# Share Your Best Family Guy Lines **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 30, 2010, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453 "2010-11-30T19:58:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2010, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453/61 "2010-12-02T18:01:56Z")
Herbert mediates a dispute amongst a bunch of teenagers: “Whoever drinks the most Tylenol PM wins!” ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2010, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453/62 "2010-12-02T18:03:29Z")
Hello, 911? This is Quagmire. Yeah, it’s stuck in the window this time. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Hamsandwich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4bbf92/32.png) [@Darth\_Hamsandwich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Hamsandwich)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2010, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453/63 "2010-12-02T21:10:55Z")
> [@Obeseus](#): > > Watching Wheel of Fortune. The puzzle is partially solved as follows: > > GO > UCK > YOURSELF > > Contestant solves it – > GO > TUCK > YOURSELF > IN > > Peter says something like, "How about that. I still can’t believe we couldn’t get, “MY HAIRY AUNT.” Heh, I love that one. In another Wheel of Fortune episode Peter is picking letters: “I’ll take a Z, a 4, a Q, another Q, a third Q, and a Batman symbol.” * * * Peter (as a kid): Why did all the dinosaurs die out? Museum guide: Because you touch yourself at night. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2010, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453/64 "2010-12-02T23:59:08Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Stewie: Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So…this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn’t it? I mean you might as well pack it in. Game over. Another one from Stewie: You know Meg…if you kill yourself now, you’d probably get a full page in the yearbook. Just something to think about. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2010, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453/65 "2010-12-03T18:36:54Z")
Not verbatim: QUAGMIRE (To young girl): Hey, girly! How old are you? GIRL: Sixteen. QUAGMIRE: Eighteen? Alllll right! GIRL: Mom! QUAGMIRE: Hey! I like where this is going! ================================== In another episode, Peter jumps into a helicopter. The helicopter hits a tree and crashes into Joe’s front yard, tearing up his house and lawn with its rotors. JOE: Peter! What the hell…? PETER: Oh God! Oh God! Joe, I am SO sorry! JOE: It’s okay, it’s fine. No one was hurt. It’s fine. Later on, Peter takes off in a hydrogen dirigible. The dirigible hits some power lines, explodes, and crashes in Joe’s front yard again. PETER: Oh God! Joe, I am so sorry! JOE: Where do you get the money for these things?! ================================== PETER, to BONNIE: Okay, Bonnie? You’ve been pregnant for what, three years now? Either have it or don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2010, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453/66 "2010-12-03T19:18:45Z")
Taking role at the signing of the Declaration of Independance: Thomas Jefferson Here John Adams Here Benjamin Frankling Here John Footpenis? It’s now John Hancock Why? Never you mind! ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2010, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453/67 "2010-12-04T02:40:35Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Taking role at the signing of the Declaration of Independance From the writing of the Constitution: Founding Father #1: Do you think that second amendment is a little vague? Founding Father #2: How could it be more clear? Every American has the right to hang a pair of bear arms on their wall…you know what, let’s get rid of that abortion thing, though… ---
**Author:** ![steveinillinois](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@steveinillinois](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steveinillinois)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453/68 "2010-12-06T00:19:27Z")
Lois drags Peter to a neighbor kid’s house to apologize for something. After Peter’s apology is accepted, he’s invited in to play with Legos: Peter: You got Legos? Aw, sweet! Lois only buys me Mega Bloks. Lois (exasperated): They’re the same thing, Peter. Peter: You know what, Lois? They are not the same thing. And the sooner you get that through your thick skull, the sooner we can get this marriage back on track. And this one, when Cleveland is attempting to crack a safe: Cleveland: Uh oh, it’s a combination lock. Looks like I’ll have to cut through it. Good thing I brought Reese Witherspoon’s chin. (He removes Reese Witherspoon from his tool bag and begins cutting through the safe door with her pointy chin.) ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453/69 "2010-12-06T00:59:35Z")
> [@steveinillinois](#): > > And this one, when Cleveland is attempting to crack a safe: > > Cleveland: Uh oh, it’s a combination lock. Looks like I’ll have to cut through it. Good thing I brought Reese Witherspoon’s chin. (He removes Reese Witherspoon from his tool bag and begins cutting through the safe door with her pointy chin.) Along the same lines, the fake commercial for the fake Renee Zellweger movie: “These ants are ruining our picnic!” “This picnic is ruining our ants!” _Look around the world, pretty baby…_ ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453/70 "2010-12-06T02:41:44Z")
> [@Drain\_Bead](#): > > Along the same lines, the fake commercial for the fake Renee Zellweger movie: > > “These ants are ruining our picnic!” > “This picnic is ruining our ants!” > _Look around the world, pretty baby…_ Quagmire also uses thinking of her to stave off sexual arousal, along with “dead kittens,” “nuns,” and “really old nuns.” ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453/71 "2010-12-07T13:13:35Z")
Although they don’t translate well to thee written format, Peter’s “lines” from his Christmas album were hilarious. I guess I can leave you with the one that’s not mumbled or mostly gibberish: “I have these gifts for you, They’re up in my bum…” ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453/72 "2010-12-07T20:08:27Z")
Brian goads another cop into doing his impersonation of Joe with Joe watching: Brian Griffin: By the way, Horowicz, you should show Joe your impression of him. Horowicz: Well, it’s not as good as, you know, my Irish cop. It’s just a little thing I… Horowicz: “Look at me! I’m Joe! My legs don’t work but I make up for it by having a very strong upper body!” Joe Swanson: [laughs] Well, I do say that. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453/73 "2010-12-07T20:22:07Z")
Whenever someone asks me why i dislike something my default answer is “It insists upon itself”, i add the Lois if i think they’ll recognize it. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453/74 "2010-12-08T01:42:32Z")
Just about every line in [the Freakin’ FTC.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NDPT0Ph5rA) Heh. “Trouser-friendly kiss.” ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453/75 "2010-12-08T16:06:41Z")
“Every hot girl who can aim a camera thinks she’s a photographer. Ooh, you took a black and white picture of a lawn chair and its shadow and developed it at Sav-On. You must be so brooding and deep.” Also, “Shallow and pedantic.” ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453/76 "2010-12-08T16:32:37Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > “I have these gifts for you, > They’re up in my bum…” Also “holy crap here comes Jesus…and he doesn’t look to happy” sung to the end of “carol of the bells” ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453/77 "2010-12-08T16:41:34Z")
Another of my favorites: > [@Stewie](#): > > How you uh, how you comin’ on that novel you’re working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you’re working on there? Your big novel you’ve been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? (voice getting higher pitched) Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? (voice returns to normal) No, no, you deserve some time off. ---
**Author:** ![mr.jp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@mr.jp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.jp)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453/78 "2010-12-08T17:48:12Z")
Man, you took all my favorite ones. Well done. ---
**Author:** ![otternell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecc23a/32.png) [@otternell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/otternell)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453/79 "2010-12-08T17:59:24Z")
Buttscratcher! Just the one word, repeated multiple times, but the way Peter says it is stuck in my head. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453/80 "2010-12-08T18:13:51Z")
Quagmire: "Why Lois! How good to see you. Excuse me for pointing." [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-best-family-guy-lines/562453.md?page=5)