# Sexual Fantasies: A Poll (Possibly TMI) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 17, 2008, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-fantasies-a-poll-possibly-tmi/463980 "2008-09-17T14:23:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2008, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-fantasies-a-poll-possibly-tmi/463980/1 "2008-09-17T14:23:31Z")
So, this has been rattling around in my brain for a day or two, and I figured I’d ask the general public. First of all, assuming you’re in a sexual relationship with someone(s), when it comes to fantasies, do you fantasize about the same thing when you’re masturbating as you do when you’re having sex? Secondly, I was reading an article where someone claimed that sexual fantasies are almost always about the gaining or losing of control (I can’t cite this, as I don’t remember the origin of the article.). Does this seem to be the case? And does it change when you’re with / not with a partner? ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2008, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-fantasies-a-poll-possibly-tmi/463980/2 "2008-09-17T17:58:38Z")
When I was in a sexual relationship, and this answer probably sounds really lame, but I wouldn’t fantasize during sex with my partner. I find that unfair to my partner. I should be with her, not with some image in my mind. As for your second question, the short answer is no. I have fantasies that are just about things I find hot. Sometimes it’s about control, but not always. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2008, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-fantasies-a-poll-possibly-tmi/463980/3 "2008-09-17T18:10:57Z")
To the first question, I used to. In my current relationship, though, we tend to live out those fantasies. To the second question, very few of my fantasies have anything to do with power. ---
**Author:** ![warmgun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecccb3/32.png) [@warmgun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/warmgun)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2008, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-fantasies-a-poll-possibly-tmi/463980/4 "2008-09-17T18:11:02Z")
1. Yes 2. No ---
**Author:** ![Flander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8c91f0/32.png) [@Flander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flander)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2008, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-fantasies-a-poll-possibly-tmi/463980/5 "2008-09-17T20:17:49Z")
Question 1: Nope. **Flanderchick** and I have a GREAT sexual relationship so I don’t tend to masterbate very much anymore. On the occasion I do, it might be about her or anything else really. Whatever floats my boat at the time. Question 2: Not really, control isn’t really a part of it for me. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2008, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-fantasies-a-poll-possibly-tmi/463980/6 "2008-09-17T20:29:18Z")
1 (it’s been a while) I tend to have the same thoughts but I didn’t speak them aloud when I was going solo. 2 hummm… I can see that. Though it is a bit too general. I think most fantasies are about being attractive. As in “I fantasize that that person is attracted to me, so attracted to me that she’ll…” ---
**Author:** ![mr.jp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@mr.jp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.jp)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2008, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-fantasies-a-poll-possibly-tmi/463980/7 "2008-09-17T20:37:45Z")
Why in the world would I fantasize about something during sex? That seems unneccesarily laborious. I was hoping to read about people’s crazy fantasies in this thread. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2008, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-fantasies-a-poll-possibly-tmi/463980/8 "2008-09-17T20:43:11Z")
Generally speaking I fantasize about my boyfriend when I masturbate, so sex is like a fantasy come to life. 🙂 Occasionally I will think about other stuff, but no matter what the fantasy when it comes time for sex my focus is all on him. My fantasies are not generally about control, at least not that I have noticed. I do have some control stuff going on (for example, I refuse to be tied up or tie someone up unless the ties are easy enough to get out of in a matter of seconds…I’ve seen the movie Intermission, TYVM:D) but for the most part my fantasies are not about control at all. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2008, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-fantasies-a-poll-possibly-tmi/463980/9 "2008-09-17T20:46:52Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > 2 hummm… I can see that. Though it is a bit too general. I think most fantasies are about being attractive. As in “I fantasize that that person is attracted to me, so attracted to me that she’ll…” I suppose that is about power, in a way. The power to attract a hottie. ---
**Author:** ![Small\_Hen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ad7895/32.png) [@Small\_Hen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Hen)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2008, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-fantasies-a-poll-possibly-tmi/463980/10 "2008-09-17T20:50:26Z")
First question is null and void, due to lack of experience. Second question sort of ties in with why the first is null and void - my fantasies almost all revolve around an imballance of experience, which, I suppose, is a kind of power. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-fantasies-a-poll-possibly-tmi/463980/11 "2008-09-18T04:31:09Z")
I fantasize when masturbating. It is very much about power. I am very into the ideas of dominance and submission and bondage. Those fantasies work for me. But with my partner, I don’t fantasize, I’m focused on the present moment. ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-fantasies-a-poll-possibly-tmi/463980/12 "2008-09-18T04:55:04Z")
1. I have fantasies both during masturbation and sex. 2. None of them involve control or lack of control. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-fantasies-a-poll-possibly-tmi/463980/13 "2008-09-18T04:58:32Z")
1. Does Not Compute. When I’m with a partner, we’re _acting out_ fantasies, not thinking about them. It’s the only time in my life when I am truly, absolutely in the moment. Seriously, what else is there to think about, that’s not completely distracting/mood-killing or something you just go ahead and _do_ instead of just lying there thinking about it? I’d rather concentrate on how good he is with his hands and where my hands are goin’. 😃 2. Well, I’m a kinky bastard, so duh. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![bufftabby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/77aa72/32.png) [@bufftabby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bufftabby)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-fantasies-a-poll-possibly-tmi/463980/14 "2008-09-18T05:09:48Z")
1. Sometimes. It depends. Lately? Yeah. Other times? The fantasy is real, and that what goes in my spank bank for later. 2. Absolutely. Almost always. I’d say the only exceptions are related to voyeurism/exhibitionism, and I’m sure you can find some way to link that to a power dynamic if you try hard enough. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-fantasies-a-poll-possibly-tmi/463980/15 "2008-09-18T10:42:00Z")
I don’t tend to fantasize during sex. Most of the time when masturbating I just look at porn. When I do fantasize, it tends to be about more extreme or unusual circumstances than I’d encounter in a regular relationship. The few times I’ve been in a relationship with good sex, I did fantasize about my partner while masturbating a good part of the time ---
**Author:** ![Orville\_mogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/aeb1de/32.png) [@Orville\_mogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orville_mogul)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-fantasies-a-poll-possibly-tmi/463980/16 "2008-09-18T14:23:53Z")
> [@Small\_Hen](#): > > my fantasies almost all revolve around an imballance of experience … and I suppose that would be a euphemism for ‘old man bonking young hottie’… :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![freekalette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/50afbb/32.png) [@freekalette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freekalette)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-fantasies-a-poll-possibly-tmi/463980/17 "2008-09-18T20:27:00Z")
Part the First: I’ve never been able to masturbate, so during my single days I just had to go without sex. Fantasizing made it that much worse, so I distracted myself into not thinking about it as much as possible. Now that I’m happily married, and having just as much hot sweaty monkey-love as time will allow (which is still, sadly, nowhere near enough) I do fantasize, but not about other people. I tend to envision us as still _us_, but in different roles; maybe I’m a princess that the brave night (hubby) has rescued, and I’m going to give him my body in thanks. Or perhaps we are high-school sweethearts who are “studying” together for a big exam in Biology 101. _wink wink, nudge nudge_ I just let my brain go, and it comes up with things on its on, kinda like lucid dreaming. Part the Second: My fantasies have nothing to do with control, as that’s a reality in my world. In the immortal words of my grandfather, “It’s just like it only different!” Side Note: The fantasies listed above are not real, only examples. The good stuff is for me and only me. Go get your own. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![BrknButterfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/439d5e/32.png) [@BrknButterfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrknButterfly)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-fantasies-a-poll-possibly-tmi/463980/18 "2008-09-18T22:26:19Z")
No and Yes.