# Sex with my wife **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 25, 2000, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-my-wife/20484 "2000-05-25T02:45:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Smokey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Smokey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smokey)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2000, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-my-wife/20484/21 "2000-05-28T17:24:00Z")
just try to be happy with what you have. ---
**Author:** ![SkeptiJess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SkeptiJess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkeptiJess)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2000, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-my-wife/20484/22 "2000-05-28T18:10:18Z")
First of all (a slight hijack, BTW), I hate the idea that “marriage is a lot of work.” There are periods of difficulty in every relationship, but if a marriage is constantly grinding up-hill _work_ then you’re doing something wrong. I think someone else put their finger on it – if you want to maintain a relationship you have to spend time together – alone. Furthermore, I don’t think it has to be ‘quality time’ (read: a lot of _work_). When our kids were really small we couldn’t afford to go out on big dates and trips. Our solution was to put the kids to bed early – From baby-hood Nick and Dori went to bed at 7:00 every night. Then the couple-time commenced. Most of the time we spent the evening watching TV, reading or chatting about our days – occasionally, though, we got out the tarp and the baby oil. Also, there needs to be a balance – it probably isn’t healthy for most people to be together constantly. For instance, I’ve always taken one evening a week to myself. When we were first married it was usually just an evening at the library (we were poor, remember), but it was mentally refreshing for me to have that alone-time. Kevin has a motorcycle, so he usually took a solo ride at least once a week – this was alone-time for him. Now that we have more money and our kids are old enough (13 and 14) to be left alone sometimes, Kevin and I get better together-time (movies, dinners, motorcycle rides, trips) and, because we never ‘grew apart,’ we enjoy being together. We’ll be married 15 years in February and we certainly have had problems: some usual (money problems, kid problems, cranky days on both our parts) and some unusual (enforced separations – Kevin has been is the Navy for our entire married life, major health problems with one of our kids – Dori was severely premature and has cerebral palsy as a result). But, I can honestly say that we have never had a prolonged period of indifference toward each other. We are having one of those periods of enforced separation right now – Kevin is alone in Virginia on his new ship, and the kids and I are finishing the school year here in San Diego before joining him, but when we are in the same zip code, we’ve never gone more than 4 days without making love. In short, if your marriage has become work, you need to think about making it _fun_. ---
**Author:** ![Nanno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Nanno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanno)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2000, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-my-wife/20484/23 "2000-05-29T01:41:53Z")
Well your problem is that you said “same as 4 years ago” you need to grow with each other, apparently you left her behind, and your obviously not talking to each other. Let her know how you feel and what you want. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2000, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-my-wife/20484/24 "2000-05-29T16:02:16Z")
THe best way to give up Sex is to get married. ---
**Author:** ![jb\_farley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9d8465/32.png) [@jb\_farley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jb_farley)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2000, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-my-wife/20484/25 "2000-12-16T21:31:43Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by vandal_ Lamsai, my friend, I have two words for you – Role Playing. [/quote] “Heh heh! I’ve got 16 dexterity baby. Oh yeah, who’s your Grindor?! Who’s your Grindor?!” hjbv ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2000, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-my-wife/20484/26 "2000-12-16T21:43:42Z")
Just be sure you wear your Ring of Protection. (Unless you DO want kids, of course.) ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2000, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-my-wife/20484/27 "2000-12-16T22:17:40Z")
I am so lucky. I have been with my husband since 1987 and I still drive him to distraction daily, but then he still turns me on something fierce. We have both changed a lot over the years, including getting a lot fatter, but we are still in good enough shape to have great sex several times a week. Granted there are fewer three times in a row and we dont’ have sex every day at least once like we used to, but we are still passionate. Interest doesn’t have to wane. ---
**Author:** ![lucie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed8c4c/32.png) [@lucie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lucie)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2000, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-my-wife/20484/28 "2000-12-17T01:54:40Z")
I actually saw something on this earlier today. A marriage therapist (IIRC) did an experiment with several couples who were having boredom issues in their marriages at around the 4-year mark. One-third of the couples did nothing different, one-third chose a pleasant activity to engage in for two hours a week, and one-third engaged in an exciting activity (non-sexual, just physically energetic and enjoyable, like a sport) together for two hours a week. At the end of ten weeks, the couples who spent two hours a week in a physically exciting activity together were happier in their marriages and re-establishing the sexual spark and excitement, where the other couples had no noticable difference. I guess the conclusion was to associate the enjoyable, energetic activities with your relationship, presumably the way you did during courtship, and this helps to boost the physical interest. Sounds reasonable to me, and I know this sort of thing has helped keep my 10-year marriage fresh & enjoyable. ---
**Author:** ![Guest\_of\_whoever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@Guest\_of\_whoever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest_of_whoever)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2000, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-my-wife/20484/29 "2000-12-25T20:10:11Z")
Henny Youngman said it best. Sex with my wife. Please, I have a weak heart! ---
**Author:** ![epeepunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f19dbf/32.png) [@epeepunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epeepunk)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2000, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-my-wife/20484/30 "2000-12-26T16:27:55Z")
My wife and I have been together for 10 (yipes) years. And yes, occasionally the sex gets forgotten. Never boring, but just not as often. This especially happened when our child was born. Luckily for us, her mom lives in the same town and wants to be an active grandma. So she takes him (almost) every Saturday night which allows us to go on dates. Real dates. Dinner and a movie, get home late, sex in the morning dates. This gives us a chance to talk about work and things going on in our lives that we are missing. I am in night school, so I have to spend a lot of time not being present. This helps me not miss things. Also, we do become distracted by chores and the huge list of things to do. Be sure to make time for sex and snuggling. Put it on your to-do list if you have to. Role-playing isn’t where we’ve gone, but I’m not that, umm, theatrical. But you may want to look at the “99 Great Dates” kind of books. Toys can also be fun. So can movies. Finally, **talk to her**. This is very important. If she doesn’t know, she can’t help you. ---
**Author:** ![KJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@KJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KJ)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2000, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-my-wife/20484/31 "2000-12-26T20:14:26Z")
::Reading the topic and posting a reply before reading the actual thread:: Sex with your wife? Yes, please. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sex-with-my-wife/20484.md?page=1)