# (sexual content) I love being a women, but I pit the poor design **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 12, 2004, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969 "2004-03-12T21:22:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![jujuju](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7993a0/32.png) [@jujuju](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jujuju)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2004, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969/21 "2004-03-13T20:45:56Z")
> [@Phèdre nó Delaunay](#): > > In the vibrator theme, they do make tiny vibrators combined with “cock rings” so that when worn and using “missionary” position, the vibrating part nestles _right up against_ the clit. The only drawback is that when using these I come so quickly that I have to make him stop for a moment to catch my breath. oooh, i gotta get me one of those! damn! but, just in case it helps- what always works for us is doggie style with me using my fingers on my own clit. he just remains inside me and lets me do all the work until i am done. and, you know, having mutual orgasms doesn’t require penetration either. but it’s nice 🙂 and what is it with spring?!? i also am looking at everything with a dick as my next meal (shh, don’t tell 😉 ) ---
**Author:** ![emacularius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@emacularius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emacularius)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2004, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969/22 "2004-03-13T21:08:36Z")
Here’s two books I learned alot from: “How to Have an Orgasm as Often as You Want” by Rachel Swift “Super Sexual Orgasm” by Barbara Keesling ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2004, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969/23 "2004-03-13T21:14:00Z")
The design isn’t poor. Maybe it’s just not user-friendly. Nothing that doesn’t seem to work itself out with some practice. ---
**Author:** ![robertliguori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@robertliguori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robertliguori)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2004, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969/24 "2004-03-13T21:16:38Z")
You know, I’ve had a very similar problem for a while, only I’m male. I think that too much self-lovin’ for too long a time conditions your genitals to only accept certain sensations as orgasm inducing. I solved the problem just by ajusting my self-lovin’ technique to be closer to what I was experiencing during actual sex, and trying really hard during actual sex. Question: can he bring you to orgasm at all? As in, have you simply grabbed his hand/head and told him to stimulate you _here_ until you tell him to stop? Because guys have no magical knowledge of the clitoris. Can you orgasm in five minutes with straight-up vaginal stimulation? It may be that you’ve simply conditioned yourself to respond to a type of stimulation that your SO cannot easily provide. If so, I recommend lots and lots of alternate stimulation. It worked for me. ---
**Author:** ![Kansas\_Beekeeper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@Kansas\_Beekeeper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kansas_Beekeeper)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969/25 "2004-03-14T01:01:05Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > The design isn’t poor. Maybe it’s just not user-friendly. Nothing that doesn’t seem to work itself out with some practice. No, but whoever plumbed and wired men and whoever plumbed and wired women were certainly using different verisons of the Electric Code and Plumbing Code. ---
**Author:** ![paperbackwriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@paperbackwriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/paperbackwriter)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969/26 "2004-03-14T05:36:44Z")
> [@presidebt](#): > > Your parenthetical comment cracked me up this morning! On vibrators: I’ve often wondered about this. I already have one (okay, two) and it’s the easiest, fastest way for me to enjoy, erm, myself, but I’ve always been too shy to bring it up. I usually don’t do product plugs, but you can try wearing one of [these](http://www.goodvibes.com/cgi-bin/sgin0102.exe?FNM=53&T1=1+2+AJ+BE02&UID=2004031321315520&UREQA=5&UREQB=4&UREQC=3&TRAN85=N) on your finger to stimulate your clitoris during sex. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969/27 "2004-03-14T06:22:43Z")
Try having him “tease the hell out of you”. (Blindfold is optional with this, but it will help you to relax, and just revel in all the sensations “down there”.) By that I mean he inserts his penis into you very slowly, then pulls it out and rubs it gently along your clit, then unexpectdly puts it in a little ways, and goes in and out, and every once in a while puts all of it in sometimes a bit forcefully, doing this randomnly and slowly, kissing you, caressing you in other places too, until you can’t stand it any more, and are “het up and ready for action”. This will help you enjoy the vaginal stimulation, and help him learn how to “stroke” you in such a way as to give you clitoral stimulation too. 😉 Either that, or as someone else already said: Try taking his penis and stimulating yourself, but don’t just focus on your clit with it, put it inside yourself, slide it out, and use the head on your clit. Don’t just focus on the clit as you do this. (He’ll quite enjoy the sensations of either activity too, trust me.) ---
**Author:** ![presidebt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c37758/32.png) [@presidebt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/presidebt)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969/28 "2004-03-14T08:46:24Z")
\ Thanks for the pillows tip, Really Not All That Bright! And I am _totally_ trying Zabali\_Clawbane’s first tip next. That sounds sooo very good. \ 😉 😃🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Chotii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@Chotii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chotii)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969/29 "2004-03-14T08:46:33Z")
> [@presidebt](#): > > …what I wanna know is, why is it I can bring _myself_ to multiple orgasms in the clitoral and g-spot areas (simultaneously) in less than five minutes, but _we_ can’t do either even once in 30 minutes? I suspect this is pretty typical, though. I can bring myself to orgasm (not with g-spot, damn if I can _reach_ that) in a minute or less. But it takes my husband longer to do that for me. He can (presumably) masturbate himself to orgasm in just a couple of minutes, but I have a terrible time getting him there (except through actual intercourse). Because I know exactly where to touch myself, how fast, how hard/soft…it’s only recently (and we’ve been lovers for something like 14 years) that he’s learned to replicate my “self-help” method himself, when pleasuring me. It took that long. And I have _never_ learned his ‘self-help’ method to use on him. Actually, I can’t do it. I’ve observed it, and I physically can’t do it. This is not to say he complains about what I _can_ do, only that I can’t do for him what he does for himself. It’s taken us years and careful communication, particularly since it’s such a touchy subject. Nobody wants to think they perform poorly in bed. I do agree wholeheartedly with the suggestion that you physically take his hand, and show him where and _how_ you like to be touched. I think a lot of men believe what they see in porn flicks, where the woman’s clit is being treated…well, like a penis: rough and hard. I dunno about other women, but I find that merely numbing, and counter-productive. Maybe you can lie down spooning with him, and draw his hand around to your front, and put your fingertip over his fingertip, and physically _guide_ him through what you want and need. Let him watch you do it. Let him participate with you while you do it, giving you oral sex while you stimulate yourself? I don’t think it has to be an either-or situation. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969/30 "2004-03-14T08:59:57Z")
> [@presidebt](#): > > \ Thanks for the pillows tip, Really Not All That Bright! _does the “I’m the young male version of the Sunday Night Sex Show lady” dance_ No thanks necessary, babe. If you’ve got a cute friend who’s stuck in a rut, though… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969/31 "2004-03-14T09:11:44Z")
> [@](#): > > No, but whoever plumbed and wired men and whoever plumbed and wired women were certainly using different verisons of the Electric Code and Plumbing Code. No argument there. And I have to second the swaggering and approval of pillows. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![istara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e79b87/32.png) [@istara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/istara)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969/32 "2004-03-14T10:46:42Z")
Shaving will create the stubble from hell down there, unless you literally do it every couple of days. Such stubble can be really painful to a man’s tender bits 😉 Instead: try getting a full Brazilian wax. It is not as painful as it sounds, bizarrely, the front (the sides of the triangle that many people wax to “neaten up”) is a thousand times more painful than the _undercarriage_. Despite the fact that you would think the labial area to be more sensitive, the arrgh-shriek nerve endings are far more prevalent on the front V. Or maybe try depilatory cream? ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969/33 "2004-03-14T16:58:50Z")
> [@istara](#): > > Or maybe try depilatory cream? I’d be reaaaallly, really careful with that stuff, especially on sensitive skin like that. I can’t even handle the stuff on the parts of my legs that are visible when wearing shorts. I tried it once before a trip to Florda to see family, and ended up with what was probably a nasty case of contact dermatitis. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969/34 "2004-03-14T17:16:34Z")
> [@Kansas Beekeeper](#): > > No, but whoever plumbed and wired men and whoever plumbed and wired women were certainly using different verisons of the Electric Code and Plumbing Code. We know whoever it was, they were a Civil Engineer, because who else would run a waste-treatment line through a Recreational Area? 😃 I third the “rub yourself with his glans” idea. I do that to my fiancee, and it drives her crazy! ---
**Author:** ![Apos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/838e76/32.png) [@Apos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apos)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969/35 "2004-03-14T17:34:53Z")
I think your problem is one that’s not easily solved: it’s too late. The problem is that once someone starts using a certain proceedure of stimlation consistently, they get to a point where it’s very hard to get off without using that exact proceedure. It’s very much like any sexual fetish: if you always masturbate in a certain way, you fetishize it to the point where that exact technique, done solo, is the only thing that really works well. It’s not just a factor of you knowing what feels good: it’s also a factor of there being a certain psychological ritual that your partner is just not a part of. But other than lots and lots of practice to break the habit (including STOPPING MASTURBATION, at least for a time, and at least in the normal way you always do it), technology can help. My wife and I use a “Wahl,” and it bothers me not a bit, because there are plenty of other things to be done besides clit stimulation, including but not limited to outright intercourse. There is nothing shameful about using technology to enchance sex: no cunnilinguist, no matter how good they are, can compete with a vibrator, but they can enhance its use far beyond a solo usage. Try out some of the different kinds to see which works best for you as partners (though few vibrators are powerful enough for some women other than the Wahl or Hitachi Magic wand, the two big guns in the industry) ---
**Author:** ![Chotii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@Chotii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chotii)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969/36 "2004-03-14T18:31:40Z")
> [@Apos](#): > > … no cunnilinguist, no matter how good they are, can compete with a vibrator, but they can enhance its use far beyond a solo usage. Try out some of the different kinds to see which works best for you as partners (though few vibrators are powerful enough for some women other than the Wahl or Hitachi Magic wand, the two big guns in the industry) Well, that’s a matter of opinion. I despise vibrators. All they do to me, and I mean _all_, is make me feel numbed. Which is kind of working against the purpose, no? Clearly they work for many women. Maybe even _most_. But I disagree with the blanket statement that ‘no cunnilinguist…can compete’. I won’t even allow a vibrator in bed with me, and the same cannot be said for my husband (who I do allow in bed with me 😃 ) so I’d say he’s more than competitive in that regard. ---
**Author:** ![zephyrine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/35a633/32.png) [@zephyrine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zephyrine)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969/37 "2004-03-14T18:48:06Z")
> [@Chotii](#): > > But I disagree with the blanket statement that ‘no cunnilinguist…can compete’. I have to second that disagreement. A vibrator might be able to get my off in seconds, but how can it compete with the whole erotic thrill of having a man’s (or gender of your choice) face between your thighs? _goes off to take a cold shower_ ---
**Author:** ![Krebnut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@Krebnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krebnut)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969/38 "2004-03-14T18:51:42Z")
> [@Eva Luna](#): > > I’d be reaaaallly, really careful with that stuff, especially on sensitive skin like that. I can’t even handle the stuff on the parts of my legs that are visible when wearing shorts. I tried it once before a trip to Florda to see family, and ended up with what was probably a nasty case of contact dermatitis. Yeah, you really have to be careful with that area in general as far as hair removal goes. Shaving versus waxing versus depilatories…I have seen (in my many years of employment in a dermatology office) evidence of dangers of all of them. It is quite common to get not only folliculitis, but cysts from ingrown hairs gone awry due to constant clothing rubs in the general area, thus hairs being forced into unnatural growth patterns. Having a giant painful cyst in the tender regions is neither pretty nor comfortable. Nor is accidentally whacking and slicing off any bit of that area with a razor due to a miscalculation of where things are and aren’t. ---
**Author:** ![jujuju](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7993a0/32.png) [@jujuju](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jujuju)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969/39 "2004-03-14T19:57:59Z")
> [@Apos](#): > > I think your problem is one that’s not easily solved: it’s too late. The problem is that once someone starts using a certain proceedure of stimlation consistently, they get to a point where it’s very hard to get off without using that exact proceedure. It’s very much like any sexual fetish: if you always masturbate in a certain way, you fetishize it to the point where that exact technique, done solo, is the only thing that really works well. It’s not just a factor of you knowing what feels good: it’s also a factor of there being a certain psychological ritual that your partner is just not a part of. > \ i don’t need a TMI warning for this thread, do i? the above quote seems to be true for me. i can (checks to see that i am in the pit) squirt, but i can only do it sitting in a chair, cause that’s how i learned how to do it. i have vowed to practice in new positions asap 🙂 but masturbation, clitoral, i have been doing since, well, i was too young to remember (much to my parents horror). from a young age until i was actually a pre-teen, i always rubbed myself from side to side. when i finally realized what i was doing, probably around 11 or 12, i realized i was doing it wrong. so i made myself do it in a more back and forth manner that simulated actual intercourse more closely. and that is how i still do it today! even when i have dick in me. now i gotta practice coming by getting stimulated orally. that’s only happened once for me. and it took forever. i might drown someone. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![monica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969/40 "2004-03-14T20:12:56Z")
As for the depilitories, I don’t know if other people have as much trouble as I do (I have thicker-than-average hair), but I’ve found that they don’t work very well, and I am _never_ perfectly smooth after shaving, no matter what razor I use. Ingrown hairs can also be a problem. So I would suggest either waxing or just trimming, but no razors or depilitories. And as for the rest of the thread…I need a cold shower. Now. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-content-i-love-being-a-women-but-i-pit-the-poor-design/233969.md?page=3)