# Sex shouldn't be so hard to get **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 27, 2016, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199 "2016-08-27T22:22:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/81 "2016-08-29T16:44:44Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Why is any of this information “more her business” than knowing what you do during the day? > > BTW, just the thought of talking about ice cream and sports with a near-stranger makes me weep with boredom. This time of year lot of people like to go on ice cream dates just in case you didn’t know. ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/82 "2016-08-29T16:45:44Z")
> [@Musicat](#): > > Yeah, if you can fake sincerity, you’ve got it made. That;s all dating seems to be, pretending to be someone else until you have sex.:smack: ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/83 "2016-08-29T16:47:04Z")
Really if sex is all you are interested in, why not go to a professional? ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/84 "2016-08-29T16:49:15Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Really if sex is all you are interested in, why not go to a professional? I;m saying that most men pretend to be someone else until he gets in her panties. I have never been good at being fake but lots of my friends are. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/85 "2016-08-29T17:33:09Z")
Is sex still hard to get with apps like Tinder? Assuming you aren’t completely unfortunate, doesn’t it just become a simple matter of supply and demand? Are you willing to have sex with any random person off the street? If no, then why would you expect anyone else would be? Can you honestly blame women for wanting to get with a guy who has some combination of good looks, physical fitness, financial or professional success, interesting interests or hobbies and good communication skills? > [@Acsenray](#): > > Really if sex is all you are interested in, why not go to a professional? In most places it’s illegal. It’s more dangerous. Some guys feel “paying for it” is beneath them. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/86 "2016-08-29T17:40:15Z")
> [@nate](#): > > FWB from a guy’s perspective = why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. > [@Why\_Child](#): > > And from a female’s perspective = Why bother to keep the pig, when you can get sausage anywhere. :rolleyes: Ah, but milk is milk is milk. Sausages vary from bangers to wurst… ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/87 "2016-08-29T18:30:19Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > Because they are asking so they can find out if you like your job which makes them feel you are making a nice salary. They are not asking because they have a genuine interest in what type of work you do. I ask people about ice cream because I sell SUGAR-B-GONE! Yes SUGAR-B-GONE! It slices and dices those sugar molecules! No more belly bulge! With SUGAR-B-GONE! it’s rocky road by the truckload! Neapoli-TON! Get SUGAR-B-GONE! for this low, low introductory price of $19.95 plus shipping and handling. That’s a savings of 87%! SUGAR-B-GONE! But wait, there’s more! Buy one day’s supply of SUGAR-B-GONE! and we’ll throw in a second day’s supply ABSOLUTELY FREE! That’s right, two days of SUGAR-B-GONE! You can be a Hunky Monkey with SUGAR-B-GONE! ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/88 "2016-08-29T18:45:38Z")
Just as an aside, Tinder really is not a “hook up” app anymore. As its grown in popularity, it has evolved into much more of a traditional dating app. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/89 "2016-08-29T19:18:09Z")
It’s not hard to get. [sub]Oh, you’re probably talking about sex with someone else.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/90 "2016-08-29T19:45:30Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > My point was that you can make generalizations about men and women. This idea that we are all totally unique is not close to accurate. We are all homo sapiens designed by evolution, and there is a lot of consistency in what men and women find attractive. > > I’m not saying every woman thinks she can get Chris Hemsworth. I’m saying that women, in general, have a list of traits they look for in an ideal man (tall, handsome, athletic, famous, rich, respected, powerful, emotionally stable, intelligent, good communicator, etc. etc. etc) just like men have general traits they look for in women. > > This idea that ‘you can’t generalize all men or all women because everyone is an individual’ isn’t totally true. You can create rough generalities that can be used as a decent rule of thumb (despite there being exceptions) since we are all members of the same species. People are individuals, but we are individuals within the same species that shares the same evolutionary history. “Sex is easy if you’re a woman” is a false statement. It is not a rough generality. It is a specific statement that says all women can have all sex at any time. This is factually incorrect. This factually incorrect statement dismisses the problems women face in finding sex and love and it generates resentment among men because it perpetuates the idea that women have it easy. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/91 "2016-08-29T20:35:07Z")
It is factually incorrect to say that all women have problems finding sex and love, or that all men resent women. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/92 "2016-08-29T21:15:36Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > “Sex is easy if you’re a woman” is a false statement. > > It is not a rough generality. It is a specific statement that says all women can have all sex at any time. This is factually incorrect. > > This factually incorrect statement dismisses the problems women face in finding sex and love and it generates resentment among men because it perpetuates the idea that women have it easy. Attractive women can get sex easily (as long as they do not have illnesses that cause major social inhibitions like social anxiety, autism, etc). However women in general do not desire no strings attached sex the way men do (in general). But yes if a woman isn’t conventionally attractive or she has social inhibitions (anxiety, depression, autism) then she will have a harder time. My point was more that when it comes to what the genders find attractive, there is a decent level of consistency from individual to individual. Women are going to find Chris Hemsworth more attractive than a bankrupt morbidly obese social pariah for a reason, because there are general traits people look for. At the same time, men are going to find a 19 year old with a perfect body and perfect face more attractive than a 57 year old with bad skin, crooked teeth and obesity. People like to say ‘we are all individuals’, but we are all individuals within the same species (homo sapiens) that share the same evolutionary history and share 99.9% of our DNA. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/93 "2016-08-29T21:17:01Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Not it’s not obvious. Other than asking him about his car, there is nothing invasive about asking about one’s job or career goals. In DC, questions like that are not only used to get to know someone, but they are also used to establish common ground. > > A man doesn’t have to ask a woman what her age or BMI are to figure these things out early on, so your “turn the table” game is weak. All he has to do, you know, is open his eyes and look at her. Not questions needed to determine if she’s too fat for one’s taste. Yes, other than asking him about his car. I agree, career goals is a fine conversation topic. But that is like a guy asking a woman whose photo he has never seen about her diet and exercise routine. He could be making sincere conversation about her health, or he could be gauging her appearance. It isn’t the same thing. These issues are hard to tread because there is a fine line between gauging if someone is a good partner, making genuine conversation vs feeling treated like an object. The question about the car is what made me think they were asking about his income. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/94 "2016-08-29T21:21:48Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > I;m saying that most men pretend to be someone else until he gets in her panties. I have never been good at being fake but lots of my friends are. And then the guys wonder why they don’t come back for more, I suppose? :rolleyes: Phoniness is NOT attractive on any level. I guess it’s for the best that they show their true colors early, and not wait until they get married, or worse, have kids. One of those morbid obesity shows on the Discover Channel profiled a guy who weighed 800 pounds and was on a ventilator - and one night, the nurses caught him with 3 girls in his room. :eek: I wondered if he ordered them the way he was ordering delivery pizza, and how he paid for it. 😕 There’s a woman who posts on another board who is an attorney and no longer in the dating pool (long story), and she’s always talking about how she goes out with her younger female co-workers, and the instant the men they meet find out she’s a lawyer, he wants nothing more to do with her. That’s especially true if he’s a lawyer himself, although if you think about it, maybe they don’t want to marry another lawyer because they want to have a life unrelated to what goes on in the office? She, OTOH, thinks it’s because the guys don’t want a highly educated, highly paid woman, and that’s always possible, but really, why would an educated woman want a man who doesn’t want to be with her? Or any other woman, for that matter? ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/95 "2016-08-29T22:21:18Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > The important of FWB is to slightly downgrade to avoid any issues. > > For example, if you prefer dating a woman who is a 8 , then your FWB must be a 7 or a 6 at the least. That way you don’t have to worry about getting attached to the person. > [@cg16](#): > > So If I have good interpersonal skills when talking to women it won’t matter if I don’t drive a car? lol > [@cg16](#): > > yeah they take care of men like that while asking me > > what I do for a living > > what I drive > > What are my career goals > > None of your f\*cking business > [@cg16](#): > > They were asking those questions in the first 5 mins of the first conversation > [@cg16](#): > > Then it’s always that dumb follow up question after I say what I do for a living > > "do you like it?:smack: > [@cg16](#): > > If I say I hate my job do you think she will have any job leads? > [@cg16](#): > > But what I plan to do to get out of that awful job situation or my plans for the future is none of her business if we just started talking. > [@cg16](#): > > My likes and dislikes when it comes to > > Food > > Movies > > Cities > > TV shows > > Ice cream > > sports > > Technology > [@cg16](#): > > I;m all for that but just don’t want no woman asking me what I have in the first 5 minutes. > [@cg16](#): > > Because they are asking so they can find out if you like your job which makes them feel you are making a nice salary. They are not asking because they have a genuine interest in what type of work you do. I think I see the problem here. > [@cg16](#): > > That;s all dating seems to be, pretending to be someone else until you have sex.:smack: I think you should try. After all, it doesn’t appear you really want to know a woman as a person you wish to date, and it seems you aren’t doing too well just being yourself. Hang in there, I’m sure sexy times are a coming! ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/96 "2016-08-29T22:37:20Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > Because they are asking so they can find out if you like your job which makes them feel you are making a nice salary. They are not asking because they have a genuine interest in what type of work you do. When I was in college the first thing women asked at mixers was “what is your major?” That was not a potential salary inquiry, it was an easy topic of conversation. You don’t have to give her a job description - just a general idea of your field with maybe something interesting about it. Starting with “my job sucks” is not likely to get you either a date or a new job. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/97 "2016-08-29T22:47:23Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > It is factually incorrect to say that all women have problems finding sex and love, or that all men resent women. > > Regards, > Shodan I didn’t make either of those statements. I did not say that all women have problems or that all men resent women. I said that the statement, “Sex is easy if you’re a woman” dismisses the problems _of_ women who have trouble finding sex and relationships. In fairness, I admit that I left out the word “of” in my previous post. My brain does that sometimes - it just doesn’t send a work order to my fingers for all the words in my head when I’m typing and it doesn’t always bother to alert me when it cuts a few corners. It’s why I end up editing so many of my posts. My brain doesn’t point out the typo until I’m re-reading it later. Anyway, I didn’t mean to say that all women have problems finding love, but rather that the statement, “Sex is easy if you’re a woman”, dismisses the problems of those who do. It papers over the problems of some women to tell an untrue narrative where all women are unfairly getting lots of sex while men have to work at it. That’s the resentment part. And I didn’t say that all men are resentful, I said “Sex is easy if you’re a woman” is a statement that encourages resentment. I know that not all men fall for it. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/98 "2016-08-29T22:55:55Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > Attractive women can get sex easily (as long as they do not have illnesses that cause major social inhibitions like social anxiety, autism, etc). However women in general do not desire no strings attached sex the way men do (in general). But yes if a woman isn’t conventionally attractive or she has social inhibitions (anxiety, depression, autism) then she will have a harder time. Right - and that’s exactly the way it works for men, too. Attractive men can get sex easily too, provided that they’re not nut jobs. Saying that attractive women and men can get sex easier than unattractive women or men is a much different statement than insisting that all women can get sex easily. > [@](#): > > My point was more that when it comes to what the genders find attractive, there is a decent level of consistency from individual to individual. Women are going to find Chris Hemsworth more attractive than a bankrupt morbidly obese social pariah for a reason, because there are general traits people look for. At the same time, men are going to find a 19 year old with a perfect body and perfect face more attractive than a 57 year old with bad skin, crooked teeth and obesity. People like to say ‘we are all individuals’, but we are all individuals within the same species (homo sapiens) that share the same evolutionary history and share 99.9% of our DNA. This is all irrelevant to what I’m talking about, which is the fact that “Sex is easy if you’re a woman” is an untrue statement. Yes, generally speaking, everyone likes young, fit, attractive people. It’s as useful a bit of info as saying, generally speaking, everyone prefers that their mate has two working eyes. But it’s a far different thing to say, like the OP, that no one likes men who aren’t young fit or attractive, rich and charming (or whatever the list was), or that everyone will sleep with a woman, even if she’s not young fit and attractive. Even if a generalization is correct, it doesn’t mean you can apply that genrealization as a universal truth to individuals. Once you do, it’s trivially easy to point to examples where the generalization is untrue. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/99 "2016-08-29T22:57:51Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > Yes, other than asking him about his car. I agree, career goals is a fine conversation topic. But that is like a guy asking a woman whose photo he has never seen about her diet and exercise routine. Under what set of bizarre and atypical circumstances would a guy be talking to a prospective dating partner without any idea what she looks like? Even blind dates don’t work like that; a guy can always get insight into how big, small, tall, cute, curvy a woman is before he invests significant attention in her. That’s the one plus to be visually minded. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199/100 "2016-08-29T23:39:15Z")
Never in my life have I been asked “what do you drive?” I’ve dated quite a bit too, most of it internet-based. ETA: I must make one caveat to my statement. I have been asked what I drove but it was in the context of my disability. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-shouldnt-be-so-hard-to-get/764199.md?page=6)