# Sex test for men **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 23, 2001, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-test-for-men/59177 "2001-03-23T17:26:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2001, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-test-for-men/59177/1 "2001-03-23T17:26:51Z")
1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as: A. Lovemaking B. Screwing C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town. 2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you’ve both shared: A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship. B. Your blood-test results. C. Five tequila slammers. 3. You time your orgasm so that: A. Your partner climaxes first. B. You both climax simultaneously. C. You don’t miss ESPN Sportscenter. 4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is: A. Healthy, creative love-play. B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to. C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about. 5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you just had sex with is: A. The best part of the experience. B. The second best part of the experience. C. $100 extra. 6. Your girlfriend says she’s gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is: A. No concern of yours. B. Not a problem, she can join your gym. C. A conservative estimate. 7. You think today’s sensitive, caring man is: A. A myth B. An oxymoron C. A moron 8. Foreplay is to sex as: A. Appetizer is to entree. B. Primer is to paint. C. A long line is to an amusement park ride. 9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship? A. “I hope we can still be friends.” B. “I’m not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.” C. “Welcome to Dumpsville - population: YOU.” 10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate: A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy. B. Is uptight and a waste of time. C. Shouldn’t have sat next to you on the bus in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Sapphire\_Bullet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@Sapphire\_Bullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapphire_Bullet)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2001, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-test-for-men/59177/2 "2001-03-24T00:01:26Z")
**ROFL!** I had no idea cuddling was so expensive! Dave, I will be expecting a new monitor within the next 2 weeks. Flat screen, preferably. ---
**Author:** ![trose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f9ae1b/32.png) [@trose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/trose)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2001, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-test-for-men/59177/3 "2001-03-24T00:10:57Z")
> [@](#): > > **C. You don’t miss ESPN Sportscenter.** I _knew_ it! ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2001, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-test-for-men/59177/4 "2001-03-24T01:48:32Z")
> [@](#): > > 1. Your girlfriend says she’s gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is: > C. A conservative estimate. Hehe, I’ll throw in for funeral expenses for any guy who actually tries that one. ---
**Author:** ![callie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/2acd7d/32.png) [@callie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/callie)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2001, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-test-for-men/59177/5 "2001-03-24T02:08:13Z")
Hey! - how come no guys are actually taking this quiz? 🙂 Well, maybe they are but they are too afraid to post their answers… Very funny quiz **WeirdDavd**. ---
**Author:** ![callie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/2acd7d/32.png) [@callie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/callie)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2001, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-test-for-men/59177/6 "2001-03-24T02:11:50Z")
Don’t hate me because I can’t type. 🙂 The scary thing is that I did preview - obviously not enough though… Very funny quiz **WeirdDave**. ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2001, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-test-for-men/59177/7 "2001-03-24T03:30:44Z")
Fine, I’ll take it. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Weirddave \* > \*\*1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as: > > A. Lovemaking > B. Screwing > C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town. > \*\* a) Lovemaking (if you want to get any from her for at least 2 weeks) \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you’ve both shared: > > A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship. > B. Your blood-test results. > C. Five tequila slammers. > \*\* C. Five tequila slammers. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. You time your orgasm so that: > > A. Your partner climaxes first. > B. You both climax simultaneously. > C. You don’t miss ESPN Sportscenter. > > \*\* d. I can grab a beer and still catch the second half kickoff. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is: > > A. Healthy, creative love-play. > B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to. > C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about. > > \*\* d. The reason I left that camcorder on the countertop…running… \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you just had sex with is: > > A. The best part of the experience. > B. The second best part of the experience. > C. $100 extra. > > \*\* d. Trying to ensure I have sex with her again at a later date. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. Your girlfriend says she’s gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is: > > A. No concern of yours. > B. Not a problem, she can join your gym. > C. A conservative estimate. > > \*\* d) “Is that per thigh?” \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. You think today’s sensitive, caring man is: > > A. A myth > B. An oxymoron > C. A moron > > \*\* d. Probably gay. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. Foreplay is to sex as: > > A. Appetizer is to entree. > B. Primer is to paint. > C. A long line is to an amusement park ride. > > \*\* C. A long line is to an amusement park ride. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship? > > A. “I hope we can still be friends.” > B. “I’m not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.” > C. “Welcome to Dumpsville - population: YOU.” > > \*\* d. Sorry, I’m used to LISTENING at this point. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate: > > A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy. > B. Is uptight and a waste of time. > C. Shouldn’t have sat next to you on the bus in the first place. > \*\* d. Is welcome to come over and see if she can do any better. ---
**Author:** ![callie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/2acd7d/32.png) [@callie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/callie)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2001, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-test-for-men/59177/8 "2001-03-24T05:47:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lurkernomore \* > 10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate: > > A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy. > B. Is uptight and a waste of time. > C. Shouldn’t have sat next to you on the bus in the first place. > \*\* d. Is welcome to come over and see if she can do any better. \*\* [/QUOTE] **Lurker** - when I first read your answer I had an image of you and “her” laying on the bed having a showdown of who could masturbate better… then I realized that wasn’t what you meant. 😉 And then I had a good laugh -at you and my thoughts. [sub]ok - maybe its time to go to bed[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2001, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-test-for-men/59177/9 "2001-03-24T06:17:05Z")
\*Originally posted by lurkernomore: \* > [@](#): > > 1. Your girlfriend says she’s gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her > that it is: I can only assume you’ve never actually said anything this outrageous to a woman by the fact that **you are still alive!** But I did laugh.