# Sexual assault isn't funny **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 21, 2017, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424 "2017-10-21T11:23:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/21 "2017-10-22T00:23:29Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > May I be That Guy for a moment? Were the assailant female and the slightest bit attractive I, from puberty on, would be pleased. I believe that you believe this, and it’s such a cliche that there must be some truth behind it. As long as you control the parameters, it could be the best thing that ever happened to your 14-year-old self. But we don’t pick our own assailants or their methods. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/22 "2017-10-22T00:26:42Z")
> [@Tee](#): > > I believe that you believe this, and it’s such a cliche that there must be some truth behind it. As long as you control the parameters, it could be the best thing that ever happened to your 14-year-old self. But we don’t pick our own assailants or their methods. He’s just doing what the other guys mentioned in the OP did. The problem was this concept is that it’s not an assailant if it’s someone you want to touch you. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/23 "2017-10-22T04:09:13Z")
> [@Tee](#): > > I believe that you believe this, and it’s such a cliche that there must be some truth behind it. As long as you control the parameters, it could be the best thing that ever happened to your 14-year-old self. But we don’t pick our own assailants or their methods. True. I’m imagining my teachers when I was 14. :eek: And I was a total Catholic prude who would’ve been appalled at anything like that. But I’d still feel a bit complemented. One of the things that has kept this species, or most species, going is that Guys Will Fuck Anything. I feel a bit patronized by the reactions to my post. Am I supposed to wilt like a flower at the thought of my mom’s best friend hitting on me? And I’d never, in million years, grab Terry Crews’ junk without a signed and notarized authorization. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/24 "2017-10-22T04:15:59Z")
Here’s the thing, **dropzone** - even if YOU would be pleased by such contact _for the man in the OP_ the contact was NOT welcome and it was troubling, even traumatizing. We’re not talking about how YOU feel about it, we’re talking about how the guy in the OP feels about it, and he felt bad about it. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/25 "2017-10-22T04:31:07Z")
I understand, but I was reacting to the OP’s expansion, “Sexual assault isn’t funny. And if a woman sexually assaults a man, the man isn’t automatically ‘lucky’ because he ‘got some’” Because a lot of us unenlightened men would disagree, with qualifications. Had Fadda John, obviously as gay as a tree full of parrots, tried anything my reaction would be, “Sorry, Father,” and my life would go on. All that came of it is an anecdote. I’m as mentally fragile as Wife told our kids I was before she died, but EVEN I would’ve chalked it up to experience, not fall into a funk. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/26 "2017-10-22T04:36:18Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > May I be That Guy for a moment? Were the assailant female and the slightest bit attractive I, from puberty on, would be pleased. By being “That Guy”, you’re exactly the type the OP is complaining about. Ugh. You need help. ---
**Author:** ![sitchensis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sitchensis/32/4892_2.png) [@sitchensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sitchensis)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/27 "2017-10-22T04:40:05Z")
This happened a week ago. Now he is more reserved. Spending less time with you. Not the same guy anymore. How often do you normally hang out? Another possibility is that he’s embarrassed for going full douche when everyone is trying to have a good time. He might be praying like hell that everyone forgets about it and everything goes back to normal. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/28 "2017-10-22T04:45:37Z")
As do most men alive. We aren’t stuck like this, and I can see this as from a female victim’s point of view–Wife was one–, but I’m trying to bring a common male perspective to the thread. From my point of view the guy in the OP received a compliment and should be a bit grateful, not whining about it after all these years. But yes, the coach was wrong. Should’ve been reported and lost her job. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/29 "2017-10-22T04:47:53Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > Am I supposed to wilt like a flower at the thought of my mom’s best friend hitting on me? You mentioned that you have kids. How old are they? If (God forbid) one of them, at the age of 14, came to you upset because they’d been inappropriately touched by an adult would your reaction be the same? Would you tell them not to wilt like a flower? Would you tell them to feel complimented? Would you tell them to get on with their life? Would you tell them to feel **grateful?** ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/30 "2017-10-22T04:49:57Z")
I didn’t know you had been elected as speaker on behalf of (most) men alive, **dropzone**! It seems to be a pretty easy job: However you personally feel about something is automatically how most men alive feel. Convenient! ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/31 "2017-10-22T04:50:28Z")
> [@sitchensis](#): > > Another possibility is that he’s embarrassed for going full douche when everyone is trying to have a good time. He might be praying like hell that everyone forgets about it and everything goes back to normal. Oh, I sense you are a guy. Hell, yeah. It’s what we do. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/32 "2017-10-22T04:55:04Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > You mentioned that you have kids. How old are they? If (God forbid) one of them, at the age of 14, came to you upset because they’d been inappropriately touched by an adult would your reaction be the same? Would you tell them not to wilt like a flower? Would you tell them to feel complimented? Would you tell them to get on with their life? Would you tell them to feel **grateful?** They are female, and that switches everything. I told how I, personally, would feel, and I wouldn’t carry this slight burden for so long without developing a funny anecdote around it. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/33 "2017-10-22T04:59:56Z")
> [@sitchensis](#): > > This happened a week ago. Now he is more reserved. Spending less time with you. Not the same guy anymore. How often do you normally hang out? > > Another possibility is that he’s embarrassed for going full douche when everyone is trying to have a good time. He might be praying like hell that everyone forgets about it and everything goes back to normal. Consider the possibility that the incident he discussed was behind increasing difficulty he had and that he was trying to fulfill the need to talk about it. It turned out to be a mistake because the guys acted like the ordinary jerks guys can be, possibly not realizing how much this was disturbing him. And now he may well see their response as another betrayal of trust. Those guys may have meant no harm at all, I can think of many men who would respond in that way because they know of no other. But this may not be something he can just forget about, and the words of his friends, even without ill intention have made his situation worse. If he was my friend I’d be worried about him. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/34 "2017-10-22T05:01:40Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > They are female, and that switches everything. It changes **nothing**. ---
**Author:** ![sitchensis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sitchensis/32/4892_2.png) [@sitchensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sitchensis)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/35 "2017-10-22T05:03:24Z")
Well in my case, I was 16 and my manager was around 30 and I thought it was awesome. But I was already sexually active and mostly in control for a 16 year old. As far as the OP goes I just want to make him aware of a totally different possible perspective. That the guy is withdrawn because he is praying that everyone forgets it and bringing it up could be embarrassing him more. Maybe an casual comment when your alone that you’d be willing to listen will suffice, but don’t pursue it. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/36 "2017-10-22T05:04:18Z")
> [@zweisamkeit](#): > > I didn’t know you had been elected as speaker on behalf of (most) men alive, **dropzone**! It seems to be a pretty easy job: However you personally feel about something is automatically how most men alive feel. Convenient! They do believe that. They grew up being told what it is like to be a man, and their own experience seems to corroborate that, why would they _not_ believe it? And those of us whose experience contradicts the party line on what being male is like, we don’t get to define, redefine, or even elaborate on the official description, because it is prescriptive, not just descriptive. At some point I nodded and agreed: I am not a man. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/37 "2017-10-22T05:13:58Z")
Yeah, but I’m slowly crawling out from under “I’m stuck with it.” I’ve depended on you assholes for nigh on 20 years for guidance. Show me where I’m wrong, and why. I’ve appreciated it and have been improved by it. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/38 "2017-10-22T05:15:30Z")
> [@sabernode](#): > > Ever since that night, this friend of mine has become more reserved. He’s spending less time with us and he just isn’t the same guy anymore. The whole thing has taken a toll on him and I’m really worried. His mental health seems to have been getting worse since the whole fiasco. To address this directly: Your buddy is spending less time with you guys because you were really, really shitty friends to him. He thought he could confide in you guys, but he badly miscalculated. He’s seeing all of you in a different light and it’s shading the way he acts around you. ---
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/39 "2017-10-22T05:15:34Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > True. I’m imagining my teachers when I was 14. :eek: And I was a total Catholic prude who would’ve been appalled at anything like that. But I’d still feel a bit complemented. One of the things that has kept this species, or most species, going is that Guys Will Fuck Anything. > > I feel a bit patronized by the reactions to my post. Am I supposed to wilt like a flower at the thought of my mom’s best friend hitting on me? > > And I’d never, in million years, grab Terry Crews’ junk without a signed and notarized authorization. :eek: Not being a male, I can’t say how typical you are or how prevalent are these views, but it is rare for one to admit to being molested or assaulted. There is your truth and there is the OP’s guy, and they don’t necessarily conflict because we know nothing about the assailant or the methods. I suspect it is not an adolescent tryst with a hot basketball coach that we are talking about here. But that’s just guessing. ---
**Author:** ![sitchensis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sitchensis/32/4892_2.png) [@sitchensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sitchensis)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/40 "2017-10-22T05:19:06Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Consider the possibility that the incident he discussed was behind increasing difficulty he had and that he was trying to fulfill the need to talk about it. It turned out to be a mistake because the guys acted like the ordinary jerks guys can be, possibly not realizing how much this was disturbing him. And now he may well see their response as another betrayal of trust. Those guys may have meant no harm at all, I can think of many men who would respond in that way because they know of no other. But this may not be something he can just forget about, and the words of his friends, even without ill intention have made his situation worse. If he was my friend I’d be worried about him. This is when I need a \*splaining term, but they’re all misogynistic. I’ve already considered the possibility, and the thing that would make me the most upset/embarrassed would dropping a turd like thst in the middle of a fun get together. The thing I would want the most would be for everyone to forget about it and act like it didn’t happen. That’s the problem the OP has. Acting like a stereotypical man might be the thing the guy wants the most [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424.md?page=3)