# Share some obtuse, indirect insults **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 1, 2005, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965 "2005-05-01T17:57:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2005, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965/41 "2005-05-02T20:03:12Z")
> [@FatBaldGuy](#): > > For those of us lay people who can’t do the complex math, and still are’nt sure what this link is talking about, could you translate into English? Sure, but I don’t guarantee accurate or even consistent spelling of Schwarzschild. The Schwarzschild radius of an object is the radius of the event horizon that a black hole of the same mass as that object would have. All objects with mass have a Schwarzschild radius, and it scales linearly with mass- if something is twice as massive as, say, the Sun, its Schwarzchild radius will be twice the Sun’s Schwarzschild radius. According to the Wikipedia article, the Sun has a Schwarzschild radius of about 3 kilometers, and the Earth has a Schwarzschild radius of about 9 millimeters. So if you’re saying someone’s Schwarzschild radius is a meter, you are saying they are approximately 111 times as massive as the Earth. It’s a fat joke for astronomy or physics geeks 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2005, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965/42 "2005-05-02T21:01:50Z")
I’m not actually sure that this was intended to be insulting, but some of the othe people who heard it were. Our handbell choir was told: You’re not professional but you sure try hard! ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965/43 "2005-05-03T01:30:42Z")
I remember this one from The Book of Lists. Some French writer had received a poor review, so he wrote back to the critic, “I’m in the smallest room of the house and I have your review in front of me. Soon it shall be behind me.” I always remembered that because it seemed so elegant. ---
**Author:** ![jweb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@jweb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jweb)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965/44 "2005-05-03T02:44:59Z")
I like to use this one on certain coworkers, but it takes a little bit of setup on their part first: Stupid Coworker: You must think I’m pretty (stupid, idiotic, ugly, fat, disgusting, etc). Me: I never would have said that out loud. The beauty of that phrase is that they’re expecting to hear a compliment, and they do, up until those last two little words… ---
**Author:** ![Cockatiel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cockatiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cockatiel)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965/45 "2005-05-03T02:58:27Z")
“Your mom.” 😛 Sorry, I’m not sure how many people have heard that. So many guys at my school say that all the time, and I just want to strangle them after a while. Here’s an example of how it comes into conversation: Person 1: God, it’s so hot out today… Person 2: Your mom. It really is supposed to be an insult, and I still don’t get how it is. ---
**Author:** ![SpectBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a87d85/32.png) [@SpectBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpectBrain)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965/46 "2005-05-03T03:21:20Z")
To my wife: “I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.” ---
**Author:** ![Xema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9de053/32.png) [@Xema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xema)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965/47 "2005-05-03T03:30:56Z")
“I’ll give your suggestion all the attention it deserves.” ---
**Author:** ![commasense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/commasense/32/3017_2.png) [@commasense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commasense)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965/48 "2005-05-03T04:22:49Z")
From the BBC’s _Jeeves and Wooster_ (but not in any of the original Wodehouse stories): Bertie (who is reading a book): I’m improving myself, Jeeves. Jeeves: Such a thing hardly seems possible, sir. Another old favorite: Thank you for sending me your book. I’ll waste no time reading it. ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965/49 "2005-05-03T05:13:51Z")
My sister-in-law wrote the problem with me is that I, “want to be an intellectual.” I’ve always thought that her decision to believe that statement an insult was far more insulting to her than to me. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965/50 "2005-05-03T06:16:20Z")
I stole this one from _Futurama_ and have used it succesfully twice: Other Person: I heard you said I was (something bad.) Me: I never said that, but I’m certainly thinking it loudly. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965/51 "2005-05-03T06:26:57Z")
When you mean to say, “You’re dreaming,” say, Fantastic!" or “Imagine that!” They all mean the same. A famous employment-reference dodge is “I can’t say enough good things about him.” James Thurber, thinking he was being hip, tacked the following onto a letter to a publisher, which he had typed: “dictated, but not proofread.” The publisher wrote back, “Your rudeness is exceeded only by your rudeness.” (I might have misquoted Mr. Thurber) He has wormwood overtones, and an agressive finish. ---
**Author:** ![Walker\_in\_Eternity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/46a35a/32.png) [@Walker\_in\_Eternity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walker_in_Eternity)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965/52 "2005-05-03T11:56:45Z")
> [@Case Sensitive](#): > > You are as intelligent as you are witty. In a similar vein “your wit is matched only by your charm and good looks” ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965/53 "2005-05-03T12:41:40Z")
I liked the one about the somewhat fearsome nursing sister who found herself nicknamed “Antirrhinum”. She was delighted to be named after such a beautiful flower until she found out its common name: Snapdragon] ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965/54 "2005-05-03T14:10:17Z")
From the book [Jazz Anecdotes](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0195071336/qid=1115129500/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-3869398-2112152?v=glance&s=books): Mild-mannered cornetist Bobby Hackett was incapable of saying a bad thing about anybody. Asked his opinion of Hitler, he merely said: “Well…he was the best in his field.” ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965/55 "2005-05-03T14:36:49Z")
_Slightly_ different, but the same general idea of requiring the listener to listen properly. “May your victory be as glorious as your cause is justified.” I wish I could remember who I am quoting there. My mother says things about a thirdparty like: “Oh, he’s not the worst” or "His heart is in the right place2 both pretty much menaing that everything person X does quickly turns into a disaster. ---
**Author:** ![commasense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/commasense/32/3017_2.png) [@commasense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commasense)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965/56 "2005-05-03T17:04:54Z")
Here’s another one I like (originated by someone at the famous Algonquin Round Table, IIRC, but I’m too lazy to look it up): Person 1 (about a third party not present): He’s his own worst enemy. Person 2: Not while I’m around. And this one from W.S. Gilbert (of Gilbert & Sullivan): No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have; and I think he’s a dirty little beast. ======= Okay, I looked it up, and it was F.P.A. See many more great lines under “Insults” [here.](http://www.angelo.edu/faculty/kboudrea/cheap/cheap1_i.htm) Examples below: I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. – Clarence Darrow Ordinarily he is insane, but he has lucid moments when he is only stupid. – Heinrich Heine Leroy is a self-made man, which shows what happens when you don’t follow directions. – Bill Hoest How are you holding up during the lithium shortage? – David Letterman ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965/57 "2005-05-03T18:57:18Z")
**Two come to mind…** -A friend wrote a letter of resignation opening with “It is with measured regret that I must tender my resignation.” -You approach a group of men you know. _Dave_ is amongst them and he’s a bit of a git. Address them with this two word phrase (with dramatic pause between the words). “Gentlemen!.. Dave.” ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965/58 "2005-05-03T19:23:03Z")
> [@Celyn](#): > > My mother says things about a thirdparty like: > > “Oh, he’s not the worst” > > or > > "His heart is in the right place2 > > both pretty much menaing that everything person X does quickly turns into a disaster. My friend Ros describes people as “He’s …interesting and he …means well.” ---
**Author:** ![Tabby\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tabby\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabby_Cat)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965/59 "2005-05-03T19:29:41Z")
On a reference: “He did work entirely to his own satisfaction.” ---
**Author:** ![MRirian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3be4f8/32.png) [@MRirian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MRirian)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2005, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965/60 "2005-05-03T20:26:25Z")
> [@furthur](#): > > Well, this is very indirect, and geeky to boot, but: > > I accidentally-on-purpose keep remembering my brother-in-law’s law firm name as Wolfram & Hart. > > For the non-Angel viewer, they’re the uber-evil law firm in Angel. > > I told you it was geeky. No, my brother-in-law doesn’t get it yet. It’s still a secret pleasure, sort of an older-sister thing. 😉 > > Mrs. Furthur Not evil after Angel took over. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-some-obtuse-indirect-insults/301965.md?page=4)