# Sex Sans Condom **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 18, 2009, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-sans-condom/486442 "2009-02-18T21:06:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![fusoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecccb3/32.png) [@fusoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fusoya)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2009, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-sans-condom/486442/61 "2009-02-20T19:54:02Z")
I don’t use condoms. I can’t. Everytime I’ve tried to use one, I’ve either not been able to get it on (and usually in the process of trying to, I lose the support required to keep it on tight), or I was so distracted by it that I couldn’t perform. Yes, I’ve had totally unprotected sex in the past. Yeah, I know it was stupid. Right now my current gf is on the pill, and we seldomly have intercourse anyway. Ladies, no, I’m not an asshole. If you want me to wear a condom and I say I can’t (or try and then fail and then you laugh at me), then your loss. I didn’t even really want to do it in the first place… ---
**Author:** ![davekhps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a5b964/32.png) [@davekhps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davekhps)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2009, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-sans-condom/486442/62 "2009-02-20T20:18:31Z")
Straight male. Never have had a one night stand without a condom, but probably because I’ve never had a one night stand ;-). In my relationships, I’ve never used a condom. My girlfriends have always been either on BC, or in one case, she had her tubes tied. The current GF (a woman’s health nurse practioner, BTW) used to use the Pill, but switched to the Nuva Ring a while back, which we _both_ love (for her at least, the hormones are nowhere near harsh as the oral pill, it’s easy to just leave in, and _I_ always know when it’s in-- i.e., no “Crap, did you forget to take your pill??” fear for me. I just don’t think I could do the condom thing. Of course, I also don’t think I could do the sex thing outside of a monogamous relationship-- I’ve never slept with a woman before I’ve dated them for a fairly long time (the shortest was a month of serious dating, sleeping over, etc.), and never did I have a period in between partners where I hadn’t been tested for anything nasty, and them the same. Funnily enough, every partner I’ve ever had wanted sex _before_ I did, i.e. I’m the one who always makes the girl wait. Bizarre, I know. . . ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2009, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-sans-condom/486442/63 "2009-02-20T21:26:30Z")
> [@Acid\_Lamp](#): > > I prefer not to use them, and in the confines of a relationship I refuse to wear them at all. Beyond dulling the sensations, they are uncomfortable and I cannot readily find my size in most convenience stores. It would kind of kill the mood to have to run a twenty min. errand to the store that i know carries the correct selection. > I’ve had plenty of one nights, and short term partners that I enjoyed without the use of a condom. Basically, I would ask her if she’s on BC, and if the answer was yes, the followup was “anything I ought to know about, or NEED to use this thing for?” If the answer was no, then I saw no reason to use it. I did keep some available if she requested, and I would comply if asked, but otherwise it was bareback all the way. That is simply insane. How do you know she’s telling you the truth about not needing to worry? How do you know that she knows the truth to tell? Confessional time: back when I was being a misogynistic bastard who, in a just world, would have been beaten to death by some Amazon vigilante, I wheedled and lied and manipulated my way into condomless sex all the time. It’s pure luck I never caught anything. Pure and undeserved, because one of the women unfortunate enough to cross my path and foolish enough to believe my bullshit did catch HIV from someone else. If you’re having one-night stands without a condom, or even monogamous sex without a condom without having done the obligatory testing, you’re risking your health and financial freedom for no non-stupid reason. ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2009, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-sans-condom/486442/64 "2009-02-20T22:34:37Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > That is simply insane. How do you know she’s telling you the truth about not needing to worry? How do you know that she knows the truth to tell? > > (snip) > > If you’re having one-night stands without a condom, or even monogamous sex without a condom without having done the obligatory testing, you’re risking your health and financial freedom for no non-stupid reason. I know it wasn’t bright, but it hardly matters any longer. I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for the last six years, and we both have a clean bill of health. Chalk it up to luck I suppose. ---
**Author:** ![AngelSoft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angelsoft/32/440_2.png) [@AngelSoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelSoft)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2009, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-sans-condom/486442/65 "2009-02-20T23:44:15Z")
You know, I wonder how many of these people who refuse to wear a condom are the same people who would get pissed over having to pay child support over a kid they didn’t want. The amount of (sometimes) blind trust these people put into their partner is kinda scary. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2009, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-sans-condom/486442/66 "2009-02-21T11:16:32Z")
My first girlfriend and I (both 14) were into anal because we couldn’t get any condoms (mid-1970s, small town), but didn’t want to risk her getting preggers. Had any condoms been available we would have used them. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2009, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-sans-condom/486442/67 "2009-02-21T17:53:47Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > My first girlfriend and I (both 14) were into anal because we couldn’t get any condoms (mid-1970s, small town), but didn’t want to risk her getting preggers. Had any condoms been available we would have used them. There’s a [word](http://www.saddlebacking.com/) for that now (well, sort of. It’s got more to do with ‘purity’ than pregnancy, though I’m sure brith control enters the equation). > [@](#): > > Saddlebacking: sad•dle•back•ing \ˈsa-dəl-ˈba-kiŋ\ vb [fr. Saddleback Church] (2009): the phenomenon of Christian teens engaging in unprotected anal sex in order to preserve their virginities > > After attending the Purity Ball, Heather and Bill saddlebacked all night because she’s saving herself for marriage. Unfortunately her parents found out because they got santorum all over the sheets. ---
**Author:** ![Taipan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Taipan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taipan)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2009, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-sans-condom/486442/68 "2009-02-21T23:14:58Z")
I’ve had sex sans condom twice. The first time because I didn’t have any, and the girl said she was on the pill. The other time, the girl actually asked me to take it off, which I thought was strange but complied. I could have easily gotten an STD or somebody pregnant; I’m really no smarter than the people that do, just luckier. Thankfully I’ve changed my ways, I wouldn’t do it without a condom again. I don’t want a one-night stand of drunken porking to fuck up the rest of my life. ---
**Author:** ![Cyberhwk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7993a0/32.png) [@Cyberhwk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyberhwk)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2009, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-sans-condom/486442/69 "2009-02-22T08:56:58Z")
> [@AngelSoft](#): > > You know, I wonder how many of these people who refuse to wear a condom are the same people who would get pissed over having to pay child support over a kid they didn’t want. That same thing occurred to me too. I had it the other way around. I’m a guy and had a partner not want me to use one. That, along with a myriad of other things she said, sent up some red flags and it didn’t happen. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2009, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-sans-condom/486442/70 "2009-02-22T10:02:34Z")
Straight female here. I did a lot of stupid stuff, and often, in my early to mid-20’s. While I was on the pill the whole time, I was apparently much less worried about diseases than about pregnancy. For the last 10 years, however, I keep my own condoms in the nightstand, and a couple in my wallet. It’s really not just up to the guy to be prepared, and none of the “uh, I don’t have one”, crap. Well, I do! ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2009, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-sans-condom/486442/71 "2009-02-22T10:05:30Z")
I’m sorry to say that I have, indeed, had my share of unprotected sex with women, including the only one-night stand I’ve ever had. I’ve even stooped to using the “spray and pray method” with two women who I guess would be classified as “short-term lovers”. The only time I didn’t take even that precaution was when the lady insisted that she was on birth control of some kind. Spare me the lecture, please. > [@Queen Tonya](#): > > Seconded, and when I was on birth control, I rarely used condoms either, pregnancy being the scarily realistic thing and disease being the happens to other people thing. Very well put. That was my feeling too. (That, and I could only come about 20% of the time with a condom on…) Sexually speaking, I’m hoping it turns out that I’m just totally homosexual and that I had such trouble “finishing” with women because I was lying to myself about being attracted to them. And, presumably, that I’ll be able to perform just fine with men with a condom on. > [@MissIntent](#): > > I thought about clarifying that after I wrote it… evidentially I should have. I have always been taught that unprotected sex refers to sex between untested partners, without birth control. By the definition I was taught, I have never had it. Sorry, but that’s just absurd. What do you think “protect” means in this case? Protected by _what_? A physical barrier (condom, dental dam, whatever). Sex without a condom = unprotected sex. There is no such thing as safe sex, only _safer_ sex, and the risk of contracting an STD in a (supposedly?) monogamous relationship is nonzero. Your partner could be cheating on you, he could suddenly start becoming contagious with something he caught months ago with someone else, or whatever. It may be a low-risk sexual activity, but it’s not even close to “protected”. Hostile Dialect, Hostile Dialect, Narcissist ---
**Author:** ![Telcontar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Telcontar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telcontar)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2009, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-sans-condom/486442/72 "2009-02-22T17:03:13Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Ahhhh…the early to mid-80s. A simpler time. Back then, we thought you didn’t have to worry about aids unless you happened to be a Haitian homosexual. Being neither, I froliced au naturel at every opportunity… It’s always hard to tell your wife you’re Haitian, especially when you’re from Norway. Though, given that the other three Hs were Heroin addict, Hemophiliac, and Homosexual I can understand why there was an impulse. I’m \<30 (M) and would never have sex absent birth control unless I wanted a kid. I _might_ trust that a FWB was clean enough that we could use pill or patch, but I’d probably go for a condom regardless. If I ever do a true one night stand, then definitely. ---
**Author:** ![cainxinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@cainxinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cainxinth)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2009, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-sans-condom/486442/73 "2009-02-22T19:29:24Z")
My brain and my penis are of two minds on the issue. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2009, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-sans-condom/486442/74 "2009-02-22T19:47:50Z")
I’ve had half a dozen partners, but have only used a condom with two of them. Following the next to last getting pregnant by another man, but making me think the child was mine until I paid for a paternity test, I’ll be more careful. ---
**Author:** ![Soapbox\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Soapbox\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soapbox_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2009, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-sans-condom/486442/75 "2009-02-22T21:23:07Z")
Reading this thread it’s no wonder 1 in 5 adults in the US have herpes. I’ve always regarded people on the SDMB as being above average in the intelligence department, and even you guys don’t seem to practice safe sex consistently. Pretty scary to think how the average person must behave. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2009, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-sans-condom/486442/76 "2009-02-22T21:30:18Z")
> [@Acid\_Lamp](#): > > I know it wasn’t bright, but it hardly matters any longer. I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for the last six years, and we both have a clean bill of health. Chalk it up to luck I suppose. I should have made it more clear that my last sentence was addressed to a general you, not the you trading under the pen name “Acid Lamp.” I did not intend to call you _personally_ a twit. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2009, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-sans-condom/486442/77 "2009-02-22T23:02:22Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > There’s a [word](http://www.saddlebacking.com/) for that now (well, sort of. It’s got more to do with ‘purity’ than pregnancy, though I’m sure brith control enters the equation). If I awoke and found [santorum](http://www.lies.com/wp/images/2006/11/santorum.jpg) all over the sheets where I lay, you’d best believe I would not awaken on those sheets again !! :eek: 😉 Cartooniverse [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-sans-condom/486442.md?page=3)