# Shakespeare the Spammer

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shakespeare-the-spammer/225772>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [January 23, 2004, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shakespeare-the-spammer/225772 "2004-01-23T15:26:48Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 1

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\
**Post date:** [January 23, 2004, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shakespeare-the-spammer/225772/1 "2004-01-23T15:26:48Z")

</div>

OK, this is a new one…I’m clearing the spam out of my inbox, and come upon the following, addressed to me by Allied Promotions LLC:

“Thy unused beauty must be tombed with thee,  
Shall sum my count, and make my old excuse,’  
But as the riper should by time decease,  
Die single and thine image dies with thee.

So thou through windows of thine age shalt see,  
Proving his beauty by succession thine!

Then let not winter’s ragged hand deface,  
Calls back the lovely April of her prime;  
If thou couldst answer 'This fair child of mine  
Despite of wrinkles this thy golden time.

Make sweet some vial; treasure thou some place  
Profitless usurer, why dost thou use  
Now is the time that face should form another;  
But when from highmost pitch, with weary car,  
Were an all-eating shame, and thriftless praise.  
And only herald to the gaudy spring,

But thou contracted to thine own bright eyes,  
Will play the tyrants to the very same  
The bounteous largess given thee to give?  
Ten times thy self were happier than thou art”

…preceded by some HTML crap about how to get the cheapest mortgage. It sounds familiar, so I Google it. I haven’t gone through it line by line, but it appears to be fragments of various Shakespeare sonnets.

Honestly, I don’t know whether to be glad that someone managed to slip some Shakespeare into my day, no matter how base the motive (evading spam detectors, I would guess), or annoyed that someone would pervert someone else’s literary work in this way.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\
**Post date:** [January 23, 2004, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shakespeare-the-spammer/225772/2 "2004-01-23T16:44:31Z")

</div>

Spam is scary.

I got an email the other day and I knew it was spam because it was titled, “I.m.p.o.r.t.a.n.t. I.n.f.o.r.m.a.t.i.o.n.!!”. So I’m about to delete it when I notice the sender’s name.

Jesus Christ

No, really - the King of Kings and Lord of Lords[sup]tm[/sup] sent me email. Now being a Christian, I’m not sure if deleting a message from my Lord and Savior, _unread_, would be a mortal sin. So I open it. It was an ad for colon cleansing herbal supplements.

So not only do I have proof, _(PROOF, people!!)_, of the resurrection (How else could He send email, hmmmmm?) but that He is concerned about the state of my colon. This lends whole new meaning to having a personal relationship with Christ. And that old hymn, _Whiter than Snow_.

\<\<sits back and waits for **Lieu** to comment\>\>