# Sex with a bike?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [October 30, 2007, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621 "2007-10-30T19:55:48Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Ro\_Carter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ro_Carter)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2007, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621/1 "2007-10-30T19:55:48Z")
From an article [here](http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/10/26/nsex126.xml) , where a man has been placed on the sex offenders registry for having sex with a bike.
No, not the town bike.
There are quite a few things that confuse me about this, namely how what someone was doing behind closed doors with an inanimate object can merit being placed on the sex offenders registry.
Also, I have to say I am more than a little bewildered by the… mechanics? required for something like that.
My apologies if there was already a thread about this, but this struck me as odd enough to merit a thread (and the jokes sure to ensue).
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### Author:  [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2007, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621/2 "2007-10-30T19:56:50Z")
Hey! Put that thing away!
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### Author:  [@malkavia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malkavia)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2007, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621/3 "2007-10-30T19:58:16Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.
Woah, what?
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### Author:  [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2007, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621/4 "2007-10-30T19:58:26Z")
And the true meaning of \*\*fishbicycle’s \*\* username becomes clear…
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### Author:  [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2007, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621/5 "2007-10-30T19:58:33Z")
Was there a fish involved?
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### Author:  [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2007, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621/6 "2007-10-30T19:58:54Z")
What the fuck? (literally) Why is he in trouble for this? He was in his own damn house. If a man wants to fuck a (dead) chicken in his house and then cook it and eat it himself it’s nobody’s business…as long as he’s not trying to feed it to anyone else.
If there’s anything wrong with what he did it’s neglecting to put the chain on!
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2007, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621/7 "2007-10-30T19:59:35Z")
I don’t see any problem if it was consentual, and it wasn’t a kid’s bike. What a man (or a woman) and a machine do behind closed doors is between him/her and the machine.
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### Author:  [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2007, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621/8 "2007-10-30T19:59:54Z")
[QUOTE=malkavia]
Woah, what?
[/QUOTE]
[Dude… Wait, What?](http://gallery.ksilebo.com/randimg/1143439398189.jpg.html)
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### Author:  [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2007, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621/9 "2007-10-30T20:00:02Z")
A friend of mine posted about this elsewhere. My mind boggles. It’s still boggling. The discussion devolved into one of whether the bicycle in question was of age or not.
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### Author:  [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2007, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621/10 "2007-10-30T20:02:31Z")
Is that what the derauiller is for?
I can’t quite figure out the physics of this one…
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### Author:  [@Ro\_Carter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ro_Carter)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2007, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621/11 "2007-10-30T20:06:27Z")
I think my favorite part of the article is how they drop that quick line about the guy having sex with pavements and then bam, its over. That sort of thing begs for additional explanation, or at least a link to a previous article on the topic.
Anaamika, I think the article says he was in a hotel of some sort, and was discovered by the cleaning crew, who opened the door when there was no response to their knocks. I agree, it would take on a whole new level of stupid if he had been in his own home.
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### Author:  [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2007, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621/12 "2007-10-30T20:10:44Z")
[QUOTE=Ro Carter]
I think my favorite part of the article is how they drop that quick line about the guy having sex with pavements and then bam, its over. That sort of thing begs for additional explanation, or at least a link to a previous article on the topic.
Anaamika, I think the article says he was in a hotel of some sort, and was discovered by the cleaning crew, who opened the door when there was no response to their knocks. I agree, it would take on a whole new level of stupid if he had been in his own home.
[/QUOTE]
I read it, actually. I still can’t say I’d report him. This is prime material to joke about for _years_ afterward, but after all, what did the women see? Oh noes, they saw a penis! BFD!
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### Author:  [@brewha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brewha)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2007, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621/13 "2007-10-30T20:13:55Z")
No no, you got it all wrong. Read the headline again:
> [@](#):
>
> Man who had sex with bike in court
What he does in the privacy of his own home is his own business. Once you start fornicating with inanimate objects in court, it’s contempt!
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### Author:  [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2007, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621/14 "2007-10-30T20:14:31Z")
[QUOTE=Ro Carter]
I think my favorite part of the article is how they drop that quick line about the guy having sex with pavements and then bam, its over. That sort of thing begs for additional explanation, or at least a link to a previous article on the topic.
[/QUOTE]
It’s much easier doing a visualization of humping the pavement than doing a bike.
Then again, as far as the mechanics go, some radio jocks here speculated that perhaps, technically speaking, the bike actually was the one doing the “doing”, if you catch my drift.
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### Author:  [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2007, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621/15 "2007-10-30T20:23:50Z")
[QUOTE=Telperien]
The discussion devolved into one of whether the bicycle in question was of age or not.
[/QUOTE]
Come on, it’s not like he had sex with a TRICYCLE.
Although the article doesn’t say if the bicycle still had training wheels or not … .
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2007, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621/16 "2007-10-30T20:24:24Z")
[Garth Algar]
_Schwinn!_
[/Garth Algar]
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### Author:  [@Mbossa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mbossa)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2007, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621/17 "2007-10-30T20:28:27Z")
Why are his actions even being referred to as “sex”? Wouldn’t he have just been using the bike as a masturbatory aid? You don’t normally refer to vibrator usage as “having sex with a vibrator”, for example.
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### Author:  [@Darryl\_Lict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darryl_Lict)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2007, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621/18 "2007-10-30T20:32:48Z")
I remember seeing a bicycle with a vibrator attached to it. This doesn’t look exactly like the one I was thinking of, but it captures the technology reasonably well.
**WARNING: NSW**
http: // savvyasian.files. [wordpress.com](http://wordpress.com) /2007/10/sod-acme-bicycle-1-cover.jpg
But sex with an inanimate object? I suspect some women would be displeased.
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### Author:  [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2007, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621/19 "2007-10-30T20:37:08Z")
[Full Metal Jacket]
Tough break for Hand Job.
Hand Job?
He jerked off 10 times a day.
At least 10 times.
They sent him down to the chief Navy head shrinker in Danang. He starts jerking off in the waiting room. BAM! Instant section 8. He was just waiting for his papers to clear division.
Better you than me.
[FMJ]
Wasn’t there some sort of bike in South Park that was clearly a sexual device. I think it had one huge wheel that you sat inside.
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### Author:  [@abbeytxs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abbeytxs)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2007, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-a-bike/424621/20 "2007-10-30T20:40:51Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika]
What the fuck? (literally) Why is he in trouble for this? He was in his own damn house. If a man wants to fuck a (dead) chicken in his house and then cook it and eat it himself it’s nobody’s business…as long as he’s not trying to feed it to anyone else.
[/QUOTE]
Thanks for that image!
I was going to make chicken fajitas for dinner, now I think we will just have vegetable soup.
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