# Share your clever/funny colloquialisms **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 14, 2002, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729 "2002-12-14T14:55:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Spermtrail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spermtrail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spermtrail)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2003, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/201 "2003-03-15T02:41:39Z")
One of my girldriends said this to me, "Wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eatin’ crackers. ---
**Author:** ![wdcsmwscaa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/bbce88/32.png) [@wdcsmwscaa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wdcsmwscaa)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2003, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/202 "2003-03-15T02:52:52Z")
“She’s got the personality of a menstrual cramp.” (Disgruntled history teachers are the best) Variation… Well dip me in shit and roll me in breadcrumbs… ---
**Author:** ![waddamaroon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/41988e/32.png) [@waddamaroon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/waddamaroon)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2003, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/203 "2003-03-15T03:03:27Z")
Rubystreak–East Jafuckahunga?? I’m still laughing!! Try one of these: We’re shittin’ in tall cotton and wipin’ on the top leaf. He’s crazy as a peach-orchard bore. You shoulda blowed that load in a billy-goat’s ass. I showed him how the cow ate the cabbage. If my aunty had balls, she’d be my uncle. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2003, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/204 "2003-03-15T03:04:33Z")
Doesn’t have the sense God gave little green apples. ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2003, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/205 "2003-03-15T03:34:26Z")
“Hungry enough to gnaw the hind end off of a dead skunk.” “Sharp as a marble.” “Colder’n polar bear snot.” “He’s a real bullet … short, dense, and dull.” “Uglier than a mud fence.” “Fits like socks on a rooster.” “I see”, said the blind man to his deaf daughter as he stuck his wooden leg out the window to see if it was raining. “To each his own”, said the little old lady as she kissed the cow. “If brains was gunpowder, you couldn’t blow your nose.” “Nutty as squirrel poop.” “Purty as a speckled pup.” “I’m so full, I’m mournful.” ---
**Author:** ![LotSeven\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ea5d25/32.png) [@LotSeven\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LotSeven_K)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2003, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/206 "2003-03-15T05:34:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by xgxlx \* > [B"I hafta piss like a racehorse" \*\* I heard it as “I hafta piss like a Japanese racehorse.” as supposedly, they constrict their liquid excretory appendages during the race to make them run faster. ---
**Author:** ![elfje](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19b73/32.png) [@elfje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfje)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2003, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/207 "2003-03-15T11:45:38Z")
“I could eat a cow between two bread vans.” “if i had a face like yours, i’d sue my parents” “If my dog had a face like yours, I’d shave his ass and teach him how to walk backwards”. “if i had a face like yours, i’d learn how to speak through my ass” -“hey, you did get that number plate, did you?” -“what number plate” -“the one of that truck that ran over your face” “looking at you, i think they must’ve kept the afterbirth, and thrown away the baby” “your gene pool sure could use some bleach” and one of my favourites: “I wish you’d develop and itch, and grew short arms” 😛😃 ---
**Author:** ![elfje](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19b73/32.png) [@elfje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfje)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2003, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/208 "2003-03-15T12:01:01Z")
sorry, a few more: i’m as happy as a pig in shite he’s got an IQ at room temperature out of admiration of someone: “mand he’s sharp, if you’d throw a bread at him, it’d be sliced.” and these are very irish: when something is very good: it’s the dog’s bollocks! with ofcourse the variations of it’s the canine’s testicles and it’s the mutt’s nuts hehe ---
**Author:** ![gordon451](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f6c823/32.png) [@gordon451](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gordon451)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2003, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/209 "2003-03-15T12:39:21Z")
We used to call him “Morphine”: a slow-working dope. One bloke we had was so thin he had to stand in the same place twice to throw a shadow… Mind you, he never got wet in a rainstorm! ---
**Author:** ![\_DaTman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/da6949/32.png) [@\_DaTman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_DaTman)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2003, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/210 "2003-03-15T12:52:55Z")
It’s colder than an eskimo’s Ice Hole…personal favorite and I may be too old to cut the mustard…but I can still lick the jar! ---
**Author:** ![Lovey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@Lovey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lovey)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2003, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/211 "2003-03-15T15:03:44Z")
ROTFLMAO :D:D ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2003, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/212 "2003-03-15T16:56:35Z")
A variation on talking the ears off a brass monkey: She could talk a dog off a meat wagon ---
**Author:** ![stjen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@stjen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stjen)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2003, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/213 "2003-03-15T18:58:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by El\_Kabong \* > “It’s darker than the inside of a cow tonight” “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx ---
**Author:** ![JungleLove](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/839c29/32.png) [@JungleLove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JungleLove)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2003, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/214 "2003-03-16T05:06:00Z")
How about: He’s as happy as a pig in shit. That old dog won’t hunt. I think someone mentioned: He’s all hat and no cattle. or She’s all flash and no cash. He’s meaner than a junkyard dog. Someone beat her with the ugly stick. He’s so ugly his mama had to tie a pork chop around his neck so the dogs would play with him. He’s so ugly his mama takes him everywhere she goes so she doesn’t have to kiss him goodbye. And the classic: She’s as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. ---
**Author:** ![Corrvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bbce88/32.png) [@Corrvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corrvin)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2003, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/215 "2003-03-16T08:22:43Z")
Attractiveness: > [@](#): > > ‘But would you run barefoot through seven fields of broken glass just to slide in her shite?’ “I’d crawl five miles on my hands and knees through sewers filled with broken glass, just to suck the lug nuts off the truck that took her panties to the cleaners.” Corr ---
**Author:** ![\_DaTman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/da6949/32.png) [@\_DaTman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_DaTman)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2003, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/216 "2003-03-16T13:08:48Z")
how `bout, well, your as handy as a toothpick! givin up as easy as givin in you know what they said when they cut that monkeys tail off…wont be long now( usually stated at the ending of the workday) when a difficult challenge is assigned ; "Well if it was easy then {person who does’nt work well…Morphine?} Would be doing it Make like a Baby and head out ---
**Author:** ![shooter1001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@shooter1001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shooter1001)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2003, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/217 "2003-03-16T13:18:04Z")
Det boy’s so dumb he cain’t pour piss out his shoe with the instructions on the sole. ---
**Author:** ![shooter1001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@shooter1001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shooter1001)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2003, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/218 "2003-03-16T13:47:21Z")
She can suck a golf ball through a garden hose! ---
**Author:** ![shooter1001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@shooter1001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shooter1001)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2003, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/219 "2003-03-16T13:52:56Z")
Let’s do like the shepherd git the flock outta heah! ---
**Author:** ![Lwater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Lwater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lwater)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2003, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/220 "2003-03-16T15:01:46Z")
She was so ugly, when she was born the doctor spanked her mother. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729.md?page=12)