# Sexual Identity and the "I don't like labels" Phenomenon **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [January 13, 2013, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-identity-and-the-i-dont-like-labels-phenomenon/647085 "2013-01-13T19:39:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2013, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-identity-and-the-i-dont-like-labels-phenomenon/647085/41 "2013-01-14T18:18:11Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > 0-2 - not interested in much of anything that I recall > 3-6 - masturbation, mostly with pillows and bouncing on rubber balls. No fantasies or attractions to people that I recall > 7-12 - attracted to boys. No consensual relationships with any other people. > 13-19- attracted to boys/men with some consensual relationships with men. > 20- attracted to men and women. Found myself in a sexual MFF situation; found the woman’s face and breasts exciting, but her vulva a complete turn off > 21 - fell in non-sexual romantic love with a female friend, while dating a male. > 22-24 - no attraction to anyone, but continued to enjoy masturbation > 25-30 - attracted to multiple men at once, with simultaneous consensual relationships with more than one man. > 31 - Relationships and sex with both men and women, sometimes at the same time. Fell in love with a woman, had a huge crush on a man. The hormones were kickin’ that summer. > 32-35 - My sex drive disappeared. Completely gone, no attraction to anyone, including no urge to masturbate. > 35 - Fell in love and experienced a sexual reawakening with a man. > > - till present (38) - No further sexual or romantic attraction to women. No sexual or romantic attraction to other men, just my husband. Maybe you could print this out on some nice heavy-bond paper and hand it out like a résumé when someone asks. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2013, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-identity-and-the-i-dont-like-labels-phenomenon/647085/42 "2013-01-14T18:29:28Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > But I think pussies are icky. > [@BrainGlutton](#): > > So do all straight guys; we just don’t let that stop us. If that seems incomprehensible to you, consider that **everybody** thinks assholes are icky. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2013, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-identity-and-the-i-dont-like-labels-phenomenon/647085/43 "2013-01-14T18:33:04Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > If that seems incomprehensible to you, consider that **everybody** thinks assholes are icky. Please tell us more. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2013, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-identity-and-the-i-dont-like-labels-phenomenon/647085/44 "2013-01-14T18:43:23Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > If that seems incomprehensible to you, consider that **everybody** thinks assholes are icky. It doesn’t seem incomprehensible, it just seems wrong. As in, incorrect. I’m doing a production of The Vagina Monologues at the moment, actually, and there’s a whole monologue in there about how one man particularly loves pussy. Looking at pussy. I know plenty of people who love pussy - the look, the smell, the feel, the taste… That aside, the general definition of “\_\_\_sexuality” is a desire for romantic or sexual relationships with person(s) of the specified gender match, is it not? So it’s not like (at the moment) I’m in love with a woman or attracted to a woman _even though_ I think pussy is icky. I’m not attracted to women, period. (Or women’s periods, for that matter!) So “bisexual” doesn’t seem like the right label at the moment, although I concur that at once time it was correct. If we go with a “one drop” kind of rule - \*ever \*having been attracted to a person of the same gender as well as \*ever \*having been attracted to a person of the other gender - well, then, we’re simply awash with bisexuals and the term becomes nearly meaningless! ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2013, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-identity-and-the-i-dont-like-labels-phenomenon/647085/45 "2013-01-14T19:08:02Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > If that seems incomprehensible to you, consider that **everybody** thinks assholes are icky. What the fuck are you talking about? ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-identity-and-the-i-dont-like-labels-phenomenon/647085/46 "2013-01-15T06:27:12Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I could completely understand saying “Look, my sexuality means I have sex with who I want when I want to, and that’s really all you need to know.” Wow! I wish my sexuality meant I could have sex with who I want to, when I want to. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-identity-and-the-i-dont-like-labels-phenomenon/647085/47 "2013-01-15T06:50:43Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > Can’t they just say _“bi”_ to get the same result? Good goddess, calling yourself bi just opens up at least 3 other cans of annoyance. (‘Bisexuals don’t exist, stop kidding yourself’, ‘what do you have against transgenders?/that’s not what “bi” means/you mean pansexual’, ‘if you’re bi, why are you only with one person?’) That second one brings up another reason for ‘fuck labels’ - people keep redefining labels, then filling the void created with new ones - what was a broad label becomes restricted, what was a specific identity becomes an umbrella, what was a perfectly acceptable term becomes offensive, what was an offensive term gets reclaimed. After a while you just get tired of that, and just throw up your hands and say ‘fuck all this bullshit, I’m me’. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-identity-and-the-i-dont-like-labels-phenomenon/647085/48 "2013-01-15T07:56:26Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > What the fuck are you talking about? We all learn the ickiness of assholes from toilet-training age. Nevertheless, all gay dudes and many straight . . . ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-identity-and-the-i-dont-like-labels-phenomenon/647085/49 "2013-01-15T08:12:52Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > It doesn’t seem incomprehensible, it just seems wrong. As in, incorrect. I’m doing a production of The Vagina Monologues at the moment, actually, and there’s a whole monologue in there about how one man particularly loves pussy. Looking at pussy. I know plenty of people who love pussy - the look, the smell, the feel, the taste… This guy wakes up in the morning, and his wife screams, “My God, Harry, what’s wrong with you?!?” :eek: 😕 “Errmm, nothing, I feel fine.” He goes off to work, and everybody says, “Harry! You shouldn’t have come in today!” “I feel fine!” “Well, you’d better see a doctor!” He goes to the doctor that afternoon. The doctor can’t figure out what’s wrong, so he sends him to a specalist. The specialist looks at him, pulls out a reference book, and says, “Let’z zee . . . ‘Lookz bad, feels bad’ . . . No, hyu feel fine, yez? Hokay . . . ‘Feelz bad, lookz good’ . . . No, hyu look lak Hell! . . . ‘Lookz horrrible, feelz grrreat’ . . . Ach! Yez! Zat’s it! Hyu arr a fagina!” 🙂 Or, as Leonardo da Vinci put it, “The things that make babies are so ugly that, were it not for pretty faces, the human race would die out.” ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-identity-and-the-i-dont-like-labels-phenomenon/647085/50 "2013-01-15T08:21:06Z")
And is there any part of the human body that looks **sillier** than a penis?! ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2013, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-identity-and-the-i-dont-like-labels-phenomenon/647085/51 "2013-01-23T17:56:46Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > And is there any part of the human body that looks **sillier** than a penis?! I’ve never understood this idea. I find penises to be awesome. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2013, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-identity-and-the-i-dont-like-labels-phenomenon/647085/52 "2013-01-23T18:03:29Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Or, as Leonardo da Vinci put it, “The things that make babies are so ugly that, were it not for pretty faces, the human race would die out.” Uh, you know he was gay, right? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2013, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-identity-and-the-i-dont-like-labels-phenomenon/647085/53 "2013-01-23T19:54:36Z")
I worked too hard, for too long a time, to establish my healthy gay identity. I’m not about to give it up for some neo-PC bullshit. My partner, on the other hand, can best be described as omnisexual. His attractions are focused on individuals, not types. Prior to our relationship, he had sex with just about every type and description of human being. Since we’ve been together, he still has feelings for all types of people, but only has sex with me. He would be an example of the “anti-labels” attitude . . . but even embracing “anti-labels” is itself a label. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2013, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-identity-and-the-i-dont-like-labels-phenomenon/647085/54 "2013-01-24T06:54:59Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > And is there any part of the human body that looks **sillier** than a penis?! Eye of the beholder. ---
**Author:** ![typoink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@typoink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/typoink)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-identity-and-the-i-dont-like-labels-phenomenon/647085/55 "2013-01-29T21:39:38Z")
I generally ID as queer. Most people that know me assume I’m straight. Somebody taking a detailed sexual inventory from me (why are they doing that?) would probably say bi. I don’t consider myself anti-label, because labels are just words. They have their uses. The common labels, however, have some problems. “Straight,” “gay,” and “bi” all carry additional baggage, because they don’t _merely_ state what sex you’re attracted to. There’s also cultural implications, problems of excluded states (loves X, occasionally sleeps with Y; asexual but with a romantic orientation; only attracted to bi- or pansexual people; etc), and no information regarding cis- or transgendered individuals. Many people who are “anti-label” also believe that labels promote comformance and discourage people from exploring themselves. The single “bisexual” label also seems to undermine the fluidity and variety of attractions that exist, and many of us who fall between straight and gay feel like “bi” is a term used less to _explain_ our orientation and more as a way to dismiss it. I’ve long ago given up thinking words are magic and I’m the last guy to fly off the handle over this kind of semantics, but I certainly understand why many people (especially those with less benefit of time or perspective) do get upset. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-identity-and-the-i-dont-like-labels-phenomenon/647085.md?page=2)