# Sexless marriage or good sex life with an unfaithful spouse? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 1, 2013, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834 "2013-06-01T03:22:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/1 "2013-06-01T03:22:36Z")
Inspired by [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=692533). Yeah yeah applies to long term relationships. Feel free to comment about whether straight or gay matters. Poll to follow. ---
**Author:** ![yellowjacketcoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/4bbf92/32.png) [@yellowjacketcoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowjacketcoder)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/2 "2013-06-01T03:29:29Z")
You’ve committed the fallacy of excluding the middle: You could get a divorce. ---
**Author:** ![Jamicat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c67d28/32.png) [@Jamicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jamicat)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/3 "2013-06-01T03:29:42Z")
There’s a lot of, “Ifs’ and then I can probably tolerate” loaded in this Poll. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/4 "2013-06-01T03:38:19Z")
Other: I prefer to be single if I can’t have a faithful spouse and decent sex. If I HAD to pick one, I guess the faithful spouse and no sex because maybe we could work on that. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/5 "2013-06-01T04:03:27Z")
Like everyone else, I’d like to search for a third way out. But, given the limitations of the hypothetical, I’d rather have trust, honesty, and integrity, even at the cost of a totally platonic relationship, than good sex at the cost of betrayal and dishonesty. Trust comes absolutely first. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/6 "2013-06-01T04:44:50Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Like everyone else, I’d like to search for a third way out. But, given the limitations of the hypothetical, I’d rather have trust, honesty, and integrity, even at the cost of a totally platonic relationship, than good sex at the cost of betrayal and dishonesty. Trust comes absolutely first. Nobody said anything about betrayal and dishonesty. Sex is a very important part of an adult relationship, and if my partner is upfront about his extracurricular activities, there’s no violation of trust, honesty and integrity. As I mentioned in the other thread, I’ve been there. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/7 "2013-06-01T05:07:49Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Nobody said anything about betrayal and dishonesty. . . . Yes, they did. It’s right there in the OP. “Unfaithful spouse.” Unfaithful is about as dishonest as it gets. If an open marriage was part of the deal, then there isn’t any breach of faith. But that isn’t what was stated in the actual question. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/8 "2013-06-01T05:33:41Z")
I would prefer a sexless marriage with a faithful spouse. I think it would be perfect if they had just as little interest as I have. Lots of snuggling and attention given to each other though! ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/9 "2013-06-01T05:34:17Z")
I would prefer the less wicked option, thank you very much. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/10 "2013-06-01T06:26:26Z")
Obviously the correct answer is faithful spouse and sexless marriage, because it didn’t say anything about YOU being faithful, now did it? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/11 "2013-06-01T07:13:12Z")
If I have to choose, faithful, sexless marriage. No chance of STDs. ---
**Author:** ![Foggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foggy/32/1082_2.png) [@Foggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foggy)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/12 "2013-06-01T09:52:46Z")
For me I’ll take a sexless, spouse-less, non marriage. Sex is over rated IMHO. > [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](#): > > I would prefer the less wicked option, thank you very much. So you want a faithful, sexless marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/13 "2013-06-01T11:29:52Z")
As long as it’s friendly, she can have friends. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/14 "2013-06-01T11:54:06Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > Obviously the correct answer is faithful spouse and sexless marriage, because it didn’t say anything about YOU being faithful, now did it? 😉 I like your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/15 "2013-06-01T17:59:06Z")
Sex is nice, but as long as I get my cuddles, I’m good. Plus there would be the stress of STD worries with the unfaithful spouse. (As I’m assuming unfaithful means lots of one-night stands.) I have decided that I’d probably be okay with a wife who had a girlfriend on the side, though. Assuming, again, we were all tested. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/16 "2013-06-01T18:00:34Z")
> [@yellowjacketcoder](#): > > You’ve committed the fallacy of excluding the middle: You could get a divorce. Of course he did. The entire point of these types of hypotheticals is that you don’t have any other choice. That’s what makes them interesting. They aren’t like real life. Don’t fight the hypothetical. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/17 "2013-06-01T18:03:07Z")
Does a consensual threesome between me, my partner, and a special guest count as “less than faithful”? ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/18 "2013-06-01T19:01:08Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > Obviously the correct answer is faithful spouse and sexless marriage, because it didn’t say anything about YOU being faithful, now did it? 😉 Seriously, though, can we get a ruling on this? Does the hypothetical allow me to step out? Considering that’s pretty much how the world has worked for thousands of years, I gotta figure that’s the best option. If that’s DQed, then I’ll go with faithless, sexy spouse. You can get over infidelity, but frigidity burns all day, every day. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/19 "2013-06-01T19:21:49Z")
Sexless, faithful marriage. Shit, we’ve been there and done that. It wasn’t ideal but we were still very happy. I would still take that over being with anyone else. ---
**Author:** ![R3d\_Anonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/aeb1de/32.png) [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/20 "2013-06-01T19:24:36Z")
I chose, “Male, prefer sexless and faithful spouse.” However, I think you need to define “sexless”. Are you talking about just sex or is kissing prohibited in this hypothetical situation as well? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834.md?page=2)