# Sex shouldn't be so hard to get **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 27, 2016, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199 "2016-08-27T22:22:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2016, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/41 "2016-08-28T19:58:10Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Spot on! > > Of course, women explaining men’s thinking and motivation occurs just as often, IMHO. It’s silly either way. All true. But in this case, we actually have one fellow who Knows Exactly How It Is, telling another fellow who suggests otherwise, that he is flat out wrong. Surely, that’s a whole 'nother level of “splaining” for the opposite sex than we normally see in the wild. It’s almost exhilarating to catch it firsthand! ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2016, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/42 "2016-08-28T20:49:08Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > For every woman who wants a man who is tall, handsome, athletic, wealthy, famous, respected, emotionally stable and good with kids you cannot find another woman who wants a man who is short, ugly, fat, broke, ridiculed, emotionally unstable and hates kids. Women, just like men, to a large degree want the same thing within their gender when searching for a romantic and sexual partner. Women are more likely to find Chris Hemsworth sexually appealing than an unemployed convicted sex offender who weighs 500 lbs and lives with his parents. We can do this all day long but in the end you know what the MOST powerful sex attracting element is? More than height, money or perfect bods? Charm. The ability to talk and have engaging conversations. Language is such a huge component of human interaction human females are wired to be strongly predisposed to men with interpersonal language skills. I get if you’re not tall, or well off, and you have a bit of a pot belly but if you can\* talk \* an amusing line there is all the action you can handle out there. ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2016, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/43 "2016-08-28T21:09:20Z")
> [@astro](#): > > We can do this all day long but in the end you know what the MOST powerful sex attracting element is? More than height, money or perfect bods? Charm. The ability to talk and have engaging conversations. Language is such a huge component of human interaction human females are wired to be strongly predisposed to men with interpersonal language skills. > > I get if you’re not tall, or well off, and you have a bit of a pot belly but if you can\* talk \* an amusing line there is all the action you can handle out there. So If I have good interpersonal skills when talking to women it won’t matter if I don’t drive a car? lol ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2016, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/44 "2016-08-28T22:11:12Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > So If I have good interpersonal skills when talking to women it won’t matter if I don’t drive a car? lol LOL all you want bit the truth is there are plenty of not particularly attractive men with almost no resources who couch surf and still have all the female action they want if they can talk a good game. They might not be dating super models but they are getting action from women with jobs and apartments . About half the posts on the gossip website “the dirty” seem devoted to women complaining about men like this once the men move on. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2016, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/45 "2016-08-28T22:19:38Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Sex is only “hard” to get as man if you are not well off, not particularly charismatic or not all that good looking or unfit. If a man has any of these attributes (money, charm, attractiveness/fitness) finding available sex partners is relatively easy. Super easy. > [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > I’m pretty sure that describes the great majority of men. Which is why there’s so much whining about it! ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2016, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/46 "2016-08-28T22:42:58Z")
> [@astro](#): > > LOL all you want bit the truth is there are plenty of not particularly attractive men with almost no resources who couch surf and still have all the female action they want if they can talk a good game. They might not be dating super models but they are getting action from women with jobs and apartments . > > About half the posts on the gossip website “the dirty” seem devoted to women complaining about men like this once the men move on. yeah they take care of men like that while asking me what I do for a living what I drive What are my career goals None of your f\*cking business ---
**Author:** ![smileysue74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f6c823/32.png) [@smileysue74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smileysue74)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2016, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/47 "2016-08-28T22:47:19Z")
haha ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2016, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/48 "2016-08-28T22:56:23Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > yeah they take care of men like that while asking me > > what I do for a living > what I drive > What are my career goals > None of your f\*cking business LOL, they view you as some schmuck to pay their bills. Being male is awesome. If a woman asks you that stuff to hint at how much money you earn, ask her what her BMI is, how many inches in circumference her waist is, and how old she is so you can hint at how fertile she is. Its the same thing (sizing the other person up as an object to use for your own purposes). ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2016, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/49 "2016-08-28T23:28:47Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > Also who exclusively pursues married people for relationships? A power freak, probably. Someone who wants to be able to say “I’m\* so much more\* of a man/woman than you I took your spouse away from you”. Heck, there’s porn genres devoted to that sort of thing; it’s apparently a major turn on for some people to “take” somebody else’s spouse/lover. I’ve certainly heard people complaining how wearing a wedding ring actually _attracts_ certain people into hitting on them. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2016, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/50 "2016-08-28T23:33:47Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > A power freak, probably. Someone who wants to be able to say “I’m\* so much more\* of a man/woman than you I took your spouse away from you”. Heck, there’s porn genres devoted to that sort of thing; it’s apparently a major turn on for some people to “take” somebody else’s spouse/lover. > > I’ve certainly heard people complaining how wearing a wedding ring actually _attracts_ certain people into hitting on them. Also, people who only go for married people probably have a significant issue with intimacy. The perception is that the married person will not leave their spouse, so it is a “safe” relationship. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2016, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/51 "2016-08-28T23:42:50Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > LOL, they view you as some schmuck to pay their bills. Being male is awesome. > > If a woman asks you that stuff to hint at how much money you earn, ask her what her BMI is, how many inches in circumference her waist is, and how old she is so you can hint at how fertile she is. Its the same thing (sizing the other person up as an object to use for your own purposes). If this is really your attitude I’m beginning to see why you might be having issues with your game. No woman wants to date a defensive, coiled up man with poor bantering skills. Flip it around, if you were a woman would you want to date a man with that kind of attitude? ---
**Author:** ![smileysue74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f6c823/32.png) [@smileysue74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smileysue74)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2016, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/52 "2016-08-28T23:57:43Z")
> [@Smapti](#): > > And too many people (including, I suspect, our OP) place an elevated importance on sex for sex’s sake, and seem to think they’re somehow inferior or failures in life because they’re not achieving the level of sex to which they believe they’re entitled. \*I don’t consider sex to be all that important but when it’s not happening, one tends to think about it. I have no idea about levels of sex, I just want someone I feel an attraction towards who will take the time necessary to give me an orgasm. Is that too much to ask? \* > [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > Are you a woman Sue? I know Johnny Cash said that boys can be named Sue, so I’m not sure. > > What do women get out of it? They get sexual release w/o the responsibility of a relationship. Also if you have a FWB, you learn what the other person likes and it helps you make the sex more pleasurable. You are not going to find a good partner in a one night stand. Yes, I’m a woman. I’ve been using Smileysue74 since forever but my name is Susan, actually. And ideally, that is what I am learning but… \ > [@Why\_Child](#): > > And from a female’s perspective = Why bother to keep the pig, when you can get sausage anywhere. :rolleyes: OMFG, too funny. Because really, there is sausage everywhere and most sausage has a lot more confidence in themselves than I do. > [@Merneith](#): > > You can’t talk about Women as a group. They do not have a hive mind. Women are individuals. They each have individual reasons for dating who they choose to date. I totally agree with you. I was offering what my mind automatically considered to be what it is and why. I thank you for pointing that out bc i totally agreed with you until I read what Wesley Clark said. It’s all about getting info from different sources until one feels that they can form an opinion of their own. .However, almost everything has already been said for almost every topic in almost every situation (either here or in a parallel universe) but I’m in agreement with those who say we have more in common than not. Note to self: quit rambling and thinking too hard, this isn’t going to be on the test. And good job, with offsetting those absolutes but in doing so, it’s becoming too wordy and people don’t like too many words but maybe I don’t care if those people read my words (used in excess)..OH SHIT, A SPIDER!!! never mind, he was quick, though. It is for this reason that I posted here and I am very appreciative to everyone who took the time and consideration to contribute. Thank you and thank you again… .even the short, balding pudgy guy bc dude, you are the majority of single men. I’ve dated all kinds of men and no matter how good or bad they look, I must be doing something wrong that causes them to feel an increased sense of confidence that results in them eventually thinking that they can probably get better. I know confidence is listed as a desirable attribute and I’ve heard about faking it until you make it but I can’t and I don’t want to because I imagine it’s exhausting… I feel the need for a nap just thinking about it. > [@astro](#): > > Language is such a huge component of human interaction human females are wired to be strongly predisposed to men with interpersonal language skills. > I get if you’re not tall, or well off, and you have a bit of a pot belly but if you can\* talk \* an amusing line there is all the action you can handle out there. \*I agree. There are lots of good people in the world but the majority are ignorant, selfish, inconsiderate and overly confident. Notice there was no mention of physical attributes? But, for some reason, most of my boyfriends have been 6’ even though I’m only 5’2". Maybe that’s so I can find them in a crowd, at least… or maybe it’s because I’m not always in the mood to climb up the grocery store shelves in order to reach the items on top. I really like all the comments posted. I think maybe my first step is to actually leave the house and go to social events… but, it feels so much safer and comfortable in the virtual world…or especially in my own world that I’ve created in my mind…j/k, they won’t always allow me access. :):D\* ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/53 "2016-08-29T00:05:10Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > LOL, they view you as some schmuck to pay their bills. Right, because there is no reason any woman should be curious about how a guy spends half of his waking hours and what he sees himself doing in the future. Unless she’s a scheming gold-digging slut seeking a beta male to cuckold and deceive into raising her lover’s brown-eyed progeny. ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/54 "2016-08-29T00:09:44Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Right, because there is no reason any woman should be curious about how a guy spends half of his waking hours and what he sees himself doing in the future. Unless she’s a scheming gold-digging slut seeking a beta male to cuckold and deceive into raising her lover’s brown-eyed progeny. They were asking those questions in the first 5 mins of the first conversation ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/55 "2016-08-29T00:29:58Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > For every woman who wants a man who is tall, handsome, athletic, wealthy, famous, respected, emotionally stable and good with kids you cannot find another woman who wants a man who is short, ugly, fat, broke, ridiculed, emotionally unstable and hates kids. Women, just like men, to a large degree want the same thing within their gender when searching for a romantic and sexual partner. Women are more likely to find Chris Hemsworth sexually appealing than an unemployed convicted sex offender who weighs 500 lbs and lives with his parents. Sure, and for every woman who wants Chris Hemsworth, there’s a man who wants Scarlet Johanson. The problem is, you look at all those Thor-loving women and you get pissed off because you’re not Thor. Then you say nonsense like, “Sex is easy if you’re a woman.” That’s a generalization about _all_ women that is completely untrue. As if all the ScarJo loving men are going to jump at a chance to have sex with a Trollwife. As if there aren’t just as many women desperate for a relationship as men are. As if somehow, it’s the womens fault for wanting a friend with a lot of nice qualities - as if men don’t want the same things, too. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/56 "2016-08-29T00:52:38Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > They were asking those questions in the first 5 mins of the first conversation “What do you do for a living?” is up there with “where are you from originally?” and “what do you in your spare time?” in terms of pre-dating small talk. So you have two options: 1) read nefarious intentions into what is actually a natural thing to inquire about and react in a manner that suggests you have something to be embarrassed about or 2) treat the question like it about as big of deal as being asked about a 40-hour a week hobby. ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/57 "2016-08-29T02:04:27Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > “What do you do for a living?” is up there with “where are you from originally?” and “what do you in your spare time?” in terms of pre-dating small talk. So you have two options: 1) read nefarious intentions into what is actually a natural thing to inquire about and react in a manner that suggests you have something to be embarrassed about or 2) treat the question like it about as big of deal as being asked about a 40-hour a week hobby. Then it’s always that dumb follow up question after I say what I do for a living "do you like it?:smack: ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/58 "2016-08-29T02:16:31Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > Sure, and for every woman who wants Chris Hemsworth, there’s a man who wants Scarlet Johanson. > > The problem is, you look at all those Thor-loving women and you get pissed off because you’re not Thor. Then you say nonsense like, > > “Sex is easy if you’re a woman.” > > That’s a generalization about _all_ women that is completely untrue. > > As if all the ScarJo loving men are going to jump at a chance to have sex with a Trollwife. As if there aren’t just as many women desperate for a relationship as men are. As if somehow, it’s the womens fault for wanting a friend with a lot of nice qualities - as if men don’t want the same things, too. > [@Ambivalid](#): > > …or are unwilling to have realistic expectations re the physical attractiveness of potential partners. Yep. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/59 "2016-08-29T02:32:00Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > Then it’s always that dumb follow up question after I say what I do for a living > > "do you like it?:smack: It’s called getting to know each other. Is that really so alien a concept? You spend what, 8 hours of your day doing x? Do you enjoy it? Do you hate it? Are you biding your time at this job, waiting for a big break in your actual dream career? ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/60 "2016-08-29T02:44:47Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > It’s called getting to know each other. Is that really so alien a concept? You spend what, 8 hours of your day doing x? Do you enjoy it? Do you hate it? Are you biding your time at this job, waiting for a big break in your actual dream career? If I say I hate my job do you think she will have any job leads? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199.md?page=4)