# Share Your Celebrity Predictions for 2006 **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 3, 2006, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261 "2006-01-03T19:07:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261/1 "2006-01-03T19:07:22Z")
We can’t do any worse that Jeane Dixon used to do. (Did she ever get one right?) Mine: **David Spade** will star in a movie about a 40-ish wiseass slacker who somehow gets the girl. Critics will loathe the movie but audiences will be lukewarm. **Andy Dick** , **Brad Renfro** , **Robert Downey Jr.** , **Corey Haim** and **Tom Sizemore** will star in a remake of [Sergeants Three](http://imdb.com/title/tt0056470/) while playing Vegas lounges at night. They will forever after be known as The Smack Pack, at least until they become the first native born Americans to be deported. **Tom Cruise** will revisit Oprah Winfrey, this time jumping up and down on her sofa screaming “I’m Gay! I’m in Love! And I’ve Converted to Buddhism!”, bringing out and gushing over his awkward new much younger love **Wilmer Valderrama**. The move will stun many, none more so than Valderrama, who it turns out is not only straight but has never met Tom Cruise and just happened to be in the Green Room. For the first time in his career Cruise will be plagued by “Straight Rumors”. **Paris Hilton** will be featured in news articles as if she were actually somebody who is talented at something. **Vincent Gallo** and **Chloe Sevigny** will star in the roles made famous by Dick Van Dyke and Julie Andrews in a remake of _Mary Poppins_, which will also feature **Dakota Fanning** and **Dakota Fanning** as the two children in Mary’s charge, **Danny Devito** and **Courtney Love** as their parents, and with a cameo by **Harvey Fierstein** as “The Bird Lady”. Your predics? ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261/2 "2006-01-03T20:28:56Z")
No one? Bueller, Bueller? Okay, I’ll take the next shift. **Thelma Todd** will be found frozen in a block of ice under her old restaurant/house and prove she really didn’t get killed after all but rather her lookalike did. She will attempt to revive her film career as a new Bond Girl but will instead find fame anew as herself as the romantic interest/sidekick/neighbor on _Joey_, bringing it to the top of the ratings. This will prove once and for all the existence of the paranormal as Randi will give up his $1 million prize, for there is no natural way Matt LeBlanc could carry a number 1 sitcom. **Gloria Stuart** and **Kate Winslet** will team up again for a sequel to TITANIC. In this one Rose realizes that she wasn’t on the Titanic after all but suffers from False Memory Syndrome, having created the illusion of the sinking ship to mask the terrors that befell her in her real life as the Grand Dutchess Anastasia. **Ralph Fiennes** will receive an Oscar nod for his portrayal of Rasputin but will lose out to Philip Seymour Hoffmann in _Capote II: Black, White and Read All Over_. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261/3 "2006-01-03T20:56:35Z")
Odd. For some reason the second post shows up when you click but not anywhere else and isn’t numerically registered. I wonder if this will show up. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261/4 "2006-01-03T21:47:46Z")
Michael Jackson converts to Scientology - it’s about the only weird thing he hasn’t done. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have their child, and name her L. Ron Maverick Joey Lestat Oprah Cruise. The press dubs her “LeRMaOJ” for short. Days after her birth, Lermaoj is kidnapped by the Raelians, who try to ransom her, and end up giving her to a couple in a small heartland town. The entire series of events receives less than five minutes of news coverage. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261/5 "2006-01-03T22:42:35Z")
Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay team up for a remake of _The Dirty Dozen_. The movie will feature an all star cast of Jim Carrey, Andy Dick, Will Farrell, Jon Heder, Ashton Kutcher, Mike Myers, Michael Richards, Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, Seann Michael Scott, and David Spade, with Steve Martin played Lee Marvin’s role. Early expectations of the movie’s commercial success will diminish when Bruckheimer and Bay announce they will not be doing it as a comedy. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261/6 "2006-01-04T00:21:03Z")
> [@Little Nemo](#): > > Early expectations of the movie’s commercial success will diminish when Bruckheimer and Bay announce they will not be doing it as a comedy. It would still be funny in a bizarre sort of way. I haven’t seen a movie in a cinema since the 90s, but I’d pay to see that. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261/7 "2006-01-04T00:25:42Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > We can’t do any worse that Jeane Dixon used to do. (Did she ever get one right?) > > Mine: > **David Spade** will star in a movie about a 40-ish wiseass slacker who somehow gets the girl. Critics will loathe the movie but audiences will be lukewarm. > **Andy Dick** , **Brad Renfro** , **Robert Downey Jr.** , **Corey Haim** and **Tom Sizemore** will star in a remake of [Sergeants Three](http://imdb.com/title/tt0056470/) while playing Vegas lounges at night. They will forever after be known as The Smack Pack, at least until they become the first native born Americans to be deported. > > **Tom Cruise** will revisit Oprah Winfrey, this time jumping up and down on her sofa screaming “I’m Gay! I’m in Love! And I’ve Converted to Buddhism!”, bringing out and gushing over his awkward new much younger love **Wilmer Valderrama**. The move will stun many, none more so than Valderrama, who it turns out is not only straight but has never met Tom Cruise and just happened to be in the Green Room. For the first time in his career Cruise will be plagued by “Straight Rumors”. > > **Paris Hilton** will be featured in news articles as if she were actually somebody who is talented at something. > > **Vincent Gallo** and **Chloe Sevigny** will star in the roles made famous by Dick Van Dyke and Julie Andrews in a remake of _Mary Poppins_, which will also feature **Dakota Fanning** and **Dakota Fanning** as the two children in Mary’s charge, **Danny Devito** and **Courtney Love** as their parents, and with a cameo by **Harvey Fierstein** as “The Bird Lady”. > > Your predics? ## Did you mean to say Elle Fanning (little sister) instead of saying Dakota twice? I predict that Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter will have a second child, and that Burton will collaborate once again on a movie with Johnny Depp. Someone will make an indie film about Abraham Lincoln portrayed as a gay or bisexual man. ---
**Author:** ![Tarrsk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/97f17d/32.png) [@Tarrsk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tarrsk)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261/8 "2006-01-04T01:43:13Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > The entire series of events receives less than five minutes of news coverage. Oh, we can only hope. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261/9 "2006-01-04T01:43:45Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > Someone will make an indie film about Abraham Lincoln portrayed as a gay or bisexual man. _Splitrail Mountain_ starring Jake Gyllenhaal as Abe, Heath Ledger as Joshua Speed (Abe’s supposed but far from proven\* boyfriend) and Sean Hayes as John Wilkes Booth (“If I cain’t have him no one can!”) \*Unproven, that is, unless you count those letters that provide infallible evidence that Larry “the gay answer to Eric von Danichen” Kramer claims to have in his possession but “chooses” not to let anybody else see. Rumor is he keeps the “evidence” stowed along with a 1973 letter from Amelia Earhart, Joseph Smith’s “My First Thummim” and a crystal containing all the compiled knowledge of Atlantis in the Ark of the Covenant buried under his cousin’s garage.) ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261/10 "2006-01-04T02:03:34Z")
**Mel Gibson Announces he has been a Secret Jew for 25 years.** **Abe Vigoda Has Himself On His Own Dead Pool List.** **Kevin Federline’s Rap Album a huge hit!** ---
**Author:** ![LiveOnAPlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261/11 "2006-01-04T02:03:39Z")
1. Miichael Jackson hits big with a #1 Country-Western song. 2. Dakota Fanning stars in “Scream5: The Sequel.” 3. Paris Hilton marries, retires from show biz and becomes a stay-at-home soccer mom. 4. Clive Cussler receives a Pulitzer Award. 5. Suzuki hires Tom Cruise to promote their new 1000-horsepower motorcycle. 6. Cecil Adams hosts an all expenses paid Vegas blowout for all subscribed Dopers. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261/12 "2006-01-04T02:08:42Z")
**Paris Hilton seen eating a donut.** **JK Rowling admits that book 7 will be free to everyone** “I’ve got more money than God. It’s the least I can do.” Said the bajillionaire. **Donald Trump Gets a New Hairstyle** **Hollywood Women collectively announce they have all had major plastic surgery, botox and eating disorders.** **Hollywood Men collectively announce they are all gay.** ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261/13 "2006-01-04T02:56:53Z")
Rumors will swirl that the marriage of **Tom Hanks** and **Rita Wilson** is on the rocks. Surprisingly it will be **Ron and Cheryl Howard** who wind up divorced. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261/14 "2006-01-04T03:00:15Z")
Additional rumors about my ability to code will prove true. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261/15 "2006-01-04T03:48:41Z")
Nicholas Cage names his son Khalil… No…wait… ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261/16 "2006-01-04T03:52:07Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > Did you mean to say Elle Fanning (little sister) instead of saying Dakota twice? Holy Pre Liposuction Cher, there’s another Fanning? ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261/17 "2006-01-04T04:06:57Z")
**Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie finally marry. The next morning Brad’s dessicated corpse is found in the Honeymoon Suite.** **Katie Holmes gives birth to little L. Ron Cruise, surprisingly the baby is the spitting image of Chris Klein.** **Donald Trump becomes even more full of himself.** **Paris Hilton finally meets her soul mate, his name is Skeletor.** ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261/18 "2006-01-04T04:25:40Z")
> [@Wile E](#): > > **Katie Holmes gives birth to little L. Ron Cruise, surprisingly the baby is the spitting image of Chris Klein.** Even more surprising, doctors confirm that Katie is still a virgin. ---
**Author:** ![Good\_Egg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/96bed5/32.png) [@Good\_Egg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Good_Egg)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261/19 "2006-01-04T05:09:17Z")
Sampiro, a lot of people aren’t replying because your original post was so great we can’t top it. Any ideas on Jessica and Ashlee Simpson? ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261/20 "2006-01-04T08:28:48Z")
> [@Good Egg](#): > > Any ideas on Jessica and Ashlee Simpson? From her spectacular success in _Dukes of Hazzard_ she’ll co-star with her sister in a remake of _ALICE_. Inspired by the recycling of Brando’s footage in the new _SUPERMAN_, the producers will arrange for Vic Tayback to play Mel once more, while Ashlee will pretend to sing the themesong. Meanwhile I see Nick LaChey getting rave reviews for his performance in _The Odd Couple_ alongside Flavor Flav at the Chief Allu Kaneet Dinner Theater and Casino in New Albany, MS. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-celebrity-predictions-for-2006/338261.md?page=2)