# Share your clever/funny colloquialisms **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 14, 2002, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729 "2002-12-14T14:55:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/221 "2003-03-17T02:47:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TaxGuy \* > \*\*“Does the Pope shit in the woods?” (combining “Does a bear shit in the woods?” with “Is the Pope Catholic?”; I think it’s from “The Big Lebowski”) \*\* They may have _used_ that line in _The Big Lebowski_, but it’s been around a lot longer than the movie. I first heard it in the sixties, along with its corollary, “Is a bear Catholic?”. I haven’t read through the whole thread, yet, so if this is a dupe, well…kiss mah grits! 😉 [very busy] Up to his a$$ in alligators. ---
**Author:** ![tuffcunz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/58956e/32.png) [@tuffcunz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tuffcunz)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/222 "2003-03-17T07:47:23Z")
She had a c\*\*t that looked like chewbacca after a fight ---
**Author:** ![shooter1001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@shooter1001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shooter1001)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/223 "2003-03-17T12:06:51Z")
Gotta be a damn gnuuuuu yolk yankee ta preciate dis one heah; If… I’ll kiss your ass in Macy’s window on Christams Eve with the Salvation Army Band playin Amazing Grace! And an Italian from Brooklyn or the Bronx for these: ``` fuhgeddaboutit! he's takin a doirt nap, he sleeps with the fish, get lost! Va fongoool (go fuck yourself) a gooola du sord (your sister's ass) get the fuck outta here! ``` ---
**Author:** ![Squange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/838e76/32.png) [@Squange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squange)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/224 "2003-03-17T19:20:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by stjen \* > \*\*“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. > Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” > – Groucho Marx \*\* Yay!!! That’s my .sig!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Squange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/838e76/32.png) [@Squange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squange)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/225 "2003-03-17T19:53:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by stjen \* > \*\*“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. > Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” > – Groucho Marx \*\* Yay!!! That’s my .sig!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Squange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/838e76/32.png) [@Squange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squange)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/226 "2003-03-17T19:56:04Z")
doh! Double post…sorry. ---
**Author:** ![FaerieBeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@FaerieBeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FaerieBeth)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/227 "2003-03-17T20:28:15Z")
Oh, my grandmother has some real beauties: Happier than a dead pig in the sunshine Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs and, if something was crooked or messed up, it was ‘whomperjawed’…possibly ‘caddywhompus’. ---
**Author:** ![gordon451](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f6c823/32.png) [@gordon451](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gordon451)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/228 "2003-03-18T14:11:56Z")
She’s not a woman, she’s a funnelweb in a frock! (From “Grassroots”, an Oz sitcom about a rural local council) Yer blood’s worth bottling! (You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar!) Fair dinkum, I’ve only **once** heard anybody say “Fair dinkum”. ---
**Author:** ![Fiddle\_Peghead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiddle_peghead/32/3506_2.png) [@Fiddle\_Peghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiddle_Peghead)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/229 "2003-03-18T14:19:50Z")
“I wouldn’t trade my grandmother’s toenails for that \.” “Heavens to mergatroid.” (mergatroid??) ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/230 "2003-03-19T22:37:37Z")
About a cute boss: Remember; an (terminal digestive port) with nice buns is still an (terminal digestive port.) I really hope I didn’t post that earlier in this thread. I think that “Heavens to Murgatroyd” thing was the catch line of a long-ago Hanna-Barbera cartoon character. I can’t remember which one. ---
**Author:** ![Zenpea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Zenpea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenpea)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/231 "2003-03-19T23:49:45Z")
Mine are always of the format: ‘The ‘adjectivest’ ‘noun’ since sliced bread.’ (The hottest day since sliced bread. The oldest man since sliced bread. The most famous film since sliced bread…) Sliced bread has been a lot of things. -J ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/232 "2003-03-20T16:06:08Z")
Hmmm, Zenpea…I’ve only heard “sliced bread” applied to clever/handy/nifty/wonderful things–“the greatest thing since sliced bread”. Since pre-sliced bread is a nice improvement over unsliced bread. The “hottest day”??? Just doesn’t make sense. (I heard a variation recently—“greatest thing since pants with pockets”). ---
**Author:** ![House](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/90db22/32.png) [@House](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/House)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/233 "2003-03-20T17:15:26Z")
My father in law says: “Well, I’ll be a suck-egg mule.” I think that came from a western or something… Here’s a classic from MST3k: “If her pants were any tighter, they’d be behind her.” ---
**Author:** ![House](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/90db22/32.png) [@House](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/House)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/234 "2003-03-20T18:28:04Z")
Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a non-peeing end of the pool. He has a 10 story head with an 8 story elevator. On farting: There’s a mouse on a motorcycle On pooping: There’s a southbound train with no brakes. Or the Shanghai express. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/235 "2003-03-20T19:56:19Z")
Just heard one in training this a.m.: “He was stuck on stupid and dragging ignorant!” ---
**Author:** ![Rrrowlf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/35a633/32.png) [@Rrrowlf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rrrowlf)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/236 "2009-06-23T03:56:15Z")
When I worked in Texas my boss had a long list of colloquialisms . I hope when you get home your Mama runs out from under the front porch, and bites you on the leg. I hope a bolt of lightning hits you so hard there ain’t nothin’ left but a smokin’ hole in the ground. If I ever find myself missing you I can always reload. You lie like a dog. He’d say “He’s rich as nine feet up a bulls a$$.” When I asked him what he meant he said, “When you get nine feet up a bulls a$$, it starts gettin’ mighty RICH.”. She thinks that she got a goldplated a$$hole. She’s got curves in places that a lotta women ain’t even got places. She looks good enough to make a preacher leave home. My boss believed in quality, over quantity. He’d say " When you get to the end of a row of cotton, that’s all there is to pick." He didn’t want us to run out of work. More fun than a bootfull of barbwire. I’d beat you in a race, and I’d only be runnin’ on one leg half the time. When talking about porn, or nude clubs, “Just because you’re on a diet, don’t mean you can’t look at the menu.”. Boy, I was doing this when y’all was still XXXXoff to the underwear section in Sears catalog. When giving directions, “First, y’all head down yonder a piece as the crow flies.” Divorce is like a pay toilet. You have to pay to get rid of something you can’t keep. Our Gov’mint is just the opposite. They make you pay for $hit you don’t want. In 8 years that’s just a tiny fraction of his east Texas wisdom. Put THAT in your jockstrap and snap it. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/237 "2009-06-23T10:23:29Z")
not exactly southern but… She has a face that can sour boiled water She could suck start a harley You don’t look at the mantle piece when you’re stoking the fire ---
**Author:** ![statsman1982](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e79b87/32.png) [@statsman1982](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/statsman1982)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/238 "2009-06-24T00:28:38Z")
Cold as a well digger’s ass Ain’t got a pot to piss in, or a window to throw it out of. ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/239 "2009-06-24T01:08:47Z")
Grinnin’ like a possum eating shit out of a Coke bottle. I’ll sink you like a three foot pipe. Busier than a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest. I’ll slap you so hard your kids’ll be born dizzy. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729/240 "2009-06-24T01:56:16Z")
I remember “Serious as a bee sting and three heart attacks.” Also “It’s hot enough to fry the devil.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/share-your-clever-funny-colloquialisms/142729.md?page=13)