# Sexual obsession & mid-life crisis; this can't end well **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 3, 2010, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004 "2010-08-03T13:59:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/161 "2010-08-06T19:16:58Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > > Yeah, but I mean, when she was 12, she probably ran around the house in her panties and a tshirt before bed. What do you expect this man to do? _Not_ masturbate to that. Please. > > _That_, **DiosaBellissima** is one of the ugliest things I’ve ever read. > > For fathers, stepfathers and 12-year-old girls past and present. Funny, I’d think that hearing that the man WANTS TO FUCK HIS STEP DAUGHTER and is supplying her with drugs and booze is far uglier than someone _pointing out how disgusting he is_ and showing in a raw and sarcastic way that _it’s not her fault_. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/162 "2010-08-06T19:17:30Z")
For **Maastricht** …so it will absolve him? What happened to your ‘…take their own responsibility’ stance? This idiot is her _stepfather_. Her step_ **father** _. At any one point, the expectation is that he is the adult in this fucked up psycho circus. And yes,zweisamkeit, a suggesting the t-shirt and panties on a 12-year-old requires a man to masturbate is ugly. For reasons already stated. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/163 "2010-08-06T19:18:52Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > I disagree with most posters. I think Friend is just as much, or even more so, the victim of Hot Mess then the other way around. > > Whatever the cause, right now she is seducing him. She sounds like suffering from Borderline Personality disorder (remember the recent threads about Borderline? With the typical Borderline young woman, especially if she’s attractive, leaving a smoking trail of ravaged relationships and ruined lives?) And if she’s suffering form Borderline, her past with him or with other men may have worsened her messed-up ness, but it hasn’t caused it. People with borderline personality disorder get born into nice families with good parents all the time. What. The. FUCK??? Re-read the OP. Again, the OP said that the Friend hit on Stepdaughter and she went and told her mother. “Seducing him” my ass. Oh, poor, poor stepdad. It’s not HIS fault he can’t step up and be an adult to the kid he helped raise. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/164 "2010-08-06T19:22:00Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > For **Maastricht**..so it will absolve him? > > What happened to your ‘..take their own responsibility’ stance? > > This idiot is her _stepfather_. Her step_ **father** _. At any one point, the expectation is that he is the adult in this fucked up psycho circus. > > And yes,zweisamkeit, a suggesting the t-shirt and panties on a 12-year-old requires a man to masturbate is ugly. For reasons already stated. Wait, what? I was being sarcastic and making fun of the fact that a poster here legitimately thinks this girl is some sexual minx, seducing her poor, helpless step father. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/165 "2010-08-06T19:25:39Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > And yes,zweisamkeit, a suggesting the t-shirt and panties on a 12-year-old requires a man to masturbate is ugly. For reasons already stated. Man, this is hilarious. It’s just like **Spectre** the mod not getting **AClockworkMelon** ’s hyperbole in the gastric bypass thread. I think you got whooshed dear. You see, :: dons teacher hat :: **Diosa** used this really neat new thing called “sarcasm”. That means that she _really doesn’t think a man has to masturbate when seeing his 12 year old step daughter in a t-shirt and panties_. Yes, really! It actually means the exact opposite! ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/166 "2010-08-06T19:26:30Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > > [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > > > I think you may have confused that whole threesome situation **Maastricht** ; it appears that the _mother_ has been emailing Hot Mess’ friends wanting to know if any of them are interested in a threesome with _her_ (the fucked up mother) and the fucked up friend for his 40th. > > On a close re-read, you are right: > > > [@Winston\_Smith](#): > > > > … the girlfriend has been asking the daughter’s friends if any of them are interested in fucking him with her as a 40th birthday present. > > That changes my opinion. Winston, would you say HotMess has actually been flirting with Friend, or not? Yeah, I suppose. I helped them do some painting one time and she wore a bikini while she painted. She talks about sex pretty openly/freely and has a lot of sex partners that she’s not shy about discussing. He’s told me that she’s shared intimate details about her sexuality that I’d care not to repeat, for the sake of propriety. Etc. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/167 "2010-08-06T19:31:35Z")
> [@Winston\_Smith](#): > > Yeah, I suppose. I helped them do some painting one time and she wore a bikini while she painted. She talks about sex pretty openly/freely and has a lot of sex partners that she’s not shy about discussing. He’s told me that she’s shared intimate details about her sexuality that I’d care not to repeat, for the sake of propriety. > > Etc. When I was a teenager, I regularly did yard work, car washing, etc. all in a bathing suit. Does that mean I was seducing my step dad? \*Shit. \* What a hussy, I was. No, really, I can’t believe you guys. This is really vile. Like, a new low for this board. Congrats. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/168 "2010-08-06T19:32:04Z")
This thread is heading for Trainwreck City if we’re not careful. Can everyone back off a bit, please? **Winston** started this thread for help in processing this and to ask for advice how to help his friend. Everyone tone it down, please. **Ellen Cherry IMHO Modeator** ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/169 "2010-08-06T19:33:12Z")
> [@zweisamkeit](#): > > > [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > > > _That_, **DiosaBellissima** is one of the ugliest things I’ve ever read. > > > > For fathers, stepfathers and 12-year-old girls past and present. > > Funny, I’d think that hearing that the man WANTS TO FUCK HIS STEP DAUGHTER and is supplying her with drugs and booze is far uglier than someone _pointing out how disgusting he is_ and showing in a raw and sarcastic way that _it’s not her fault_. I think the sarcasm was lost on some readers. Psst. **Diosa**. I got it. And yeah, categorizing this girl as the predatory one in a relationship where Friend clearly has been the one in a position of power for a great portion of her childhood is… problematic at best. And as kind as your words regarding my sensibleness have been, **Maastricht** , I came damn close to qualifying for a diagnosis of BPD myself, and at the age of 20 was fucked up 3 ways from Sunday in part because I had to live with a father figure who was sexually attracted to me. People with personality disorders generally don’t just develop them out of the blue – they are theorized to come out of significant periods of major childhood stress, and as many as 80% of women with BPD have suffered childhood sexual abuse. I haven’t done the kinds of things this girl did, but the reasonable person you are familiar with now took years to create. I was an overemotional, psychologically fragile, narcissistic, self-destructive non-fuctional HotMess myself at that age. So I’m not going to contend that just because someone is a HotMess means they can’t be victimized. I’d argue that makes it easier. ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/170 "2010-08-06T19:33:43Z")
We don’t know that this guy is her “stepdad” at all. For one thing the couple isn’t married. And worthless mom was apparently around until two years ago, which, coincidentally, was when the girl turned eighteen. So, given that this kid seems to have been raised with no standards and no guidance and no discipline and little if any love, it’s entirely possible that the guy either had no power or was actively prevented from interacting with this girl in the way fathers do and has been in reality little more than mom’s boyfriend living under the same roof, and since mom has bailed he’s become little more than an older roommate. I think **Maastricht** , more than anyone else posting to this thread by far, has an accurate view of the reality of this situation. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/171 "2010-08-06T19:35:26Z")
Okay… Despite my earlier flippant (and fairly stupid) comment, I’m trying to wrap my head around this situation, and I keep going back to this paragraph: > [@Winston\_Smith](#): > > A little background: He met his girlfriend (Kim) 10 years ago. They’ve never married. He’s 38. She is 48, and has two daughters. Her ex is dead. The older daughter is married and lives in Maine. The younger daughter, the object of my friend’s obsession, lives with him. The mother, Kim, works in the western part of the state and has been living out there for a couple of years. She comes home for a day or two here and there, but has really left him to raise the younger daughter. You say they _met_ 10 years ago. Most of the posters here seem to be assuming that he has thus been acting as “step-father” to the girl since she was 10. This may be the case, but can you clarify a bit? When exactly did they begin living together? What was his relationship with the daughter like before that point? Who owns the house? I ask these questions because it seems to me that the very best thing for your friend would be to walk away from _both_ of these women and never look back. Of course he won’t do that just on your say-so, but just maybe if you and other of his friends and family members begin relentlessly urging him to do so, it may one day sink in. But, he may have financial (with the house) and/or legal (depending on common-law marriage rules where he lives) entanglements which could complicate making a clean break. But his girlfiriend is clearly no prize as a mother _or_ a girlfriend. By your description, she didn’t “leave him to raise the younger daughter,” she left him living in a house with her adult daughter. Different thing there. Then, this: > [@Winston\_Smith](#): > > He told me that the girlfriend divulged to him that if he _did_ fuck the daughter, it wouldn’t bother her. ..which means either he made this up/made himself believe it to help justify wanting to fuck the daughter, or the girlfriend really would be OK with her boyfriend doing her daughter. Take your pick. Not good either way. And: > [@](#): > > He also has told me that the girlfriend has been asking the daughter’s friends if any of them are interested in fucking him with her as a 40th birthday present. Whatever you may think of the appropriateness of the threesome offer, involving the daughter – even indirectly – in the planning of it is just plain icky. Your friend would be well rid of this entire family, and if you want to help him, I think your mission should be to do your best to get him to see this. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/172 "2010-08-06T19:35:48Z")
> [@Starving\_Artist](#): > > We don’t know that this guy is her “stepdad” at all. For one thing the couple isn’t married. And worthless mom was apparently around until two years ago, which, coincidentally, was when the girl turned eighteen. So, given that this kid seems to have been raised with no standards and no guidance and no discipline and little if any love, it’s entirely possible that the guy either had no power or was actively prevented from interacting with this girl in the way fathers do and has been in reality little more than mom’s boyfriend living under the same roof, and since mom has bailed he’s become little more than an older roommate. > . So, he is well within his rights to want to fuck her and tell his friends about his plans to dick her down, is what you’re saying? ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/173 "2010-08-06T19:37:59Z")
> [@zweisamkeit](#): > > Man, this is hilarious. It’s just like **Spectre** the mod not getting **AClockworkMelon** ’s hyperbole in the gastric bypass thread. I think you got whooshed dear. You see, :: dons teacher hat :: **Diosa** used this really neat new thing called “sarcasm”. That means that she _really doesn’t think a man has to masturbate when seeing his 12 year old step daughter in a t-shirt and panties_. Yes, really! It actually means the exact opposite! I’ll cop it on the chin that I missed the sarcasm **Diosa** - fuck knows I copped it when the sarcasm \*I \*intended (I-don’t-know-how-many-pages-ago) was missed; but I really don’t think you had to be such a snark with your explanation \*\*zweisamkeit. \*\*Having one thing go over my head in this screwed up, sexually inappropriate thread does not call for treating me like a complete idiot. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/174 "2010-08-06T19:40:26Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > [@Starving\_Artist](#): > > > > We don’t know that this guy is her “stepdad” at all. For one thing the couple isn’t married. And worthless mom was apparently around until two years ago, which, coincidentally, was when the girl turned eighteen. So, given that this kid seems to have been raised with no standards and no guidance and no discipline and little if any love, it’s entirely possible that the guy either had no power or was actively prevented from interacting with this girl in the way fathers do and has been in reality little more than mom’s boyfriend living under the same roof, and since mom has bailed he’s become little more than an older roommate. > > . > > So, he is well within his rights to want to fuck her and tell his friends about his plans to dick her down, is what you’re saying? No, I think what he’s saying is that the guy just isn’t thinking clearly because of the seductive temptress ways of his step-daughter. He’s being manipulated, and we know that that means, right? It’s all her fault! ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/175 "2010-08-06T19:41:07Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > > [@zweisamkeit](#): > > > > Man, this is hilarious. It’s just like **Spectre** the mod not getting **AClockworkMelon** ’s hyperbole in the gastric bypass thread. I think you got whooshed dear. You see, :: dons teacher hat :: **Diosa** used this really neat new thing called “sarcasm”. That means that she _really doesn’t think a man has to masturbate when seeing his 12 year old step daughter in a t-shirt and panties_. Yes, really! It actually means the exact opposite! > > I’ll cop it on the chin that I missed the sarcasm **Diosa** - fuck knows I copped it when the sarcasm \*I \*intended (I-don’t-know-how-many-pages-ago) was missed; but I really don’t think you had to be such a snark with your explanation \*\*zweisamkeit. > > \*\*Having one thing go over my head in this screwed up, sexually inappropriate thread does not call for treating me like a complete idiot. Sorry, dude, but when two people reply saying you missed it, and you reply again with, “YES, IT IS OFFENSIVE FOR THE REASON I SAID”, I’m gonna be a snark-ass. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/176 "2010-08-06T19:42:27Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > > So, he is well within his rights to want to fuck her and tell his friends about his plans to dick her down, is what you’re saying? > > No, I think what he’s saying is that the guy just isn’t thinking clearly because of the seductive temptress ways of his step-daughter. He’s being manipulated, and we know that that means, right? It’s all her fault! 😛 😉 So, I’ll ask again: because this girl has over stepped _her_ role (whatever that is) and has turned into a seductress, are we now deeming it ok for this guy to 1: want to bang her and 2: brag to his friend about it? If everyone agrees that yes, it’s ok, I’ll take back my insults. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/177 "2010-08-06T19:51:52Z")
I’m really curious to see **Winston** answer **Wheelz** ’ questions. The thing is, I can’t fathom any circumstance where a ten-year old has an older male living with her and he’s not some kind of father-figure to her. Or in the very least, some kind of family figure, definitely a situation where the power dynamic is tilted in his favor. It just doesn’t happen. A young girl’s life is by necessity impacted by an older male living in the house, and I can’t imagine a single circumstance where he wouldn’t have more power than a ten-year-old. And kids that age totally have to deal with burgeoning teen sexuality and everything in that context, and find the appropriate way to express their sexuality. And if a girl is living in a house with an older male that encourages her to be flirty and sexual with him, it’s fucking creepy, and it’s also totally confusing because she really doesn’t know any better and she trusts that person to have her best interests at heart. So, no, **Starving**. Assuming our assumption is correct, and that he’s been living with this girl since at least age 15, I’m not going to accept that there is an equal power dynamic between them, much less that she’s calling the shots. Even if he is the most hands-off father figure on the planet, that is still what he is to her. So this is not the equivalent of some strange 40 year old man at a bar hitting on a 20 year old. It’s a violation of trust. Even if she’s trying to give him fucking lapdances and insisting she wants it, it’s a violation of trust. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/178 "2010-08-06T19:54:46Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > No, I think what he’s saying is that the guy just isn’t thinking clearly because of the seductive temptress ways of his step-daughter. He’s being manipulated, and we know that that means, right? It’s all her fault! I think the family dynamics of CreepyStepDad, BadMom, and HotMess are fucked up, probably beyond repair for \*any \*of them. HotMess may be manipulating CreepyStepDad, but I don’t think she is to blame for using the materials she has to feed her (probable) addictions. That’s what addicts _do_. I think that Maastricht is right in that CreepyStepDad is suffering from an uber-crush on HotMess and needs to get away from her for at least two years, hopefully forever. Winston, I’d asked before if there was anyway to get HotMess into rehab? Hopefully during those weeks your friend could move out and start getting his life back together? ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/179 "2010-08-06T19:54:57Z")
> [@zweisamkeit](#): > > Sorry, dude, but when two people reply saying you missed it, and you reply again with, “YES, IT IS OFFENSIVE FOR THE REASON I SAID”, I’m gonna be a snark-ass. Yeah. Well you might want to check the posting times on all those. And I hardly CAPITALISED it. ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004/180 "2010-08-06T19:57:09Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > [@Starving\_Artist](#): > > > > We don’t know that this guy is her “stepdad” at all. For one thing the couple isn’t married. And worthless mom was apparently around until two years ago, which, coincidentally, was when the girl turned eighteen. So, given that this kid seems to have been raised with no standards and no guidance and no discipline and little if any love, it’s entirely possible that the guy either had no power or was actively prevented from interacting with this girl in the way fathers do and has been in reality little more than mom’s boyfriend living under the same roof, and since mom has bailed he’s become little more than an older roommate. > > . > > So, he is well within his rights to want to fuck her and tell his friends about his plans to dick her down, is what you’re saying? Lots of posters to this thead keep referring to him as her “stepfather” and to her as his “daughter” and using that so-called relationship as fodder for calling him evil and reprehensible and claiming that he’s betraying her trust in him as her father figure. I’m saying that may not necessarily be the case. And not only do we not know the true nature of their relationship over the years, we don’t know how long he’s been living there either. He may have only moved in when mom bailed or shortly before. Thus the situation may be nothing more than essentially a roommate situation in which you have a 38-year-old guy living under the same roof with a 20-year-old sexpot and getting the hots for her and deciding he wants to try to develop a relationship with her. I’m not saying this is the case but I’m saying it very well may be, and if it is there’s far less “evil” going on, and far less further damage, if any, happening to the girl. And I’m saying people are way too quick these days to jump to the conclusion that: male=evil/girl=victim. ETA: Sorry, **olives** , I’ve just seen your post on preview and am about to leave for work. I’m gonna go ahead and post this anyway and will try to answer your post when I get back later this evening. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-obsession-mid-life-crisis-this-cant-end-well/549004.md?page=10)