# Sex robots for Incels? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 12, 2018, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783 "2018-07-12T15:15:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2018, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783/241 "2018-07-18T21:00:52Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > I completely agree. I wish virgin shaming wasn’t a thing. But it is, even on this board. Why “even” on this board? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2018, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783/242 "2018-07-18T21:02:45Z")
> [@wonky](#): > > Why “even” on this board? Maybe I should have said “including.” ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2018, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783/243 "2018-07-18T21:03:27Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > Maybe I should have said “including.” Ah. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2018, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783/244 "2018-07-18T21:17:14Z")
> [@wonky](#): > > Ah. Thanks. Why does “including” make you so much happier than “even”? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2018, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783/245 "2018-07-18T21:40:41Z")
Even implies that it would be surprising to find X in a certain place, while including merely remarks the X is in a certain place. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2018, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783/246 "2018-07-18T21:47:07Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > Well, it’s not stupid but it’s also not wise. It’s generic unthoughtful wisdom. The fatty crowd hasn’t spun off multi-murderers. > > And frankly, “grass is greener on the other side” is a silly phrase in this discussion. Life is better with regular sex, less weight and a better job. Of course, there’s more to it but all those things directly and obviously make your life better. But it’s not going to solve these dude’s problems. Most incels think, “if I had a girlfriend, my life would be perfect!” No, that’s not it. Their lives might be better, but they’d still have their issues. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2018, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783/247 "2018-07-19T01:23:46Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > But it’s not going to solve these dude’s problems. Most incels think, “if I had a girlfriend, my life would be perfect!” No, that’s not it. Their lives might be better, but they’d still have their issues. With all due respect, what the fuck do you know? No, someone’s problems aren’t going to magically disappear when they get a girlfriend but your perspective and goals can slowly or even quickly change when you do. Nd maybe they don’t even fully revert back if they break up. This may be news to you: life experiences change you. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2018, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783/248 "2018-07-19T01:38:40Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > With all due respect, what the fuck do you know? No, someone’s problems aren’t going to magically disappear when they get a girlfriend but your perspective and goals can slowly or even quickly change when you do. Nd maybe they don’t even fully revert back if they break up. This may be news to you: life experiences change you. Dial it down, please. The tone of this post is over the top for this thread. I’m not sure why you’re making this personal. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2018, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783/249 "2018-07-19T02:08:27Z")
That’s bizarre. I’m not making it personal it any way. I’m merely commenting that Guinastasia is neither a psychologist nor an involuntary celibate man and therefore can’t properly make such abolute judgements. Wtf? ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2018, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783/250 "2018-07-19T13:49:19Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Except, your self-esteem can’t be based on having a girlfriend. I can tell you right now that that’s a huge turn off: men who think that self-esteem is reliant on being able to “attract a mate” I hate it when guys are like, “if I only had a girlfriend, my life would be perfect!” > > Your confidence, your happiness, cannot be dependent on being in a relationship. I don’t know if it cannot, but it does, for a lot of people. Plenty of people can’t bear being alone, and suffer from depressive state and lack of self esteem ( “will I stay forever alone?” “what’s wrong with me?” “why isn’t anybody attracted to me?”), and their loneliness is by far their main issue and the center of their thoughts. Honestly, it’s so common that people happiness is dependant on being in a relationship, that I would hazard the guess that feeling this way is the norm and not needing somebody to be happy the exception. And despite you writing “men” and “girlfriend”, I’ve known much more women than men like that. Although that could be because women are more open to share these feelings, since they’re likely to receive compassionate or commiserating responses while men expressing the same are more likely to be derided instead. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2018, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783/251 "2018-07-19T15:01:55Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > Life is better with regular sex, less weight and a better job. Of course, there’s more to it but all those things directly and obviously make your life better. It is better, but not always to the degree that people who don’t have those things think it will be. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2018, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783/252 "2018-07-19T15:03:08Z")
> [@wonky](#): > > Why “even” on this board? We’re supposed to be fighting ignorance. We should know better than to shame people for something they do (or don’t do) that doesn’t harm other people. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2018, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783/253 "2018-07-19T15:13:09Z")
> [@Anne\_Neville](#): > > It is better, but not always to the degree that people who don’t have those things think it will be. Absolutely - they think it will be a solution, a fix for their internal problems. What winds up happening is you still have all those problems, but now you have an intimate audience who’s also affected by them. ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2018, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783/254 "2018-07-19T15:15:19Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > Absolutely - they think it will be a solution, a fix for their internal problems. What winds up happening is you still have all those problems, but now you have an intimate audience who’s also affected by them. It is a symptom, and they think that treating the symptom cures the disease. It is not uncommon thinking, but it is incorrect. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2018, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783/255 "2018-07-19T15:50:58Z")
The problems that kept me from dating for so long (fear of rejection, inability to read signals) are still there for me. They just don’t have the same effect. If I found myself single again it would be the same old thing. ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2018, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783/256 "2018-07-21T06:25:47Z")
> [@septimus](#): > > I don’t understand why you think my response was unhelpful. You agree that a sex doll is not the answer to OP’s problem. What remedy, if any, do you suggest? > > OP is 33 years old and hasn’t had a girlfriend for 8 years. I used to be far more inept socially even than I am now, but even I had much better success than that. > > Nudging him to make incremental changes in his approach is not going to work. He needs a major change — a Shock! > > Taking a longish vacation to try to get out of his rut is the suggestion I offer sincerely. (It doesn’t have to be a “sex tourism” holiday; in fact that _might_ be counter-productive.) I don’t know if the vacation should be a solo trip through desert or forest introspecting, or a frolic at the beach with happy young people — but _something_, in the hope of triggering a change! I still wonder what was so wrong with my advice. Unless we “give up” on OP and admit that a sex doll is his best solution, his only chance is a major psychological mind-shift. Except for electroconvulsive therapy, what might fit the bill besides a long vacation? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2018, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783/257 "2018-07-21T06:43:07Z")
> [@septimus](#): > > I still wonder what was so wrong with my advice. > > Unless we “give up” on OP and admit that a sex doll is his best solution, his only chance is a major psychological mind-shift. Except for electroconvulsive therapy, what might fit the bill besides a long vacation? Any reason to think a long vacation would change anything? I’ve traveled for months; whatever’s causing my romantic frustration always seems to come along with me. ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2018, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783/258 "2018-07-21T07:43:16Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Any reason to think a long vacation would change anything? I’ve traveled for months; whatever’s causing my romantic frustration always seems to come along with me. Then your experience is different from mine. I have no certainty that vacation would help OP, _but he seems to be beyond any other hope than a sex doll._ If you don’t think vacation will help, then _ **what do you recommend he try?** _ (To ask a 33-year old to completely change his personality on a suggestion is not a realistic option.) ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2018, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783/259 "2018-07-21T12:08:52Z")
> [@septimus](#): > > Then your experience is different from mine. > > I have no certainty that vacation would help OP, _but he seems to be beyond any other hope than a sex doll._ If you don’t think vacation will help, then _ **what do you recommend he try?** _ (To ask a 33-year old to completely change his personality on a suggestion is not a realistic option.) I don’t think your suggestion was horrible, but it does sound kind of glib without knowing anything about **Blaron** beyond what he’s shared in this thread. If he freezes up around women, doesn’t know how to hold up his end of a conversation, and/or suffers from unmitigated bad looks, then he could very well travel somewhere and still find himself alone at night. ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2018, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783/260 "2018-07-21T12:46:19Z")
Yes. I don’t know what the chance is that vacation would be a path to solution, nor even what kind of vacation to recommend. _ **But he must try some major change to get out of his rut.** _ Shyness can be self-reinforcing (“They know I’m shy, so if I try to change that, they’ll notice and think it strange. I’m too shy to attempt that.”) To attempt a new persona, it may be best to first practice on strangers. The object of the vacation need not necessarily be to get laid. \* Just to break out of the rut and hope to acquire new social skills or self-awareness.\* The chance that my suggestion would lead to a fix may be small. _But has anyone else offered a suggestion likely to work?_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-robots-for-incels/817783.md?page=14)