# Sexual obsession & mid-life crisis; this can't end well **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 3, 2010, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004 "2010-08-03T13:59:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/141 "2010-08-06T15:07:05Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > I missed the edit window: > > > [@Winston\_Smith](#): > > > > Me too. > > So be that kind of friend then. Rather than acting like a child and making remarks like that. > > Nobody denies that this is a complex situation **Winston Smith**. > > Unfortunately, when you make snarky comments like the one above, and your replies to **Sue Duhnym,** and \*\*astro, \*\*it implies that you don’t have the emotional maturity to deal with it. If I recognised that I was ill equipped for a certain job, I would step back from it. Both to not inadvertently make it worse, and to protect myself. > > It appears that this situation is akin to an horrific car crash and you’re wanting to be the ambulance driver; when maybe your best self is suited to being the caring, flower-bearing hospital visitor. My snarky responses are reserved for what I interpret as attacks on my character, or terse judgementalism or misplaced moral outrage. Maybe you’re right - maybe I _don’t_ have the emotional maturity to deal with the situation at hand, but I think my responses you, **Sue Duhnym** , and **astro** were appropriate. Good, bad or indifferent, the vast majority of participants in this thread were able to express themselves without personally attacking me. Regardless of how I actually deal with this situation in real life, I don’t think it’s too much to ask that the subject be treated with tact and dignity here on the board. If you can’t do so, please feel free to start a Pit thread. That’s what it’s there for. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/142 "2010-08-06T15:11:00Z")
**Winston** - could your friend be grooming you? Presenting his obsession with this girl as a new thing? Can you let the girl know someone has her back? A few kind words from a virtual stranger can make a difference. \*Dear Young Woman, My life long friend has confessed to me an interest in you that I find inappropriate. He also told me that he provides you with drugs and alcohol. It seems your mother is avoiding protecting you from this man and my friend equally sees no reason not to continue his advances. I suggested to my friend that his relationship with you and your mother has reached its conclusion and that he should remove himself from this unhealthy situation. If he fails to do so I will no longer be able to consider him a friend. I know I have played only a small role in your life and you barely know me, but please note there are people ready to stand up for what is right and you are being wronged. I cannot condone my friends behavior. My best wishes to you in this confusing time. Here’s the number of a crisis hotline: …\* Making the decision to end a friendship is very difficult I know, but at some point enough really is enough. Good wishes to you in whatever you decide to do. ---
**Author:** ![MN\_Maenad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e95f7d/32.png) [@MN\_Maenad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MN_Maenad)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/143 "2010-08-06T15:12:54Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > What she can do to him? > > - Get him in jail and get him the label of sex offender for the rest of his life. He is deluding himself if he thinks the won’t do that. I think this is a real risk. I’m guessing the first time he decides to cut off her supply of drugs. The rest of your suggestions only work if Friend want to get away from Hot Mess and be a sane human being. I don’t think it has a snowball’s chance in hell. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/144 "2010-08-06T15:14:01Z")
> [@Winston\_Smith](#): > > By the way, in the intervening time between now and when I made that post, it has occurred to me that I’m not responsible for any of this, and my ethical and moral obligations have been met by counseling my friend to desist. That’s not to say I don’t feel compelled to action. I’ll continue to try to set him straight, and probably distance myself a little bit as I really don’t want to be in the splash zone when this whale hits the water. Also very true and a good plan of action. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/145 "2010-08-06T15:27:39Z")
> [@Winston\_Smith](#): > > I don’t think it’s too much to ask that the subject be treated with tact and dignity here on the board. If you can’t do so, please feel free to start a Pit thread. That’s what it’s there for. I do believe I’ve treated the subject with tact and dignity and really don’t understand why you keep pitching for the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/146 "2010-08-06T15:33:02Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > I’m shocked so many people think this guy actually has any chance in hell of nailing this girl. I suspect that, given what Winston said and didn’t say, the last conversation involved the friend admitting that he had, in fact, nailed the girl, as you so poetically put it. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/147 "2010-08-06T17:21:58Z")
**Maastricht** ’s post are a beautiful example of victim blaming and should be saved for posterity to study. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/148 "2010-08-06T17:22:56Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > > [@PotLuck](#): > > > > Yes, and her Mom responded by … leaving her slutty drug-addled daughter alone to fend off her pervy and enabling step-dad. Nice. Sure she can score sex, drugs and attention from younger and hotter men, but what better way for a hot mess to kick Mom in the teeth than to fuck Mom’s boyfriend? > > But she’s clearly NOT interested, like 99.99% of girls in that situation. HotMess is clearly interested in free room & board, alcohol, drugs, and cars, all of which BadMom and CreepyStepDad provide. I can easily imagine a senario where HotMess fully understands a little flirting will keep her in a steady supply of cheap housing, booze, and weed. It’s a pity the OP doesn’t know BadMom or EscapedSister better, I’m really curious BadMom’s real role in all of this. Even in healthy, non-flirty families, there’s a lots of messed-up daughters who have their dads wrapped around thier little fingers. There’s been numerous threads on this very board about parents who give “everything” to a kid, and a co-parent who is driven crazy by the antics of a kid like HotMess. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/149 "2010-08-06T17:29:36Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > **Maastricht** ’s post are a beautiful example of victim blaming and should be saved for posterity to study. Now, now. Don’t you know that the poor man in this situation is being GROOMED and SEDUCED by that temptress. Why, she’s probably been doing it since she was TEN. You know, wanting his old and creepy ass to wait for her so she could twist his mind and make him a victim. Yes, he is but a poor helpless man who is at the whim of this girl he was supposed to treat as his child. Lucky for us **Maastricht** is here to vomit her pro-pervert stance for all to witness and the light of truth can shine. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/150 "2010-08-06T18:16:28Z")
\*FUCK ME!! \*\*\*Maastricht \*\*is a _woman_ suggesting all that stuff? **Diosa** , _nothing_ in this thread can be saved. Not even for posterity. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/151 "2010-08-06T18:35:43Z")
Hmmm, drop it in the Pit or put two rounds in the back of its skull? Decisions, decisions… ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/152 "2010-08-06T18:48:48Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > **Maastricht** ’s post are a beautiful example of victim blaming and should be saved for posterity to study. In my opinion, victimblaming was at its height thirty years ago. Nowadays, certainly in the US, the pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction. Both men and women should take their own responsibility. While there are many, many guiltless victims of all kinds of abuse, victimhood (or being a young female) does not equal sainthood, and Hot Mess here has proven herself to be quite capable of creating havoc all by herself, regardless of what was done to her. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/153 "2010-08-06T18:51:49Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > > **Maastricht** ’s post are a beautiful example of victim blaming and should be saved for posterity to study. > > In my opinion, victimblaming was at its height thirty years ago. Nowadays, certainly in the US, the pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction. Both men and women should take their own responsibility. While there are many, many guiltless victims of all kinds of abuse, victimhood (or being a young female) does not equal sainthood, and Hot Mess here has proven herself to be quite capable of creating havoc all by herself, regardless of what was done to her. Oh, now that you mention it, that does make perfect sense. I mean, sure, the fact that this girl is acting out likely due to her fucked up childhood (with Crazy Ass Mom and Boner Wielding Step Dad) might come in to play for some, but hey- she’s been an adult for a whole two years now. She should just sit back and take it if Step Daddy wants to stick it to her, since that’s what she gets for prancing around, showing off her young, tight vagina. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/154 "2010-08-06T18:53:45Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > > **Maastricht** ’s post are a beautiful example of victim blaming and should be saved for posterity to study. > > In my opinion, victimblaming was at its height thirty years ago. Nowadays, certainly in the US, the pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction. Both men and women should take their own responsibility. While there are many, many guiltless victims of all kinds of abuse, victimhood (or being a young female) does not equal sainthood, and Hot Mess here has proven herself to be quite capable of creating havoc all by herself, regardless of what was done to her. The man _is her step dad and has been since she was 10 years old_. For fuck’s sake! ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/155 "2010-08-06T18:54:32Z")
> [@zweisamkeit](#): > > > [@Maastricht](#): > > > > In my opinion, victimblaming was at its height thirty years ago. Nowadays, certainly in the US, the pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction. Both men and women should take their own responsibility. While there are many, many guiltless victims of all kinds of abuse, victimhood (or being a young female) does not equal sainthood, and Hot Mess here has proven herself to be quite capable of creating havoc all by herself, regardless of what was done to her. > > The man _is her step dad and has been since she was 10 years old_. For fuck’s sake! Yeah, but I mean, when she was 12, she probably ran around the house in her panties and a tshirt before bed. What do you expect this man to do? _Not_ masturbate to that. Please. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/156 "2010-08-06T18:58:20Z")
This thread is making me hot. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/157 "2010-08-06T19:07:16Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Yeah, but I mean, when she was 12, she probably ran around the house in her panties and a tshirt before bed. What do you expect this man to do? _Not_ masturbate to that. Please. _That_, **DiosaBellissima** is one of the ugliest things I’ve ever read. For fathers, stepfathers and 12-year-old girls past and present. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/158 "2010-08-06T19:10:39Z")
Holy crap. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/159 "2010-08-06T19:11:34Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > I think you may have confused that whole threesome situation **Maastricht** ; it appears that the _mother_ has been emailing Hot Mess’ friends wanting to know if any of them are interested in a threesome with _her_ (the fucked up mother) and the fucked up friend for his 40th. On a close re-read, you are right: > [@Winston\_Smith](#): > > … the girlfriend has been asking the daughter’s friends if any of them are interested in fucking him with her as a 40th birthday present. That changes my opinion. Winston, would you say HotMess has actually been flirting with Friend, or not? ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/160 "2010-08-06T19:14:04Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > > Yeah, but I mean, when she was 12, she probably ran around the house in her panties and a tshirt before bed. What do you expect this man to do? _Not_ masturbate to that. Please. > > _That_, **DiosaBellissima** is one of the ugliest things I’ve ever read. > > For fathers, stepfathers and 12-year-old girls past and present. Well, I’m not the one hitting on my step daughter here and telling my friends how badly I want to stick it to her, so I’m not really going to feel bad about pointing that out. Personally, I’m way more repulsed by the ACTUAL SITUATION going on here and people justifying it, than a hypothetical example presented in a joking manner. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004.md?page=9)