# Share your best "dad jokes." **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 16, 2019, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612 "2019-06-16T16:25:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2019, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/41 "2019-06-21T22:57:29Z")
> [@wguy123](#): > > I’m totally using this one. That’s gold, Jerry! Be careful how you use that. My sister stopped by one time and I told that to my eight year old niece. Hey reply was, “It’s your house!” ---
**Author:** ![Ronald\_Raygun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c67d28/32.png) [@Ronald\_Raygun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ronald_Raygun)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2019, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/42 "2019-06-22T06:51:18Z")
> [@wguy123](#): > > What’s brown and sticky? > > - A stick What’s a foot long and slippery? - A slipper. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2019, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/43 "2019-06-22T11:36:48Z")
> [@wguy123](#): > > What’s brown and sticky? > > - A stick > [@Ronald\_Raygun](#): > > What’s a foot long and slippery? > > - A slipper. We need more like these! ---
**Author:** ![somepumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@somepumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/somepumpkin)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2019, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/44 "2019-06-22T14:45:46Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > We need more like these! What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? -A carrot ---
**Author:** ![Sefton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Sefton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sefton)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2019, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/45 "2019-06-22T17:08:40Z")
That joke’s so old that when it was invented, the Dead Sea was only sick! ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2019, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/46 "2019-06-22T18:40:02Z")
> [@xizor](#): > > Whenever me or my siblings would complain about being cold, my dad would tell us to go stand in the corner, because the corner was always 90 degrees. > > He also found it hilarious to have this exchange with people: > Dad: Have you ever seen any pictures of Stevie Wonder’s wife? > Other person: No > Dad: Neither has he. The version I know is “Have you seen Stevie Wonder’s new piano?” with the same punchline. Jose Feliciano used to joke that when he heard the national anthem as a boy, he thought they were singing about him: _Jose, can you see?_ ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2019, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/47 "2019-06-24T02:22:21Z")
> [@somepumpkin](#): > > What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? > > -A carrot What’s invisible and smells like carrots? -Bunny farts ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2019, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/48 "2019-06-24T04:34:46Z")
I told my wife a great dad joke today, but it’s in Japanese. I have some private lessons, including two sisters who are moving soon to Canada. My wife asked when is the final class. I told her “kyo wa shimai ga oshimai da.” (The sisters are finished today.) My eight-year-old thinks I’m a comic genius. I think I have another couple of years until they are too embarrassed to let me out of the house. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2019, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/49 "2019-06-24T05:20:01Z")
Dad jokes… dad jokes… dad jokes… hmmmmm… OH!! You must want to hear my **“The Aristocrats”** joke then, right? Okay, Hold on a few minutes, I have to get some bleach for my brain afterwards. ETA: And nobody give the punchline away, OK? . ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2019, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/50 "2019-06-24T06:46:10Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > I told my wife a great dad joke today, but it’s in Japanese. > > I have some private lessons, including two sisters who are moving soon to Canada. > > My wife asked when is the final class. I told her “kyo wa shimai ga oshimai da.” > (The sisters are finished today.) > > My eight-year-old thinks I’m a comic genius. I think I have another couple of years until they are too embarrassed to let me out of the house. Japanese is great for those wordplay jokes, better than English is, I think. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2019, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/51 "2019-06-24T19:48:46Z")
I just heard the manager at my favorite BBQ joint tell this and ran pell-mell home to share it: On my way home from work today, it was raining cats and dogs and I stepped in a poodle! ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2019, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/52 "2019-06-24T20:29:31Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > I just heard the manager at my favorite BBQ joint tell this and ran pell-mell home to share it: > > On my way home from work today, it was raining cats and dogs and I stepped in a poodle! Don’t you mean, you ran home [roly-poly, pell-mell, tumble-bumble](https://www.google.com/search?q=poky+little+puppy+pell-mell&client=firefox-b-1-d&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiI3tL1-YLjAhVnc98KHQlqBHwQ_AUIESgC&biw=1728&bih=837#imgrc=zezVj_ejGD_2_M:), until you got to the green grass, and there you stopped short? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2019, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/53 "2019-06-24T20:32:11Z")
^ Yep, something like that. OMG, I think we had that book! Nope, I’m SURE we had that book! ---
**Author:** ![Pazu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pazu/32/15522_2.png) [@Pazu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pazu)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2019, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/54 "2019-06-24T22:40:34Z")
Some classics: Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted! A string walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve strings here.” So the string goes back outside, tangles himself up, spikes his hair up, and goes back in. Bartender says, “Hey, aren’t you a string?” String says, “Nope, 'fraid not!” Don’t you just hate paper towels? They’re terrible! Old Rudy the Russian was a master of classifying all forms of precipitation. Coming home drenched one day, his wife said to him, “What terrible sleet there is outside!” Rudy replied, “Nyet, it’s only a shower.” “I am quite sure it’s sleet,” insisted his wife. Rudy fixed her with a steely glare and said, “Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear.” ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2019, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/55 "2019-06-24T23:41:21Z")
How do you make a hot dog stand? Take away its chair! ---
**Author:** ![Alpha\_Twit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alpha_twit/32/265_2.png) [@Alpha\_Twit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alpha_Twit)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2019, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/56 "2019-06-24T23:45:39Z")
knock, knock who’s there 2 2 who no, no…it’s _to whom_ ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2019, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/57 "2019-06-25T00:10:10Z")
What do you call a horse that runs around free in the open fields? - Unstable. Hey, how do you blow up that horse? - Neigh-palm. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2019, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/58 "2019-06-25T00:55:26Z")
> [@cmkeller](#): > > How do you make a hot dog stand? > > Take away its chair! How do you make anti-freeze? Hide her longjohns. ---
**Author:** ![Alpha\_Twit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alpha_twit/32/265_2.png) [@Alpha\_Twit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alpha_Twit)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2019, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/59 "2019-06-25T00:59:36Z")
What’s the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain? I don’t know. So it WAS _you!_ ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2019, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612/60 "2019-06-25T01:30:40Z")
If Mrs. Sippi and Miss ouri each wore a brand New Jersey, then what did Della wear? Idaho, Alaska. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-dad-jokes/835612.md?page=4)