# Sexual orientation and gender identity **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 1, 2018, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614 "2018-09-01T17:26:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![installLSC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/54ee81/32.png) [@installLSC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/installLSC)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2018, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614/21 "2018-09-02T06:19:44Z")
I’m a crossdresser who often goes out with transgendered/crossdresser groups. I’ve even been to a transgendered [convention multiple times.](https://www.espritconf.com/) What do we refer to each other as? Women or T-girls Do we have complicated discussions about terminology? Almost never. Do we complain about the unfairness of contemporary terminology? Even less. Do you know what we want? Treat us nice. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2018, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614/22 "2018-09-02T06:46:04Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > It’s not like this is a common problem, given that only .[6% of the adult US population](https://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/01/health/transgender-population.html) is transgender. This number must be going up, because sometimes it seems like 20% of the people I encounter online are some kind of gender-fluid member of the LGBTQ community. It’s been quite a rapid increase. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2018, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614/23 "2018-09-02T06:52:09Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > It’s not like this is a common problem, given that only .[6% of the adult US population](https://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/01/health/transgender-population.html) is transgender. Looking at the [instances of various sexually transmitted diseases](http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/stdsstis/statistics/), it seems like getting involved with someone from whom you might catch a disease is **substantially** higher than the odds of getting involved with someone whose gender identity isn’t what you expected. OP, do you make a point of making it clear to potential partners that they need to be uninfected, as well? ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2018, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614/24 "2018-09-02T13:10:19Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > So by your logic we should do away with “male” and “female” as well. > > I know it’s not fun to believe it, but labels are not universally insulting or inappropriate. In case you haven’t noticed, “male” and “female” don’t actually work for all people. Getting rid of them seems a vastly and then some better idea than inventing perhaps several dozen new labels that abet discrimination. I really, really don’t need to know the complete genetic, hormonal, surgical, psychological, etc. history of everybody I meet. Do you? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2018, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614/25 "2018-09-02T16:17:54Z")
I don’t really see how “male born man” is an improvement over “cismale.” Longer, clunkier, and more ambiguous. Not a fan of your orientation terminology, either - unwieldy and way too limited. I don’t see any terms there that would apply to myself, and the emphasis on other people’s genitalia is pretty offputting. I can’t see myself pursuing a relationship with someone who used your suggested terminology, even if I did fit their acceptable categories. I’d always suggest you find less shitty lesbian communities to hang around. While there are a minority of lesbians who are virulently transphobic, they’re the exception, not the rule. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2018, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614/26 "2018-09-02T16:37:05Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > IMHO we need to stop labeling people. But then how am I going to categorize people so I can differentiate between “Us” and “Them” for the purpose of elevating myself to a higher moral stature? Stranger ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2018, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614/27 "2018-09-02T17:43:20Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > This number must be going up, because sometimes it seems like 20% of the people I encounter online are some kind of gender-fluid member of the LGBTQ community. It’s been quite a rapid increase. And it seems to me that cases of confirmation bias are on the rise. ---
**Author:** ![Trafalgar\_Laura](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trafalgar_laura/32/2907_2.png) [@Trafalgar\_Laura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trafalgar_Laura)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2018, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614/28 "2018-09-02T19:36:01Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > I’d always suggest you find less shitty lesbian communities to hang around. While there are a minority of lesbians who are virulently transphobic, they’re the exception, not the rule. This matches my experience as well. I can’t speak for all lesbians, but neither can those “activists.” I have a friend who is… Hold on, I’ll check the list… A gynosexual male-born woman. She and her wife refer to their relationship as a lesbian relationship, and I have no issue with that. Most of the “gynosexual female-born women” I know have no problem with it either. I think transphobia was a larger issue in the past in the gay and lesbian community, but as understanding has grown, there has been more acceptance. I’m sure there are still plenty of lesbians with a problem with transgendered women, but a lot of us just view them as sisters with a real rough road, nowadays. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2018, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614/29 "2018-09-02T21:19:21Z")
Oh Jesus on Rollerskates… this is going to wind up as a &^%$# smartphone app, isn’t it? Where when I encounter someone our devices will link thru Bluetooth and then her smartwatch is going to tell her I’m a gynophile cismale and my AR glasses are going to tell me she’s a bitransfemale?\* Are we going to forego the awkward fun of the getting-to-know-you rituals? (\* [Seinfeld]Not that there’s anything wrong with that…[/Seinfeld]) > [@Mumberthax](#): > > Phallosexual: Sexually attracted only to people with biologically male bodies (XY) Except that you can be XY and lack a phallus. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2018, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614/30 "2018-09-02T21:40:28Z")
> [@Mumberthax](#): > > I would have made it clear that I’m looking for a female-born woman; anyone who doesn’t fit that description need not apply. So your situation would never come up in my case. So make it clear when you date. Say “I’m looking for someone who…” along with whatever categories you desire. It’s not the responsibility of everyone you meet to tell you every detail about their person and medical history (with an exception for STD disclosure prior to any unprotected sexual activity) even if they’re thinking about a romantic relationship. This is your issue, you’re the one who needs to deal with it. ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2018, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614/31 "2018-09-02T21:42:52Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > So make it clear when you date. Say “I’m looking for someone who…” along with whatever categories you desire. It’s not the responsibility of everyone you meet to tell you every detail about their person and medical history (with an exception for STD disclosure prior to any unprotected sexual activity) even if they’re thinking about a romantic relationship. > > This is your issue, you’re the one who needs to deal with it. Yeah, personally, I would find their positions on cats vs dogs to be more important to me than their non-relevant medical history. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2018, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614/32 "2018-09-02T22:01:15Z")
Since others have already covered the sociological problems, I’ll just point out that your proposal offends me linguistically. Your categories for sexuality are people who are attracted to women, and people who are attracted to penises. See the asymmetry there? The word you were looking for should actually be “androsexual”. ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2018, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614/33 "2018-09-02T22:05:05Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Since others have already covered the sociological problems, I’ll just point out that your proposal offends me linguistically. Your categories for sexuality are people who are attracted to women, and people who are attracted to penises. See the asymmetry there? The word you were looking for should actually be “androsexual”. Or, at least be consistent, and use yonicsexual for attracted to females. FTR, I am not a fan. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2018, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614/34 "2018-09-02T22:42:09Z")
Is there any evidence that there is any widespread problem in search of this “solution”? _Crying Game_ was great drama, but really… It’s one thing if people want to introduce vocabulary that they feel is appropriate to describe themselves. But I’m highly skeptical that the motivation here is anything other than seeking to label people in order to stigmatize or marginalize them. I was only half joking about making it easier to police the rest rooms. As we learned from House, everybody lies. So even if there were some EU-approved standard terminology, if those icky trans people have a secret agenda to get access to cis bodies for their perverted sexual pleasure, they could just lie about who they are anyway. As others have said, I think there are more important things to worry about in a relationship that precise prior categorization of physical and mental attributes. You learn if someone is a suitable partner by talking to them. Or you can rely on subtle subtext, like [farmersonly.com](http://farmersonly.com) [Family Guy Farmers Only - YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JW1zxULWxeg&feature=youtu.be&t=20s) (punchline at the end) ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2018, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614/35 "2018-09-02T23:04:47Z")
I’m in a committed, monogamous relationship. Do whatever the fuck y’all want, I’m sitting it out. > [@Broomstick](#): > > Re all the new terminology in the OP - how exhausting! Then there’s that. If you’re sitting next to me at the bar and you want to discuss tattoos, dogs, IPAs, whatever, I don’t need to know your life story. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2018, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614/36 "2018-09-02T23:09:35Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > …IPAs, whatever… My cousin is an Intersex Phallophobic Androphile, perhaps I should introduce you? ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2018, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614/37 "2018-09-02T23:12:20Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I’m in a committed, monogamous relationship. Do whatever the fuck y’all want, I’m sitting it out. > > Then there’s that. > > If you’re sitting next to me at the bar and you want to discuss tattoos, dogs, IPAs, whatever, I don’t need to know your life story. Maybe we need a label for people who are overly concerned about the bodies and sexuality of other people. I propose “sollicitudosexual.” ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2018, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614/38 "2018-09-03T15:46:13Z")
I think who I’m sexually interested in is none of anyone’s business - unless it happens to be them. And I don’t think its any of my business who anyone else is sexually interested in - unless it happens to be me, Therefore, I’ve always found the labels fairly useless in labeling people - with the exception of the politics of sexual and gender identity. ---
**Author:** ![Mumberthax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ea5d25/32.png) [@Mumberthax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mumberthax)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2018, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614/39 "2018-09-03T18:24:44Z")
This video is from a British lesbian named Magdalen Berns regarding lesbians with penises (spoiler alert; lesbians don’t have penises). I wonder what the lesbian population of this board has to say about Ms Berns’s message? [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/qkcCzIc0j2s/maxresdefault.jpg "There Is No Such Thing as a Lesbian With a Penis!") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkcCzIc0j2s) ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2018, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614/40 "2018-09-03T19:31:47Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > My cousin is an Intersex Phallophobic Androphile, perhaps I should introduce you? What’s your cousin’s Alignment? Choose one from Column A, and one from Comumn B: A. LAWFUL SOCIAL NEUTRAL REBEL CHAOTIC B. GOOD MORAL NEUTRAL IMPURE EVIL [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/820614.md?page=3)