# Shaggy-dog stories ending in puns **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 20, 2005, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326 "2005-07-20T18:49:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Reloy3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c68b51/32.png) [@Reloy3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reloy3)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326/1 "2005-07-20T18:49:07Z")
I’ve made kind of a hobby of learning shaggy dog stories with puns fro endings. I’m trying to “Collect them all”. I’ll try to list the ones I know, and if any of y’all brilliant, cultured people can add to the list please do so. Also, since shaggy dog stories are long, and the set-up varies, I’ll list them by punch line: “Pardon me Roy, Is that the cat who chewed your new shoes” “No one will rescue a damsel in 'dis dress” “Only Hugh can prevent florist friars” “Two obese Pattys’, special Ross, Lester Cheatem picking bunions on a sesame street bus” “A super-calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis” “Making an obscene clone fall” “Transporting young gulls across state lions for immoral (Or immortal) porpoises” “It’s a knick-nack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan” “Silly Rabbi, Kicks are for Trids” Any others? (I would be happy to describe the set up of any of these if anyone wishes). * * * MODERATOR NOTE: Please be aware that this thread is from July 2005, revived in Post #66 in April 2012, and now again revived in Post #112 on Aug 26, 2014. We’re OK with that, it’s a topic that still has ongoing conversation, we just want you to be aware in reading this… and be careful about replying to old posts, where the person may no longer be around, or may have forgot what they posted. – CKDH ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326/2 "2005-07-20T19:00:33Z")
The spirit was willing but the flash was weak. Better Nate than lever. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326/3 "2005-07-20T19:02:03Z")
Rudolph The Red knows rain, dear! ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326/4 "2005-07-20T19:06:59Z")
Go directly from the sub, Lime, to the Reed oculist. Transporting underaged gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises. Bottom of the ninth, the score was tied, the bassists were loaded, and two men were out. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326/5 "2005-07-20T19:08:03Z")
Only Hugh can prevent florist Friars. Yule gibbons ate only fruits and nuts. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326/6 "2005-07-20T19:09:34Z")
Sorry, you had the porpoises already. To make up for it: No, I’m a frayed knot. ---
**Author:** ![chrisk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@chrisk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chrisk)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326/7 "2005-07-20T19:11:01Z")
Somewhat obscure, and I’m not sure of the exact phrasing, but… “Names are destiny. It was inevitable that once more, Atlantis would sink beneath the W.A.V.E.s” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326/8 "2005-07-20T19:32:56Z")
When you’re out of slits, you’re out of pier. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326/9 "2005-07-20T19:34:13Z")
Shaggy dog stories end? ---
**Author:** ![Big\_G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e4f/32.png) [@Big\_G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Big_G)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326/10 "2005-07-20T19:38:42Z")
Mine don’t have the clever wording, but I think they fit the definition of shaggy-dog stories (at least as I understand them): “The pig squealed!” “My keys are in the pocket!” (This one was the premise of a recent inappropriately marketed movie) -G ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326/11 "2005-07-20T19:55:15Z")
“Time wounds all heels” “like a fridge owed a troubled daughter, “high” will freeze your rind” mm ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326/12 "2005-07-20T19:55:25Z")
It’s a long way to tip a Rary. ---
**Author:** ![chrisk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@chrisk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chrisk)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326/13 "2005-07-20T19:59:15Z")
> [@Big G](#): > > Mine don’t have the clever wording, but I think they fit the definition of shaggy-dog stories (at least as I understand them): > > “The pig squealed!” > “My keys are in the pocket!” (This one was the premise of a recent inappropriately marketed movie) > > -G I’m not sure of the stories you’re referring to, but the OP was not just asking for shaggy dog endings. Puns (ie wordplay) were specified. FYI ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326/14 "2005-07-20T20:00:02Z")
He’s a Haifa-lootin’, Newton-shootin’, son of a nun from Arizona. Amost every episode of “Peabody’s Improbable History” on “Rocky and Bullwinkle” is a perfect example, especially considering what Mr. Peabody is. Check out the “My Word! Stories” books by Denis Norden and Frank Muir. You can hear repeats of the program on some NPR stations, and some have webcasts. Radio Australia broadcasts them once a week. You can hear my favorite story on my web page [http://www.geocities.com/rowrrbazzle/](http://www.geocities.com/rowrrbazzle/). Two other punch lines: “Hail to thee, Bligh’s parrot! ‘Bert’ thou never wert”; “We who are about to sigh, dilute thee”. To add a couple more of Isaac Asimov’s to the one **chrisk** gave: A niche in time saves Stein. Give my big hearts to Maude, Ray. Dismember me for Harold’s choir. Tell all the Foys on Sortibackenstrete that I will soon be there. (You can find the whole story, “The Death of a Foy”, on the web.) ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326/15 "2005-07-20T20:11:36Z")
“No! Because it’s a _serial_…” The whole joke is about evil sexual rice crispies taking over the world, and each time, a team of scientists figure out a way to defeat them, but they keep coming back, and finally, when the person you’re telling the joke to asks if it ever ends, you say the above. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326/16 "2005-07-20T20:14:54Z")
> [@phouka](#): > > “No! Because it’s a _serial_…” Oooh, I’m telling that one to the missus tonight. ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326/17 "2005-07-20T20:19:15Z")
> [@rowrrbazzle](#): > > Check out the “My Word! Stories” books by Denis Norden and Frank Muir. You can hear repeats of the program on some NPR stations, and some have webcasts. Radio Australia broadcasts them once a week. I love “My Word”. My favourite ending is “you can’t have your kayak and heat it too” mm ---
**Author:** ![yanceylebeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yanceylebeef/32/12290_2.png) [@yanceylebeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yanceylebeef)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326/18 "2005-07-20T20:23:23Z")
"…of course he’s still a little cock-eyed! My favorite. Carry On. ---
**Author:** ![Big\_G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e4f/32.png) [@Big\_G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Big_G)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326/19 "2005-07-20T20:38:51Z")
> [@chrisk](#): > > I’m not sure of the stories you’re referring to, but the OP was not just asking for shaggy dog endings. Puns (ie wordplay) were specified. FYI **chrisk** , thanks for pointing that out. I missed that condition. Sorry for the poor reading comprehension. My first example (“The pig squealed!”) actually is a play on the word squealed, though its certainly not to the level of the others in this thread. G ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326/20 "2005-07-20T20:45:11Z")
I still love the old _Peanuts_ story from Snoopy: You can’t have your cake and Edith, too. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shaggy-dog-stories-ending-in-puns/313326.md?page=2)