# Sgould the SDMB have a Forum devoted specifically to sex/relationships? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 10, 2003, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282 "2003-05-10T05:09:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282/41 "2003-05-12T15:55:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by //\etalhea|) \* > I contend that less than half the threads here actually fight any sort of ignorance. That’s your opinion, and you may well be right; it’s a little tough to justify either way, because the criterion itself is subjective. > [@](#): > > Some members of this community like to indulge in a perfectly normal part of the human existence, sexuality. They don’t want to have to go elsewhere to do it, they want to do it here, with their friends, with their “in” crowd, where they know that true weirdos won’t be tolerated and rules of propriety will be observed. I’m going to stop you there, if you don’t mind. True weirdos won’t be tolerated? What, in your mind, constitutes a “true weirdo”? The only people who aren’t “tolerated” here are those who consistently break the rules. It has nothing to do with weirdness. > [@](#): > > I think I speak for this crowd when I say we’d like to have a way to express ourselves and explore this part of our life without having to leave our dear little community here. I would further suggest that such a forum could have restricted access, prehaps requiring some sort of pledge that you are over 18, thereby relaxing somewhat the fear of under-age posters. I wouldn’t be so bold as to presume you’re speaking for an entire group. The issue, though, isn’t that these threads are delicate in nature, it’s that there aren’t really so many of them that an entire forum is neceessary. As **TwistofFate** noted, this happens every spring and then sort of dies off. > [@](#): > > But, being the logical, ignorance-fighting folks that they are, I would think that they could see how their request bothers us. Question: Do you see any of the current so-called TMI threads being closed, or a moderator/administrator stepping in and telling everyone to knock it off? I haven’t noticed this. In my estimation, no one’s asking anyone to cut it out. > [@](#): > > We don’t wanna have to leave town just to talk about sex, and we don’t wanna talk that way around folks that aren’t interested in hearing it. Again (and someone correct me if I’m wrong), I don’t see anyone being told not to talk about those kind of issues. If you wish to express yourself as freely as possible and feel that can’t happen here, it’s your responsibility to find another place to do so; it is the responsibility of the management here to accomodate you. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282/42 "2003-05-12T15:56:16Z")
thats because you weren’t wearing your aluminum foil beanie and I read your thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![mipiace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb9ed0/32.png) [@mipiace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mipiace)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282/43 "2003-05-12T16:03:14Z")
Metal head, you are my hero. You know this is how all this stupid shit got started. Lizard started a thread and Dave got blamed for it. Why? If it involves sex, then Dave MUST be to blame. I pitted the purveyor of said miscommunication and WHAMMO there is controversy in SDMB land. back on subject. It makes no earthly difference to me. I think that a lot of good comes from the relationship forums and unlike a lot of people try to protry, it isn’t about people wanting to get into other people’s pants. Very often a thread might start out talking about TMI and end up as a sharing of sexual values and norms and actaully HELP someone to feel more normal and get over something that has been bugging them. But most people don’t read that far. There is a great value in these threads even if it gets a little adolescent at times. I really don’t think there is enough volume to support an entire forum unless you wanted to throw all the other life/relationship stuff in there too liek child rearing and marriage, getting along with co-workers etc. But just to do it to keep a few people from having to skim over 4 out of 100 threads seems a little ridiculous. I think we all agree that threads of any description need to be clearly labeled. That will help and if you don’t want to read it – just don’t. But banning them is just plain censorship and I don’t think that is what anyone wants. One things though, before you blame one person…make sure you get the facts straight. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282/44 "2003-05-12T16:27:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mipiace \* > \*\* > back on subject. It makes no earthly difference to me. I think that a lot of good comes from the relationship forums and unlike a lot of people try to protry, it isn’t about people wanting to get into other people’s pants. \*\* Again, no one’s debating getting **rid** of the threads (not forums). What is being debated is whether an entire forum is needed or appropriate. > [@](#): > > But banning them is just plain censorship and I don’t think that is what anyone wants. Nor is it what anyone’s suggesting. > [@](#): > > One things though, before you blame one person…make sure you get the facts straight. You might want to heed your own advice. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282/45 "2003-05-12T16:28:27Z")
you could do with getting your own facts straight. Davebear wasn’t blamed for anything, and wasn’t even mentioned in anyway negatively until Green Dragon posted at 05-12-2003 03:22 AM, well after Davebear got on ultra defensive with Primaflora and dantheman. Nobody is talking about banning them either. Just not encouraging too many of them. ---
**Author:** ![mipiace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb9ed0/32.png) [@mipiace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mipiace)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282/46 "2003-05-12T16:32:11Z")
Whoa – both of you…I am not even talking about this thread. ALL OF THE DEBATE STARTED LAST WEEK when someone nameless popped into a thread started by SOMEONE ELSE proclaiming that DAVE IS AT IT AGAIN\> I wasn’t talking about either of you. I was talking about a FACT THAT I HAD STRAIGHT. I was there, you weren’t. Re-read the beginning of my post. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282/47 "2003-05-12T16:35:25Z")
That’s nice. But we’re here, in this thread. If you’re talking about other threads, the conventional thing to do is to provide a cite. ---
**Author:** ![mipiace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb9ed0/32.png) [@mipiace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mipiace)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282/48 "2003-05-12T16:39:02Z")
I didn’t do that in an effort to not flare up what has been festering here for a week and because I have pretty much raked the offender over the coals in the Pit. I thought enough was enough ya’ know? ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282/49 "2003-05-12T16:42:15Z")
Sounds reasonable to me. I guess I’m just saying that if you make a point in a thread but are referring to another thread, people might think you’re talking about the thread in which you’re posting, rather than the initial thread. ---
**Author:** ![mipiace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb9ed0/32.png) [@mipiace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mipiace)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282/50 "2003-05-12T16:47:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dantheman \* > \*\*Sounds reasonable to me. I guess I’m just saying that if you make a point in a thread but are referring to another thread, people might think you’re talking about the thread in which you’re posting, rather than the initial thread. \*\* True, I normally would. Sorry for the confusion. ---
**Author:** ![\_etalhea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/779978/32.png) [@\_etalhea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_etalhea)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282/51 "2003-05-12T19:13:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dantheman \* > **I’m going to stop you there, if you don’t mind. True weirdos won’t be tolerated? What, in your mind, constitutes a “true weirdo”? The only people who aren’t “tolerated” here are those who consistently break the rules. It has nothing to do with weirdness.** In my mind when I said this I was referring to people we would all agree were weirdos, i.e. serious trolls, people directing sexual comments or actions toward underage people, and wackos like “the grapist”. That’s why I prefer message boards to chat rooms, they’re moderated so you don’t have to deal with true wackos. \*\* > [@](#): > > I wouldn’t be so bold as to presume you’re speaking for an entire group. The issue, though, isn’t that these threads are delicate in nature, it’s that there aren’t really so many of them that an entire forum is neceessary. As **TwistofFate** noted, this happens every spring and then sort of dies off. > > Question: Do you see any of the current so-called TMI threads being closed, or a moderator/administrator stepping in and telling everyone to knock it off? I haven’t noticed this. In my estimation, no one’s asking anyone to cut it out. > \*\* Yes actually. **dantheman** , I submit for your perusal the following post which was a mods response to a TMI thread that broke off from **Davebear’s** original Spit/Swallow TMI thread. This is the post I had in mind when I read this earlier, it took me some time to find it again. \*\*Originally posted in "My first TMI thread…or, where my best friend lets me go down on his wife… " by TVeblen, Moderator, at 04-02-2003 09:43 PM > [@](#): > > Mod note > > Not pickin’ on Khadaji here; just using the most succint post to quote. > > For clarification on TMI threads, no, we ain’t the Penthouse forum. True, Cecil, the Master his own self, hasn’t flinched from tackling questions about sex, excretions, kinks, etc. along with weighty stuff about science, history, etc. Fortunately, the Teeming Millions, while not always “polite company” (HA!), do tend to have broad interests that stretch beyond sex, excretions, kinks, etc. > > So it’s a question of balance. Khadji’s dead right that this runs in cycles, much like “Ask the”, who’s your fave, etc. threads. Some are okay; too many become annoying and plain overkill. TMI threads can rapidly morph into gross-out/shock contests. Fad thread of the month: top this, sucker! \*When it starts swamping the board, we start shutting threads down. \* > > We ain’t Penthouse Forum, Springer In Print, or Luv Connection. Elements? Fine. Glut? Nope. > > Veb > \*\* (emphasis mine) This post is a cite for two things: 1. There is genuine concern _by mods_ that the volume of these type threads might swamp the board 2. If said volume is present, it is _these_ type threads that will be shut down verses other threads. I infer from that that the amount of interest in the thread will not be part of the decision, it will be based solely on subject matter. So, if there is concern that these threads will swamp the forums, why not segregate them? Everyone’s been saying that there aren’t enough to justify it, but right here is **one of the mods saying there are!** ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282/52 "2003-05-12T19:23:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by //\etalhea|) \* > \*\* So, if there is concern that these threads will swamp the forums, why not segregate them? Everyone’s been saying that there aren’t enough to justify it, but right here is **one of the mods saying there are!** \*\* Because they don’t want to censor people to that extent. They’re simply asking that people exercise a little decorum and basically police themselves. In addition, what an additional forum would do is encourage those threads. The threads themselves aren’t awful, but you can see from that post alone that since it’s not a direction the board wishes to pursue, being “swamped” with them isn’t ideal. To that end, they discourage, rather than mandate. Adding a forum wouldn’t discourage or mandate - it would encourage. ---
**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282/53 "2003-05-12T19:34:14Z")
Frankly, I see the quoted post from **Veb** as a call that no matter what is said here, there isn’t going to be another forum for Relationship/Sex/TMI because that’s not what this board is about, and if that is what you want, go elsewhere. Some is fine, but “We ain’t Penthouse Forum, Springer In Print, or Luv Connection. Elements? Fine. Glut? Nope.” That settles it, doesn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![\_etalhea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/779978/32.png) [@\_etalhea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_etalhea)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282/54 "2003-05-12T19:38:57Z")
So I guess it boils down to one question in my mind, which I’ll state in a sec. First, I wanna say that I do consider myself a guest here, after all it’s not my server, so I bow to the house rules over other concerns. And I am grateful for the board and for the work people do to keep it running. With that being said, is this a democracy or not? If there was significant popular support (and I’m not saying that there necessarily is in this case) for a change in the board, say a majority of all active members, would the change be made or is this board a take-it-or-leave it affair where the powers that be are committed to a single course of action and popular opinion has no say? Once again, I wouldn’t consider it irrational if the response is “he who owns the server makes the rules”. I just want to know if this is truly as open-minded a forum as we’ve been saying it is. ---
**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282/55 "2003-05-12T19:53:03Z")
**//\etalhea|)**, you may want to pose that question in ATMB. It may get lost here. ---
**Author:** ![Super\_Gnat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Super\_Gnat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Super_Gnat)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282/56 "2003-05-12T20:14:36Z")
I don’t think this board has ever been touted as a democracy. And I’m not sure what that would have to do with it being “openminded”. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282/57 "2003-05-12T21:27:49Z")
I offer this thread as a response to that: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=130825&highlight=dictatorship](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=130825&highlight=dictatorship) Think of it as a benevolent dictatorship. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282/58 "2003-05-13T03:20:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by //\etalhea|) \* > With that being said, is this a democracy or not? No. ---
**Author:** ![Lodrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@Lodrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lodrain)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282/59 "2003-05-13T22:34:49Z")
I’m getting to that point in life where relationships are getting important to me. I say–yes. I myself have a number of questions that I want to ask, and don’t want to sound like a complete idiot asking them. Better to post flames in the Pit than in Great Debates–thus, better to post questions about relationships in a forum specifically dedicated to it. ---
**Author:** ![\_etalhea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/779978/32.png) [@\_etalhea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_etalhea)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282/60 "2003-05-14T00:10:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arnold Winkelried \* > \*\*No. \*\* I can respect that. I just wanted someone (in power) to say it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sgould-the-sdmb-have-a-forum-devoted-specifically-to-sex-relationships/174282.md?page=2)