# Sexual assault isn't funny **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 21, 2017, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424 "2017-10-21T11:23:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/41 "2017-10-22T05:38:54Z")
> [@PastTense](#): > > Basically this was the wrong place and the wrong time for this type discussion. Yeah, but it’s the kind of “barriers lowered” situation that some people need before they can open up. Sometimes it leads to finding out that your CoF really, really likes singing Julio Iglesias hits at karaoke, and sometimes that your pal was assaulted by a teacher. It took me a long time to understand how often laughter isn’t a matter of people finding something funny but a response to confusion or embarrassment. Definitely of immaturity, but in not knowing better ways to deal with those feelings. **sabernode** , talk to your friend. Let him know that there was someone who listened. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/42 "2017-10-22T05:46:07Z")
And, sometimes, you have a loudmouth pal with no connection to the topic, who posts his own reaction to the hypothetical, then gets slammed and tries to learn from it. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/43 "2017-10-22T13:32:30Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > Yeah, but I’m slowly crawling out from under “I’m stuck with it.” I’ve depended on you assholes for nigh on 20 years for guidance. Show me where I’m wrong, and why. I’ve appreciated it and have been improved by it. > [@dropzone](#): > > And, sometimes, you have a loudmouth pal with no connection to the topic, who posts his own reaction to the hypothetical, then gets slammed and tries to learn from it. This would be the time for you to graciously admit that while your comments may be true in some contexts and may be true for some boys at that age (cf. the movie _Summer of 42_), in fact, your comments were inappropriate in this thread where a friend cited a VERY YOUNG BOY for being squigged out by an older female’s inappropriate touching. This is not a thread about being introduced sweetly into sexual manhood by a slightly older woman/girl; it’s about having your intimate space and body violated unwillingly by an older person in authority when you’re a little kid and have no defense and no way to say no. See the difference? Just stop defending your position, which you might pose in another new thread if you feel strongly about it, and admit you committed a _faux pas_ to post what you did HERE. Just getting more defensive and heated up isn’t helping your cause, okay? You’re in the wrong HERE-- not for all times and in all places, but in this thread. Don’t keep making a big deal out of it, because it’s not working, kwim? ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/44 "2017-10-22T13:59:54Z")
That’s absolutely true, my friend, so I’m gone, with my apologies. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/45 "2017-10-22T15:23:34Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > That’s absolutely true, my friend, so I’m gone, with my apologies. Spoken like a gentleman. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/46 "2017-10-22T16:05:44Z")
> [@sitchensis](#): > > This is when I need a \*splaining term, but they’re all misogynistic. > I’ve already considered the possibility, and the thing that would make me the most upset/embarrassed would dropping a turd like thst in the middle of a fun get together. The thing I would want the most would be for everyone to forget about it and act like it didn’t happen. That’s the problem the OP has. Acting like a stereotypical man might be the thing the guy wants the most I’m not sure if you’re getting what I’m saying. If I were in my right mind I wouldn’t have ever talked about such a thing with my drinking buddies in a group, not even sure if I’d discuss it with a friend privately, because I know the responses reported in the OP would be likely. So I think it is a possibility that he only brought this up because it is creating an ongoing problem for him severe enough to cause him to open up like that without considering the likely response. I’m sure he wishes the matter would be forgotten by that group, but I’m not so sure that is his primary concern, or that he wants to return to typical male behavior without addressing the original offense productively, something he will have to find another way to do. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/47 "2017-10-22T16:16:31Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Spoken like a gentleman. 🙂 I’ve always tried to act like one. I sometimes fail, but appreciate that you have have not pigeonholed me as a a jerk, but have tried to put me back on the right road. I know that, at best, I’m a chimp in recovery, but like to know when I fail. I’m old, but this dog can learn new tricks. Still, I remain thinking that SOME guys would not have been traumatized by that experience. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/48 "2017-10-22T16:31:28Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > I’ve always tried to act like one. I sometimes fail, but appreciate that you have have not pigeonholed me as a a jerk, but have tried to put me back on the right road. I know that, at best, I’m a chimp in recovery, but like to know when I fail. I’m old, but this dog can learn new tricks. Still, I remain thinking that SOME guys would not have been traumatized by that experience. I think you just made a mistake, the same kind of mistake I’ve made before. But i’ll emphasize again that it would not be the same experience if they weren’t traumatized. The trauma results because they did not welcome such interaction, even if they were post-pubescent and straight doesn’t mean they want a female basketball coach fondling their junk. If they did then this matter would have come up in a completely different way. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/49 "2017-10-22T16:37:49Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > …Still, I remain thinking that SOME guys would not have been traumatized by that experience. Ya just couldn’t leave it lie, couldja? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/50 "2017-10-22T17:39:11Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > I remain thinking that SOME guys would not have been traumatized by that experience. I think that is probably true. There are also 14 year old girls who would not be traumatized by having an affair with a married 35 year old teacher. There are adult women who don’t experience their rape as emotionally traumatic, just a shitty disgusting thing that happened. There are orphaned people who felt a sense of profound relief when their parents died. We tend to avoid tossing those possibilities out there when someone is discussing a traumatic experience with similar particulars because it sounds prescriptive if we do: “Well, I know some people would not be particularly messed up by that, so why should this one be so hurt by it?” ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/51 "2017-10-22T18:22:33Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Ya just couldn’t leave it lie, couldja? 😃 Me? Accepting a compliment gracefully and without making matters worse? How long have you known me? It’s what I do. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/52 "2017-10-22T20:51:09Z")
> [@PastTense](#): > > Basically this was the wrong place and the wrong time for this type discussion. Maybe, but maybe it’s the only time he felt unihibited enough to let it out. Maybe something reminded him about it and he said it among a group of his friends. His friends, who he expected would be there for him. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2017, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/53 "2017-10-23T02:09:56Z")
> [@Tee](#): > > Every single one was a step removed from a family member and not one was a male? I’d be amazed by that. I’m sure some of them were abused by men, but teenage boys then and now would be less inclined to admit to it, let alone brag about it. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2017, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/54 "2017-10-23T04:26:48Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > May I be That Guy for a moment? Were the assailant female and the slightest bit attractive I, from puberty on, would be pleased. May I say, no, you can’t be that guy, at least on this thread. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2017, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/55 "2017-10-23T07:02:12Z")
> [@sabernode](#): > > I was about to reach out and comfort him when the rest of our friends just laugh at him. They tell him he was lucky since he “got some” really early in life. > > I was pissed. Did you say anything? Or reach out and comfort him anyway? ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_wuzzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a8b319/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_wuzzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_wuzzy)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2017, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/56 "2017-10-23T07:29:52Z")
Im not about to condemn his friends here. Sometimes it’s better to lighten a situation than confront it head on. It’s some sort of coping mechanism. Guys on a night out really don’t want other guys crying on their shoulder about sexual abuse. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2017, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/57 "2017-10-23T07:36:30Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_wuzzy](#): > > Guys on a night out really don’t want other guys crying on their shoulder about sexual abuse. I guess I didn’t get that memo either. “We” don’t have any interest in being empathic and supportive and stuff? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2017, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/58 "2017-10-23T12:17:14Z")
Fuzzy Wuzzy ain’t so fuzzy. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2017, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/59 "2017-10-24T00:11:29Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > Fuzzy Wuzzy ain’t so fuzzy. Not now, but in the past, wuzzy? ---
**Author:** ![sabernode](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@sabernode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sabernode)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2017, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424/60 "2017-10-25T09:59:20Z")
Wow. Thank y’all for your responses. I didn’t expect to get any. I will certainly reach out to him and try to show him that I care. I’ll let you know guys what will happen after our talk. I appreciate all of you! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-assault-isnt-funny/799424.md?page=4)