# Share your best "dad jokes." **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 16, 2019, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612 "2019-06-16T16:25:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2019, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/1 "2019-06-16T16:25:51Z")
In honor of Father’s Day in the US and many other countries in the world, and after reading the “tell us your best jokes thread,” I thought the Dope might be a better source for so-called “dad jokes.” You know, those really corny groaners that, for some reason, middle-aged-and-older men (and I’m sure others) seem to develop an unexplainable fondness for, probably mostly to embarrass their children. So keep it reasonably clean, and short! Two to start off: A grasshopper walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Hey! Ya know, we’ve got a drink named after you!” The grasshopper looks surprised and says: “You got a drink named _Steve_?” Hey, is this thing on? OK, another one: Two eggs are sitting in a pan. One egg turns to the other and says “Boy, sure is getting hot in here.” The other egg says “HOLY CRAP! A TALKING EGG!” _rim shot_ I’ll be here all night. Be sure to tip your server! (Though, I have to admit, the first time I heard those jokes, I heard them said with such conviction and a snappy delivery that I couldn’t help but chuckle.) What are your favorite groaners? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2019, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/2 "2019-06-16T16:33:37Z")
Why is the fire department on high alert when the circus is in town? Because circus fires can be in tents! What’s a ninja’s favorite drink? Wa-Tah! ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2019, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/3 "2019-06-16T17:45:15Z")
My dad’s go-to whenever he heard someone had gone fishing: “What did you catch, besides a cold?” ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2019, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/4 "2019-06-16T17:58:10Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > My dad’s go-to whenever he heard someone had gone fishing: “What did you catch, besides a cold?” Heh. My dad used to have this thing whenever one of my friends called the house: Caller: Hi, is Pete home? Dad: Yes. Caller: _pause_ Caller: _pause continues until caller realizes nothing is happening, and my father was simply answering the question posed to him, and not taking any further action._ Caller: Um, can you get him? Dad: Oh, sure! PETER, PHONE CALL! ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2019, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/5 "2019-06-16T18:03:36Z")
Did you hear that the church down the street burned down? Holy smoke! ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2019, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/6 "2019-06-16T18:10:34Z")
This was told by a friend’s dad: You know why there’s a fence around the cemetery? People are dying to get in!! ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2019, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/7 "2019-06-16T18:32:18Z")
Actually, that’s a much better thread. Share your dad’s or friends’ dads’ favorite go-to jokes and witticisms. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2019, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/8 "2019-06-16T19:13:40Z")
To Grandkids when driving past a cemetery: “Hey, did you know that nobody living in this town can be buried in that cemetery?” “Why not, Grandpa?” “Cuz they’re not dead yet!” ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2019, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/9 "2019-06-16T20:27:22Z")
We were at the start of a camping trip and had met up with some friends at our favorite campground. Parental types were standing around, trying to figure out what we should have for dinner. Church mom of another family: “I have chicken breasts.” My dad: “We can’t all be perfect.” ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2019, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/10 "2019-06-16T20:34:07Z")
My FIL to his kids on Halloween: “You don’t need a mask. Just wash your face. No one will recognize you…” ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2019, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/11 "2019-06-16T21:37:37Z")
**Ethilrist** ’s dad is cool. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2019, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/12 "2019-06-16T21:40:42Z")
My dad had this classic he would use on his flying buddies: _“Hey, (whoever), Come with me to the proctologist tomorrow. They’re having a special. Two Assholes for the price of one!”_ Good old dad. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2019, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/13 "2019-06-16T22:12:59Z")
Whats green all over and wears a cape? Super Cucumber ---
**Author:** ![excavating\_for\_a\_mind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e8c25b/32.png) [@excavating\_for\_a\_mind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/excavating_for_a_mind)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/14 "2019-06-17T03:18:33Z")
From a guy who I consider a “Dad Joke God” (he’s a salesman, to boot). A beer company ran a popular advertising campaign featuring “Clean Mountain Waters” and another company considered a campaign featuring a well-endowed young lady saying seductively, “lf you like my mountains, you’ll love my Busch”, but it didn’t go over well. I dunno why… ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/15 "2019-06-17T14:18:20Z")
2 birds were standing on a perch. One said to the other, “Do you smell fish?” What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung! I’m 58, and I’ve loved these jokes since I was a kid. And yes, my dad told a lot of them. But I don’t recall ever hearing them described as “dad jokes” until maybe the past decade. Actually, it seems much more recent. Anyone else perceive this designation as somewhat recent? ---
**Author:** ![gdave](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gdave/32/3683_2.png) [@gdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gdave)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/16 "2019-06-17T14:21:16Z")
(Encountered on the internet) “A joke doesn’t become a dad joke until it’s full groan.” ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/17 "2019-06-17T14:28:10Z")
First joke I ever had my did tell me - Why are you rich if you have twenty-five female pigs and twenty-five male deer? Because you have fifty sows and bucks. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/18 "2019-06-17T15:08:43Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > 2 birds were standing on a perch. > One said to the other, “Do you smell fish?” > > What’s brown and sounds like a bell? > Dung! > > I’m 58, and I’ve loved these jokes since I was a kid. And yes, my dad told a lot of them. But I don’t recall ever hearing them described as “dad jokes” until maybe the past decade. Actually, it seems much more recent. Anyone else perceive this designation as somewhat recent? Looking through the Chicago Tribune archives, it does seem like the usage has become much more common, but I do see an article from 1988 referencing “dad jokes” in the way we use it now. This seems to be a one-off, though. All the other 80s and 90s references are to “dad’s jokes” or “dad’s old jokes,” so not quite the established phrase “dad jokes” is today. It seems to show up again in a 2003 article, in the phrase “bad dad jokes.” But “dad jokes” doesn’t seem to show up regularly in print there until 2016. Now, in the NYTimes, I don’t see “dad jokes” come up until 2014 when searching their archive. So it does seem to only have become popular as a phrase relatively recently. I would never have guessed – it does have the feel of phrase that’s always been around to me, but I guess it hasn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/19 "2019-06-17T15:12:18Z")
nvm ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2019, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/20 "2019-06-17T15:14:06Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > I’m 58, and I’ve loved these jokes since I was a kid. And yes, my dad told a lot of them. But I don’t recall ever hearing them described as “dad jokes” until maybe the past decade. Actually, it seems much more recent. Anyone else perceive this designation as somewhat recent? I remember the really bad jokes the the scout magazine, Boy’s Life. Very similar style and I loved them. Japanese call them “Dad jokes” as well and I was the master of them, to the dismay of my employees. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612.md?page=2)