# Sex or Magical Doritos?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [February 5, 2007, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887 "2007-02-05T04:28:19Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 4
### Author:  [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)
#### Post date: [February 6, 2007, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/61 "2007-02-06T19:46:50Z")
[QUOTE=silenus]
We’re horny, not hungry? 😃
[/QUOTE]
Most Dopers are _ **both** _ I’d assume.
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### Author:  [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)
#### Post date: [February 6, 2007, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/62 "2007-02-06T20:21:50Z")
Ooh. Some people would be mighty tempted by having an unlimited supply of beer. I think the pixies might have enticed others to stray from pleasures of the flesh.
I, on the other hand (no pun intended), am not one of those. I’ll take a double scoop of sex, please (not from you).
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### Author:  [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)
#### Post date: [February 6, 2007, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/63 "2007-02-06T20:48:52Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever]
I’ll take a double scoop of sex, please (not from you).
[/QUOTE]
Ouch… burn.
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### Author:  [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)
#### Post date: [February 6, 2007, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/64 "2007-02-06T23:57:40Z")
[QUOTE=Bear\_Nenno]
Does nobody else see the potential to end hunger all over the world? You guys are some selfish motherfuckers.
First thing I thought of was going to starving nations and conjuring up billions of doritos to feed the starving. What’s wrong with you bastards?
[/QUOTE]
If you only ever ate Doritos, you’d still die of malnutrition. It would just take longer than outright starvation.
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### Author:  [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2007, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/65 "2007-02-07T00:03:57Z")
[QUOTE=sturmhauke]
If you only ever ate Doritos, you’d still die of malnutrition. It would just take longer than outright starvation.
[/QUOTE]
Mm, that’s what I was thinking. I don’t want to be the one responsible for _that_!
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### Author:  [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2007, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/66 "2007-02-07T11:10:43Z")
The best wine I’ve ever had _might_, just might, get kind of close to the absolute worst sex I’ve ever had, but even so, I don’t think I’d give up more than jerking off for being able to conjure up some of the best wine ever bottled. Hell, I doubt I’d make it more than a few months before breaking that prohibition, and I’ve got a reasonably obliging wife.
And great wine is about the most tempting edible I can think of. Eating too many sweets makes me sick, and there’s precious little normal food that I couldn’t buy if I wanted it. Tell the fairy to stuff it.
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### Author:  [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2007, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/67 "2007-02-07T12:18:33Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever]
You can be the Fountain of Doritos, I’ll be the Fountain of Spooge. **Mr. Walrus**.
[/QUOTE]
One line-_two_ band names!
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### Author:  [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2007, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/68 "2007-02-07T13:30:25Z")
The fairy’s question is retarded.
I’d keep the sex. Duh.
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### Author:  [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2007, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/69 "2007-02-07T17:11:50Z")
I’m celibate and a compulsive overeater so I believe the answer is clear. 🆒
whoa–post **69**! /juvenile goofiness
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### Author:  [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)
#### Post date: [February 7, 2007, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/70 "2007-02-07T18:24:31Z")
[QUOTE=sturmhauke]
If you only ever ate Doritos, you’d still die of malnutrition. It would just take longer than outright starvation.
[/QUOTE]
But you can use them to feed livestock.
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### Author:  [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)
#### Post date: [February 8, 2007, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/71 "2007-02-08T05:23:33Z")
I don’t really like Doritos, I’m a bit of a health nut, and I really enjoy sex and the whole orgasm experience in general. It isn’t exactly a tough decision. If you give me the option of a nicely cooked boneless skinless chicken breast that appears on command I’d have to think about it. Those things are expensive!
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### Author:  [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)
#### Post date: [February 8, 2007, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/72 "2007-02-08T05:26:25Z")
[QUOTE=drm]
If you give me the option of a nicely cooked boneless skinless chicken breast that appears on command I’d have to think about it.
[/QUOTE]
I wouldn’t. Dark meat all the way. But even if it was a perfect drumstick, I’d still say no.
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### Author:  [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)
#### Post date: [February 8, 2007, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/73 "2007-02-08T05:41:05Z")
[QUOTE=pulykamell]
Three _years_ without orgasm of _any_ kind? I don’t think I could go three weeks even if I tried. Heck, I can’t remember the last time I’ve gone three days. You certainly wouldn’t want to be around me, at any rate.
So, no to the Doritos.
[/QUOTE]
Um, yeah.
There’s just no way I would last that long.
TMI:I’ve managed to force myself to orgasm while on an SSRI that pretty much made it impossible, out of a mix of curiosity & frustration. (In case you’re wondering, four years later, my scarred prostate still twinges, so don’t try it.) I could have orgasmed on heroin. In a coma, I would orgasm in three days without trying. I could orgasm after being neutered.You could maybe ask me when I’m … oh, sixty.
But for Doritos? Are you insame?
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### Author:  [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)
#### Post date: [February 8, 2007, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/74 "2007-02-08T11:25:37Z")
Sex or Doritos? That’s supposed to be a tough choice?
Don’t get me wrong, I like Doritos. They’re one of my favorite snack foods. But compared to sex? “Ain’t the same fucking ballpark; it ain’t the same league; it ain’t even the same fucking sport.”
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### Author:  [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)
#### Post date: [February 8, 2007, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/75 "2007-02-08T12:45:41Z")
[QUOTE=pulykamell]
Remember, though, orgasm of _any_ kind is prohibited in the OP. No sexual release at all, even solo, so far as I can understand it.
[/QUOTE]
Masterbation loses it’s charm with 130 degree heat. And Doritos go well with crappy beer. Sign me up!
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### Author:  [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)
#### Post date: [February 8, 2007, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/76 "2007-02-08T12:57:27Z")
[QUOTE=Autolycus]
Ouch… burn.
[/QUOTE]
Fine, fine, fine. You too. Happy now? 😃
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### Author:  [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)
#### Post date: [February 8, 2007, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/77 "2007-02-08T13:05:22Z")
[QUOTE=Czarcasm]
One line-_two_ band names!
[/QUOTE]
Yep. I do believe that might be a first.
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### Author:  [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)
#### Post date: [February 8, 2007, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/78 "2007-02-08T15:11:59Z")
[QUOTE=Bear\_Nenno]
Does nobody else see the potential to end hunger all over the world? You guys are some selfish motherfuckers.
First thing I thought of was going to starving nations and conjuring up billions of doritos to feed the starving. What’s wrong with you bastards?
[/QUOTE]
End hunger? Look, each time you open your hand, you get one dorito. One. Even if you opened and closed your hand non-stop for 24 hours a day, you wouldn’t end world hunger. Or even one town’s hunger. You might be able to help one family. Maybe.
Not to mention that, while a diet of Doritos would give someone plenty of calories, it would certainly leave anyone living on it with some serious vitamin and protein deficiencies. If you want to help a starving family, wouldn’t it make more sense to give your money to Oxfam?
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### Author:  [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)
#### Post date: [February 8, 2007, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/79 "2007-02-08T15:15:40Z")
And you couldn’t necessarily feed livestock on doritos, either. The supply of doritos would be very limited, and the livestock wouldn’t necessarily do well on a diet that had so much fat in it. Doritos are pretty far from almost any farm animal’s natural diet. You might be able to raise pigs, but then you’d need to give the pig some complementary proteins–not just the ones found in the corn–for the pig to thrive and produce meat.
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### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [February 8, 2007, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/80 "2007-02-08T21:32:55Z")
Question-just out of curiosity, would nocturnal emissions cancel the deal? 😉
And the obvious counterpoint-would you give up Doritos for three years if you could snap your fingers and have an instant orgasm any time you wanted?
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