# Sexless marriage or good sex life with an unfaithful spouse? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 1, 2013, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834 "2013-06-01T03:22:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2013, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/21 "2013-06-02T00:49:28Z")
One of each. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2013, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/22 "2013-06-02T01:24:02Z")
_“Male, prefer a sex life with a spouse who is less than completely faithful”;_ I don’t actually _want_ to get married in the first place, so if I _have_ to I might as well get some sex out of the deal. Nor do I care if _she’s_ “unfaithful” to an arrangement I don’t want, so it all works out. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2013, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/23 "2013-06-02T01:26:39Z")
Both options sound miserable, i prefer singlehood. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2013, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/24 "2013-06-02T20:20:20Z")
Intersting results. Males are pretty much evenly split between these two unappealing options; females OTOH overwhelmingly find the sexless but faithful as the less awful choice. Nobody claiming that orientation makes any difference whatsoever. Not sure what the take away on that is … but it is interesting. ---
**Author:** ![Glazer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a88e57/32.png) [@Glazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glazer)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2013, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/25 "2013-06-02T20:41:16Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > Both options sound miserable, i prefer singlehood. Ditto. I prefer your Wife be unfaithful with me. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2013, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/26 "2013-06-02T20:59:57Z")
could/would less than completely faithful option be certified disease and baby free? ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2013, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/27 "2013-06-02T21:13:03Z")
I really don’t want to live without a sex life – the complete lack of it destroyed the marriage I just got out of – so I’m taking the opposite choice. I suppose I wouldn’t mind the “unfaithful” situation at all if I was never aware of it… the poll doesn’t make that explicitly clear. ---
**Author:** ![Dog80](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6bbea6/32.png) [@Dog80](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dog80)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2013, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/28 "2013-06-03T10:40:19Z")
Male, I voted sex with unfaithful wife. I have tried the sexless with faithful wife and it sucks. Maybe the other option is better. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2013, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/29 "2013-06-03T15:20:11Z")
I voted “Other” - both an active sex life and spousal faithfulness are deal-breakers for me. I’d end my marriage if either were taken off the table by my wife. I’d still love her, and I’d still want to be friends with her, but either would be such a radical change in the foundations of our marriage that I would consider it a nullification of our marriage agreement on her part and would proceed accordingly. This assumes _permanent_ sexlessness, BTW, I’m perfectly cool with long periods of no sex but anything longer than, say, 1 year would be too much. I’m a lot less flexible on the unfaithfulness - any is too much. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2013, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/30 "2013-06-03T16:03:34Z")
To be honest I’d actually be perfectly fine in a sexless romantic relationship as it is. If someday I find the _perfect_ guy who I think will just be an absolute wonderful life partner, but he says to me after a couple dates, “Look drew there’s something I have to tell you. I don’t like sex. Not oral sex, not anal sex. Nothing. Making out and cuddling is great but if we’re going to be together there will never be any sex. And furthermore I won’t be comfortable with you having sex with anyone else.” I’d be open minded to that relationship. Sex isn’t THAT important to me if I’m getting all the good love and support I need 😃 But this guy would have to be pretty damn perfect! So the choice for me is easily sexless marriage and faithful spouse. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2013, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/31 "2013-06-03T16:37:59Z")
Yeah, I’m with Drew. A romantic relationship short of ‘intercourse’ is actually pretty ok with me and I’m no stranger to platonic roommate relationships+cuddling. ---
**Author:** ![MildlyObsessed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@MildlyObsessed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MildlyObsessed)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2013, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/32 "2013-06-03T17:17:22Z")
A married female here. There is no question here for me, I’d take the unfaithfulness anyday. I can function easily 3-4 days without sex, after that I start to get frustrated and difficult to be around for everyone (not just my partner). My co-workers dread the times my husband is travelling for work, so I’m not good at hiding my mood swings either. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/33 "2013-06-04T01:12:00Z")
I get grumpy if I go without it for more than a week or so. A sexless marriage is one of the reasons why my marriage of 17 years fell apart. That stated - I do not want a cheating partner even if the sex was amazing. And the same rules apply for me. I think that if one or both people in a relationship need to have sex with others, it should be discussed. Unfaithfulness is very rarely not suspected and eventually out in the open. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/34 "2013-06-04T06:33:35Z")
I’d leave someone who cheated and lied, but I’d be perfectly willing to have an open relationship if my partner struggled with monogamy. I wouldn’t put up with no sex, though. It’s the cement that holds a romantic relationship together, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![Doggo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/87869e/32.png) [@Doggo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doggo)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/35 "2013-06-04T11:05:03Z")
> [@rhubarbarin](#): > > I’d leave someone who cheated and lied, but I’d be perfectly willing to have an open relationship if my partner struggled with monogamy. I wouldn’t put up with no sex, though. It’s the cement that holds a romantic relationship together, IMO. Having lived in a sexless relationship for 4 years, I’m with you. In the end, I left so that I could find someone that did want sex. ---
**Author:** ![Sehmket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Sehmket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sehmket)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/36 "2013-06-05T00:59:39Z")
Having gone without for the past few months… I would BY FAR take the cheating spouse. Heck, I’ve encouraged my It’s Complicated to go get some (he refuses). I’m scratching at walls to get him to come back to my bed. If this time in my life has taught me anything, it’s that a girl’s got NEEDS. ---
**Author:** ![rivulus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/839c29/32.png) [@rivulus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rivulus)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/37 "2013-06-05T03:00:30Z")
I tend to go for long stretches where sex just isn’t that interesting. I have a lot of other things I’d rather spend my time, energy, and creativity on. It’s fun for a moment but, eh, not really worth the effort. And, honestly, I don’t find it makes me feel terribly much closer to my partner. So my initial thought is that I’d prefer a sexless but faithful marriage. However, I am just ornery enough that if I thought I _couldn’t_ have sex, I’d probably really, really want it. Just because. So maybe that wouldn’t work out so well. ---
**Author:** ![Doggo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/87869e/32.png) [@Doggo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doggo)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2013, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/38 "2013-06-06T10:04:00Z")
> [@rivulus](#): > > I tend to go for long stretches where sex just isn’t that interesting. I have a lot of other things I’d rather spend my time, energy, and creativity on. It’s fun for a moment but, eh, not really worth the effort. And, honestly, I don’t find it makes me feel terribly much closer to my partner. So my initial thought is that I’d prefer a sexless but faithful marriage. > > However, I am just ornery enough that if I thought I _couldn’t_ have sex, I’d probably really, really want it. Just because. So maybe that wouldn’t work out so well. Being in a relationship where you can have sex if you want to is light years from being in a relationship where you can’t have sex at all. Been there, done that. ---
**Author:** ![Quimby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/22d042/32.png) [@Quimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quimby)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2013, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/39 "2013-06-06T19:27:35Z")
I started this [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=672286) several months ago but it seems relevant here. ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2013, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834/40 "2013-06-06T19:34:28Z")
Other: I would rather be alone, TYVM than in either of those situations. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-or-good-sex-life-with-an-unfaithful-spouse/659834.md?page=3)