/QUOTE]
I do not hijack in general? But.
That was the best flavor ever.
For that particular flavor? I would trade.
I’ve gone longer than three years! I SCOFF at three years!
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### Author:  [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2007, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/12 "2007-02-05T05:22:49Z")
I **hate** Doritos! There’s not a single flavour of them I like, now, or ever!
Sex, please.
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### Author:  [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2007, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/13 "2007-02-05T05:26:32Z")
[QUOTE=Anastasaeon]
I **hate** Doritos! There’s not a single flavour of them I like, now, or ever!
Sex, please.
[/QUOTE]
Look, if it was _that_ easy, I’d have tried that years ago. 😃
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### Author:  [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2007, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/14 "2007-02-05T05:59:23Z")
It’s cheaper to buy Doritos than to buy sex.
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### Author:  [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2007, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/15 "2007-02-05T06:05:05Z")
I smack the faerie around some for making such a stupid proposition.
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### Author:  [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2007, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/16 "2007-02-05T07:00:01Z")
The old formula? Or the new nasty-taste Doritos?
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### Author:  [@Electronic\_Chaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electronic_Chaos)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2007, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/17 "2007-02-05T07:45:23Z")
Bah… I know better than to bargain with Faeries. They’d end up finding some loophole in the agreement and all the chips would be too salty or be poisonous or something.
No thanks, I think I’ll just stick to eating chips out of the bag.
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### Author:  [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2007, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/18 "2007-02-05T08:16:00Z")
[QUOTE=Czarcasm]
Look, if it was _that_ easy, I’d have tried that years ago. 😃
[/QUOTE]
Hey, if it worked for _me_, it’ll work for _anybody_\*. 😛
[QUOTE=Electronic Chaos]
They’d end up finding some loophole in the agreement and all the chips would be too salty or be poisonous or something.
[/QUOTE]
They’d be made with _olestra_. _shudder_
-
- may not work for anybody. Results not typical. Professional stuntman. Do not attempt. Cape does not actually allow one to fly. Do not use product in shower or while sleeping. Unplug when not in use. Batteries not included.
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### Author:  [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2007, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/19 "2007-02-05T08:24:28Z")
[QUOTE=Sublight]
A single orgasm easily provides more pleasure and satisfaction than year’s worth of Doritos. Plus my hands don’t stink nearly as much afterwards.
.
[/QUOTE]
You’re doing it wrong 😃
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### Author:  [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2007, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/20 "2007-02-05T08:32:03Z")
You can get a whole bag of crunchy Doritos in whatever flavor you like for a dollar. Good sex is way more expensive, when you factor in the birth control, dinner, movie tickets, beverages, etc, not to mention harder to find in the first place. Sounds like an awful deal to me. Then again, I don’t eat Doritos unless someone really insists on giving me some. I guess some people really like them. I don’t understand how Doritos compare to sex. If you think they do, I must wonder if you’re having sex with the right people.
> [@Anastasaeon](#):
>
> Batteries not included.
I’ve heard differently, young lady. 😉
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