# Sex or Magical Doritos?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [February 5, 2007, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887 "2007-02-05T04:28:19Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 5
### Author:  [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)
#### Post date: [February 8, 2007, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/81 "2007-02-08T22:08:35Z")
[QUOTE=Scribble]
livestock wouldn’t necessarily do well on a diet that had so much fat in it.
[/QUOTE]
Wait, are you saying Doritos have fat in them?
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### Author:  [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)
#### Post date: [February 8, 2007, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/82 "2007-02-08T22:14:08Z")
[QUOTE=gigi]
Wait, are you saying Doritos have fat in them?
[/QUOTE]
No they do not. It was obviously a vicious lie from the anti-dorito coalition. They will stop at nothing to take dorito down.
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### Author:  [@badkittypriestess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badkittypriestess)
#### Post date: [February 9, 2007, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/83 "2007-02-09T01:05:49Z")
My vote is for magikal doritos 😃
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### Author:  [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)
#### Post date: [February 9, 2007, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/84 "2007-02-09T01:06:20Z")
So what is the fairy going to do to you to keep you from having orgasms _of any kind_ for three years? Even if you make a conscious effort not to touch yourself people still have wet dreams (is there a techical term for this in women? It’s not nearly as messy as in men, so I’m not sure “wet” is appropriate) without doing anything to cause them. Is what the fairy intends to do to prevent them FDA approved? If not, he might be setting himself up for a lawsuit, perhaps even class-action if a lot of people are swayed by the deal.
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### Author:  [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)
#### Post date: [February 9, 2007, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/85 "2007-02-09T04:35:49Z")
Nocturnal emissions are allowed. Thus says the Faerie.
And yes, in response to **Guinastasia** ^^
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### Author:  [@nitetime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nitetime)
#### Post date: [February 9, 2007, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/86 "2007-02-09T04:51:32Z")
I wouldn’t want the magical Doritos at all. They’re unhealthy and addictive. Not the kind of thing you want to have an infinite supply of.
I can think of foods I would take the deal for though.
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### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [February 9, 2007, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/87 "2007-02-09T14:21:21Z")
[QUOTE=nitetime]
I wouldn’t want the magical Doritos at all. They’re unhealthy and addictive. Not the kind of thing you want to have an infinite supply of.
I can think of foods I would take the deal for though.
[/QUOTE]
Yeah, but if they’re magical, wouldn’t that make them healthy?
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### Author:  [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)
#### Post date: [February 9, 2007, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/88 "2007-02-09T14:41:29Z")
[QUOTE=Guinastasia]
Question-just out of curiosity, would nocturnal emissions cancel the deal? 😉
And the obvious counterpoint-would you give up Doritos for three years if you could snap your fingers and have an instant orgasm any time you wanted?
[/QUOTE]
I’d give up Doritos permanently if I could point my finger and induce instant orgasm in anyone I wanted. 😃
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### Author:  [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)
#### Post date: [February 9, 2007, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/89 "2007-02-09T17:21:59Z")
[QUOTE=Scribble]
End hunger? Look, each time you open your hand, you get one dorito. One. Even if you opened and closed your hand non-stop for 24 hours a day, you wouldn’t end world hunger. Or even one town’s hunger. You might be able to help one family. Maybe.
Not to mention that, while a diet of Doritos would give someone plenty of calories, it would certainly leave anyone living on it with some serious vitamin and protein deficiencies. If you want to help a starving family, wouldn’t it make more sense to give your money to Oxfam?
[/QUOTE]
The OP did not say “each time you open your hand”. He said “you will after that point gain the ability to have a Doritos chip instantly appear in your hand upon command.”
He also did not say it had to be a verbal command. How fast can the brain think? I bet I could command billions and billions of Doritos to appear in a matter of hours. It did say one at a time. But that “time” was not specified. Maybe in your imaginiation, the Dorito has to materialize like that microwave on Star Trek. If that’s the case… if it’s one lousy dorito a second or something stupid like that.
Then who the fuck would choose that?
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### Author:  [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)
#### Post date: [February 9, 2007, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/90 "2007-02-09T18:03:14Z")
[QUOTE=Autolycus]
If you go without sex and orgasm of any kind for three straight years, you will after that point gain the ability to have a Doritos chip instantly appear in your hand upon command. It may be any flavor and will be just as crunchy as you like it. You will have infinite capacity to use this skill. Also, you may have sex again.
[/QUOTE]
Make that a $100 bill and we might need to talk further. Otherwise…happily continuing to live in **Cyn**
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### Author:  [@Spiratu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiratu)
#### Post date: [February 9, 2007, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/91 "2007-02-09T19:03:43Z")
But with even such a lame magical power, I could probably make $1,000,000 from the Randi challenge. I could write a book about my magical Dorito experiences and how the world is not as it seems, and strangely dorito-obsessed fey lurk in the shadows of our seemingly rational universe. Think of the scientific possibilities! Proving the existence of magical beings! And think again about the million dollars!
If, on the other hand, I’m reading too much into this…well, I don’t even like Doritos.
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### Author:  [@Z.R.Test](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Z.R.Test)
#### Post date: [February 10, 2007, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/92 "2007-02-10T06:51:12Z")
Well, this is my very first post. Odd that I’ve chosen this to open with… maybe.
One thing that is NOT mentioned if nocturnal emissions figured into the whole deal. I mean, what if you were INSANE enough to agree to this (horrendous, bizarre, amazingly self-denying) agreement, then, after 2-1/2 years, have a wonderful dream of making love to _insert your favored star or starlet here_ and the little Faeries, in their characteristically peevish manner, pop up and say “HA! the deal is off!” That would be a total pisser.
Myself, I think within the span of a month, my johnson would explode from the pressure, so, no thanks. Now, maybe, POSSIBLY if it were Cape Cod Potato chips… maybe… naaaahhh… can’t miss out on the hot sex I’m having with _bec_ .
BTW, in my screen, the ad at the bottom of the page is for the “SECOND COMING.” Ironic, I’d say.
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### Author:  [@Caiata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caiata)
#### Post date: [February 10, 2007, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/93 "2007-02-10T09:19:53Z")
Hmm … You can’t get Cool Ranch Doritos in this country, and they are hands down my second-favourite snack (only to Cheez-Its, which you _also_ can’t get in this country), so I would be sorely tempted to take the fairy’s offer.
At the same time, my partner might be kind of upset if I just decided to forego sex for 3 years without consulting him.
Damn, this is really hard.
Cool Ranch…
… love my partner …
… Cool Ranch …
… he’d probably leave me (he’s never had Cool Ranch Doritos before, he wouldn’t understand!)…
_sigh_ I’d pass on the offer … but now I really want some Cool Ranch Doritos! ☹
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### Author:  [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)
#### Post date: [February 10, 2007, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/94 "2007-02-10T18:21:19Z")
**Caiata** , for the cost of the snacks, international shipping and one of those Anti-Football League buttons, I will send you however many bags of Cool Ranch Doritos and Cheez-Its as you like. I have a Costco membership so I can get you truly prodigious hordes of them at wholesale prices.
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### Author:  [@Adoptamom\_II](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Adoptamom_II)
#### Post date: [February 10, 2007, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/95 "2007-02-10T18:26:14Z")
[QUOTE=fetus]
**Caiata** , for the cost of the snacks, international shipping and one of those Anti-Football League buttons, I will send you however many bags of Cool Ranch Doritos and Cheez-Its as you like. I have a Costco membership so I can get you truly prodigious hordes of them at wholesale prices.
[/QUOTE]
Another reason I love the Dope … one member helps another get Cool Ranch Dorito’s AND sex! 😃
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### Author:  [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)
#### Post date: [February 10, 2007, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/96 "2007-02-10T18:34:39Z")
Heh, I was going offer as well, but you’re closer to the coast (or…you know…ON the coast).
I wanted a kangaroo. ☹
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### Author:  [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)
#### Post date: [February 10, 2007, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/97 "2007-02-10T18:49:31Z")
Sorry, **Least Original User Name Ever** , I want that Anti-Football League button! I’ve tried waving American money at the AntiFL and they refuse to acknowledge me. I want that button! Grr!
[Anti-Football League website](http://antifootballleague.org/) (currently down), where I know the buttons can be found; it’s basically a button of [this logo](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/8c/Anti-Football_Cube.gif).
Seriously though, **LOUNE** , we could split up between the Doritos and the Cheez-Its if **Caiata** should want, right?
I’ll be going to Costco sometime this weekend, I think, so I’ll see what kind of pricing is involved.
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### Author:  [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)
#### Post date: [February 10, 2007, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/98 "2007-02-10T19:06:11Z")
Doritos? The most disgusting foodstuff I’ve ever had. The thing I won’t let my husband or children near me if they have consumed them because the smell makes me ill?
Magical chocolate I might have to think about.
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### Author:  [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)
#### Post date: [February 10, 2007, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/99 "2007-02-10T19:07:58Z")
[QUOTE=fetus]
Sorry, **Least Original User Name Ever** , I want that Anti-Football League button! I’ve tried waving American money at the AntiFL and they refuse to acknowledge me. I want that button! Grr!
[Anti-Football League website](http://antifootballleague.org/) (currently down), where I know the buttons can be found; it’s basically a button of [this logo](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/8c/Anti-Football_Cube.gif).
Seriously though, **LOUNE** , we could split up between the Doritos and the Cheez-Its if **Caiata** should want, right?
I’ll be going to Costco sometime this weekend, I think, so I’ll see what kind of pricing is involved.
[/QUOTE]
Sure. If a fellow Doper is in need, I’m not above pitching out. After all, a life without cool ranch Doritos or Cheez-Its isn’t a life worth living, is it?
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### Author:  [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2007, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-or-magical-doritos/390887/100 "2007-02-11T05:39:56Z")
I must confess I haven’t eaten either in a while, though both have been big parts of my snacking life at one point.
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