# Sex shouldn't be so hard to get **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 27, 2016, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199 "2016-08-27T22:22:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/61 "2016-08-29T03:55:27Z")
> [@astro](#): > > If this is really your attitude I’m beginning to see why you might be having issues with your game. No woman wants to date a defensive, coiled up man with poor bantering skills. Flip it around, if you were a woman would you want to date a man with that kind of attitude? It was a joke, I wasn’t recommending he ask a woman for her BMI on a first date. At this point in my life I’m pretty much ok with my mediocre success with women. Its fairly liberating. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/62 "2016-08-29T03:57:43Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Right, because there is no reason any woman should be curious about how a guy spends half of his waking hours and what he sees himself doing in the future. Unless she’s a scheming gold-digging slut seeking a beta male to cuckold and deceive into raising her lover’s brown-eyed progeny. According to \*\*cg16 \*\*they were asking 3 kinds of questions. [ul] [li]what I do for a living[/li][li]what I drive[/li][li]What are my career goals[/li][/ul] Its pretty obvious they are asking him how much money he makes, or plans to make in the future because it is socially inappropriate to ask for a W4 and paystub on a first date. They are treating him like an object rather than a human being. He has a right to be upset. That is what I meant by my non-serious retort, turn the tables and ask the woman questions that make her feel like an object. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/63 "2016-08-29T04:00:19Z")
> [@Nema98](#): > > Sex is very important to life, it creates life. It’s not important to life for every man to create new life. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/64 "2016-08-29T04:02:10Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > Sure, and for every woman who wants Chris Hemsworth, there’s a man who wants Scarlet Johanson. > > The problem is, you look at all those Thor-loving women and you get pissed off because you’re not Thor. Then you say nonsense like, > > “Sex is easy if you’re a woman.” > > That’s a generalization about _all_ women that is completely untrue. > > As if all the ScarJo loving men are going to jump at a chance to have sex with a Trollwife. As if there aren’t just as many women desperate for a relationship as men are. As if somehow, it’s the womens fault for wanting a friend with a lot of nice qualities - as if men don’t want the same things, too. My point was that you can make generalizations about men and women. This idea that we are all totally unique is not close to accurate. We are all homo sapiens designed by evolution, and there is a lot of consistency in what men and women find attractive. I’m not saying every woman thinks she can get Chris Hemsworth. I’m saying that women, in general, have a list of traits they look for in an ideal man (tall, handsome, athletic, famous, rich, respected, powerful, emotionally stable, intelligent, good communicator, etc. etc. etc) just like men have general traits they look for in women. This idea that ‘you can’t generalize all men or all women because everyone is an individual’ isn’t totally true. You can create rough generalities that can be used as a decent rule of thumb (despite there being exceptions) since we are all members of the same species. People are individuals, but we are individuals within the same species that shares the same evolutionary history. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/65 "2016-08-29T11:33:48Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > If I say I hate my job do you think she will have any job leads? Maybe, maybe not, but she maybe all she wants to do is commiserate with you. She might ask why you hate it (because the reason might be interesting…annoying co-worker stories can be funny). She might want also to know what you plan on doing about your situation if you hate it so much. Are the kind of guy that is unwilling to consider other paths despite hating the status quo? Or do you make up for your sucky job by investing in a rich leisure life? It’s all in how you roll with it. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/66 "2016-08-29T12:09:07Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > Its pretty obvious they are asking him how much money he makes, or plans to make in the future because it is socially inappropriate to ask for a W4 and paystub on a first date. They are treating him like an object rather than a human being. He has a right to be upset. That is what I meant by my non-serious retort, turn the tables and ask the woman questions that make her feel like an object. Not it’s not obvious. Other than asking him about his car, there is nothing invasive about asking about one’s job or career goals. In DC, questions like that are not only used to get to know someone, but they are also used to establish common ground. A man doesn’t have to ask a woman what her age or BMI are to figure these things out early on, so your “turn the table” game is weak. All he has to do, you know, is open his eyes and look at her. Not questions needed to determine if she’s too fat for one’s taste. ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/67 "2016-08-29T14:31:02Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Maybe, maybe not, but she maybe all she wants to do is commiserate with you. She might ask why you hate it (because the reason might be interesting…annoying co-worker stories can be funny). She might want also to know what you plan on doing about your situation if you hate it so much. Are the kind of guy that is unwilling to consider other paths despite hating the status quo? Or do you make up for your sucky job by investing in a rich leisure life? It’s all in how you roll with it. But what I plan to do to get out of that awful job situation or my plans for the future is none of her business if we just started talking. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/68 "2016-08-29T14:46:03Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > But what I plan to do to get out of that awful job situation or my plans for the future is none of her business if we just started talking. So what is her business at that point? ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/69 "2016-08-29T14:50:24Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > So what is her business at that point? My likes and dislikes when it comes to Food Movies Cities TV shows Ice cream sports Technology ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/70 "2016-08-29T14:55:48Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > My likes and dislikes when it comes to > > Food > Movies > Cities > TV shows > Ice cream > sports > Technology I hope you provide that list to all the new people you talk with, prior to any significant conversation. It’ll save a lot of time and angst for all involved, if you do. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/71 "2016-08-29T14:57:14Z")
Why is it none of her business? You’re just talking. If you want to talk about something else, direct the conversation to something else. Ask her what books she reads, or what her family does for Christmas, or something. The point of such a conversation is to fish around for things you have in common. The point is sincere communication. Chicks dig that. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/72 "2016-08-29T15:02:09Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Why is it none of her business? You’re just talking. > > If you want to talk about something else, direct the conversation to something else. Ask her what books she reads, or what her family does for Christmas, or something. The point of such a conversation is to fish around for things you have in common. > > The point is sincere communication. Chicks dig that. > > Regards, > Shodan I;m all for that but just don’t want no woman asking me what I have in the first 5 minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/73 "2016-08-29T15:19:11Z")
Then you laugh airily and say “Pater told me it is only the lower classes who talk about money” and ask if she noticed how terribly crowded Europe is this season. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/74 "2016-08-29T15:36:47Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > My likes and dislikes when it comes to > > Food > Movies > Cities > TV shows > Ice cream > sports > Technology Why is any of this information “more her business” than knowing what you do during the day? BTW, just the thought of talking about ice cream and sports with a near-stranger makes me weep with boredom. ---
**Author:** ![brainstall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@brainstall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainstall)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/75 "2016-08-29T15:42:04Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > I;m all for that but just don’t want no woman asking me what I have in the first 5 minutes. Unless she’s specifically asking about your salary, benefits and retirement plans, she’s not asking anything more than what do you spend your work day doing. In that question are all kinds of ways to answer, none of them need involve your bank balance. Are you an accountant or an artist? Office or outdoors? Do you work with people or machines? Is your job interesting or just a way to pay bills? Not every woman is a gold digger trying to get her hooks into you. Some of us like guys enough to sleep with them just because they are charming and fun to be around. And, in a FWB relationship, if you are skilled and considerate partner, we might actually continue to sleep with you, just because of that. ---
**Author:** ![brainstall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@brainstall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainstall)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/76 "2016-08-29T15:44:08Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > BTW, just the thought of talking about ice cream and sports with a near-stranger makes me weep with boredom. That just made me snort tea out my nose. I think I’ve been on that date. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/77 "2016-08-29T16:09:18Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > The point is sincere communication. Chicks dig that. Yeah, if you can fake sincerity, you’ve got it made. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/78 "2016-08-29T16:13:12Z")
> [@brainstall](#): > > And, in a FWB relationship, if you are skilled and considerate partner, we might actually continue to sleep with you, just because of that. Exactly. It’s a mistake to assume guys who couch surf and live off ramen noodles don’t get asked about their jobs either. They do…it’s just that their answers don’t disqualify them from getting attention from the women attracted to them. Because sometimes “what do you do for a living” is just a question, not a trap or a test or a ploy. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/79 "2016-08-29T16:27:18Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > If I say I hate my job do you think she will have any job leads? That’s funny because every time I talk to a recruiter, she asks me to have sex with her. Maybe we should switch? > [@cg16](#): > > My likes and dislikes when it comes to > > Food > Movies > Cities > TV shows > Ice cream > sports > Technology Yeah… Here’s how I picture a date with you: “So what do you do for a living?” “NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!! I ONLY LIKE FOOD! AND BY FOOD I MEAN JUST ICE CREAM! I ALSO LIKE MOVIES AND TV SHOWS ABOUT ICE CREAM! AND ICE CREAM TECH! Sorry. I sometimes get excited about ice cream.” “Uhhh…ok. Can we talk about something else then?” “Sure. Do you want me to name every major city in the US and their sports team?” ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/80 "2016-08-29T16:43:22Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Why is any of this information “more her business” than knowing what you do during the day? > > BTW, just the thought of talking about ice cream and sports with a near-stranger makes me weep with boredom. Because they are asking so they can find out if you like your job which makes them feel you are making a nice salary. They are not asking because they have a genuine interest in what type of work you do. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199.md?page=5)