# (Sexual TMI) So, I'm a PME--suggestions? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 26, 2005, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207 "2005-04-26T18:24:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207/1 "2005-04-26T18:24:09Z")
I really should get around to admitting this. I’m a minute-man. The Flash. A pre-mature ejaculator. So, I’m sitting at about 2-3 minutes on average. This holds true for masturbation, handjobs, and oral sex. Needless to say, I want to improve. My girlfriend and I aren’t going to be doing anything more than kissing for a while, so it’s not a matter of pleasing her at the moment. It’s more a matter of my ego and future encounters. How can I lengthen the time it takes me to orgasm? When masturbating, I’ve tried not allowing myself to do so for set lengths of time–fifteen, twenty, or thirty minutes–but all I end up doing is approaching orgasm, stopping, restarting for a few seconds, and then having to stop again. I’ve done this for at least a month, maybe two, and I see no improvement. Help! ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207/2 "2005-04-26T18:38:04Z")
I’m sure I read somewhere that 3 minutes was actually quite normal. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207/3 "2005-04-26T18:40:07Z")
Viagra? Might not help with the PE, but perhaps with some of the unfortunate after-effects? (Not having ever taken the stuff, I’m not too sure how it works. But when the commercials “warn” against four-hour erections, I’m thinking this might be a product that could help you.) ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207/4 "2005-04-26T18:41:59Z")
**JohnT** , I don’t think it’d be good for my poor genitals to start taking Viagra at 18. Thanks for the suggestion, though! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207/5 "2005-04-26T18:42:02Z")
I’m a female, FYI. What’s the big deal with coming once, and then being ready again? If she’s understanding, it’s not out of the unusual. Either come once then spend the next 10 minutes or whatever while you get ready pleasuring her exclusively, or spend a lot of time first exclusively pleasuring her. Then you can even get away with a comment like, “You make me so hot, I can’t control myself.” Women who aren’t understanding about it probably aren’t worth it, honestly. If she’s understanding and kind, and you please her in every other way then she’ll be happy. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207/6 "2005-04-26T18:45:00Z")
> [@Speaker for the Dead](#): > > **JohnT** , I don’t think it’d be good for my poor genitals to start taking Viagra at 18. Thanks for the suggestion, though! You’re 18? Shit, man, just wait five minutes! 😉 Anyway, you should use the quick-shot for the BJ, leave the not-so-quick-shot for the Real Deal. That’s what I did when I was at your age. ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207/7 "2005-04-26T18:48:43Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I’m a female, FYI. > > What’s the big deal with coming once, and then being ready again? If she’s understanding, it’s not out of the unusual. Either come once then spend the next 10 minutes or whatever while you get ready pleasuring her exclusively, or spend a lot of time first exclusively pleasuring her. Then you can even get away with a comment like, “You make me so hot, I can’t control myself.” > > Women who aren’t understanding about it probably aren’t worth it, honestly. If she’s understanding and kind, and you please her in every other way then she’ll be happy. Trust me, she’s almost _too_ understanding. And that’s a good idea. I’ll have to master my… other skills. To **JohnT** , that’s a very good suggestion. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207/8 "2005-04-26T18:53:03Z")
I use it to my advantage. Wife and I are in bed, she’s watching television, I’m looking for some. “Not now, I’m watching a movie!” she scolds. “Come on! It’s a commercial, we’ll be done by the time the movie comes back on,” I protest. 75% success rate, brother! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ink\_a\_dink\_a\_dink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ec9cab/32.png) [@Ink\_a\_dink\_a\_dink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ink_a_dink_a_dink)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207/9 "2005-04-26T18:58:46Z")
I think at 18, this is kinda normal. You ejaculate, and then have a pretty fast recovery rate, if I am correct? Actually, this was what I liked in younger men!! As you get older, it will slow down, but for now, it’s a great thing, and besides, women like other things than just the penetration. Like cunnilingus. It normally takes a woman muich longer than a man to orgasm (I am a fast cummer, so I can’t sommiserate with many women on this, but I feel blessed) so the thing to do is ejaculate, go down on her (teach yourself that this is an okay thing, cause otherwise, don’t expect a blow job. You cum in her mouth, she can cum in yours, even if it’s yours) and work on her a whle, and by the time she is all ready to blow her stack, you’re good to go again!! Sounds lovely. I wish you both happiness. Respectfully, Inky PS - Viagra or Cialis at your age is not a good thing. And doesn’t stop you from orgasming. It merely helps sustain an erection once achieved, regardless of the crap you see in spam mails. ---
**Author:** ![Lips\_Obsession](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bbce88/32.png) [@Lips\_Obsession](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lips_Obsession)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207/10 "2005-04-26T19:09:06Z")
Sadly, I suffer from this problem as well. While my attempts at improvement haven’t been stellar, I have had SOME success. Your method of starting and stopping is key. The question I would have is, how long are you stopping for? Sometimes you just have to stop a bit longer and move on to something else. Making your partner aware of this beforehand can help. Being aware of your body and knowing when you are going to pass the “breaking” point is also helpful. I’ve been told that pressure at the base of the penis can also help to hold off on ejacluation, but I have not had any personal success with this method. ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207/11 "2005-04-26T19:10:54Z")
[removes dentures]When I was your age…[/removes dentures] So often, when young guys partake in _self-pleasure_, they do what could only be described as popping the balloon: Take 5 deep breaths, inflate the balloon as fast as possible and ‘boom’, it’s over. Too often they concentrate so much on the pleasure of the orgasm that they rush to the finish without making note of how much fun it is getting there. Next time you get yourself off, put one hour aside and try to hold off the entire time. Learn how your body reacts and you’ll learn how to control it. Sometimes, re-aligning your jaw by pushing your tongue up against the roof of your mouth controls the orgasmic reflex. With others, pulling down firmly _but gently_ on the jewels has the same affect. Concentrate as much on your **PC muscles** when stationary as you do your pecs, abs and biceps when you are at the gym…they’re just as important. Relax… Enjoy… Before the inevitable reflex crescendos to the point of no return, ask yourself if you want to temporarily interrupt your coitus interruptus. Practice makes perfect…If, for some reason nothing seems to help, a sutra class may be in order. ---
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207/12 "2005-04-26T19:11:20Z")
1. Most importantly, learn to use your fingers and tongue. It’s a skill that will serve you well the rest of your life. 2. Do the stopping and starting again while having sex. When you feel yourself getting close, just slow down and stop and wait for the feeling to subside. (Note: take this time to kiss, etc., not chat about baseball). Repeat as often as necessary, but you’ll probably find that as the session goes on and you do this a few times, your body will take the hint and you’ll be able to go longer and longer without stopping. 3. Pick your position. You’ll probably last longer with her on top or with missionary than you will doggy style. 4. How far are you pulling out when having sex? Try shortening your strokes a bit. 5. Don’t worry, you’re 18. ---
**Author:** ![Elvez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8491ac/32.png) [@Elvez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elvez)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207/13 "2005-04-26T19:11:22Z")
You know how when you’re taking a pee and you need to choke it off for some reason or another? You should be able to flex and relax that muscle even when you’re not urinating. Strengthing that muscle with repetitions of flexing and relaxing can help increase the amount of time you can resist ejaculating. It’s pretty easy to do 20 reps while you’re sitting there in class or something, and no one will know. Keep that up for a while and I think you can stretch out your average. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207/14 "2005-04-26T19:15:00Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > Anyway, you should use the quick-shot for the BJ, leave the not-so-quick-shot for the Real Deal. That’s what I did when I was at your age. I second that suggestion. She gets to feel good about giving great head (and it’s over before her jaw starts cramping), and then you can enjoy . . . other things . . . for longer. At 18, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. The guys I dated when I was about that age were the same. ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207/15 "2005-04-26T19:26:19Z")
More information for all of my lovely viewers out there: I’m also a virign. This hasn’t been a problem, but I don’t want it to become one. Maybe I’m just worried because I have superhuman friends. We discussed this, and they (there’re two of them) didn’t realise that not being able to orgasm with less than half an hour of masturbation was reasonably impressive. Anyway, here’s the list of suggestions I’ve seen so far: 1. Learn to use the hands and mouth (I knew this one already). 2. Flex the groin muscle to strengthen it. 3. Stop during sex if I want to make it last longer, and use the time for kissing and being intimate. 4. Orgasm before sex. 5. Have sex during commercials (;)) 6. Understand my body better (this last one is where most of my focus has been, thus far). Thanks! Any more? ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207/16 "2005-04-26T19:28:11Z")
> [@The Weird One](#): > > I second that suggestion. She gets to feel good about giving great head (and it’s over before her jaw starts cramping), and then you can enjoy . . . other things . . . for longer. At 18, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. The guys I dated when I was about that age were the same. Oh hell yeah, at 18 some of us were lucky to have actually started before we finished. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207/17 "2005-04-26T19:35:37Z")
> [@Speaker for the Dead](#): > > We discussed this, and they (there’re two of them) didn’t realise that not being able to orgasm with less than half an hour of masturbation was reasonably impressive. Impressive to _who_? Trust me, 30 minutes of thrusting is not fun from the female perspective. Long enough to let her get into it = good, long enough to rub the girl raw = very very bad. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207/18 "2005-04-26T19:36:52Z")
First, congrats on being 18 and a doper and gettin’ some. You’re shootin’ against the odds, so to speak. 🙂 Secondly, If I remember my readings on this stuff, what was recommended by Whatever I was Reading AT the time About this kinda thing and no, Mr. Ujest has never had a problem with being quick of the start. He’s like the energizer bunny. was to use the Stop and Start Method: > [@](#): > > The “stop and start” method involves bringing yourself just before the point of no return, and stopping all movement before it is too late. When the urgency to ejaculate subsides, start thrusting again, and repeat several times. > > This can also be practiced using your partner’s hand, mouth or even by yourself. It may require some trial and error, as you may pass that point accidentally. and then try some breathing: > [@](#): > > Many people are not aware of it, but proper breathing can help develop ejaculatory control. This is because taking a few deep breaths can help you relax and calm the arousal and tension that leads to quick ejaculations. Practice deep, easy, relaxed breathing and relax your entire body. > > Communication is another key to long-lasting sex. Let your partner know when you are getting close and what you can and cannot handle. This will involve the use of actual words, since non-verbal cues are easily misunderstood. “Stop,” “Hold it,” “Start,” and “More,” are obvious choices and anything else that’s short and clear, is acceptable. We are women and mind readers but your not exactly a Jedi Knight, m’kay? > [@](#): > > Other causes of premature ejaculation are anxiety, fear or discomfort with your partner. Premature ejaculation is less likely to occur if the couple knows each other well; feels comfortable with one another; both partners are consenting; in a comfortable, relaxed and private setting; and after contraception issues have been discussed. > > Many men can also last longer the second time around, so perhaps this can be incorporated into your love-making. If round one is short, please her with some extended foreplay using your mouth, or with an erotic massage during half-time until your soldier is ready for battle once again. [Ask Men](http://www.askmen.com/love/drzimmer/14_love_answers.html) for the entire article. [Another Article](http://www.sexhealth.org/problems/premature.shtml) And now, to end with a laugh: What do you call it when someone is a habitual blurter in a conversation? Premature Articulation. My job is done here. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207/19 "2005-04-26T20:14:10Z")
> [@belladonna](#): > > Impressive to _who_? Trust me, 30 minutes of thrusting is not fun from the female perspective. Long enough to let her get into it = good, long enough to rub the girl raw = very very bad. :smack: mrAru and I are doing it wrong… What’s wrong with half an hour? I don’t get sore…2 hours and I get sore, but not a piddly 30 minutes…that is a quicky for us. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207/20 "2005-04-26T20:15:47Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > :smack: > mrAru and I are doing it wrong… > > What’s wrong with half an hour? I don’t get sore…2 hours and I get sore, but not a piddly 30 minutes…that is a quicky for us. 😕 YMMV, of course. 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sexual-tmi-so-im-a-pme-suggestions/301207.md?page=2)