# shall I ask her out? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 21, 2016, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824 "2016-01-21T21:01:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![shaqil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5e9695/32.png) [@shaqil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shaqil)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824/1 "2016-01-21T21:01:09Z")
Hello, I have a situation which I am not being able to cope. I am 28 years old and have never been in relationship. I am really shy and the other thing is I wanted to earn some money in life and then after that I would start thinking about myself. I have been sharing this apartment with other male and now there are two more girls who started sharing the apartment with us. I really like the one and now I realize that I have wasted my time all the life. we do not see each other a lot in the apartment but when ever we see each other we jokes and have fun. But she is a jolly kind of person and she is always joking with the other roommates as well. I asked her one night if she is interested to watch a movie so she said yes and we watched a movie. that night she told me that she has just broke up with her boyfriend because he would not trust her. I once asked her if she is interested as I am going to cook and we can have dinner together but she told me that she is going for walk and do not know when she will be back. I am really interested in her and do not know what to do in this situation. Can you please advise me how should I approach her so that the things do not get messy between us. she has been sharing the apartment now for almost two weeks. Thanks Regards Shaqil ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824/2 "2016-01-21T21:07:53Z")
Probably should be in a different forum. You want opinions not factual answers. ---
**Author:** ![shaqil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5e9695/32.png) [@shaqil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shaqil)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824/3 "2016-01-21T21:11:16Z")
Hello, I have a situation which I am not being able to cope. I am 28 years old and have never been in relationship. I am really shy and the other thing is I wanted to earn some money in life and then after that I would start thinking about myself. I have been sharing this apartment with other male and now there are two more girls who started sharing the apartment with us. I really like the one and now I realize that I have wasted my time all the life. we do not see each other a lot in the apartment but when ever we see each other we jokes and have fun. But she is a jolly kind of person and she is always joking with the other roommates as well. I asked her one night if she is interested to watch a movie so she said yes and we watched a movie. that night she told me that she has just broke up with her boyfriend because he would not trust her. I once asked her if she is interested as I am going to cook and we can have dinner together but she told me that she is going for walk and do not know when she will be back. I am really interested in her and do not know what to do in this situation. Can you please advise me how should I approach her so that the things do not get messy between us. she has been sharing the apartment now for almost two weeks. Thanks Regards Shaqii ---
**Author:** ![shaqil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5e9695/32.png) [@shaqil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shaqil)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824/4 "2016-01-21T21:13:00Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > Probably should be in a different forum. > > You want opinions not factual answers. ok thanks, I will ask in a different forum. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824/5 "2016-01-21T21:18:00Z")
Why ask her out, if she’s already in your apartment? That’s where you want her. No reason to go all Rube Goldberg on the logistics of this thing. > [@shaqil](#): > > ok thanks, I will ask in a different forum. Don’t do that, just sit pat. Someone will be around to move this. ---
**Author:** ![shaqil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5e9695/32.png) [@shaqil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shaqil)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824/6 "2016-01-21T21:21:56Z")
[quote=“Martian Bigfoot, post:5, topic:743824”] Why ask her out, if she’s already in your apartment? That’s where you want her. No reason to go all Rube Goldberg on the logistics of this thing. what I meant as should I let her know that I am interested in her and I want her to be my girlfriend and how should I do that? ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824/7 "2016-01-21T21:22:05Z")
There’s no instruction book for life. There’s no possible way anyone here can tell you what to do, or how to do it. Take your courage in your hands, brace yourself, take a deep breath, and do what you think is right. Be polite and courteous and considerate. Be kind, even if things go badly. You learn as much from life’s disasters as from life’s triumphs. Don’t push too hard…but don’t hold back too much. Contradictory, right? Sorry, mate, but that’s how life is. I hope things go well for both of you! ---
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824/8 "2016-01-21T21:25:30Z")
Damn, we just lost a kinky escort we could have connected you with. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824/9 "2016-01-21T21:25:33Z")
Don’t ask her out. Easiest answer ever. **EASIEST. ANSWER. EVER.** You WILL do the opposite of all logical advice anyway. You seek advice; you don’t know what to do, and you’ll drive us f-in crazy as you don’t ‘get it’ when we give advice. IGNORE HER. BE YOURSELF. Go about your business. Be nice, cordial and natural. Do not show interest. Come back in one month. You’ll know if she is interested in a few weeks. Also, read up on how to fake confidence. Learn to fake confidence and you’ll be more confident. It works. This is your best shot. . ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824/10 "2016-01-21T21:27:19Z")
> [@shaqil](#): > > I am 28 years old and have never been in relationship. I am really shy and the other thing is I wanted to earn some money in life and then after that I would start thinking about myself. What do you mean start thinking about yourself? Focusing on earning money is thinking about yourself. WRT to dating. First, you don’t ask a girl out with the focus of starting a relationship. You ask her on a date, because you believe you might enjoy spending time together on that date. Nothing more. Otherwise you are already putting too much pressure on her and yourself. If she says yes, then great, hope you have a good time. If she says no, then “c’est la vie”. All that is lost is the time you spend asking her out on one date. Look for someone else to ask out. If you do have the date and you both enjoyed it, ask her out for one more date. Let it go from there. Many younger people put too much pressure on themselves about dating, like they are picking out their future spouse on the first date. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824/11 "2016-01-21T21:28:52Z")
> [@shaqil](#): > > should I let her know that I am interested in her and I want her to be my girlfriend WHOA!!! Read my post above. TOO FAST!!! Slow down brother. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824/12 "2016-01-21T21:34:35Z")
How to not get a girl: Say, “I am interested in you and want you to be my girlfriend.” Probably 99.98% effective if you want to scare her away. Also, it’s 99.98% effective in being labeled as ‘very creepy.’ As for confidence: > **[How to Fake Being More Confident When You’re Just Not Feeling It](https://lifehacker.com/how-to-fake-being-more-confident-when-you-re-just-not-f-1739292468)** > > Confidence can be an enviable quality. Being completely assured of yourself and your abilities gives you the courage to take risks and accomplish great things. But confidence doesn’t always come easy, and it can come and go depending on your mood.... ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824/13 "2016-01-21T21:35:34Z")
> [@Philster](#): > > IGNORE HER. BE YOURSELF. Go about your business. > > Be nice, cordial and natural. Do not show interest. Considering that she’s in your apartment, this is probably the best advice. Usually, showing no interest, ignoring someone and being yourself can backfire, since you’ll be in your own apartment doing that, while everyone else is in theirs, and no interaction ensues. But in this case, you have an enormous advantage, since she’s _in your apartment_. She gets to observe you being your charming and desirable self in a casual sort of way, and you get to maintain plausible deniability. If you try to hump her leg too early, and she’s not into that, things could get really awkward for the remainder of the time you’re cohabiting. If she likes you, she’ll probably snuggle up to you on her own initiative at some point. It’s like with cats. Actually, it seems to me that you’re in a really good spot here, with \*two \*girls in the apartment. My guess for what will happen is that you’ll focus all your lust on the one you like, and meanwhile the one you’re ignoring will end up liking you. Then she (the one you’re ignoring) is the one who’ll end up humping \*your \*leg, much to your surprise. Then you’ll live happily ever after. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824/14 "2016-01-21T21:41:03Z")
‘‘Ignore her’’ is harsh wording. I’ll admit that. Point is: Establish a standard relationship with her in which you demonstrate no special interest. That’s the crux of it. ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824/15 "2016-01-21T21:45:34Z")
You are better off regretting having asked, then regret never trying. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824/16 "2016-01-21T22:13:10Z")
Ask her for a date. Don’t ask her to be your girlfriend. Too much too early. ---
**Author:** ![wellanuff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@wellanuff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wellanuff)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824/17 "2016-01-21T22:21:10Z")
I think a large part of why you want to ask her out is that her living under the same roof as you has allowed you and her to pierce the “shy” barrier, and she therefore seems more interested in you, available and accessible than anyone ever has to you before. Do you think that might be at least partially true? Think how uncomfortable it could be to live together if things don’t go well. I wouldn’t do this (seek a relationship with a housemate) for your first relationship. If you had a lot of experience and knew better what you want, you might work it out successfully, but this seems like asking for problems. ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824/18 "2016-01-21T22:22:42Z")
**Moderator Note** I have merged two duplicate threads (one from GQ and one from IMHO) together into one thread. This may cause a little confusion with some of the posts. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824/19 "2016-01-21T23:46:43Z")
When she’s out, leave a trail of rose petals on the ground leading from the door to your room. Wait for her there, naked. ---
**Author:** ![shaqil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5e9695/32.png) [@shaqil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shaqil)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824/20 "2016-01-21T23:49:12Z")
Thanks everybody for your valuable comments. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/shall-i-ask-her-out/743824.md?page=2)