# Sexless Marriage- what do you do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 27, 2010, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-what-do-you-do/558551 "2010-10-27T17:12:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-what-do-you-do/558551/181 "2010-11-01T00:10:12Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Also, aren’t ladies not allowed to have sexy times for like, 6-10 weeks post birth? My wife had a normal vaginal birth. Her ob/gyn suggested we wait for 8 weeks. Fortunately, there were plenty of other things we could do to kill the time. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-what-do-you-do/558551/182 "2010-11-01T01:15:55Z")
I read that as “Normal Virgin Birth” ---
**Author:** ![Dunkelheit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dunkelheit/32/248_2.png) [@Dunkelheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunkelheit)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-what-do-you-do/558551/183 "2010-11-01T02:10:04Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > If we had a close loving relationship other than sex, and if, as the OP stated, it was not for some terrible medical reason, I think I’d tell her I’m going to have sex with others. She can then say 1) ok, just don’t tell me about it, 2) ok, keep me in the loop, or 3) not ok, the marriage is over. This would be my response as well, though with the caveat that any extracurricular sexual relationship would be an actual relationship, as for me there is no such thing as “casual sex”. For that reason, option 1 wouldn’t really be an option, as it would be nigh impossible to have an actual secondary relationship without the person in my primary relationship knowing about it. And since I’m in a poly marriage anyway, option 3 is unlikely. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-what-do-you-do/558551/184 "2010-11-01T02:20:28Z")
> [@Unintentionally\_Blank](#): > > I read that as “Normal Virgin Birth” I can assure you that this reading is incorrect. Though I have no doubt that my son will think that his mother is a virgin and that his father is God. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-what-do-you-do/558551/185 "2010-11-01T04:03:06Z")
Got any myrrh you can spare? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-what-do-you-do/558551/186 "2010-11-01T06:45:58Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > 😕 I said for ME it was an “impregnate me” sign. I have no idea why you took offense to that. I did not take offense, but the phrasing in both of your posts made me think that when you think of “birth control” you think of “the pill” (or inserted alternatives). My apologies if I was wrong. > [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Also, aren’t ladies not allowed to have sexy times for like, 6-10 weeks post birth? Yeah well, that seems to vary from time to time and culture to culture. I know quite a few cases of Irish twins where the younger one was conceived within days of his elder sibling’s birth. ---
**Author:** ![Chicagojeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b19c9b/32.png) [@Chicagojeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicagojeff)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-what-do-you-do/558551/187 "2010-11-01T09:47:42Z")
> [@Stoid](#): > > The thing that separates my spouse from others is the fact that they are my lover. If they have stopped being my lover, why would I keep them as my spouse? This.. I’ve been here before and I didn’t handle it very well. In retrospect their are several things I probably should have done differently. I know in the future with my current relationship (hey baby) theirs no way I’d make the same mistakes in the past. I know people get busy.. but i also wonder if sometimes these problems can be resolved with physical exercise.. not the main topic.. but in the gym. I know it can get pretty annoying when your spouse asks you to constantly turn off the lights or to not look at her undressing. I know that I’m not going to live like THAT anymore and sex is pretty damn important to me. As for my end.. this and my profession are the main reasons I consistently work out.. I think its essential to want to look good for your SO.. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-what-do-you-do/558551/188 "2010-11-01T10:00:04Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Also, aren’t ladies not allowed to have sexy times for like, 6-10 weeks post birth? > [@Nava](#): > > Yeah well, that seems to vary from time to time and culture to culture. I know quite a few cases of Irish twins where the younger one was conceived within days of his elder sibling’s birth. I’ve always assumed it was like the no eating after swimming rule, myself. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-what-do-you-do/558551/189 "2010-11-01T10:52:54Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I’ve always assumed it was like the no eating after swimming rule, myself. Do most women tear their vaginas when they go swimming, too? Ignorance fought! ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-what-do-you-do/558551/190 "2010-11-01T13:29:54Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > Quite the bawdy GP, ooh eh missus? And he doesn’t even know about the French maid outfit! I’ve also heard of several cases of women going in for their 6-week post-baby check-up and finding out they were pregnant. Surprise!! ---
**Author:** ![Dunkelheit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dunkelheit/32/248_2.png) [@Dunkelheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunkelheit)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-what-do-you-do/558551/191 "2010-11-01T13:47:50Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > Am I 80 or 40? There’s a big difference, you know. If you don’t know, I’m not sure what to tell you. 😉 Sorry, I’ll get my coat… ---
**Author:** ![Dunkelheit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dunkelheit/32/248_2.png) [@Dunkelheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunkelheit)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-what-do-you-do/558551/192 "2010-11-01T13:52:27Z")
I voted “other (you forgot \_\_\_)” even though I don’t think you’re dumb, heh. That’s because non-monogamy with one’s partner’s blessing is not cheating. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-what-do-you-do/558551/193 "2010-11-02T06:49:36Z")
> [@storyteller0910](#): > > Sexual desire is the foundation on which all that other stuff was built. Right! Without passion it’s some sort of business deal. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-what-do-you-do/558551/194 "2010-11-02T10:28:28Z")
> [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](#): > > Right! Without passion it’s some sort of business deal. Not necessarily! “You don’t pay her for sex, you pay for her to _go away_ afterwards.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexless-marriage-what-do-you-do/558551.md?page=9)